Mother

After talking a little longer about things going on in our classes at school, Kishi walked me to the bus stop.

“Do you think I could join the library studies club?” he asked.

“You want to join my club?” I replied.

“Well, um… Flower arrangement has gotten kind of boring… And I’d rather be with you in your club. Do you not like the idea?”

“No, I like the idea. All I do in my club is read though. It’s kind of boring too.”

“I want to read together with you! So when we go back to school, can I quit my club and join yours?”

“Yeah, it’ll be nice to have you in my club.” I thought about Yuasa. If Kishi is there, I could probably avoid him better than when I’m alone. It’s nice to have a friend there for moral support anyway.

The bus arrived so I had to get on.

“See you at school, Saki!” Kishi waved goodbye.

I waved back and smiled a little. Then I took a seat on the bus and watched the scenery go by out the window. When I got home, I was in great spirits. Now I was looking forward to going back to school. Having a friend changes a lot, huh…

None of my fears became a reality. For now at least. But Kishi promised that we’d stay friends and I want to trust him. Even if he lays his eyes on my bare face one day, I think we’ll be alright. Things seem to be looking up. I’ve grasped happiness and I don’t want to lose it again.

When a new school day rolls around, I get up with my alarm and head to the bus stop once I’m all ready. Kishi told me that he was going to stop by the student council room first thing this morning to change his club. I hoped that he would be able to come to my club with me in case Yuasa approaches me. I never told him about Yuasa but he doesn’t need to know my short history with him.

During homeroom, the teacher hands me a folder of things I missed when I took a day off. Looks like I have some extra homework to do tonight… I shouldn’t miss school anymore. Hopefully I won’t have to.

The day continues the same as usual. At lunch, Kishi says he can’t escape his other friends to eat with me. I tell him not to worry about it. I don’t really want to get involved with the girls surrounding him… They may be nice to him, but obsessive girls like that might not be nice to others. Maybe I’m wrong though. I’d rather not take the chance to find out.

Club time eventually arrives and Kishi has said that the student council were thinking about whether they'd let him change clubs. He was meeting with them again after school to hear their verdict. I lingered in my classroom, feeling nervous about going to the library by myself. I wasted too much time while waiting for nothing from Kishi so I felt like I had to go.

I went to the library and saw that there was a notice on the door. It said to make sure to be quiet in the library. Apparently if you make too much noise, you’ll be kicked out. It seems like the only ones being loud in the library though were probably… me and Yuasa… I should be careful from now on.

I slowly entered the library, feeling on edge as I looked around. I quietly closed the door behind me. I was about to walk farther inside when the one I didn’t want to see was suddenly coming towards me. I took a step back and my back was against the door with nowhere to flee.

“Shiotani-kun. A word, please.” His tone didn’t sound very kind even though he said ‘please’.

“...why?” I dared to ask.

“Just…” He looked around. “Let’s go out into the hall.”

I carefully moved away from the door to open it, trying not to get too close to the bully in front of me. Then we went out into the hall, standing against opposite walls.

Yuasa folded his arms. “Where were you on Friday? No, never mind, that's not what I wanted to say.”

I waited silently for him to speak. It looked like he was thinking of what to say.

“You called me a bully,” he began. “And I just wanted to say that you’re wrong. I don’t gang up on others and put them down because it makes me feel better. It’s more like I don’t care about anyone but myself. I feel like everyone should know their place, but I won’t bully you until you realize. And taking your glasses that you still seem to be wearing? That was an act of kindness. You just misinterpreted my actions.”

I stared at him in disbelief. He doesn’t think he’s a bully when he clearly is. What am I even supposed to do here…

“I’ve had other bullies do the exact same thing that you did…” I say. “They stole my things and destroyed them… Exactly what you did and what you were going to do.”

“But I didn’t. I gave them back to you, no matter how much I didn’t want to. And if you’re being bullied in our school, tell the student council, they’ll figure something out. My point is that what I did wasn’t bullying. I was trying to help you. I’m not sure why you want to hide your face anyway. You really shouldn’t care about what anyone else thinks at this school. It’s full of idiots. Besides myself of course.”

