The Emperor’s New Prêt-à-porter Swag

Taisa was dashing around her small apartment to gather all her things, eating and dressing up at the same time. She nearly choked three times during her frenzy, so she gave up on the idea of finishing her breakfast before she left. Forcefully pulling her boot on, she hauled her overstuffed bag over her shoulder and finally managed to get out the door.

‘It’s too goddamn early for cardio. Damn my dependency on the public transport system.’

As she stumbled out of her apartment complex preparing to make a right, a loud honk stopped her in her tracks.

From inside the parked taxi, a window was rolled down and a familiar head reared itself.

“Get in. The meter’s running.” Out of all the things she was expecting to happen this morning, Xander giving her a ride wasn’t one of them.

She was about to ask how he knew where she lived, but then she remembered that he had walked her home the other night. And that she might’ve complained about classes at 7 in the morning being inhumane as the brain is not fully functional at such hours.

‘Well, since he’s here already…’

She hurriedly made her way to the other side of the car and plunked herself down beside him, trying to keep her bag from toppling over.

“Somehow, I imagined you driving your own car.”

“Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. Depends on the day, traffic, mood.”

“Ah, well, either way, thanks for the ride.”

“It’s fine. Your university is on my way to work.”

“Well, lemme know how much I owe you for the fare…”

“It’s fine.”

“So you keep saying.”

“Because it is.”

“Nothing can be fine at 7 in the morning. Ever.”

“Surely the first morning after the fall of the Berlin wall would have been quite a fine one…”

“I beg you not to pick apart my semantics when I have a full day of draping sheers.”

“Sounds so challenging…Maybe I’ll be benevolent today.”

“I dare you to stitch organza and chiffon seamlessly.”

“Mmm, maybe after lunch.”

Taisa broke into an eye-watering yawn, let her head roll to the side, and looked outside the window. The few minutes left until they reached her university were spent in hushed tranquility. She told the driver to stop at the first curb, and not long after, they pulled over.

Getting out of the car,Taisa appeared to be deep in thought. Xander expected her to sprint to her classes, but instead, he was greeted by her outstretched hand holding a crumpled bus ticket.

“What’s this?”

“I don’t like freeloading. So, I might as well give you the ticket I would’ve used to get here.”

“I told you-“

“Just take it and accept the weird karmic logic that governs my life.”

He complied with her bizarre request and stuffed the ticket inside his breast pocket. She smiled and tried to dismiss the weightless tingles that radiated from the tips of her fingers. With one last shouted ‘thanks’, she disappeared within the sea of bustling art students.

As Xander continued the ride to his office, the right side of his chest pulsated with the same weightless trepidations.

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Xander was inexplicably proud of himself. It wasn’t like stocks were up or any new rollouts were scheduled. He was giddy that he managed to convince a girl to take a taxi ride with him. That was it. With a normal person, this would not be a feat worth mentioning, but overcoming Taisa’s pigheadedness regarding public transport made the exploit worthwhile. His elatedness made no sense outside his realm of existence, but, oh, how he wanted to keep riding this high.

So, naturally, the addict in him looked for ways to get his next fix. Mornings he would take her to classes and late evenings he would take her home from work. The only disadvantage was that the rides were shorter than their walks, but they had the rest of their eclectic rendezvous situations to choose from. The other downside of this new endeavor was that he had amassed a small pile of bus tickets. It wasn’t like he could throw them out, though he could not think of a reason why, so they just sat neatly stacked in a corner of his drawer.

That particular Thursday, Taisa was devoid of all energy on account of putting in the last details for her historical dissertation project. During the last half hour of her shift, she sat limply with her cheek on the counter, hair obscuring her face.

“Not having the best of days?” Xander noticed how the glint of her purple earring was peeking between her silky strands of hair.

“It was productive actually,” she meekly responded. “But I’m just so tired…it’s like all my cells are hungover…”

“God, just go home already!” came Mel’s exasperated voice from the backroom.

“You’ll regret your tone once I get my human form back!” Taisa unceremoniously hoisted herself up and placed her jacket over her head like a hoodie. “Let’s go,” she said drearily while dragging her bag across the floor.

Once they were outside, Xander gently took the jacket off her head, “It’ll keep more warmth if you wear it as intended.” While his tone was meant to be chastising, his cobalt eyes felt a few shades warmer. He stood behind her, holding the jacket up so she could slip her arms through its sleeves.

“In my state of exhaustion, I could care less about such social constructs.” She stiffly slipped one arm in.

“Wearing clothes is a social construct now?” He took hold of her other bumbling hand to guide it through the armhole.

“No one’s stopping us from going around naked.”

“There are laws and penalties.”

“Constructs as well. They exist because we all agree to enforce them.”

“You know your entire industry is based on this construct?”

“I’ll be the first to create the anti-construct clothes, and my line shall be named ‘The Emperor’s New Prêt-à-porter Swag’.”

Xander shook his head and took her bag away, “Fatigue must have fried your brain. Come on, I parked around the corner.”

“Oh, you’re driving tonight. Mmm, does this mean I can have heat in the seat so my butt can be nice and toasty?”

“Yes, I’ll turn on the seat heating.”

“Many thanks for your heat seating, butt toaster.” He chuckled inwardly at her unintentional inversion but tried to maintain a stern face while holding the car door open for her.

“Please don’t refer to me as ‘butt toaster’.”

“You prefer ‘butt muncher’?”

“Everything I say at this point will condemn me, won’t it?” She snickered and plumped herself on the cushy seat.

“Mmm, now I hate myself for mentioning toast, I am so hungryyyyy!”

“Dinner?”

“My inner noodle is against maintaining proper posture for an entire meal.”

“Takeout?”

She pondered for a moment while fiddling with her seatbelt. After the click was heard, she pursed her lips and exhaled loudly, “Okay.”