I am a moron.

In the awkward silence I took a moment to process what I could infer from the appearance of the two before me. Kevin was over thirty years old, Hiro, on the other hand, looked slightly younger than me. Her face looked healthily round, despite her arms and stature looking as thin as mine. Kevin had much more muscle than me. He probably exercised a plenty. But both of them were sunburnt, especially on the face.

‘Before you teach me signs, could you explain me some things? Firstly, why do so many of us have mechanical prostheses?’ My attempt of changing the subject could have sound desperate, but I really wanted to know some things. Kevin obliged:

‘Well, partly it’s because of absence of good medicine. Even here we have a couple of doctors who were trained well by those who came from Earth, but there is only so much they can do without the plant extracts and various chemicals. We do grow opium poppies and cannabis for treating pain, but only in very small quantities, or we wouldn’t be able to grow enough food. But mainly it’s because of fights outside. With Crimson Vanguard, and other scoundrels assaulting travellers, there are plenty. And if you hadn’t experienced that after losing your memory, if your suit is pierced, you need to use a tourniquet as fast as you can, or you will run out of air and die. However, often you pay the price of losing a limb for surviving, because you need to reach a safe space with the damn thing on for the entire way.’

‘Although you probably lost your fingers in a skirmish inside the domes, which are rare. Because I can’t imagine it that you would get your gauntlet pierced exactly on your middle and ring fingers. As for your left thigh… that’s almost definitely from outdoor combat. So you have had your fair share of fights. But hey, so did we. Although I was lucky to live unscathed.’ said Hiro.

‘You were indeed lucky, but you also were in less fights than me.’

‘I have another question. Why do we all use such space suits? At the dome I was at I had found an old school white space suit, with a glass helmet. Why not use those?’

‘Those require many very rare components, such as batteries. Even glass is problematic in acquisition. So their reparation quickly became unsustainable. And we, the population of Mars, back in 2054, got lucky. At some of the biggest settlements, including the most populated – Arcadia, were huge cargoes of Kevlar, and some compounds that could be used to make it airtight and others that were transparent and could be used for the front of the sack-helmet. They were shipped there years prior for future construction, but, of course, plans changed drastically. Tens of thousands of such suits as we have now were made. They are really tough, but polearms are strong enough to pierce them, and even if you don’t get wounded, the duct tape has been almost fully used up by now. So your only chance of stopping the air from leaking is a tourniquet, and that also stops blood flow, not to mention that the blood in the affected limb starts to boil from the extremely low pressure. The pain is crushing. Even though the suits served us so well, for so long, there is a looming crisis regarding them. As the life expectancy is many decades lower on Mars now, than it was on Earth in its latest times, all of the geniuses that were able to make these suits, which do not require almost any electricity, except for the carbon dioxide valve part of the sack-helmet, are long dead. But also, by now, the resources that were used to make them are very limited.’ said Hiro.

‘We expect that in the next thirty years, because of this, mankind on Mars might get isolated for good in its settlements.’ Kevin sounded very grim as he said that.

‘What is the life expectancy now, and has it shrunk that much because of the lack of medicine?’

‘Slightly more than fifty, for women. A bit less, for men. Not only because of that, but also because of the toxicity of Martian dust. Which is one of the main reasons why the hydroponic farms are completely closed off inside their own glass tanks. …Any other questions?’ said Hiro.

‘I can’t think of any more from the top of my head.’

‘Then let’s start with the signs. It will take a while, there are many that you need to know.’

I studied the sign language, albeit they almost exclusively taught me the ones that could be crucial to know on the trip. So signs which expressed things like “I have a hole in my suit”, “I am getting weak”, “I am running out of air”, “come speak with me”, “I saw someone”, et cetera.

While I wholeheartedly expected to have no problems whatsoever in remembering those signs as we studied them, as I had to have known them before, it still took a while to memorize them. So much so, that they agreed to tell me about themselves tomorrow, as it was so late already. At least in our biological timeframes. I had a hard time falling asleep. So many things filled my mind. I was happy that I was making progress in befriending those two. I decided that I would come clean about everything when we reached the dome I woke up in.

The next day everything went well. They did not inspect the suit I came in, but Hiro did ask to see what was in my bag. She confirmed that scrap was used as a currency, although since no two pieces of scrap are the same, their value is appreciated on the spot, rather than set as something certain per weight for example. She also showed me how to use a machine they had to refill the air tanks. That was worrying as Hiro almost saw the revolver. Later she and Kevin told me about themselves. They were cousins. I was pretty accurate with my assumptions of their age. Kevin said that he lost his leg two years ago, when they crossed paths with two Crimson Vanguards. He said they have red paint markings on their helmets and suits, so it’s easy to tell. And despite having more people, one of his relatives died that fight, his father, not to mention that two others, besides him were hit and got their suits pierced. After the battle, they took off the Crimson Vanguards’ suits and looted their bodies. The opponents had practically nothing. So in the end, this encounter had given nothing of value, while also taking the life of his father, and his leg. Such idiocy greatly angered him, as “just how much easier would the life be on Mars, if there were no such scum as them”. Hiro took part in that fight, but survived unscathed. Other fights they have been in, which were years apart, they had even bigger number advantages, so they were the ones attacking the hunters, not vice versa.

