Hangout

When I arrived at the place where Kishi and I first met, he was waiting for me there to lead me to his house.

“My mother is working so we have the house to ourselves until she gets off in a few hours,” Kishi told me as we walked.

“What about your father?” I asked.

“My parents are divorced… He lives a few cities away. I don’t see him often.”

“Oh, I’m sorry…”

“It’s alright, I don’t feel that close to him anyway. It happened when I was pretty young. I like living with my mother.”

“Are you on good terms with him?”

“Yeah, we don’t have any problems. We text sometimes and he seems to be doing well. And you? Are you on good terms with your parents?”

I pause for a second. “Yes, I’m really close with my father. I don’t remember my mother. She died when I was really young. It’s just been me and my father from what I can remember. I haven’t felt lacking in any way though.”

“I’m sorry to hear that… I’m glad you’re close with your father. I don’t think you’re lacking in any way either.” He smiled at me.

I smiled back. “I don’t think you’re lacking either.”

It seems like Kishi understands what it’s like to have one parent to some degree. Although, his father is still alive. This is just one thing we can bond over. I wonder if there’s anything else I haven’t learned about yet.

Kishi’s house looked average but nice. I can tell the flowerbeds in front were carefully tended to by his mother. The inside was just as nice. He showed me up the stairs to his room where he had a desk in one corner, his bed, and posters on the walls of fantasy movies and books. There’s even a small TV on the floor with his playstation hooked up to it.

“I’ll go get some refreshments if you’ll just wait for me here,” Kishi said as he left the room.

I turned away from the door. I walked up to the small bookshelf next to his desk and looked at the books he had. Some are textbooks, some are fantasy books, and there’s something that looks like a yearbook. I pulled it off the bookshelf and saw that it was from elementary school.

I opened it and looked for his name. When I found it, I stared at his picture. A small Kishi… He’s even more adorable than he is now… He looks so small that it seems like I could squish him. I kinda wish I had met this tiny Ki-chan when we were younger.

“T-That’s my yearbook…!” Kishi sounded frazzled as he quickly set the tray of tea and snacks he brought with him on the desk. Then he reached for the yearbook and I let him take it.

“You were really cute when you were small,” I said.

His cheeks and ears became red. “P-Please don’t look at my yearbooks without permission…”

“Do you have one from junior high? I want to see it if you’ll let me.”

“It’s embarrassing!!”

“Fine, I guess if you hate it so much…”

“Hate? I don’t hate anything!” He sighed as he calmed down. “Oh well, you already saw this yearbook… I can show you the other one…”

I stepped back while he searched his bookshelf. Then he pulled out his second yearbook. He handed it over, looking defeated. I took it without hesitation and tried to find his picture again. As expected, it’s another cute picture. I couldn’t help smiling.

“That was my awkward phase…” Kishi said.

“Really? You still look cute.”

“I was awkward!! Now we’re done with yearbooks.” He took it out of my hand and put it back on the shelf along with the other one.

“What were you like when you were younger?”

Kishi gave me a cushion to sit on as we sat on the floor with the refreshments between us. I took a drink of the tea and nibbled on a cookie.

“Well, not too different from now… I guess I’ve stayed pretty consistent. And the same things seem to happen at every school I’m in…”

“What does that mean…?”

Kishi fiddled with the end of his uniform jacket. “When I was younger… I got a lot of attention from other kids, especially the girls, because of my looks… And it seems like I can’t help but attract the attention of girls wherever I go. They’re usually kind, but always teasing me. I guess that’s why I thought the girls around me now weren’t really my friends…”

“Do they feel like your friends? Like can you talk to them about your hobbies or problems? Do you feel comfortable with them?”

“Um… We usually have some conversations. They all talk a lot among themselves though, more girl talk than anything. I’ve mentioned that I like to write and they said that was cute… But I guess I don’t feel as close to them as with you. I feel like I can talk to you about anything.”

“I’m glad you feel that way. If you ever feel uncomfortable with those girls, then you don’t need to stay friends with them. It may be hard to set boundaries, but you deserve to feel comfortable and happy. Boundaries help.”

“You’re right, thanks… I think it’s fun to hang out with them. They’re a lively group. But besides the girls wanting to hang around me and tease me, the guys usually keep their distance… It seems like it’s because I’m close with the girls. I guess that was confirmed in junior high when the guys decided to get mad at me…”

I quickly swallowed the bite of a cookie I took. “They got mad at you?”

“Yes, well… Not just mad…” Kishi only looked down at his lap. “They were really mad… It was the first time someone ever hit me like that…”

I was stunned into silence. They hit him. Probably beat him. I can’t help feeling like his experience was similar to mine. And what would I want someone to do after I told them my story? I can only think of one thing.

