The Taste of Glitter (Part 2)

Following the heartfelt confession I had received mere seconds prior, a single word managed to slip out of my mouth. It was a three-letter interrogative, used to inquire explanation, justification and reason.

"Why?"

That was the first thing I asked.

The information Hajime had been hiding from me all along was that she had caught feelings for me. But of course, my first instinct was to question her.

As someone who had never considered himself a person with much market value, it was difficult to keep my curiosity at bay. I was awkward, asocial and anti-romantic – what was it that she had possibly found attractive about me beyond my looks?

Hajime’s eyes were still swollen and tinted cerise as a consequence of crying. However, the mischievous smirk adorning her face told me that she was prepared to receive that question.

"Ah, you do seem like the type of person who would ask that", she pestered.

She wasn't exactly convincing, trying to tease me with that florid complexion of hers. It complimented her rather green eyes, staring right into my own.

"What? You wouldn't want to know?" I defended.

Hajime couldn’t argue with that. Her gaze changed course once again as she was trying to recall something by looking upwards.

As she was explaining her genuine feelings to me in detail, she was fidgeting quite a bit: playing with her hair, meddling with her bracelets, making shapes with her fingers... She was doing everything in her power to avoid looking straight at me; only then did I realize how cruel of a question I had actually asked.

"At first, I was obviously attracted to your looks. But that changed as soon as I saw the shine in your eyes when you looked back at me! Then, I couldn't believe my ears when I heard you talk about Neri. Right in this town, there lived someone like me with a genuine fictional crush! I absolutely adore the way your entire tone changes when the conversation turns to your oshi and how knowledgeable you are about her. But you're also effortlessly funny, intelligent and easy to be with. So naturally, at some point I found myself constantly wishing I could become Neri for real, just to hear you talk about me like that... Whenever you talked about wanting to hug her, kiss her or whatever, all I could think of was that I'm right here. And that's how I figured it out. You’re literally a treat for all my senses.”

She didn’t have to remain the sole one flustered for long: hearing those words from her felt almost overwhelming. My heartbeats were denser than I had been towards her feelings and my head was hosting a car race straight out of Introduction C, full of twists, turns and intense drifting. Actually, that state of mind as a whole wasn't too far from the giddiness I felt after spinning around, pretending to be tornado for who knows what reason, as a kid.

But I could relate to the things she said. I too enjoyed being close to her, laughing with her and being praised by her. If we were going by the same criteria, then our feelings had to be mutual.

Still, I kept interrogating further. To buy myself more time to process things, I was ready to use every yen I had in my wallet.

"I'm... sorry for not realizing it. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"What's there to be sorry about? You can’t blame yourself and there's not even anything to blame about! You’re not obligated to read my mind. In fact, I’d prefer if you didn’t. I think about weird things", Hajime laughed bashfully.

"Anyway, I was worried that catching real feelings could ruin what we had established. I figured you'd be weirded out if you knew I was in love with you for real, so I tried to keep quiet. I was hiding it from Hana and Kotori as well but they caught on in no time. I seriously can't keep anything a secret from them!" she continued.

At some point, my life had become a puzzle and this conversation was single-handedly carrying the process of solving it. Even pieces I wasn’t expecting to find here, such as the ambiguous things Hana had said to me about leaving Hajime to my care and whatnot, were suddenly recovering their place.

"So... I'm likely in love with you and you're assuredly in love with me?" I confirmed.

I asked that as if to verify the past thirty minutes hadn't been just my imagination. Maybe this blessing of fortune was Venus's way to make up for my poor gacha luck in Neri-nee's revival banner...

"I guess? I'm not exactly the most trustworthy resource to decide for you", Hajime shrugged.

Even though I knew we were both thinking about it, I still couldn't believe I was the one who was about to ask. But I had to do it, in spite of my makeshift gallantry being long since gone.

"Then, should we try going out for real? I'm sure I'll find out myself."

Though, there was nothing to be afraid of: Hajime's answer was obviously written in the fondness of her gaze.

"You don't know how hard I'd be mashing A on the positive option right now if this were a game."

She rose on her toes, wrapped her arms around my neck and leaned in for a hug.

I could no longer see her face, but I could feel her grinning against my shoulder. Her smile had become so big that in the case it had grown any larger, it might just have split her in two.

She felt so fragile in my arms. As I put my hands on her waist to support her with the inconvenience caused by our height difference, I couldn't help but feel like I was handling an unusually squishy family heirloom.

And that's where I saw the perfect opportunity to get back at her.

"Unfortunately, your free trial of Hatsukoi Simulator has ended! The game will be shutting down in 60 seconds."

Hajime found my frequency in no time – I expected nothing less from her.

"Oh no! I'll pay whatever!" she whined exaggeratedly as she tightened her hold around me.

"Continuing your subscription costs... one kiss.”

I said it on the spur of the moment and intended to write it off as a joke – but as she had already taken the initiative, I wasn’t about to stop her.

Though, what followed was far from the bashful peck I was expecting. It was the greediest of Hajime I had ever seen.

Even though she was the shorter one, it felt like I was being looked down on as she kept coming back to hoard more of me; the way she brought herself closer on every repeat made me feel pleasantly desired. And that avarice of hers, it was rapturously contagious. It crept up on me and latched on with no intention of letting go. Thus, the taste of my first kiss was a mix of salty tears, even saltier sweat and sweet, sweet enlightenment.

Nevertheless, we couldn’t go at it for an eternity. If the basic human necessity known as breathing didn’t exist, we probably would have.

After our lips had parted at last, I could feel the misty warmth of her trembling exhales against my chin.

"Yeah... I'm definitely... in love with you", I heaved.

"Are you sure it's not lust? It's a common misconception people make in situations like this", she lectured.

She had a smug look on her face, boasting about her shamelessness. It was adorable.

"Actually, it's not the kiss. Even though it was... pretty dope... I know what I love is the way you just went for it. I hope you'll let me borrow that courage from now on", I elucidated.

Hajime showed her gratitude by, yet again, bursting into laughter.

"Pretty dope?! That's what you got out of it?" she wheezed.

"I know it's not my usual refined language but... that's honestly the best way I can describe it in words", I admitted as I escorted my observation with a chuckle.

"Wanna try again? Just so you can find the perfect words to brag about it, of course!" she giggled.

"I don't need to brag about it, but I'd love to go again", I smirked.

The taste of my second kiss didn't really differ from the first one – perhaps a little less enlightenment and a little more worry over the ever-darkening sky above us, accompanied by the fact that I had to be at work by 10 am tomorrow.

However, my first love didn’t taste very good.

It had the suffocating texture and bitter, dry flavor of crafting glitter; it wasn't supposed to be eaten. Glitter could brighten up a gloomy atmosphere but it was something that could never make you happy by itself.

I had known it all along.

The ardent emotions I felt towards my first love, Neri Tendou, had always been a way of coping with my lack of understanding of the world I lived in. I no longer had to be afraid of this world, which is why I could finally admit it.

Still, it wasn't as if I could just suddenly get rid of my gacha addiction after finally coming to terms with its source. But why should've I? It wasn't like there was anything wrong with holding multiple things dear.

Because around us, there's all kinds of love. And finding the right kinds changed my life.