Both Kevin and Hiro knew well how to use spears and javelins, and said that if I proved to be trustworthy, they would teach me as well. I contemplated telling them about the revolver then, but… I didn’t. As cowardly as it would be, I would rather do that when I wouldn’t have to think about other people’s involvement. Besides that, time flew by. All the way until another bottleneck. As much progress I was making in being mentally stable, once again I had to face a situation that could unmake the entirety of that progress in a moment. And once again I would have to throw dice. It was finally evening. I had to put on my suit, and hide the revolver in the process.

I hid it in the bag. If we encountered anyone it wouldn’t be as convenient to pull out, but at least, I could be confident that they wouldn’t randomly see it. We left the Compor settlement, and headed directly to the place I pointed to on the map. They still didn’t trust me to hold a weapon. As I now noticed, Hiro had javelins on her back all that time, the bag with them blended in with the suit so I didn’t make it out the last time, even though I had to look at Hiro’s back for hours during that trip. This time the two walked in a different manner, and actually hopped around for some parts, same as I did before – when the ground allowed it. Not seeing it was annoying, yet familiar. Same as the last time. In darkness we left, but in darkness we wouldn’t come. As the place was far enough that it would be morning by the time we arrived. And that turned out to be crucial.

There were three people near the dome. The distance between us was large enough so that we weren’t able to see whether they had red symbols over their suits and helmets. But they saw us too, and started charging. Kevin tapped my shoulder and gave me his spear. Hiro tossed him the bag with her javelins. He started throwing them, even though there was more than a hundred metre distance to the attackers. I got my bag in front of me. It didn’t take them long to come, but I also had held the revolver by now. I made two shots. Each resonated through my suit. Both hit. I was very accurate. Hiro and Kevin, of course, didn’t hear anything, but they saw the hunters, which were close enough by now, so that we could clearly see the red marks, suddenly fall down. The third one stopped for a second, because he saw his teammate get shot, something probably greatly outlandish as I now understood. Because he paused, mid fight, to look, and that was enough for Kevin to land a javelin into his shoulder. Unlike a gunshot wound, that wasn’t enough to drop him, but now he would move much less efficiently and would lose in a melee fight. Hiro gave me the signal to come attack as she ran ahead. The last raider jumped up so high his feet were at Hiro’s height, to dodge another Kevin’s javelin. Mid-flight he flipped his spear with the hand that wasn’t injured and threw it at me, and using it as propulsion he evaded another projectile, while I got hit into my left calf and that caused me to stumble and fall. The bastard’s acrobatics didn’t save him though, after all now that he had nothing to block with, Hiro could easily pierce his chest with the crow’s beak. Which she did. But he did get me, namely my mechanical prosthesis of a left leg. I was losing air quick, feeling the strong effects of low pressure, and panicking. I barely stood up.

After such a quiet battle, the hissing rush of air combined with a my ears clicking in pain was a deathly terrifying cacophony. I noticed that Kevin was rushing to me. I put the revolver back in my bag and dropped it, then I quickly used the sign to tell Kevin that my suit had a hole and pointed to it, losing breath. He quickly got a tourniquet out and put it on my left leg, while I was helplessly frozen in place by sheer shock. The sound mostly stopped, and yet I was still recovering. Kevin shook me up and pointed to the dome, I started running.

Adrenaline pumping, I got to the door and barely was able to press the right buttons to depressurize the exit chamber. Even in this situation I had to wait until the procedure was complete. Losing my mind, standing pressed against the door I yanked it, the moment it was ready. Kevin went in with me, closed the door, and started pressurization. Hiro’s suit was fine, so she could wait, as for me, the situation could be different, so there was no reason to wait for her. The green light confirmed that the room now was at Earth’s pressure. Kevin took off his helmet and then mine, while I was tugging at the tourniquet.

‘WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!’ Kevin thrust his finger into my chest and continued ‘You said, you had no other weapons. A fucking firearm! Do you know how rare those are! You have a lot to explain.’

Kevin undid the tourniquet and dragged me out of the exit chamber. Then closed the door and took my bag. I had no will to resist. Shortly after, I heard a familiar thumping sound. Then depressurization again. In the meantime Kevin brought me a chair.

