We Have No Time

 It had become a habit at this point to simply read the thoughts of those around me rather than actually listening and trusting their words. I had done it so much recently that I had a chronic headache and my vision was growing more and more impaired. I didn’t know that things would develop as quickly as they had, I didn’t know that I would have this many questions, and I didn’t know if I could trust anyone with the things I was learning.

Among the Inveiglers, there was deceit. They claimed to trust one another, yet each one thought of themselves as better than the other, more privileged and worthy to be assigned an important role in their new world. The only thing they all agreed on seemed to be that Cain was in charge. Well, almost all of them. A small handful planned on taking Cain’s spot once the hard work was over. How did they plan on doing this? I couldn’t say for sure. Even among people that proclaimed justice and equality, there were the lying and the power hungry. Was there anyone that could actually lead us into a better world?

Lumen watched me pace the upstairs room, rubbing my temples. I could feel his eyes on me, though I couldn’t see clearly enough to know what kind of expression he was watching me with. However, by his tone of voice, I could guess that he was concerned, “Take a seat, Von, we can work through your thoughts.”

We. A word I didn’t think I would be using genuinely ever again. It meant that I would have to do things with others, trust others, have others trust me. But who exactly was trustworthy at this point? People downstairs had begun their plan on overthrowing our current society, but in that plan, a handful of Inveiglers also planned on using me as the middle-man, the sacrifice.

What about Lumen? He didn’t seem to have anyone sacrificed in his plans, but that didn’t make him any better. His plans were too slow. That was my problem with them. By the time his vision came to pass, we would all be long gone. Perhaps he would still be living since he’s an Arbiter whose life had been lengthened, but us Ergasia wouldn’t be here to see the day. What about those who were suffering now?

The short time I have spent alongside the Inveiglers has shown me that the poor, the orphaned, the disabled, are all still struggling to survive. Yet we have put a bandaid over it and have ignored the issues, declaring the world to have never been more perfect. All we have succeeded in doing is creating a mass of unprivileged Ergasia for everyone else to stand on. I couldn’t get my head around the world we were living in and every solution before me felt pointless.

“I can tell you are losing trust in even the trustworthy.”

“And what do you know?” I had replied to Lumen’s concern without thinking twice. Of course he knew a lot, but it didn’t make him right.

I heard him sigh, “Take some time to process what you’ve learned, don’t be rash.”

It was good advice, though I didn’t want to take it. Where was I supposed to put the emotions I was feeling?

“Let’s see what Cain and the others plan on doing, you might end up agreeing with them. Or you might end up disagreeing. There is no known solution to our problem, there may not be a best way either. We each have a preferred way. Right now we can only hypothesize and try to come up with a method that garners the results we desire.”

“How can you stay so calm? Is it because you’ve known this for so long that this information just doesn’t faze you anymore?”

I could see his head shake, “That’s not it at all. I am bothered by all of it, even if it’s not new to me. I would just rather take my time in finding the best possible solution. I don’t want my emotions to decide what to do.”

“Then how are you deciding what to do?”

“It takes both an emotional response and a logical response, doesn’t it? I can’t act based solely on one or the other.”

“There’s more I don’t know that you said you’d tell me later.” If I was going to have any kind of response, I probably needed to know a bit more.

“You’re right, but do you think now is a good time? You’ve already learned so much new information in such a short period of time. You’re allowed time to process before I give you more.”

“There isn’t time, we’ve waited long enough already.” I snapped without intending to. Whether my words came out sharp or not, the meaning would have remained the same. Lumen may have been okay with waiting for years to get the results he desired, but I didn’t want to. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to say it like that. But I still would like to know now, I feel like I’ve already wasted so much time.”

“It’s an understandable feeling. I think a lot of people would agree with you.”

“But you don’t.”

He shifted in his seat a bit, hesitating, “Not completely, I suppose. But let me tell you our history, the story of how we got to where we are today. It may have been a long time ago, but it can be told rather quickly. Hundreds of years ago, our world was a different place. The titles Ergasia and Arbiter didn’t exist, we were just one people. However, someone came along and wanted power and control. His name has been forgotten, erased from even the history books Arbiters have access to. I’m assuming the government would still have all of this information, though.

