The Sweeper's Double Date, part two

Blue, holographic penguins squawked from within the wet animal enclosure. There were a good amount of them within—enough to form a small colony. Even near daybreak did these penguins play and go about their day, as if programmed to entertain guests that weren’t even present day in and day out. And yet, they acted as natural as the genuine article, complete with instincts for hunger, thirst, play, and even procreation.

Kuroiwa watched from a perch about the enclosure, his confusion over such thoughts already long made way for more important questions. Important questions he had for one Shiyuri watching the same enclosure beside him, while Chigusa did the same.

“So, Colony Tau… that’s quite the name,” Kuroiwa said, downing the last of his canned coffee. “That’s interesting and all, but something doesn’t quite add up.”

Shiyuri turned her head in his direction, “Do tell.”, she asked.

“Why are you here? And why are you an android now?”

Shiyuri looked back into the enclosure and stood silent for a moment. The question clearly bothered her—that much was apparent even to the sweeper himself who’s normally not too keen on noticing such subtleties.

“That’s a good question,” chimed in Chigusa. “It doesn’t seem like Miss Shiyuri lied about it either. She’s an android through and through. She even possesses Neo Shibuyan ID data and had survived my ‘bug zapper’. That could’ve killed a normal human.”

Kuroiwa jolted, surprised. “It really could have?!”

Shiyuri then turned again in Kuroiwa and Chigusa’s direction, standing straight and planting a hand on her waist. “It’s true. I am one of you now; A true cyberbrain-fitted Neo Shibuya citizen. So you can’t consider me human, like Kuroiwa is over here.”

“That’s not true!” answered Chigusa meekly but sternly. “That doesn’t make you any less human like you once were, or any of us. You’ve simply transferred your consciousness into a new body.”

“I don’t know. Am I, Code Reader?”

“W-what?”

“It’s not to say I’m not happy with what I’ve become,” said Shiyuri while she felt around her neck and collarbone. “But I do get thoughts whether I am who I was, or if I am who I am.”

Chigusa shook her head, bewildered. “I’m afraid I don’t follow.”

“Huh,” sighed Shiyuri, followed with a quiet laugh. “Just as well.”

Kuroiwa leaned on his arm and gave his thoughts on the matter. “You’re worried if you’re still human, right?”

“Mmm. I’d like to skip the topic, please.”

“Fair,” shrugged Kuroiwa. “I’m not someone who thinks in that dimension anyway.”

“To be fair, Sensei. You’ve killed an awful lot of hooligans in your time here in Neo Shibuya. I’m not sure anyone’s registered as a ‘human’ to you in the last few months.”

“What? They come back anyway. Besides, you’re not assuming I’ll just let thugs run me over as they please, right?”

Shiyuri giggled, eventually loudening into laughter. “My, oh my, Sensei. You truly are a hypocrite.”

“This again.”

A pair of penguins bleated down at the enclosure as they, a new pair, rubbed their necks with each other. Chigusa, enamored at the display, turned her attention completely to the display, checking out completely. “That’s so cute!” she uttered, holding both her cheeks in amazement. Kuroiwa and Shiyuri glanced at Chigusa and at the penguin couple, then looked back at each other; the sweeper with an intense, upset gaze, and Shiyuri with a cocky expression.

“Why’d you kill them, then? Was it because they’re not human to you?”

“You already know what I did in the past, so connect the dots,” huffed Kuroiwa, annoyed. “I’m just trying to live a normal-ish life now, but you gotta do what you gotta do to survive.”

Shiyuri crossed her arms whilst still maintaining her expression.

“My question still stands, Sensei.”

Kuroiwa’s face mellowed, turning into that of frustration and contemplation. “If they eat, shit, and have sex, they’re as human as can be. Happy?”

Shiyuri laughed naughtily. “But Sensei,” she uttered, trying to not lose breath. “All three of us here don’t do at least one of those things.”

“Wait, I—”

“Heh. What is it?”

Kuroiwa frowned in disappointment. “You know what, Shiyuri?”

“Yeah?”

“I hate you.”

“I hate me too, Sensei!”, she said flirtatiously.

Chigusa snapped out of her bemusement and tugged on Kuroiwa’s sleeve, pulling him closer to the enclosure railings. The girl had this curious, but melancholic look to her as she pointed to a single penguin who seemed to be excluded from the rest of the colony, spending its time skulking around near a distant rock.

“Kuroiwa, look. That penguin…”

“Yeah.”

The sight gave Kuroiwa pause. He wondered if what he was seeing was truly just a hologram, or was it more? Was it a recording of real animal activity? Were they AI? Or were they real penguins painted blue to deceive the audience they were simply holograms? But no—the penguins were see-through. Could technology have advanced that much?, the thought crossed him. After all, why would a simulation emulate something like that?

“It’s so lonely,” said Chigusa solemnly. “Why is he not hanging out with the others? He doesn’t look very different from them.”

“I don’t really know. But it does remind me of a story.”, said Kuroiwa, rubbing his chin.

