A Death Wish

🎵 Summer dusk. 🎵

🎵 Hits me first.🎵

🎵 I see the sunshine. 🎵

🎵 It wakes me up. 🎵

🎵 It’s a good morning. 🎵

🎵 Full of light. 🎵

🎵 What adventures await me? 🎵

🎵 What I seek is next. 🎵

🎵 I write everything in a small handy journal. 🎵

🎵 From small mistakes to dreams that are eternal. 🎵

🎵 I ask myself what the new day brings. 🎵

🎵 Looked in the mirror, and found no answer. 🎵

🎵 So I kept searching for it, all night summer. 🎵

🎵 Gone out to find, on this hot sunny breeze. 🎵

🎵 I was hungry, things out there were enough to please. 🎵

🎵 Then I searched, looked and shared what I preached. 🎵

🎵 Sadly the day came to an end, I had to leave. 🎵

🎵 Went back empty-handed but with pools of memory. 🎵

🎵 Gratified with the experience, I went to sleep. 🎵

🎵 Summer dusk came again, the very next morning. 🎵

🎵 I felt the sunshine again on my skin. 🎵

🎵 Forgotten about the day before, I sought the same thing. 🎵

🎵 Only to relive the days again and again. 🎵

🎵 Without realizing it wasn’t the first. 🎵

The only thing in my mind was to kill. I wish to see the destruction and suffering of my enemy. I moved as fast as I could toward my goal, rushing with anger and rage, there was nothing that could stop me, I thought. I took a deep breath and aimed for his head, it was just within my reach as he moved near me. But his crafty moves were too much to handle. We clashed with a swoosh and paused for a brief second. I was already losing my ground, my right arm was cut into two.

“Aaaahhh!!!” I screamed in pain.

“I guess, it wasn’t worth it after all.” My enemy stated. It was enough to question myself and my decision but quite late to realise what was on the line. I could’ve escaped unscrapped but what would’ve happened to Xiba? To Mika? I came to a conclusion which was the absolute best, one fitting for me and the situation I was in.

“I am dying anyway, instead of helping something that keeps me imprisoned, why not die fighting for something I care for...”

“I respect your decision but are you worthy enough to do that?” He asked.

“Everyone is worthy enough to decide how they want to live and if I am not, then I am worthy enough to die,” I replied.

“You surprise me, kid. Huh, I am excited to see what’s next to come.” Looking down at me from behind the mask, he never took it off. He came near me and whispered for the last time. “Are you ready to dance?”

I tried clearing my teary eyes which were filled with pain and looked up at him. There was a slight pause for a moment. Everything felt slow around me. I touched the ground to feel it and took a deep breath. I was calm now, the next thing I knew was hitting the guy in the face. He tried using his arms to absorb the hit, but he was too slow. I didn’t even use my left hand which was transformed but rather my other hand which was completely normal.

The force was enough to send him flying off the ground. He landed on his back with a thud sound. I realized that I was enough to end him, enough to come as a victor from this fight. I stood up and walked toward him. He was lying there, not showing any emotion of fear or distress. I looked at him and asked him. “Are you ready to die?”

To which he replied. “If I am worthy enough to live, then I am worthy enough to die…” He was smiling, which made me feel unsettled. It felt like he was happy to finally meet his end.

“Goodbye… Xiba…” He whispered.

I could see his smile through his cracked mask, that unsettling smile, it triggered me. I jumped over close to him and started thrashing his face with my claw. There was blood everywhere, I crushed his face to a pulp. Without realizing what I was doing, I enjoyed every bit of it. It was satisfying and calming. It felt like I was in control and nothing could stop me. So I continued, more and more blood was flowing through his body, there was no trace of a face left on that body. Just bits and chunks of brain and skin.

I was going insane but a familiar voice interfered with me. I recognized it and turned towards the sound, it was a girl. Mika was it Mi-

“Edra, is that you?” She said. She looked frightened.

“Me? Edra? What was she saying again?” I tried to understand what she was saying, but I wasn’t able to focus on the words.

“Hey, it’s me, Mika. Y-You, don’t have to worry about anything.” She was coming closer to me, she was approaching slowly and gradually. I wasn’t able to see clearly and when she reached me, she slowly raised her hand and touched my right hand. She gripped it, her hands were cold. I could see her clearly now. Her face was in tears yet she was smiling while looking at me. It made me feel something, a sense of comfort and belongingness. She hugged me. Tears were coming out of my eyes, not because I was feeling sad but instead, it was because I felt satisfied. There was someone who cared for me genuinely.

I blacked out and didn’t recall what happened after that. It was like a fever dream where everything is going soo fast that your brain cannot keep up with it. When I gained consciousness, I was at my place, lying on the bed. How do I get here? Where is Xiba? She was badly injured, right? I thought.

