The Tale of how I Encountered a Dwarf Village.

It was absolutely amazing to be sleeping on the hard, rocky, uneven, damp, smelly, and all-around uncomfortable ground. I mean who actually enjoys sleeping on a soft cool bed with utterly useless things like pillows, blankets, or actual sleep that's uninterrupted by various bugs making a meal out of your unmentionables? Ah, I love nature.

Not!

Meanwhile, Gurak appeared to be having the time of his life. "Another beautiful day," He said as he took a deep breath. "Well, I've got to drain the snake, your welcome to watch if you've got the guld."

I hoped he was joking, but just to be sure, I didn't let it escalate. "No thanks," I replied with a strained voice as I struggled to sit up.

Meanwhile, Nyx was putty in Laif's hands as he massaged her shoulders and back. "I got this technique from my village, it's ancient and difficult to master, but the results are well worth it, as I'm sure you can agree."

Unfortunately, Nyx wasn't here to respond. Judging by the look on her drool-covered face, she had entered nirvana long ago.

"Hey, where's my naked elf dude massage?" I asked.

Laif looked at me with expressionless eyes. "Right by your boobs," He answered without hesitation.

Once Gurak returned from his potty break, we started getting ready for our ten-hour trek.

"You know, I was thinking, "Gurak said as he rolled up his bedroll and put it in his backpack. " Maybe we should stop by Labrec. It's on the way, and we should probably restock; not to mention Eldin here doesn't even have a bedroll or a backpack." I nodded my head fiercely in agreement which Gurak took as an opportunity to mock me. "But then again, a backpack will probably kill his whole edge-lord vibe," he teased.

"How creative," I replied sarcastically in an unimpressed tone.

Fortunate for me, I wasn't the only one who didn't want to walk forty miles again.

Labrec was about twenty-five miles away, so we'd arrive in about six hours and fifteen minutes if we continue uninterrupted. At least, that was my original equation. Apparently, the backpacks that everyone but me had were weighing them down substantially.

"U-uh guys, I need to pee," Nyx whimpered timidly.

"Oh yes, as do I. We shall pee together," Laif hastily said before realizing how creepy he sounded. "I mean, I'll go with her in case something happens."

"Oh. That's nice, I suppose, but unnecessary. I can hold my own," Nyx continued as she scurried off for some privacy.

Laif extended his arm in Nyx's direction, but before he could speak, she was out of range.

Gurak started laughing hysterically. "You’re good at this," He teased as he clapped his hands. "Seriously, you’re a total lady killer."

"Shut up, Gurak! You’re no better! You just go to the nearest brothel and hope they'll take you!" Laif argued as he approached him with a puffed chest like a rooster.

I could see Gurak holding in his laughter at the scene of a guy as petite as Laif trying to be intimidating. "Hey, don't judge. I'm just trying to show the girls a good time. Think about it like this, every hour they’re with me is an hour they’re not with some sleazy dirtbag who would beat them. As a matter of fact, I'll have you know, I've been told that I'm a gentle lover." Gurak said with pride.

"It's a proven fact that girls like fierce men. So you can keep making gentle love to yourself and the girls you pay to forget you." Laif ended his argument with a 'drop the mic' motion.

As Laif made his dramatic exit, he ran right into Nyx, stopping just short of collision.

"I'm done peeing," She said, paying Laif no mind, though I'm sure he was thankful for that at that moment when he was close enough to lick her nose.

"Well, I would hope so," Gurak replied sarcastically. 

Throughout the rest of the walk, Laif was fiddling his fingers and mumbling nonsense paying just enough attention to his surroundings to not get lost.

Unlike Towyn, Labrec had no walls, and the village was a lot less lively. The sound of hammers slamming against hot steel rang through the air as the smell of charcoal invaded my nose. The first person to greet us couldn't have been taller than a young boy, but he had a magnificent ginger beard that would make a wizard proud. His armor and weaponry looked like that of a town guard, but he walked with a slight sense of superiority even with his peg leg, so I could only assume he was in a position of power. I concluded that he was a captain of sorts.

"Oy! If it ain't ma boy Gurak." He said in a thick dwarvish accent, which was like a mixture between Scottish and angry Canadian. My fellow otakus understand. "I see ya brought a couple 'o' yer friends. I ken Nyx an’ the exhibitionist, but ya never told me ya was picking up edge-lords now too."

"And somehow, you forgot to mention that you were promoted in your letters. Captain Joric." Gurak replied as he picked up the captain in a tight hug.

