Chapter 12:

E: The Midnight Mirror

The Devil I Know

The room is dark. Water runs from the faucet, spilling into the sink. I need the sound. I splash cold water on my face. Bracing at its impact. I look in the mirror. A dark room is different from the darkness of the outside. City streetlights, suburban houselights, the stars in the night sky. They all cast light upon their surroundings. Even if only slightly. Enclosed darkness is entirely different. Trapped between walls and ceilings, the dark stretches on forever. Black as pitch.

My name is Evi. And I am a liar.

When you stare long enough into a darkened mirror, your reflection begins to distort. The black silhouette of your shadowed likeness doesn’t provide enough stimulation. So your brain begins to hallucinate. Twisting and mangling your form.

Making a monster out of you.

Here. In the dark. Two long white horns jut out of my skull. One of them is broken. I almost move to touch it, but recoil at the thought.

Red eyes. Here. Still visible. Unclouded by the surrounding gloom.

Piercing.

If she could reach out of that mirror she’d strangle me. Pull herself out from the inside and emerge newly birthed into the world. I touch a finger to the glass. It is smooth and cold. This finger against hers.

For a second I feel it.

Flesh against flesh.

The hatred she holds.

Boiling and bursting, churning like bile in my stomach.

I close my eyes.

I feel her hand grasp mine.

Two now.

Three.

Four.

Five. Six. Seven.

Climbing up my arms and grabbing at my body.

Her grip is clammy. Unkind.

Unnaturally strong.

I shudder.

Upwards now.

Clasping at my shoulders.

Tightening around my neck.

Pawing at my eyelids.

I can tell.

Her face is barely a hair away from mine.

I feel her breath upon my skin.

I grit my teeth.

I let go.

She reaches toward my broken horn.

My eyes snap open.

I am alone.

Here.

In the dark.

My reflection stares back at me.

I practice a smile.

It falls off my face.

That’s fine.

It looked unnatural anyways. Wrong. Forced. Constructed. A portrait drawn by someone who’d only ever heard a secondhand description of the concept.

That’s about all I deserve anyways.

I closed the tap and grabbed a towel from the rack to dry off my face. It was midnight now. Or slightly past it, thereabouts.

Aunt Nakamura had given me full run of the guest room in her apartment. It even had its own separate bathroom. It was nice. She was always nice.

Yeah.

She was sleeping now. Got back late, but brought food with her. We ate together. Her hair tied up in a loose bun that still couldn’t catch all the stray strands that would occasionally drift around her head. There was always a hint of tiredness to her. Understandable, considering.

We did the dishes together and made idle small talk about the day. She was glad to see me adjusting well. I was glad too.

Unopened cardboard boxes dotted the room.

I still needed to finish unpacking.

…

I should go to bed.

It’s late. I can unpack later.

Even with the lights off, navigation was no problem.

I flopped down on top of the mattress. No blanket required.

Since the horns grew in, I always had to slide a little lower down on beds than I preferred, or else they’d get caught on the headboard. Or the wall. A minor annoyance really, but still. It was annoying.

Thankfully this bed was long enough that my feet weren’t left dangling off the edge. I wonder if she did that on purpose?

Probably not, right? This was her guest room. It’s not for me. It’s for any guest. Probably.

Staring at the ceiling, there was barely any difference between having my eyes open or closed. I wondered if this is what nonexistence feels like? Quiet. Unbothered. Peaceful, almost. No. It wouldn’t feel like anything, would it?

I lifted my left arm up, reaching deep into the vast emptiness.

Un-focusing my eyes, the outstretched limb began to blur into the void. Dissipating into the collective darkness. Merging with the nothing that surrounded everything. The nothing that was everything.

When I was a kid, I was scared of the dark.

Then one day, I realized what actually scared me were the creatures that hid inside that darkness.

And then I learned that I could hide too.

…

But even now…

I’m still scared.

My arm dropped back onto the bed with a loud thump. Organic and material. A hunk of flesh just like the rest of me.

It’s only a matter of time. Everyone will know.

No matter how much I try to hide it.

Eventually it will come out.

It won’t be better this time.

Why would it be?

…

Hmm?

A light.

My phone.

I reached over to pick it up.

Rin: Hey Evi, sorry! I know it’s late. I just wanted to send you this cute video I found! I don’t know if it’s weird to message you like this so soon, let me know if it’s too much! I don’t want to be like, too clingy or whatever.

Rin: Okay. That may have been too many exclamation points. I meant to convey lightness of tone, but that might have been overkill. I don’t usually message many people. Basically just my mother. So...

Rin: You don’t have to respond to this right now, by the way.

Rin: But you can if you want. No pressure though.

Rin: Ha ha.

Rin: Okay, wow, yeah, I’m sorry. That was too much.

Rin: Goodnight!

I chuckled.

She is such a cute little dork.

I played the video.

It was a tiny albino rabbit chewing on some lettuce then falling asleep.

White with red eyes.

I messaged back.

Me: Not going to lie, that’s p cute.

Rin: I know right? It’s adorable!

Rin: Oh, and hello! (￣▽￣)ノ

Me: Hey.

Me: You’re up pretty late.

Rin: I can be a bit of a night owl, ha ha.

Me: No judgment here.

Rin: Thanks.

Me: You doing anything right now?

Rin: Not really, I was probably going to go to bed soon. It is a school night after all. I was actually going to message you earlier… but I kept putting it off because I was worried about it being too soon since we last spoke. He he.

Rin: Oh no! I hope I didn’t wake you up!

Me: You didn’t. You’re good.

I thought for a moment.

Me: And you didn’t bother me either. Honestly, I think I needed this.

Rin: Thank you! And I know right! That bun is the cutest! ＼(≧▽≦)／

Me: Haha, yeah.

Me: Goodnight Rin.

Rin: Goodnight, Evi.

Rin: (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

I sat up and connected my phone to its charger.

Then lay back down on the bed.

Earlier, Rin had mentioned noticing something strange happen on the train.