Handgun Homage

“They’re all dead.”

The transmission cut out.

Kana rushed back into the bunker and grabbed her things. She was in and out in 5 minutes tops. As soon as she went back out, she grabbed my wrist and pulled me along.

“Oi, Kana! Where are you going?!”

“You heard Nawaki-sensei, something’s wrong. I can’t leave them, we need to help.”

“Just…” I pulled my arm away, “stop for a second.”

“C’mon we don’t have time for this, they’re in trouble!”

“And so will we be if you just rush out there!”

It was still barren out here, but who knew how long that would last. There were still the few that were at the cave a year ago, there was no guarantee they were still there after a year but that doesn’t mean they completely left the area. Past that, we couldn’t be sure of anything.

“Is there no way you could send them the coordinates of this place and wait here?” I tried to reason with her, but it was clear she was rattled.

“What good would that do?! I have my rifle, if they’re surrounded I can make a path for them!”

“And if they’re all gone?” I asked bluntly, “what then?”

“I don’t have time for this” she avoided the question and continued on her own, I grabbed her arm “Kana!”

“What do you want me to do?! Sit here drinking tea while my family could be dying? I’m not going to risk it!” She fired back.

“Stay here, give them the location and if anyone finds their way here then we can gather information. If there are more survivors, then there’d be three of us to help them out.”

“And if no one comes?”

“Then it’d just prove my point. You can’t risk it all on a chance they’ll be alive! I’ve seen too many people lose their lives because they couldn’t be rational.”

The scene on the rooftops, where my sister’s friend fell… he had a girlfriend. She was with us along the way and was a shining light, she kept us smiling, reminded us of how life used to be.

When he fell, she tried to save him, we held her back. But it was hopeless, she rushed down, smashing their heads with a metal pipe. When she reached him he had already turned. She was drowning in her delusion and she died when he ripped her throat out.

We all grew up that day, the happiness in us died, and we all saw the world as it was… bleak, soulless and fucked to the core.

Kana slipped her arm out of my grip. When she looked at me, I could see tears forming. “I’m not going to leave them. Even if the chances of them being alive are low, I can’t give up on them.”

“Look, you aren’t listening!”

“No, I am. But I’m not a coward like you. I’m not going to shut off the rest of the world and hide behind these walls, forgetting the people I love! If you want to stay here, fine. But I’m going to save what’s left of my family.”

I couldn’t get through that thick skull and it irritated me, “fine. Go and die, see if I care.” Maybe it was childish, I didn’t want to get more involved, losing another close to me was too much.

She stormed off and I was left wondering if I was really okay with it.

*-*-*

I could hear screams. The closer I got, the louder they were, and yet, when Reached the walls of the safe zone, silence greeted me.

The front entrance gate to the safe zone was not manned, it was a bad omen. Usually I’d see Hinata and Tetsuya bickering, but they were nowhere to be seen. The gate itself was still closed, there was no way a walker could get past it if it was closed as it was reinforced steel, and it was too high to just jump over.

But, we were trained how to get past it, and it was easy enough to scale.

I stood on the wall, and my nightmare was realised, I saw hell.

Corpses chased survivors, caught them and ripped their lives away. Only for the fresh dead to spring back up and repeat the twisted sequence.

“How did they get in?” I asked, quivering as I checked the walls.

Upon inspection, the walls were spotless, there was no way the walkers had gotten past it, and the only other way was to scale the wall which they don’t have the capability of. We’ve seen our share of dead try to smash through our walls, some have even pulled themselves up a few inches, but every time, the weight would be too much and they would fall.

There’s only two explanations, and both were terrifying. One, a mutation. We don’t know much about the rot walkers, and there’s no evidence of them not being able to do this. But there’s also no evidence to prove it either. The walkers had been around for almost a year now, surely if they could mutate we would have seen it by now.

So that leaves one other option.

Someone let them in.

“HELP!!”

Following the booming voice led me to a familiar face, and my heart dropped.

The girl in question was being chased by two of them, and they were catching her.

“Towa!” I wanted to scream out, to let her know I was here for her, but time was of the essence, more than ever right now. I readied my rifle as it reached out for her. Just before its stinking fingers could feel her flesh it tasted the lead and fire. The bullet tore through its skull, leaving shards of bone and lead shrapnel lodged in the brain.

