Don’t Be a Hero

It was clear that Mr. Li and Heixin and Miss Zhang were no longer safe, now that King Zhang and his army were in town. He decided that he would try to take out King Zhang and put an end to the war. This was a game of chess ♟.

The king was reported to be staying at a fancy hotel in town. Mr. Li’s plan was to sneak into the hotel and have a final duel with the king himself.

For a few days, Mr. Li went out to perform reconnaissance and spy on King Zhang and his soldiers, in order to observe their daily patterns and activities. Mr. Li would wear a wig to hide his identity.

Sometimes, Mr. Li would have Heixin do the same for him, since she was less likely to be suspected as a potential threat. After these few days passed, Mr. Li was ready and he told his plan to Heixin and Miss Zhang.

“Okay, Heixin I want you to distract the guards at the front of the hotel. Throw something at them, call them a funny name and then run”, explained Mr. Li.

“好啊”, said Heixin.

(Okay, yes sir!)

“Miss Zhang... I want you to distract the soldiers inside with uhhh...”

“My good looks!”, exclaimed Miss Zhang.

“Errr... no. Just ask for help with finding the bathroom or something. Then, I will knock them out. I will take care of the other guards too”, corrected Mr. Li, which caused Miss Zhang to feel a little agitated.

The clock read 十九点 (7 PM). The sky had a half of moon and it was dark outside. Lanterns and lights lit up the streets and walkways.

Mr. Li did not have his old armor, but he was able to create new armor (vest) made out of bamboo, over the past few days. It was lightweight and strong, however, it only mainly protected from slashes and was not good for preventing punctures or stabbings.

The trio moved out. Just as planned, Heixin threw some rocks at the guards and called them funny names.

“你们是大便头!”, yelled Heixin.

(You are poop heads!)

The guards began to chase after her.

General Li and Miss Zhang snuck into the hotel’s front yard. General Li snuck in through a window, while Miss Zhang went inside from the front.

“对不起先生，厕所在哪里? 您可以表示我怎么去厕所吗?”

(Excuse me, but can you show me where the bathroom is?)

“我可以，漂亮的小姐”, replied the soldier.

(I may, pretty young lady)

The soldier took the lead and showed Miss Zhang where the bathroom was. That is when General Li snuck up from behind and grabbed the soldier from the neck from behind and held him until the soldier was knocked out.

He then placed the soldier on top of the toilet in the stall, as if he was pooping.

General Li then made his way to King Zhang’s room. General Li kicked the doors open, where he saw King Zhang and his beautiful new queen, Xiaoxin Mao (小新 猫). The room was greatly vast and was adorned with expensive materials.

“I, General Li, of South Country, have come to end this war. Surrender now, King Zhang!”, demanded General Li.

“No, Xiaoxin... step back. I will take care of this. I want an honorable battle”, demanded King Zhang.

It was the final showdown. General Li was ready to face off with King Zhang. The General and the King swung their swords at each other. General Li’s sword was abused and rusted.

As a result, his sword began to crack. On the other hand, King Zhang’s sword was brand new, shiny and looked so sharp that it could even cut hairs in two.

“哈! 你有没有一个问题李将军?”, taunted King Zhang.

(Hah! Is there a problem, General Li? )

“没有，没有”, replied General Li.

(No, no problems at all)

Miss Zhang appeared and she began to watch the fight from outside the doorway. The two clashed and clashed again. General Li was surprised that King Zhang was such a skilled fighter. The king must have been trained in the art of combat as a teenager.

However, General Li was a general and he therefore had more experience. He made a feint attack and pretended that he would swing his sword at King Zhang’s right side. Then, General Li swung at King Zhang’s left side as quickly as he could.

King Zhang was still able to block this attack, however barely.

“阿。。。张国王，您很好”, complimented General Li.

(Ah... King Zhang, you are very good)

“谢谢你”, replied the King.

(Why, thank you)

King Zhang was breathing heavy at this point. He exerted a considerable amount of energy to block that last attack.

“But, let’s see if you can keep up with me”, said the General.

The general attacked relentlessly and changed the pattern of his swings over and over again, which made it hard for the king to keep up.

King Zhang was almost out of breath and he became much more tired and worn out.

“哈! 您有没有一个问题张国王? 😏”

(Ah! Is there a problem, King Zhang?)

“Tch...”, replied the king.

King Zhang went in for one last quick swing, however, General Li was able to block it and counter. General Li was able to land a hit.

King Zhang kneeled down in defeat. Miss Zhang then walked over to the two men.

“Sorry... But I am with him now!”, shouted Miss Zhang, as she wrapped her arms around General Li and looked back at her former king. Her eyes appears to glow a demonic red.

General Li felt happy. He would be a hero for ending this dreadful war and he would get the beautiful woman in the end. Maybe he and Miss Zhang would return to Choushi (丑市) with Heixin and be a somewhat normal family.

*Stab*

“Aghhh!!”, screamed General Li, as he staggered and fell closer to the ground and was in sheer pain.

To his surprise, it was Miss Zhang who had stabbed him. Although he was in immense pain, General Li tried to pull the sword out.

“RHHN...” General Li took a couple of breaths. He looked at Queen Zhang in her eyes, who was standing next to King Zhang.

“为什么。。。？”

(Why...?)

“I’m sorry” apologized Queen Zhang.

“I... I see.”

Miss Zhang walked over to the new queen and swiped her crown off her head.

“I will be taking this back. You may become a lowly maid”, offered Queen Zhang.

It seems like General Li wanted to be Queen Zhang’s knight in shining armor. But in reality, this time, she only feigned her weakness in order to get what she wanted. Why live as a commoner, when you can live as a queen?

After about 42 minutes, men from King Zhang’s army arrived. They had captured a young girl.

Heixin entered the room and she froze in fear and disbelief. She was shocked that General Li was defeated. She could not move, but the dying General Li noticed her presence. One last time, General Li gave Heixin a smile. It was a smile filed with sorrow, happiness and comfort.

General Li was glad that at least Heixin was okay. General Li laid there on the ground. He closed his eyes and rested on his back, which was damp with blood. The guards were ordered to take him to a doctor and to prison, but there was no need. This was the tragic death of the nice general.