"Oy! Yer gonna snap me spine." Gurak placed Joric back on the ground, slightly overestimating his height. "Careful on the landin’, ma leg ain't what it was. "

Gurak convinced Joric to buy us a warm meal after delivering a crushing defeat in rock, paper, scissors.

Everyone was enjoying their meal except Laif. "Meat. How delicious," He complained sarcastically as he toyed with his meal.

"Oh, is this pork? I don't like pork," Nyx said as she offered her fork to Laif. "You seem to like it. Do you want it?"

Suddenly Laif gave up being a vegetarian as he immediately bit the fork. I could see his face turning colors as he swallowed the bite with much difficulty. "Hmm. It's yummy," he lied as he stifled his gag reflex.

"Wow, you two are adorable," Joric said with a chuckle, without bothering to swallow his food.

"I know, right!" Gurak yelled in response, splattering food from his mouth.

"Chew your damn food!" I shouted before clearing my throat and calming down after I realized how weird it must've sounded to get so irritated by loud chewing. In my defence, though, it was annoying. "I mean. Wouldn't it be a little embarrassing to choke to death?"

"Ahahaha. Yer new edge-lord friend is funny. Ya know, I knew a guy who almost choked to death. Yeah, it wasn't pretty. Imagine that on his headstone. Death by cucumber." Joric said in a surprisingly serious tone. "I'm not gonna sugarcoat it Gurak, we're not doing good. Ever since ya left five years ago to join the imperial guard, the morale has been at a historical low. If yer lookin’ fer a job, I know the town'd be more than happy to have ya back."

I felt an aura of dread from my new party. "You think I don't know that? The only reason I joined the imperial guard was for this town, but the demon slayers are looking for recruits. This is my only chance to get revenge," Gurak said as he looked down in shame. "Not just me either. You know what happened to Laif's village and Nyx's twin. As Eldin said, the demon lord was in Lyrn. The demons are rallying their forces. I'm sorry Joric but I can't let anyone down."

A moment of silence enveloped the table we sat at until Joric burst out laughing. "I knew you'd be a selfless bastard the moment I saw ya in that little fruit basket ma wife found. Just remember where ya came from, Gurak the Giant."

Gurak stared directly into Joric's eyes. "You make it impossible to forget, old man." He then immediately shoved his seriousness aside and went back to the crude Gurak I was getting to know. "Well, I'm feeling kinda kinky. I'm going to the entertainment centre if you know what I mean. I mean the brothel if you didn't."

"You've got the guld?" Nyx asked in an innocent voice. "I always thought they were expensive."

"Haha. Naive girl. I'm so good I've never been charged."

"Bull. That's not possible!" Laif argued with enthusiasm as he slammed his hands on the table and stood from his chair to face Gurak. "The girls in the brothel are as fair as the snow atop the peaks of a mountain. Their voices are sweet as the nectar of gods. Their touch like the silk of spider, and their soul as pure as the morning sun." By the time he finished, a tear slid down Laif's face. "Your disrespect towards these maidens is unspeakable."

"Heh, what a virgin." Gurak taunted as he left for the brothel at last.

Once he was sure Gurak was out of ear’s reach, Joric spoke. "I know you've heard this from me before Nyx and Laif, but now Eldin is here too and he should be made aware. Gurak is like a son ta me, his heart's in the right place but he doesn't know when ta stop. When he was but a lad, he was swinging his first sword against a dummy. He slipped up and nearly took off his pinkie, yet his grip never even loosened. I fear that boy will let himself die before he lets go of his pride." Joric bowed, placing his head on the wooden table. "I beg ya all don't let him do that. No matter what, don't let him die."

I was taken aback by Joric's sudden change of character. It was then apparent he cared for Gurak.

"You moron. Is your skull so thick there's no room for any brains in your head?" Laif asked. "I've said this before, and I'll say it again. Gurak is our friend. You'll find us eating dirt before we let him die."

Nyx nodded in agreement with a proud stance.

"I just met him, but Gurak is a good man. I'll help him in any way I can," I replied.

Joric stretched, "Well, that's good ta get off me chest. You must be dyin’ for a good rest. Yer back must be killin’ ya."

My body was already preparing for a nice long rest. It wasn't late or time to rest, but it was good to know I'd be sleeping in a real bed.

"Actually, the trees provide a wonderful..."

"Shut up Laif!" Nyx and I shouted in unison fearing that Laif would ruin a night of good rest.

After dinner, I wandered around Labrec to familiarize myself. It paled in comparison to Towyn, but it was still nice once I got over the constant sound of hammers shaping various weapons and cramped doorways.

After a while, it started getting late. Gurak bought me a bedroll and backpack then we retired to our beds where I reported to Lux.