She was smart enough to keep running, and my next shot was ready, aimed…

*click*

“What?!” I checked the barrel, there was definitely a round in there. I tried again.

*click*

“Damn it!” No time for further inspection, down I went throwing caution to the wind. There’s two good ways to kill a walker, best way is from a distance. But if you have to go in close combat, cover up to avoid the goo, and…

“Aim for the head.” She confirmed.

Towa slipped on a dead branch, but just before it could reach her I was swinging the butt end of my rifle at it’s head

Then I saw the other one in the corner of my eye. Instinct kicked in and I blocked its attack with my rifle but it sent me flying back into the wall.

The impact was killer, my former sensei… I blacked out for a split second.

*-*-*

The bunker once again adopted a quiet I had gotten used to. A quiet that I had lost my fear of, yet now, it chilled me to the bone. Like an invisible beast speaking silence that was more frightening than any voice I could imagine, it was the uncertainty I feared.

But it was a fear I had invited when I let her go.

“She’s an idiot” I spoke out loud, “won’t be much point helping the dead when you become one of them!”

Why couldn’t she understand? It was ludicrous, risking it all on a whim, on a baseless hope. Only a moron would go…

“A moron that’s not here anymore…”

I realised how truly alone I was. How a year spent by myself, cowering and fearing that any day, one of them would find a way in and tear me limb from limb. It’d made me forget what it’s like to have something to lose.

*-*-*

When I regained my composure I remembered the hell I was in. Nawaki-sensei, now a walking tumour was coming my way. Towa was limp, dead-eyed, the tears she shed had dried up. I watched as one of my last living friends became just another soulless husk, now hunting me.

They had me cornered. I had the bullets left, but, at this range I’d die from the splash back. Could I even fire?

Nawaki-sensei… Towa…

How could I let this happen?! While I was sleeping safely you were here, watching as the flickering embers of those around us were put out.

What face did you make? Were you terrified? Did you accept the end?

Did it hurt? Please say it didn’t. I-

“I’m so sorry…”

They closed in, and reached for me. I gave up, my eyes closed and I awaited the pain…

But a gunshot fired, when I opened my eyes I could see him, behind them, holding the handgun he got from his dead friend, the handgun he saved a single bullet for. Now it was gone he was defenceless and they turned their attention to him briefly.

“You?”

“KANA MOVE NOW!”

His voice snapped my back to my senses. They aren’t stupid, they don’t suddenly change targets on a whim, they would go after me. I quickly slipped past them before they could realise.

The two of us rushed back to the entrance to the safe zone and scaled the wall. There was nothing beyond it, we were still in the clear if we made a run for it, but the question of where the others were was still in my mind. Then I recalled his comment before I left and slapped him.

“Idiot what would you have done if there were more of them?!”

He paused. “I’d figure something out. Hey, for what it’s worth, it worked.”

“Yeah well what if it didn’t? You’d have died all because of me!”

“Then I’m glad I’m here.”

“…what?” I responded.

“You know when I was in that bunker I was content shutting myself off from the rest of the world and forgetting about the pain. But you don’t forget. I see the faces of everyone I held dear that I’ve let down every single day!

I’m not going to let another person I care about.”

He took the rifle.

“What are you doing?!”

“If we don’t shoot they’ll follow us back to base.”

“They’re my family!” She stood between me and then, grabbed the gun and tried to take it from me but I pulled her close.

“Kana… we can’t save them.”

I didn’t want to believe him.

“We could escape but they’d follow, and with the sun going down we can’t just go the long way and lose them, it’d be too risky. I understand the pain you are in right now, but there’s nothing you can do.”

The look in his eyes, he was guilty. But I could see that he’d been through this before, he’d experienced this pain.

Nawaki-sensei, Towa… everyone was gone, I guess I just hadn’t wanted to hear it. We were lucky, my family got to survive with me… but, it was over now.

My grip loosened, I let go of the gun.

“Turn away, I’ll make it quick.”

“No.”

I grabbed the gun again.

“Let me do it.”

“Kana?”

