Chapter 19: At Arm's Length

“Jason! Skye!” Moira caught up with her friends outside the hall. Everyone was on their way to get lunch before afternoon classes. “You guys want to eat with us today?”

Her face was brimming with hope as she smiled at Jason, and it made his heart ache. But he firmly denied her. “Sorry, Moira, we can’t today,” he apologized. “We have some important stuff to talk about. Maybe next time.”

It broke his heart to see the sad look on her face. She hung her head and nodded.

“…But that’s what you said yesterday,” she mumbled under her breath.

He turned away from her and continued down the hall, unable to face her. Skye followed after him, and she wasn’t pleased.

“What’s going on with you recently?” She demanded. He flinched. Normally, Skye minded her own business. If she was asking him something like this, then she must really be concerned about him.

“It’s nothing,” he muttered. No way could he tell her what was really bothering him.

“Really? Because it feels like you’ve been avoiding Moira and Andrew all week. That isn’t like you. I think you’re really hurting Moira’s feelings.”

“I don’t mean to!” He protested. What else could he say?

Skye didn’t look convinced by his response. But she didn’t say anything, merely nodding her head in acceptance, and followed him to lunch. They sat down to eat at a table for two. Moira and Andrew sat a few tables away from them.

Moira couldn’t help but glance Jason’s way all through her meal. Andrew was telling her a story to try and improve her mood, but she barely paid attention. Even taking her pill didn’t help. Jason was the only thing on her mind.

Why wasn’t he talking to her? He’d been weird ever since they went back to class on Monday, ignoring her when she said “hello” in the hallways (even when she gave the proper greeting!) not eating lunch together, and not spending their recreation time together anymore, either.

Was it something she’d done? Or something she’d said, maybe? She had a bad habit of making a fool of herself and upsetting people without thinking about it, since her body sometimes made her do things even when she didn’t want to. Maybe that was why?

She felt sick to her stomach. Jason being mad at her was the last thing she wanted. She’d had so much fun with him these last few weeks, the thought that he didn’t want to talk to her anymore… no, she didn’t want to have to put up with that! So she wouldn’t!

…But how was she supposed to apologize to someone who wasn’t talking to her?

Then she had an idea.

“Hey, Andrew, do you have any paper on you?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah, why?” He asked, pulling a sheet out of his bag. He’d been drawing a lot more lately, even though he wasn’t very good at it. He offered her a pencil as well.

“I’m going to write an apology note! To let Jason know how sorry I am for whatever it was I did! Then we can make up and go back to being friends!” A smile broke out across her face again. She was SURE that it would work, it just had to!

Because if it didn’t, she didn’t even want to think about how awful she would feel.

When her note was all finished (and spelled properly, she triple-checked) Moira hopped off of her chair and ran over to Jason. She practically hit him in the face with it as she tossed it to him, and then ran back to her seat.

“What the…” Jason glanced down at the crumpled sheet of paper and unfolded it.

Jason

I don’t know why you aren’t talking to me anymore, but it makes me really sad. I’m your friend, and it’s so much fun spending time with you every day, because you’re such a great guy! If I did something to make you upset, then I’m very, very sorry, and I promise I won’t do it again. So can we go back to being friends? I really miss seeing your smile.

Moira

Jason felt equal parts pain and elation as he read those words. Fond memories of the times they’d exchanged notes through the book flashed through his head. He glanced up to see Moira staring at him from across the cafeteria.

He could feel their eyes meet for the faintest second, and then her head shot down to look at her food.

Jason sighed. He wished he didn’t have to keep doing this, but it was all for the best.

…

After classes were over, Jason and Skye had to part.

“I’m sorry I can’t spend recreation time with you today,” he apologized, “but I have an appointment with Doctor Sylvia.”

Skye didn’t need to hear any more. She nodded and they parted ways, Jason heading for the doctor’s office.

Because Jason had an ongoing issue, Doctor Sylvia had suggested seeing him twice a week going forward. Today was one of those days. She was in a chipper mood when he arrived, a stark contrast to how he was feeling.

