Tuesday, 4/16/2216

Work dragged on and on as my thoughts spiraled. I was nervous about many things, like Ontivia coming over tomorrow, but the anxious thoughts mainly focused on the job offer.

“I’m deadass. You can’t load shock as a government employee.” Seitaro had said.

“I’m… I won’t.”

“Bro, there’s no resolve there. I can tell just looking at you.”

“I won’t!” I had said, more forcefully. Seitaro had laughed at that.

“It’s all good, Im not the morality police. Or the drug police. I’m just telling you they screen for it and will suspend you right away.”

I would be lying if I said that didn’t scare me. I had never heard of anyone who came back from suspension.

Main menu, select brain, select pre-loadouts, scroll to ‘confidence’, select yes.

I’ll be ok though. It’s not like I need shock. Having a government paycheck and benefits would surely make me happy enough without it. All I had to give my two weeks notice to ChingWei so…

That made me nervous too.

EarthGov: Thank you for your testimony. We value your assistance.

Caliber Mechanics Internal Alert: A terrorist action has been detected at 87 Marshall Street, North Adams, Massachusetts, 01247, designation: CMNA Plant. Subscribe for updates and alerts?

Select yes.

Oh wow!

Before I could contact ChingWei he group messaged me and the others working under him.

“Don’t go overboard now, they just hit a truck leaving the plant.” He said.

“Was it HU?” YC:2190:MO;CM:996 asked.

“Don’t speculate.” ChingWei responded.

“It was definitely the empty chassis shipment, I just sent it out 20 minutes ago.” GB:2182:MO;CM:991 said, making sure ChingWei knew she was working. Suck up. I was the one who had manufactured them (sort of) but you don’t see me bragging.

“I’m in contact with Peace Officers on the scene. They are classifying the targets and goals of terror attacks as part of the war effort. Tell no one or you could be suspended.”

“I’m glad those Eddy sympathizers didn’t hit anything important at least. They’ll regret it soon enough.” YC:2190:MO;CM:996 said, patriotic fervor clear through the message.

“Don’t call them that, not to me, that’s unprofessional. Whether Edison or Martian or whatever, they’re people.” ChingWei responded to his use of the slur.

“I’m so sorry sir. I will never say it again.”

Serves you right, asshole. Not that I cared. I just didn’t like the guy.

“Anyway, in the off chance that press contacts you, the target is classified, tell no one what was on that truck. If it happens again, assume that it’s all classified. Now get back to work.”

. . .

“A little excitement today!” Ami said after work was over.

“Yeah.” I said absentmindedly, “I guess the martian sleeper agents are real.”

“Do you think it’s really HU?” Ami asked, innocently.

“Ami, she’s my friend and she’s staying here, I don’t care!” She was really pushing the Ontivia, HU connection. “And no! I don’t think it was them. I don’t think they’re all that bad actually.”

Not that I knew. I was just irritated. And worried. Ontivia really could get suspended. If Seitaro found out about her he might do it himself. It was overwhelming. The ongoing alerts had indeed placed the blame on HU terrorists, and the news confirmed that another cell had been rounded up after they struck ‘high level military targets’. I knew that wasn’t true, but what could I do? The media had civilian optical footage of the truck burning on the road and was running with the traitors amongst us narrative.

“Anyway, be quiet, I have to call ChingWei.”

He picked up immediately. The projection showed him sitting in front of his desk in his worn out chair, less agitated than I expected, but agitated nonetheless.

“Kriss, I can’t believe the amount of paperwork and NDAs involved here, it’s a nightmare. And they’re trying to say—” he looked up at me. “You look like hell boy.”

“I, uhhh, yeah.”

He sat back in his chair. “Well, I can’t believe that it’s this business that’s gotten to you, what’s on your mind?”

What a nice guy!

“Well, um…” I started, unsure what to say.

Then, something happened. I don’t know why, I couldn’t explain it if my life depended on it, but I began telling him.

"I have a friend—“

“Good for you!”