When this man came into power, he was opposed by another who wanted to keep things as they were: not perfect, but a functioning democracy. This is what split us into two, our people picked sides and divided. Arbiters are taught in school that it was the Ergasia that began the war between the two, they wanted to put the Arbiters underneath them. We’re taught that we suppress the Ergasia now as a result of their uprising. Who actually started the conflict, I’m not sure about. But I have a suspicion that we were not taught an accurate history. Living as long as I have and meeting all kinds of people, I have grown to believe that it was the Arbiters who started the conflict.

I say that the government probably has all of the accurate history, but that might not even be true. It could all be forgotten forever. Modern history is emphasized in schools for Arbiters, but we get told that the Ergasia put themselves in their subservient position by trying to suppress others first which resulted in a seventy-eight year long war.”

Lumen was right in saying it was a long history that could be summed up quickly. Rather, we didn’t have enough information to tell anything more than a summary. “Do you know how the war ended?” I asked after soaking in the information I had heard.

“It came to an abrupt end. The leader of the Ergasia was captured and killed which forced the Ergasia to surrender. The war had worn down people’s hopes, supplies, and will to fight, so once a leader was taken out it was like there was no other option than to give up.”

“Is there anything that actually makes us different?”

“Let me turn that into another question. What makes you human, Von?”

“Rationality.”

“I think it’s love. But are either one of us completely right? Being a human is complex, isn’t it? Now let me ask another question. What makes an Ergasia an Ergasia?”

“It’s just the ranking we are born into.”

“Are Ergasia human?”

“Of course.”

“Arbiters?”

“I would think so.”

“So why are we in different rankings, different classes? If both of us are complex, rational humans who are capable of love?”

“That’s what I asked you.”

We took a pause in our back and forth, Lumen probably thinking about how he wanted to give me time to process and think on my own. He didn’t answer my question, but instead put more on my mind. He had made me wonder before what made a human, but I hadn’t taken as far as comparing Ergasia and Arbiters. If we were both simply human at the core, then how would that affect our plans? Would we try a different approach? I couldn’t bring myself to accept Lumen’s slow and steady approach. It would take far too long. But perhaps considering our best options would be worth a small delay.

However, the longer that I thought the more I felt confused. I began to question what made human beings good rather than what made us human. What is a human being? Should we be the ones to decide what happens in our world anyway? My small delay grew longer and longer as my desire to help my own people decreased. Cain and the others had gathered comrades in arms to stand against the Arbiters, though there was still no logical plan to how that would be done. Some wanted to riot and others wanted to start their own government apart from the Arbiters using information that I could get my hands on. I don’t know where their confidence in me came from, but because of it I was able to live peacefully in their group.

We lived like this, on edge but peaceful, for six months together.

“Another iced coffee?” I watched Carter as he steadily consumed his fourth cup of the day.

He laughed, “Why not?”

Carter was carefree. It seemed evident from the day I met him that he didn’t care much for the political world. He truly liked his job and he stayed out of anything controversial or serious. Even his thoughts were all about work, coffee, food, and then more work. Every now and then he’d have a thought expressing concern for me working in the office and if I would be safe or not, but he would quickly move on. Carter hasn’t done anything. And that’s what’s wrong with him. He knew so much about the world and about the discrimination, he even knew that Ergasia weren’t actually less than human like some Arbiters thought. Yet he hasn’t done anything.

“You alright, kid?” He titled his head in concern when I began to rub my eyes.

“I think he might be a bit overworked, he’s making more mistakes than normal.”

His thoughts were half right, I was making more mistakes but it wasn’t due to being overworked. I read thoughts and researched beyond the Lens’ normal abilities so often that most days it took my eyes a few minutes to adjust in the morning to even make out shapes of things. Once they adjusted, I could see well enough to get by, but by the end of the day they were always a bit tired.

“I’m fine, just getting tired.”

“I keep telling you that I’ll buy you some coffee too! Just say the word, and I’ll get you some.”

I shook my head with a small smile, “No, no, it’s alright. I just need a good night of rest.”

Which I knew wouldn’t happen. The Inveilgers now only met at night, and I was expected to be there every time even if I didn’t have new information to share. I seemed to serve as morale if nothing else.

Carter gave my back a solid pat, “Get lots of rest then. This work can be a bit meticulous and straining, so it takes a lot of energy.”

We exchanged a few more words before I left. I looked back at the office that had been mine for the past six months. A part of me wished to keep things as they were and continue to work there until the day I die. But, a part of me found that same idea sickening. Even if the Inveiglers didn’t have any plans that could actually work, I hadn’t been sitting idle. And it was probably about time to get things started.