The Taste of Glitter (Part 1)

As one might have guessed, it took a bit of convincing to get Hajime to agree to meeting me at such a late hour. And as if that wasn't hard enough by itself, I also had to get through whatever it was that was making her avoid me in the first place.

Eventually, I managed to persuade her to come where it all began – the parking lot of our local karaoke place. Even though it may have seemed like a symbolic choice for our physical reunion, it was one made purely for its practicality: that spot was one of the few notable locations we both knew of as well as could get to quickly from our respective starting points.

For the first time in a while, I was experiencing anew the wonderful feeling of being on the verge of emptying my stomach, guts and all, on the asphalt. I was worried over the success of my plan: to be able to phrase things precisely as I experienced them, I had basically scripted our entire conversation and how it would approximately be going. Apparently, leading a role came to me more naturally than I had ever realized.

Still, once I actually arrived and saw the elegant silhouette of a certain high school girl, standing in await under the flickering street light, I ended up forgetting most of it. After not having seen Hajime for so long, my mind was swarmed with images of her grace – she looked even more beautiful than usual. To be honest, I was almost embarrassed at how stunned I was.

The girl took note of my presence with a quick glance and assigned it with a faint smile; neither of us was saying a word. As we stood there, as our most vulnerable selves, the quiet of the evening surrounded us delicately like a tulle curtain.

The only thing I could hear was a sonorous sound, resembling the sensation of being in a cramped room with intense bass acoustics: it was the pounding of my heart.

I remembered Hajime as a person with a large mental presence, but seeing her up-close, she looked relatively small under my view. She was observing me silently, yet the restless movement of her gaze made it seem like she was trying to hide from me; she wanted to look but there was something holding her back.

Slowly, I lifted up my right hand and grazed it along her face lightly, leaving it to rest on her forehead.

Just the split second it distracted Hajime from her skittishness was enough: she was no longer able to ignore me. She raised her chin, allowing me to take a look upon the gentlest glare I had ever witnessed. Her minty eyes pierced through me as if they were a knife made out of butter.

"That's how you're going to greet me? Are you trying to convert me into a cult or something? Is this their thing?" she guessed, flashing me a grin.

“I knew it. You’re still cute", I muttered defeatedly.

Hajime's face proceeded to start competing against her hair in terms of hue. Although, that may have just been the consequence of her laughter – literally breathtaking.

I accepted my fate, once again. In fact, whereas silence wasn't necessarily a thing that bothered me, I was almost relieved to have gotten a positive reaction out of her.

"The only cult I belong to is the Neri-nee appreciation club. But now that you mention it, I suppose they would gladly have you as their saint", I chuckled.

Of course, the Neri-nee appreciation club was merely a one-man gathering, led by their infamous chairman: Kakuji Ran.

"What's up then? Called me here because you were worried about me having caught a cold? That's not very considerate of you, you know", Hajime snickered playfully.

"I just wanted to see how you looked without eyebrows... But never mind that! I actually had something to tell you too", I admitted.

After that, I was left searching for the script I had come up with on the way. Of course, it was nowhere to be found.

"I need you to know that you can talk to me about anything. I'll listen... if you want and help if I can. I won't force you but please, at least tell me if it's something that doesn't belong to me", I pleaded.

I spoke quickly and nervously, stumbling on my words like an elementary school student trying to get out of reading duty.

"You... I swear you're worrying over nothing, I'm okay!", Hajime scolded. "Though, my answer might change depending on what else you have to say. You seemed unusually humorless over the phone."

I averted my eyes, as if to avoid the blistering seriousness of the atmosphere we had created ourselves.

“Since I'm the one who invited you here in the first place, I suppose it's fair that I talk first... So, I've been thinking about things. As you might be aware, it's kind of my specialty. After I took notice of it, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. But I have yet to arrive to a conclusion."

Looking back on it, I could have gotten to the point sooner. However, excusing my flaws by spewing pointless jargon had always been a core part of me and unfortunately, it was one of those things making an actual connection with another human being hadn't been able to change.

"The thing is... I’m not sure where the line between my feelings towards you and Neri-nee is, because a part of me probably still sees you as her. But I want to make that distinction and get to know you better. I also wanted to tell you that not only are you the most beautiful person I've ever seen, you're also fun to banter with and altruistic to the point where it makes me feel like a loser at times for not being able to give anything back. And then, I need to know if you're still willing to stay friends with me after knowing that's how I feel about you, Hajime."

And there it was: not-so-brutal honesty. She was now aware of the fact that I may have fallen for her and that I was a total wimp who, under the surface, craved constant reassurance. I did not know where the courage to say these things came from, and I could feel all of it flowing out of me the instant I no longer needed it.

It was the first time such a long silence had fallen on us. I could tell she was trying to speak but couldn’t get the words to come out. So, I embraced the silence. I buried my head in the thick tulle curtain, letting its coarse texture rub against my ever-warming cheeks.

But once Hajime finally gave up on holding back her true feelings, she started to sob. The girl in front of me broke down completely, unexpectedly and unapologetically.

It was something only the strongest kind of person could do. Her delicate face, drenched by tears, was now reflecting the absence of sunlight in the cloudy summer evening. I wasn't sure what emotion those tears were supposed to be conveying, until she put it in words.

Words I could hear loud and clear.

"I'm sorry, I don't think I can. Because I like you way more than that."

Oh.

Maybe I wasn't such a master detective, after all.