I wrapped my arms around Kishi. I held him tightly. And I said, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that happened to you. It wasn’t your fault.”

As I held him, I heard him sniff. Then he returned the hug as he kept sniffling. I only held him until the sniffling seemed to subside.

“Thank you, Saki… Thank you…”

I pulled back to see his face and now red eyes. “Thank you for telling me. Was that the only time?”

He nodded and wiped his eyes with his sleeve. “It was really awful… But after I went home, my mother saw my bruises… She helped those boys get punished… They never did it again…”

“I’m sorry… did they only get suspended?”

“Yes… It wasn’t for too long. When they came back to school, they still gave me nasty looks… I was afraid they might do something again, but luckily they didn’t…”

“That’s awful. But if it helps, I’m sure they were just jealous. It’s childish, but jealousy is a big reason as to why people bully others… Not that that excuses what they did to you. They hurt you far more than you ever did them.”

“Yeah… It’s not my fault they got jealous… Sometimes I wish everyone at school would leave me alone. What if other guys get jealous again…?”

I grabbed his hands. “It’s alright, it won’t happen again. Even if it does, go straight to the student council. I’ve heard that they’re reliable. And if anything, you have your mother. She’ll do everything to help you again. And you have me… I’ll be by your side no matter what. We promised to be friends for a long time and I promise to stay by your side during that time.”

“Thank you, Saki… I feel better hearing that. I’ll do everything I can to avoid that happening again…”

I continued to hold his hands. Everything he says… It hits so close to home… I wished everyone at school would leave me alone. I’ve been so worried about another incident happening to me. And I’m doing everything in my power to avoid that… This may be a little selfish, but I’m glad I’m not alone. Not that I want Kishi to have to go through something like that again either.

Kishi sniffed. “Sorry, I didn’t plan to cry in front of you when I asked to hang out today…”

I shook my head. “It’s alright. I’m glad you opened up to me.”

He nodded. “Um, Saki… If you ever want to tell me something, you know you can, right…?”

His earnest eyes stared into mine, or at least from what he could see through my glasses and hair. His warm hands held mine back, holding just tight enough that it still feels comfortable. And he waited for my answer. For me to spill my heart. Since he just had, I felt like maybe I could too. If anyone, I thought that Kishi would take everything I’m hiding well. So I opened my mouth.

But then I got scared. An overwhelming feeling of fear. Negative thoughts yelled at me inside my head. Even if he is sympathetic toward my story, he’ll never like the scars on my face. He’ll flinch when he sees them. He’ll be disgusted. He’ll try to brush it off to be kind but then he’ll never look at my face again. Disgusting. Horrifying. No one could ever be alright looking at this face. The image I created of his expression is all too real for a moment.

I pull back. His face changes to confusion. I turn away. I can’t get over my fear… I can’t get over my complex about my face… Not even with the kind, sweet, and understanding Kishi… Am I the worst friend or what…? He shared his heart with me, but I can’t share mine with him…

“I’m sorry…” Were the only words I could utter.

I wallowed in the silence that followed. Until I felt warmth envelop me from behind. I realized that it was a hug.

“It’s alright,” Kishi said. “You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready. But I hope one day you will. Because I’ll always be by your side.”

I didn’t want to cry. But before I knew it, hot tears were sliding down my face. I held onto the arms around me and closed my eyes, swallowing the heat rising in my chest. I tried to suppress the tears as I found comfort in those arms.

When we eventually parted, both of us were sniffling and trying to gather our composure.

“So, um…” I started. “You wanted to show me a story you wrote?”

“Ah, yes! Let me grab it!” He quickly stood up. He opened a drawer in his desk and took out a manuscript. He handed it to me and sat back down.

I began reading it. Like he said before, the story was fantasy that introduced magical abilities into the world. The concept was interesting and up my alley. He’s a great storyteller.

After some time had passed, I eventually finished what he wrote. I looked up at him. “Is this it?”

“Yes… I haven’t written any more yet.”

“This is really good, Kishi!”

He brightened. “You think so?”

“Yeah! When you finish it, you should try to get it published!”

“You think it’s that good?! Wow, thank you… It makes me really happy that you said that.”

“Definitely keep writing and show me the rest when you finish.”

“I will!”

After that, Kishi suggested we play video games for a bit. He had a multiplayer adventure game we could try. It was a lot of fun. When his mother came home, I decided it was time to excuse myself. After greeting her and introducing myself as Kishi’s friend, she said I was welcome again anytime. Then I hurried home to eat dinner with my father.

Despite our sad talk, it was really fun hanging out with Kishi. I hope I can tell him soon about myself and my face. I can’t be so afraid anymore… On my way home, I couldn’t stop thinking about the story he wrote. It sparked inspiration… I want to try drawing one of his characters.