‘Sit the fuck down. Wait for Hiro.’

A short while later, she entered, and Kevin started shouting in the language that I didn’t know. I forgot to ask for its name. But what would be the point though. Not as if that would help me understand them, or that I would recognize the ethnicity behind it.

‘No. We will talk in English, so he understands us.’ said Hiro, but Kevin ignored that and repugnantly blurted out something.

‘By using that thing he saved my fucking life! Kevin, we had very little chance of beating three Crimson Vanguards without any of us three dying. He had no memory of combat, if he hesitated, I would probably be the first one to fall.’ Kevin still refused to talk in English.

‘Would you not lie in his situation? He knows nothing of this world! And if he told us, we would have taken that gun, and who knows if we’d bring it with us on this trip. We have to ask him to tell the full story now. As much as he showed us that he is ready to fight beside us, we earned his trust by fighting beside him. Right, Indra?’

‘Yes. I’ll tell you everything. And there is a lot.’ At this point I was mentally broken. I was ready to spill all of the secrets, down to what I thought when I saw everything.

‘Suuure. It’s not like he can lie this time too. Right, Indra?’ Kevin finally spoke in English.

‘No. I am going to come clean. By the gravity of what I will tell it will be clear that I would have left nothing out.’

‘Then go ahead!’

All of us were hungry, sweaty, exhausted and in need of a toilet break. And yet they were so preoccupied with me, that everything else was secondary. This was the interrogation. My life was in their hands. As without a doubt, even Hiro, could get disgusted with me after she learned the truth.

‘Then-’ my voice trembled, even though I was a grown-ass man ‘There are three more corpses outside, in the big bag, beside the exit.’

‘What?’ Hiro didn’t expect this.

‘Surely you feel the smell. Of blood. In truth I woke up before a corpse of a Crimson Vanguard with my revolver in hand. The blunt side of the crow’s beak you bear was dripping with blood from my head. But he bled out. From the bullet hole in his chest. I came to the conclusion that the concussion afflicted upon me by him in his last moments, led to my amnesia. Two others also were killed before I woke up. I am sure, that it was by my hand, as both had gunshot wounds. Even the original inhabitant of this place. A girl that was stuck here, because she had no working suits. The first thing I did, was dragging out the corpses, and cleaning off the blood. I couldn’t clear out all the crevices though. That’s why the haunting smell remains.’

‘You have killed many people.’ said Kevin.

‘I know. I can’t come to terms with that, even though I have no memory of it.’

‘No. You don’t know shit. You didn’t miss, from fifty metres. I truly doubt that it was sheer luck. You see we don’t have ammo to practice with on Mars. Not in the last few decades at the very least. We don’t even have guns, as they were exclusively smuggled in, which was far from commonplace, or easy. You killed way more people than you think. To get that good, you had to have shot at least a few dozen people. And that’s if you learn very quickly. Which is, debatable.’

I did not realize this. I felt like a complete moron. I was very accurate. That was no understatement. I could find no flaw in Kevin’s logic. Firearms were even rarer than I thought.

‘Is there nothing else left to say?’ Kevin wouldn’t let me off the hook yet. Barely being able to collect my thoughts together I started talking with an even more pathetic voice than before.

‘I saw some scary files on the computer. And I deleted them, be-’

‘You did what?’ this time it was Hiro who was floored with my stupidity.

‘They were about nuclear weaponry, in detail. I did read up beforehand on what fate befell Earth… and I couldn’t sit right with the forbidden knowledge remaining here, in this god forsaken dome.’

‘If that’s what it was… its fine.’ Hiro calmed down. Her face however, was still that of a person with broken expectations. Disappointed in me.

‘There also were files about nuclear energy, gardening, repair, but I didn’t delete them.’

‘Nuclear energy? Hiro, we need to find the reason why this damned place stands here. A tiny dome in the middle of nowhere. There has to me something.’

‘Can it be that the Crimson Vanguard came here for the files about the nukes? Or the nuclear reactor?’ Hiro asked Kevin.

‘Not nukes. There is no, at least discovered, plutonium on Mars. Not to mention, that the facilities required to make them are unachievable even for the Crimson Vanguard. If I am not mistaken, the same goes for the nuclear reactor. To make it, they would need Earth’s industrial power in their possesion. However, I could be wrong. It could be that they aimed for whatever is the purpose of this place. We need to figure it out. You got nothing more to say?’ Kevin looked at me, frowning.

‘I can’t think of anything else.’

‘Then lets eat, shit and sleep. But, Indra, I don’t intend on giving you this gun back. Not until you proven yourself to me. Which won’t happen any time soon, so get to work.’