“...I have my reasons… And… And you should respect that…” I nervously played with my hands. “What you did made me feel bad… So I will always consider you a bully because of what you did to me…”

Yuasa eyed me. I looked away, unable to keep eye contact.

“Fine,” he said. “You can live however you choose, I shouldn’t have interfered. But caring about what others think will only bring you down. You should live with your head held high and nothing to hide. You can’t really count on other people anyway, so why should their opinions matter so much? Only you are the most important person in your life, one who doesn’t need other people to live happily and comfortably in your own skin. I was only trying to help you understand that by taking your glasses. But if you’re going to label me as a bully for it, then I won’t do it again.”

He turned toward the library door and put his hand on the knob. “Let’s do our best to avoid each other from now on.” Then he went through the door, leaving me alone in the hallway.

I’m not sure why the cold Yuasa is trying to give me advice. I guess he really didn’t like being called a bully. He said he wouldn’t do it again… Can I trust that? I don’t want to be fearful every time I see him from now on. And it’s strange, but I’m almost a bit thankful for the advice he gave me. If only I could live a bit more confidently like he can… Will there be a day where I can go around without my glasses and hair covering my face?

While thinking about Yuasa’s words in the hallway, Kishi found me.

“Saki! Were you waiting for me?” He hurried down the hall to meet me.

“Oh… Yes, I was. Did the student council let you join my club?”

“Yes, they said they’d make an exception for me! I’m really glad,” he beamed. “So what exactly do we do in the library studies club…?”

“I’m glad too. And as far as club activities go…” I just repeated what the club leader told me when I first entered the library after school. Kishi’s expression looked like he thought it sounded strange, but he still smiled.

We entered the library together and I followed Kishi to see which book he was going to choose. He took some time to look through all of the shelves. He’s really thinking hard about what to choose… After about forever, he finally decided on a fantasy book that was clearly about magic powers. I chose a random book nearby and we found a couch to lounge on.

While reading our books, we whispered to each other about what was happening in each of them. The time went by much faster and I realized it was because I was having fun. I’m glad I reached out to Kishi and met him finally… I don’t think I’ll ever regret this decision.

We had to go our separate ways home and promised to text each other later. I couldn’t help smiling when I got home. After getting comfortable, I picked up my phone. Besides a text from Kishi saying he just got home, there was one from Yorikane too. I tapped on the message to read it.

“Hey, Rose-chan. Just wanted to check in on you. Have you reconsidered my offer to hang out sometime?”

He’s persistent, isn't he… I finally showed myself to Kishi, but I still feel like I can’t do that with Yorikane… I feel uncomfortable trying to hang out with him and his friends. I already feel like it won’t go well. Maybe if Kishi came with me it wouldn’t be bad… I don’t think I’m ready for it yet though. I replied back saying,

“Sorry, I’m still not ready to meet you yet.”

“Does that mean you’re coming around though?”

“I can’t say. I still feel uncomfortable and I’m not sure if that’ll change.”

“Alright then… But hey, I do really want to be friends with you. And if we’ll only be texting buddies until the end of time, I think I could be alright with that. So, do you want to be friends with me?”

He’s willing to stay friends over text? He’s been so persistent about being friends who meet up and hang out. Is he really alright with that? I guess as long as he respects my boundaries, I wouldn’t mind saying we’re friends, even if it is just texting buddies…

“Yes, I want to be friends with you. Thanks for understanding.”

“Great!! I love making new friends! Just so you know, when I’m friends with someone, I have to learn all of their hobbies so I can know them better. So what do you like to do in your spare time?”

“I usually watch TV, read, or sometimes draw. What about you?”

“Those are all great pastimes! And you draw too? I can only draw stick figures! I bet you’re an amazing artist. As for what I do in my free time, I usually hang out with friends whether we’re going out to karaoke or the arcade or even playing video games at one of our houses. I also make sure I hang out with my younger siblings! They're the cutest set of twins you’ve ever seen! They’re eight years old right now and they’re just small balls of energy. I wish you could meet them!”

“Twins? Are they identical? That’s cool. I don’t have any siblings, I’m an only child. I think it would be nice to have siblings, but I’m alright by myself too. My father always keeps me company.”