“It’s okay. You’re here because of me, you shouldn’t have to bloody your hands.”

…

“Let me say goodbye… one last time.”

He gave in and watched my six, keeping an eye on me.

“I’m sorry, everyone. If I didn’t leave, if I came back a day earlier, maybe then I could’ve saved you…”

My finger pulled back but was hesitant. I needed to see their faces one last time…

The gun fired.

*-*-*

We rushed back to base as fast as we could, through the downpour. Any rot walkers along the way were destroyed.

Catching our breath once we reached the back door. The weight of it hit Kana hard and she dropped to her knees suddenly.

“Kana?!” I called, thinking she might’ve been injured. But she just knelt there in the rain.

“Kana?”

“I’m sorry, I just need a minute.”

“I’m not leaving you out here, what if they catch up?”

“I can’t go in there right now. I’ll be fine, please just give me some time.”

Reluctantly, I complied, sitting just beyond the door with her rifle in hand.

*-*-*

She cried for an hour, outside in the pouring rain. I wasn’t quite sure how to help. It was getting dark, probably time to bring her back in, oh, she was back.

“Sorry… I just needed the air” she spoke quietly. Her eyes were red, swollen around the edges. “I’m going to go to bed…”.

What do you say in this situation? Was I like that? Maybe I was, when I lost everything. Took a long time for me to stand back up, to realise that giving up wasn’t what they would have wanted for me. But, I remembered the one thing that hurt the most, the thing that was eating away at her as well…

“It wasn’t your fault.”

She stopped.

“I know you think it is but it’s not. You couldn’t have seen a mutation coming, no one could. But they had a proper send off because of you.”

“…”

“When the outbreak started I went home as soon as I could. My parents were rot walkers already, but my sister managed to escape. I killed my parents, sat beside them crying my eyes out. Took me a whole week to find my sister after that, it was just the two of us. We camped out in the woods, climbing the trees and tying ourselves to them so we didn’t fall. Then one day, when I came back with some food, she’d been caught by one.”

“What did you do?”

“… I watched her die. By the time I’d heard her screams it was too late, she’d already been bit.”

I could still remember it, every detail. The smell of the air, the light shining through the branches. It’s like it was a part of me now.

“I shot it, killed it where it stood. She was still alive, the rot must’ve been a little weaker than normal. I held her hand as she ebbed away, begging her to stay with me. But with all the pain, and fear she was in, you know what her last words were?”

“…”

Her voice echoed in my head as I spoke her words with tears falling down my face.

“I love you.”

I could see her tears hitting the ground, even if she tried to hide them, turning her face away from me.

“I know that no matter how much I want it, I’ll never see her again, no matter how much I wish I’d died instead. All that will do is kill what she stood for, and if living is her last wish then I’m going to keep on fighting until my time comes.”

*-*-*

I think we both felt empty inside that night, the plan was to go to our rooms and try to forget what had happened but every time I closed my eyes the blood and misery came back. Seemed like she felt the same way. We both went back to the main living area after fruitlessly trying to sleep for about an hour.

We agreed to sit together, to try and comfort each other. The fireplace was our entertainment, it was pure, warm. We didn’t speak a word, and before we knew it, it was morning.

When I opened my eyes she was still sleeping, resting her head on my shoulder. She didn’t look like the stone cold badass Kana, just a kid, innocent and damaged.

She woke up about two hours later, yes I did sit there awkwardly waiting for her to wake up, not only that I remembered I was staring at her, bit weird now that I think about it.

She looked at me sweetly though. “Morning.” She said still sleepy, god damn her tired voice was cute.

About an hour later, I let her get a little time to fully wake as I went around the base, checking for threats. But as always, we were clear.

We had breakfast and tried to block out yesterday, I think the sleep did her good, she had time to move on.

“So, what do I call you?” She asked out of the blue.

“Sorry?”

“Well, I realised yesterday that you didn’t tell me your name when we first met. You know mine but whenever I spoke to you, I just called you you or idiot.”

“Yeah thanks for that.” I replied sarcastically. Come to think of it though, she was right, I hadn’t.

“It’s Hajime. Fujisaki Hajime.” I smiled, and she returned the gesture.