“Yeah, thanks. She’s in the city and…” at no point did I intend to tell him this but once I started talking I couldn’t keep the words in. This was a conversation I couldn’t have with anyone else except Ami, and I needed a different perspective. That or I guess I really just needed to talk.

He listened patiently while I babbled. When the embarrassment of spilling these personal problems on my boss finally caught up and shut my mouth, he spoke.

“I see. You have two friends who want to kill each other and you can’t let them know about the other.” He summarized.

“Yeah and, the government one, do you remember Seitaro? You might have met him back in the day.”

For a moment I thought I saw darkness flash across his face, but it was gone as quickly as it came. He thought a moment before speaking.

“Listen son, if your friend has humanist proclivities, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be her friend. She might just have a different perspective, and you can learn from that. And know that friends are hard to come by, and it takes all sorts.”

That caught me off guard. I didn’t expect him to tell me to kick her to the curb, but I did expect him to caution me against her terrorist ways.

“But, what could I… they did the, today… w-what if she… what if they…” I said, both audibly and visually confused.

“Your father would’ve been firmly in the HU camp.” He said suddenly.

“Whuhh?” Was all I could manage. How am I supposed to respond to that?

“Your mother too, though she always did her best to hide it. They had a real optimist/ pessimist thing going, it was hilarious when they got into it.”

His smile was lifeless, his eyes were empty. I could tell it wasn’t a happy memory for him, no matter how he disguised it.

“Why did I never hear about any of this?” I asked, anger bubbling up to replace the anxiety. "It’s not like I was a stupid kid anymore. I was 27 when dad, well, did what he did. Neither of them ever told me anything!”

“That… was your mother’s idea.” ChingWei sighed. “And don’t you say a word about her, she was right! They were being… they were being watched Kriss, they knew it, I knew it. She wanted a normal life for you is all it was.”

“Who was watching?”

“Don’t be stupid! Everyone watches!” He said, exasperated. “They even suspected me at one point. Can’t blame ‘em. The world is a panopticon boy, we’re all watching each other all the time. If they—”

He paused and looked around what I’m sure was just his empty living room. After a moment, he started again nervously and perhaps even a little bit scared.

“These are conversations best had face to face.”

“We are face to face.”

“Jesus, you know what I mean!”

I did. I was just being difficult. It hurt me that I had to hear about my own parents from someone else.

“We’ll get a beer on Friday. I’ll tell you about your dad then.” He said with finality.

“Ok.”

“Try and sleep,” he said, sighing again, “you look even more miserable than usual.”

“Ok.”

He looked at me as if he had something else to say, but then just nodded, looked down, and ended the call.

I sat in silence for a moment, trying to process all the things I had heard and experienced recently. I didn’t even tell him about the job offer.

“You ok?” Ami asked.

I nodded but I felt heavy and hollow inside. Maybe I didn’t know my parents at all.

“Fucking,” my voice cracked. “Fucking fuck, ughhhh.” I clenched my fists and bit my cheek to suppress the tears.

I stand up without a word and march robotically into the bedroom. I pick up the ‘sleep aid’ and jam it into my shoulder.

Select plug-in. Run program? Select yes.

KB:2178:MO;CM:994 SLEEP

Hard drive, select CORPORATE RULES OF ENGAGEMENT, select Chapter 9, run program? Select yes.

You and mom and dad are watching a basketball game on the living room monitor, together, with your eyes, like a family. Seitaro and K are on one team and ChingWei and Ontivia are on another. Dad points at the screen and leans over. “The result of our collective success.” He says. Ami places a tray of coffee and cookies on your living room table. There are 7 cups, one for everyone, and everyone picks one up. You all drink together and put the cups down in unison. You don’t speak, but you hum happily at each other. Through the hums you make plans and arrangements, you talk about school and work, you discuss media and the weather. One by one, they finish their coffee until only you and K remain. “Divided we beg.” She says, softly. “Hmmm?” You hum, lying down in bed. She takes your hand as you try to fall asleep. “They got me.” She says sweetly and disappears. You sink into your childhood bed and fall through an infinite expanse of friendly and warm space.