“Nah, they’re fraternal twins. My cute brother and sister! And siblings are cool until they get on your nerves. Although I love mine, they can be super annoying LMAO. But I do enjoy being a nice big brother that my siblings and my parents can hang out with! You mentioned your father, but may I ask about your mother?”

“My mother died when I was too young to remember her. It’s always just been my father and me and I’m alright with that.”

“Aw man, I’m so sorry, that’s tough. I’m glad you have your father. I can’t imagine being without either of my parents. But I’m sure your father loves you with all of his heart, as did your mother too.”

“Thanks. I knew she loved me, but I am sad I didn’t get to spend more time with her and get to know her.”

“One day you’ll get to meet her! But until then, live a fulfilling and happy life that she can be proud of! You’ll get to tell her about all the amazing things you’ve done on earth once it’s time to join her.”

“You’re right, I’m sure I’ll get to reunite with her one day.”

My mother… I never felt too sad about not being able to remember her. But I like the idea of meeting her once my time is up. I really would like to tell her about everything I’ve been through. From the stories father has told me about her, I know she’s very loving and kind hearted. It would be nice to be able to feel her love…

“I didn’t mean for our conversation to become such a downer! But I like deep conversations like this. Thanks for letting me get to know you better, Rose-chan.”

I sniffed and rubbed my eyes quickly so I could reply.

“It’s alright, I’m glad I had this conversation with you.”

“Yeah, let’s have many more good conversations in the future! This is kinda off topic, but I was just wondering how school was going. Will you tell me what year you’re in now…?”

I know I told Kishi what year I was in, but with Yorikane, I feel like I can never do that. We’re in the same year, and even the same class. What if he does manage to suspect me? He probably wouldn’t, but I just want to be safe and not tell him.

“Sorry, I still don’t feel comfortable telling you that. I hope you understand.”

“That’s alright. I was just wondering if you’re new to the school this year or maybe you’re actually older than me. Should I call you Rose-san instead?”

“You don’t need to…”

“Great, because I much prefer calling you Rose-chan! Haha! Could you maybe tell me what club you’re in though? I’m curious as to what you chose.”

He wants to know what club I chose again… He might be able to figure me out too easily if I tell him I’m a second year, but maybe I could tell him which club I’m in. There seem to be many members in my club, but they’re hidden among the shelves so well that we rarely cross paths.

“I’m a part of the library studies club.”

“Library studies? What do you do there?”

“We read books in the library and sit on different couches and chairs. It’s strange, I know, but I thought it would be a quiet and simple club.”

“Sounds strange. I don’t have any friends in that club besides you now. Do you enjoy that club?”

“Yes, it’s quiet as expected and I just have to kill time by reading.”

“Sounds great! I have to play games and practice with my teammates in my soccer club all day. We get breaks of course, but sometimes I’d rather be spending my time leisurely. Maybe I should join your club.”

He wants to join my club?! I have to somehow convince him not to. If he joins, the rest of his friends might join too and it won’t be a quiet safe space anymore. But before I could send another text, Yorikane added to what he said.

“But there’s no way I could go without playing soccer for too long! My club is perfect for me!”

“That’s good. Sports aren’t really my thing, but I’m glad you like it.”

“It’s so fun to kick a ball around! But I understand, sports aren’t for everyone. Even if you don’t like to play, it can be fun sometimes to watch. I hope you’ll watch some of my games in the future!”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Well, it was nice talking to you, but I’ve got to go now! My parents have been calling me and my siblings are trying to stretch out my shirt. Talk to you later!”

“Talk to you later, I hope your shirt doesn’t get too stretched out.”

I hung my head once our conversation finished. I probably shouldn't have said that last thing. It sounded awkward. But it was nice having a conversation like this with him. I think we can really be friends from now on. Maybe if I get the courage one day, I can try to meet him in person too… But that’s most likely a long way off. I’d probably graduate before I’m ready.

I spent the rest of the day doing my homework and hanging out with my father. He has a few pictures around the house of mother, more in his room, and I couldn’t help letting my eyes linger on her face for longer than usual. She certainly was pretty. Her eyes especially. Father has said my eyes are just like hers. I feel a certain closeness to her because of those words. Because of my hair and glasses, it seems like I’m hiding them though…