“Hello, Jason, how has your day been?”

Jason didn’t have the energy to give the proper greeting, he just sighed and slumped down on the chair.

“…That bad, huh?”

“Do I have to keep doing this?!” He demanded. “It’s killing me! I feel terrible, treating Moira like this! Look at what she wrote to me today!”

He handed her the note.

“Well, this is… certainly something,” Doctor Sylvia said, raising her eyebrow.

“So you see? She’s miserable! And I feel horrible, too! Why do I have to keep avoiding her?”

Doctor Sylvia sighed and took a sip of tea. “Now Jason, we talked about this in our previous session, remember? You weren’t sure what you felt about Moira, isn’t that right? But you were worried that you might have been in love with her. And what about now? Do you still think that’s the case?”

Jason scowled. He wished he could say his feelings had changed, maybe if they had, then things could go back to normal. But the doctor was clearly not going to accept an empty lie like that.

“…I still feel that way…” He admitted. To be honest, if anything, not being able to talk to her just made his heart ache for her even more.

The doctor sighed and set her cup down. She leaned in close. “Now Jason, you remember what we talked about, don’t you? If you want things to go back to normal between you and Moira-“

“I know, I know! I have to give her space, and spend more time alone with just me and Skye. And that way if I have any feelings for her, then maybe they’ll shift to Skye instead! You don’t have to explain that to me, I get it.”

“…Well, that’s good then. How is it going?”

He scowled.

“Terrible.”

“So your feelings haven’t shifted at all, then?”

“No, Skye and I… we hang out together and have fun, but… it’s not the same. If it’s not me and Moira, then I’m just not enjoying it as much.” He glanced down at the floor. The orange carpeting reminded him of Moira’s hair. Darn it! He was seeing her everywhere it seemed!

Doctor Sylvia stroked her chin thoughtfully. “I see… well, Jason, don’t be discouraged, if this is really what you want, then-“

“But what if it doesn’t work?”

He raised his head. His eyes were filled with worry. That was what he was afraid of. That all this hard work to shift his feelings from Skye to Moira would be for nothing.

The doctor opened her mouth to say something, but then caught herself. She smiled. “Tell me what you mean by that.”

“…Huh?”

“When you say ‘doesn’t work’ what does that look like to you?” She inquired. “Do you mean that you never stop having feelings for Moira? Or you never develop feelings for Skye? What are you afraid of when you ask ‘what if it doesn’t work’?”

“Well… I mean, we’re trying to change my feelings from Moira to Skye, right? I mean, if I really am in love with Moira, that’s the plan. To make me fall in love with Skye instead. But what if I can’t?”

“What if you’re still in love with Moira, you mean?”

He nodded. “Yeah, exactly.”

She stroked her chin and thought it over. He waited hopefully on her answer.

“Well, I suppose you’ll just go along with things as they are now, and have your unification ceremony with Skye, as planned? Even if you don’t love her, I don’t see any reason why that would change, do you?” She asked with a sly smile.

Jason’s heart sunk in his chest. That wasn’t the answer he wanted to hear.

“…Really?”

“Hmm? Were you expecting a different answer, perhaps?”

“Yeah!” He sputtered. “I mean… does that mean I’ll have to be avoiding Moira for the rest of my life, then? We won’t be able to go back to being friends, just because I’m in love with her?!”

Doctor Sylvia raised her eyebrow. “…Oh? Why yes, is that an issue?”

“This week was bad enough! I don’t know how much more I can take! I just want these… these whatever feelings they are to go away so I can go back to spending time with Moira!”

The doctor just chuckled. He couldn’t believe it. How could she be laughing at him right now?

“So Jason, just to be clear, you want your feelings for Moira to change, because you have an overwhelming urge to spend time with her, is that right?”

He sighed in relief. “Yes, exactly!”

The way Jason saw it, being “in love” with Moira was an obstacle getting in his way of spending more time with her. Finally, they were on the same page! Now if only he could figure out why that thought seemed to amuse her so much…