Kick Me Out, Hit Me Hard

Dad walked in. His shoulders were slumped, and his eyes were bloodshot. He looked so tired.

“Dad?”

“No food today.” He sighed. “Just… Whatever.”

“Dad.” Bread brought out the necklace. The paint was flaking off a bit, but the clay still solidly held together. “I… I got you a present.” He tried his best to smile.

He grabbed it from his hands and stared. The necklace glittered in red and gold. The parts that hadn’t dried well weren’t too visible.

“I-I hope you like it.”

His expression didn’t change—a dull expression. There was no emotion in his eyes. Not even a flash of interest.

But suddenly, his nose crinkled in disgust. His brows creased violently, sharp like obsidian arrows. And his teeth bared like a rabid animal. He held the necklace up above his shoulders, higher than Bread had ever seen him raise his hands.

Then he threw it down. Smashed it onto the ground. The clay pendant shattered like fireworks. In an instant, it spread across the room, scattering the floor in half-painted golds and reds.

Bread watched as it all unfolded. He watched as his hard work came crashing down, destroyed in a matter of seconds… But all he could manage to say was…

“D-dad…?”

“Shut up!” he screamed. “You’re not even real! Azan’s right. A simulation! Just… some figment of my imagination. You’re not human, Bread. You’re just not!”

“W-what?”

“None of this matters.” He started to breathe more heavily. His eyes burned red at the corners. “It’s all just a simulation. Just some dream I could never achieve…” He slammed his fist into the window.

Bread cautiously walked over. He looked so… sad. Maybe he could console him? He tried to hold his hand—

“Get away from me!” Dad pushed him aside. “You wanted to know what my job is? No, it doesn’t even matter now.” He pointed out the window. “That? It’s all just a simulation. All fake! A made-up fantasy! And you were born here. In a world that doesn’t even exist. You’re fake, Bread. You’re not even real, so stop acting like a child!”

I’m not real? “You’re—you’re not… helping me grow?”

“Grow? What nonsense are you even spouting? I’m trying to determine if you’re usable for my experiment. That was your purpose. Your one and only…” He started to leave. “Damn it. Ruined. All of it, ruined. I should’ve just reset you the moment I brought you here.”

Reset?

“Well, it’s not too late.” Dad pulled open the door. “You won’t remember a thing tomorrow.”

“I won’t… remember?” His memories suddenly resurfaced. All of his experiences. The times he were scared, happy, lonely… It all came flooding back as if to say their final farewells… No… But he didn’t want to forget. No, not even the bad ones… “No, Dad—”

“Don’t call me that. I’m not your dad.”

“I-I thought I did well… I listened. Am I—” Bread couldn’t stop his tears. “I’m not good enough for you?” He looked up. He searched his dad’s face for any sign of sadness, remorse. Anything. Even just a small twitch. He just wanted something that told him he was lying…

“I… I don’t—Gah! Shut up!”

He saw it. Dad had hesitated. That small, little pause before he yelled. He knew Dad was lying. No, he had to be lying…

The man Bread had once known as Dad suddenly leaned in a little closer. His eyes were sharper than ever. “You’re”—he gripped him by the shoulders—“nothing to me.”

Then he left. Without hesitation, without looking back once. Slammed the door shut in front of his face. 

Bread heard the footsteps clacking away from the room, the sound getting fainter and fainter until… silence. There were no more footsteps. The door didn’t even budge… Dad never came back.

I’m nothing? Not even real… 

Bread buried his head deep into his knees. He didn’t want to see. He didn’t want to think or even understand. He just wanted to forget. He just wanted to turn back time to when none of this had happened… But then he smiled his sad smile when he remembered—I’m going to be reset. I will forget. And he was suddenly happier. Because he didn’t want these memories anyway. He’d be free, not having to worry about all of these things.

But at the moment, he just couldn’t.

He looked over at the shattered necklace. Only the chain was intact. The rest of the pieces were sprawled across the wide floor in an almost fractal disarray. The reds and golds dotted the canvas of white. The patterns… They almost looked beautiful, artistic. He could feel his tears again, about to overflow, but he held it all back. Instead, he watched. He stared at what was once supposed to be his heartfelt gift.

Isn’t sadness so pretty? He thought it was. It was prettier than happiness. It was like a premonition—an artistic rendition of the terrible fate that awaited him… He looked away. The beauty wasn’t enough to hide his tears.

He tapped on the wall. Changed the background and focused on that—a waterfall. A cold, frozen waterfall surrounded by iced canopies of pines and evergreens.

It was as if time itself had stopped, frozen like everything around him. Frozen like the trees, the flowing rivers… Not even a single living creature in sight. And it finally relaxed him just a little. It made him feel as if he was the only one left in the world. As if nothing else mattered.

He wasn’t lonely or cold. He didn’t even mind his own memories of the wintry chill. Of when he was shivering next to a dumpster full of old, spoiled garbage. Of when he was kicked in the ribs… None of it hurt as much as this. And when he looked out the window towards the open, city skyline, he suddenly had a wish—

He wanted to leave. He wanted to leave it all behind. This terrible place full of regrets and torturous memories. He’d had enough. He didn’t want to be trapped in this cubical room anymore.

Please, he wished. I want to leave. He looked over at the walls. Still as clean as they were when he had first entered the place. Still no cracks. Please… Get me out of here… I want to leave. I want to leave… His thoughts suddenly became an obsession, a craving. No, it was a necessity.

He had to get out.

Bread crawled over to the window. There was a colorful metropolis below. He pulled himself up. There was a city right in front of his eyes. He slammed at the window. Shining like a trillion bright suns. He continued to slam. To get to that city down below. He continued to punch and kick the wall, hoping it’d break like that force field from before.

He could feel his bones aching. His fingers trembled. There was pain shooting through his entire body. Blood started to cover his hands; it dripped down his wrists. But he kept going. Until he couldn’t feel. Until his arms were numb and weak. Until he was out of breath and trembling. He fell to his knees and cried… Until finally, the door to his room opened—

“D-dad?”