“Oh?” smugly asked Shiyuri. “Will this be one of those thinly veiled allegories to something that happened to a ‘friend’, who’s actually a stand-in for you?”

Kuroiwa’s expression remained neutral.

“No. The story really is just about a penguin.”

“Oh.”

Chigusa then eyed Kuroiwa with childlike curiosity. “Please, tell us the story.”

Kuroiwa scratched his head and fidgeted, the man trying to cope with his sudden embarassment. “I didn’t expect me, of all guys, to be telling a story about penguins.”

Shiyuri crossed her arms, showing passing interest. “Go on. Don’t leave us hanging.”

“Right,” Kuroiwa turned his back to the enclosure and leaned on the railing. “So it just reminded me of a popular internet story back then. Wasn’t a rumor. It was an actual real thing that happened.”

He continued while wiggling his bum, trying to get more comfortable. “They said there was a penguin couple who had a kid. Loving penguins and all. But the zoo had to take their baby away, and that made both of them miserable.”

“I’m sorry. Mister Kuroiwa?” interrupted Chigusa.

“What’s up?”

“I don’t know what you mean by ‘had a kid’. And why would the couple have a kid? Doesn’t the zoo give them this thing you call a ‘baby’? How come they took it away?”

“I, uh, forgot about that,” said Kuroiwa, dumbfounded. “But seriously, how do you—”

Shiyuri stepped forward and covered for Kuroiwa. She smiled at Chigusa and began to explain in a way she would better understand:

“Let’s just say, back then, animals could somehow make something new from each other, biologically. Kinda like how they create new bodies, but it needing two separate beings to be together.”

“So it’s like magic…” nodded Chigusa.

“Sort of. But they had to mash pissers together. Full-on coitus. Part of the ritual.”

“I see…” said a deflated Chigusa. “So it’s not magic.”

Kuroiwa cleared his throat trying to get the attention back to him and away from a more unsavory topic. “Ahem. So I suppose it’s a bit clearer, Chigusa?”

“A little.”

“Seriously, how do you not know how animals work? Do you even know where the supermarket gets their frozen meat?”

Chigusa shrugged. “I don’t know.”, she answered plainly.

“Riiiiight.”

“But I think I get it,” nodded Chigusa with a lot more certainty. “The zoo took away somebody important from them, right? That much I can understand.”

Kuroiwa smiled at her like an approving brother. “Exactly. Though, it had to be done. Something to do with something called ‘endogamy’. I’m not sure what that means exactly, but it’s not something you’d want in a colony.”

“That’s so cruel…”

“Anyway, the story doesn’t end there,” continued Kuroiwa, the world’s greatest sweeper turned storyteller. “The girl penguin was so distraught, she left the boy penguin for a much younger guy. And in turn, let’s say the the girl didn’t have good things to say about her ex, and gossiped it around the entire colony.”

Shiyuri nodded in interest. “I see, I see. So she cheated on him. Kinda vile, not gonna lie.”

“He ended up getting exiled. At least, that’s what they said happened to him. Man’s refused to eat and sleep properly. They said he was starting to look like a walking corpse.”

“That’s cruel! The story can’t end there, Mister Kuroiwa!” said Chigusa with great concern for the boy penguin.

“It doesn’t. My man finds new hope and gets a new lease of life.”, Kuroiwa answered reassuringly.

“A new mate, I suppose?” asked Shiyuri.

“Not exactly,” replied Kuroiwa, his smile turning into a grin as he recalls a more absurd part of his tale. “He found new love. Not from another live penguin though…

…But from a cardboard cutout.”

“Ehh?!” shouted the two girls taken aback by that insane punchline.

“Didn’t expect that, huh?”

Shiyuri flipped her hair and regained her composure. “One hell of a twist, Sensei. But somehow I feel like you’re not joking.”

“I’m not, I’m not,” reassured Kuroiwa while managing a chuckle. “To be specific, it was a cardboard cutout of an anthropomorphic penguin in the guise of an anime girl. Either way, the boy penguin became a healthy eater and sleeper again. He was still exiled, but hung around the cutout for a long, long while. The internet went nuts all over the story.”

Shiyuri giggled. “It is one hell of a story. Penguin falls in love and finds a new lease in life by hanging out with a cutout that’s purely artificial? It’s a fun concept.”

Kuroiwa shook his head and lowered his gaze. “But of course, the fun had to end sometime.”

“Oh no… what happened?” the curious Chigusa asked.

“He died, of course.”

“Lame ending.”, groaned the now disappointed Shiyuri.

“It was pretty nutty, though,” continued Kuroiwa, glancing at the penguin enclosure behind him. “They held a funeral for the boy penguin, flowers and all. People from around Japan even went over and left him dedications at the memorial. And in the end, the artist for the cutout redrew their artwork and put the penguin into the cutout.”

Shiyuri giggled, enthusiastic and curious. “Oho, but why would they do that though?”

Kuroiwa shrugged. “Beats me. Maybe it just gave people ease knowing the penguin went somewhere. Into the arms of girl that gave him new life.”

“But she wasn’t real, though. And it’s just a penguin.”