I was curious to know what happened. There wasn’t anyone before me, I stood up so that I could check the other room. As I was standing up I felt a pulsating feeling in my left shoulder. When I glanced over my body I realised that I had taken a major toll. My left arm was gone. I panicked for a minute and started breathing heavily, It wasn’t like my arm was cut clean rather it was like someone ate it off of me. Suddenly I heard some rumble from the kitchen, so I got up to check it. Turns out a girl was standing there, cooking food. There was someone else also there, Xiba.

I tried letting them know my presence. “Ahem-ahem.” They both looked toward me and called my name. “Edra.”

“Oh, Edra you finally woke up. We were really worried about you. I know you must be confused right now, but someone we got out of there safely. Xiba was critical but turns out her body is actually healing but slowly.” She look came near me and hugged me. “I am glad you are okay.”

“Yeah, I am fine. Just lost one arm that’s it.” I looked over to Xiba, she was sitting on the ground. I met her and she smiled. Oh, I remember that smile.

“Don’t worry about your arm, it will grow back soon as you’ll eat something. Your body can’t grow stuff out of anywhere, it takes energy and food is the fuel of the human body. If you haven’t taken enough calories the transformed part degrades. The faster you move during a fight, the faster it drains you.” Xiba explained everything in detail.

“Why did you put yourself in such harm? You should’ve let me handle it from the start.” I said.

“But, how could I have gone back on my promise?” She made a calm face and looked down and then at me. I looked awkwardly and smiled. I didn’t know what promise she was talking about still, I do remember talking something about promises to her. Moreover, I was confused about the other girl in the room. She gave off a familiar vibe but why can’t I recognise her? I wonder.

Does that mean, I am having another memory breakdown, does Xiba notice it or is she unaware of my condition now?

Seems like I forgot something major related to this girl.

“So, Mika here is cooking some food for you, you are going to have a good meal for once now, hehe.” Xiba was still cheerful, even after a big painful event that happened long ago. She hides everything in her smile, whether it’s pain, regret or sorrow. She never misses to impress me. I don’t know how she manages to do that after all this. One tough girl I must say, unlike me.

“Thank you so much,” Xiba said. Wait I forgot that she can read my thoughts. That means she knows what’s going on with me. So I started thinking about Mika while looking at her intensely. It will help I thought.

“As much I like for you to watch me with those eyes, maybe now is not the time.” I was appalled by her saying that, I guess I was being too intense with my stare.

“Oh ahem, yeah. Where was I? Yeah, so Mika let me-” Wait does she know about us, I remember Xiba came with me to school and I introduced her as my cousin but it seems like Mika is aware of everything. After she finished cooking, we all ate together and shared some minor stuff about what we liked and what not. I don’t know how, we were having a normal conversation. It was relieving yet weird at the same time. Mostly weird.

After we finished eating I finally tried talking about what was happening to me.

“Hey listen you two, I got something to say. It’s really important.” I was biting my lips after saying that. I didn’t know how to explain it. It was complicated.

“Yeah? What is it, Edra.” Mika replied. We were all sitting on the floor and looking at each other. Xiba raised her eyebrows and said. “Okay, go on.”

“Yeah, the thing is, who are you, Mika? I know you seem, someone, I am familiar with but I just can’t remember much.”

“Wait what? You forgot about me!!! Of all things you could’ve forgotten, I was the one you lost your memory about!” Mika’s reaction was valid, she seems someone important to me and I don’t remember anyone else being involved in my life. Mika wasn’t overreacting or going crazy about it, it seemed she knew what I was going through.

“Ahem, I told her about everything Edra, from the experiment to your memory issue. She was more surprised that I wasn’t your cousin than your memory issue.”

“Whaattt!!! Xiba is just kidding. But I was surprised that you’d hide such a secret from me, I care about you, you know?” Mika was serious, she looked at me with tears in her eyes. I don’t know why it made me feel uneasy. I moved toward her, put my hands on her shoulder and said. “I just didn’t want to make you feel worried about me. Shin, he already warned me about many things, I just wanted to keep things to myself. I didn’t want them to harm people who are close to me. I am sorry if I hurt you or made you suffer in any way.”

I said what was in my mind, I felt attached to her, yet I couldn’t picture the minor details.

She hugged me, tightly. I could feel her emotions even though I was confused about various stuff, she was someone I could not let go of. She was my anchor keeping me ashore.

“Hey, can I join in with a hug?” Xiba asked.

“Yeah sure, why not,” Mika replied with a smile.

We three were holding onto each other in the middle of the night. With various things in our minds, we still hoped for the best our future had to offer.

Now, no matter what, nothing will stop me from me doing what needs to be done. Shin, you will pay for everything you have done and I will make sure of that.