“Who’s to say?” Kuroiwa pushed himself off the railing and began strolling away from the enclosure. “If it makes people feel better, then what’s the harm?”

He then turned towards the girls, a small glint of sunlight finally hitting the one side of his face, as the sun’s first light began to rise over the distant buildings. “We should make tracks soon before the maintenance crew arrives. And…”

“...And?” wondered Shiyuri.

“Not sure you’ll ever humor this request, Shiyuri. But I would like to see Colony Tau,” said Kuroiwa in a stern voice and a straight face. He then glanced at Chigusa and smiled. “I’m sure you’d like to see it, too.”

“Yes,” nodded Chigusa. “I, too, am curious about this human colony’s existence.”

Shiyuri’s eyes narrowed, her gaze shifting back and forth between the Code Reader and the Sweeper. There was a hint of disbelief in her eyes, and perhaps, a tinge of incredulity.

“Really, now. You’re not nailing me for the Nekolain stuff yet? Are you two for real?”

“You’ve been eluding the topic the entire time. If you’re not gonna tell me about it, you might as well show me,” Kuroiwa scoffed. “Besides, I already said. Your criminal activities aren’t my jurisdiction. Couldn’t be assed about what you do in your spare time.”

Shiyuri, in a fit of confusion, turned to Chigusa and asked her in a hurried tone: “And you, Code Reader? Are you not bothered with this development?”

Chigusa shook her head and smiled. “I thought I would be, but… I truly do want to see Colony Tau,” she said in an excited voice. “You see, I’ve always had an interest in the ways of old human culture; But records in the cyberbrain are mostly of objective truths, and none detailing the soul of old living in a subjective sense.”

Still bewildered, Shiyuri then turned back to Kuroiwa. “And you’re not blackmailing me?”

“Blackmailing?” wondered Kuroiwa.

“You know, something like ‘if you don’t comply I’ll turn you in to the authorities’,” she said in a deep tone imitating Kuroiwa. “Have some social responsibility, you clod.”

“The hell? That’s the absolute last thing I want to hear from you.”

“If I were with anyone else, I would’ve been destroyed hours ago. And yet both of you are acting like we’re suddenly friends and all?”

“Does it bother you?”

“Yes, it does!”

Kuroiwa laughed, then shrugged, making his resignation clear. “Don’t get the wrong idea. You’re not a friend. You just mentioned Colony Tau, and I thought I’d treat you a little nicer in turn,” he turned to Chigusa and asked her, “I don’t suppose that’s a problem for you, right?”

Chigusa stepped forward towards Shiyuri and nodded. “Not at all. It would be best to put a criminal to justice, but I am willing to wait a bit longer to sate my curiosity.”

“Right…” Shiyuri said, narrowing her eyes. “So I’m a benefactor now. Not a prisoner nor a friend.”

“Never thought about it,” responded Kuroiwa. “But sure. ‘Benefactor’. Let’s go with that.”

Shiyuri began to chuckle, erupting into a laugh thereafter.

“Hah… am I really the luckiest person in Neo Shibuya? To end up with the most docile citizens in the city, even in the custody of two perfectly capable captors?”

Kuroiwa sighed while glancing at the rising sun to the east. “Fine, fine. You can keep your megalomaniac act later again,” he said while peeking at his wristwatch. “But if we don’t go soon, you really will end up in the slammer when security rolls in.”

“Or worse.”, Chigusa added.

“So make your choice.”

Shiyuri’s laughter ceased and shot both Kuroiwa and Shiyuri a deep, serious gaze—a stark contrast to her contemptuous usual self.

“Okay. I guess I do owe you.”

“Hmm?”

“For… for keeping me alive this long,” Shiyuri shook her head. “And for not ratting me out to the cops. So… thank you.”

Kuroiwa and Chigusa smiled, then looked at each other with an approving gaze. They were in accord and were satisfied how this turned out. That a criminal would be key to leading them closer to a much awaited goal—one who wished to meet people closer to his kind, and one simply with a burning desire to know more about real humanity.

“So, what’s the plan?”

Shiyuri stroked her lips briefly, and immediately declared her intent.

“I’ll be giving you an address; That’s my place. Meet me there at four in the afternoon. I’ll try to contact Colony Tau before I try anything. If I can, that is.”

“Not just any place, but your address?” said Kuroiwa, intrigued with her course of action. “Pretty sensitive info you’re giving us here. You sure about this?”

“You can think it’s a trap if you want. You don’t need to trust me, but I’m trusting you with this,” replied Shiyuri with a bit of upsetness in her voice. “Think of it as our covenant that we won’t try to screw each other over.”

It was a risk that Kuroiwa was willing to take, and even he thought to himself that trusting Nekolain, of all people, over such critical information would only lead to his downfall. But if there was any chance—no matter how small—that he could see a true, live human being again…

He’ll take it.

Besides, Shiyuri did get him free food.. That counted as something for him.

“Sounds good to me.”

Shiyuri tapped the side of her head and squinted.

“Oh, and Sensei?

You might wanna bring your guns.”