Drowning in Weightlessness

Strolling out of the maid cafe, I pull out my phone and start to ring Koi.

There is just…

Aaah!

So much I want to say.

So much I want to know.

For now though, there’s just something I have to do.

The touch of the receiver to my ear is cold, it’s the sort of thing that might be a shock to my senses for a second if I wasn’t utterly preoccupied with my current circumstance.

I have to tell her. I have to tell her.

After moments of ringing, the dial tone goes flat.

As flat as Mayu’s rival magical girl vtuber from Kawaii Angels.

Thinking about it more and more, that magical girl reminds me of Sakura in so many ways.

To be honest, I don’t know if I’m down bad as hell or actually onto something…

Everyone’s a vtuber.

Sounds like the title of a manga.

The Whole of Humanity Has Gone VTuber Except For Me!

These delusions distract me for a moment, but in the end that is all they are - delusions. I’m not even sure one person I know is a VTuber, let alone multiple.

Mayu.

The inexplicable vtuber that has captured my wallet for as long as I care to remember. Keep in mind, that’s just as long as I care to remember.

I probably could remember further back if I tried.

She has my heart, but now, she’s also my number one suspect for being Koi.

Wait.

That’s probably the wrong way around.

Maybe Koi is my number one suspect for being Mayu - it’s just the thing is, I have no other suspects and to be honest, I’ve never bothered to even think about who she could be.

Not because it’s hard or I could never succeed, but because I don’t care. Mayu is the demonic magical girl that lives inside my computer screen.

That is enough for me.

Whatever magical deity or entity controls her is of little concern to me; if the creator of that character wanted me to know who she was, then that would be another story - but she doesn’t and I have no interest.

What I pertain interest to, is Koi - I want to know more about her.

My heart thumps as I feel a rush of chemicals enter my brain and transform it into mush.

This is an illness!

The uncanny impressions, the similar schedule, the elusive workplace, her distant connection with the fandom and most of all, what Sakura said.

I’m one too.

Grasping the phone in my hand, I begin to go over to the contact of said gyaru brat, but as my finger lies over the call button, I stop.

Swiping away the application entirely and opening up Mayu’s stream instead, my eyes bring me deeper into my revelation, or drag me further into my delusion.

The jury is still out on that one.

Remembering back to the first time I’d tried to call Koi, the situation seemed eerily similar.

No response.

Mayu’s streaming.

One part of my brain is considering this a confirmation of my suspicion, but another, much smaller part, is reminding me that this might also be consistent with her being a mega fan like I had initially imagined.

Only one way to find out.

As I call Koi again, my breath - previously assaulted by ongoing brain rot - comes to a halt.

For a brief moment, I am transported to another world.

The image displayed in my mind’s eye is a dream world, a magical place plastered in shades of blue. Whether or not it is supposed to be an ocean or the sky fills my mind as the wind blows by like the tide.

Unfortunately, this is one delusion that gets crushed in mere moments.

“Hello, Akira?”

Koi’s voice enters the blue void in which I inhabit and destroys it, cracking the mere fabric of existence until I am back on the street again.

“Are you there?”

Before I can respond to Koi on the other end of the line, I take a massive gulp of air as my body finally remembers that such things are necessary for existence.

The sensation fills my chest with a cold satisfaction, like drinking water on a hot day.

“You sound like you’re drowning.”

“If I was, I’d hope you’d sound a little more alarmed!”

Finally, with oxygen issues out of the way, I manage to respond to the nonchalant Koi.

“I only said sounds like it, I figured you couldn’t use your phone underwater so you’d probably last a few more moments.”

“Just a few? My phone is waterproof!”

There is silence on the line as I make Koi aware that her insinuation of the situation could’ve led to my death in this made-up scenario.

“Oooooh, that kinda sucks…”

That’s all you have to say for yourself!?

“Remind me to never call you in an emergency.”

“Speaking of, if you’re not drowning then why are you calling me anyway?”

Tssk…

The line goes silent.

Whether it’s due to the back and forth with Koi just then, or the much more realistic prospect of what I’m about to say, I’m not sure…

My whole body feels numb.

Six little words, that’s all I have to say, it’s all that’s in my head right now.

Every part of me feels so distant as if I’m not even in control of myself anymore - just a passive observer.

“Are you still there?”

“I want to be with you.”

The words come out fast and with meticulous precision - this delivery means that they also didn’t sound overly romantic. If it reminded me of anything, it was of a child trying to read their book report as fast as possible in order to be able to sit back down again.

“W-What?”

My mind is instantly back to the main point of focus and for the first time, I am vividly thinking about what I just said, instead of how I said it.

What was that response? Did she not hear me?

I have nothing else to say, that was my whole speech - maybe I should just reiterate for clarity’s sake.

“I want to be-”

“I heard that!”

Deciphering the tone of Koi’s voice is hard; the harsh inflection leads me to believe she’s angry, but I shouldn’t make that assumption. She could be flustered, or well, I don’t know - I’d probably have to ask Chika or something.

“Then wha-”

“Did you really think this was the perfect time to bring this up? On the phone?”

My voice stammers as what was my previously numb body becomes hot. Cold sweat spreads across my body creating an uncomfortable mix of temperatures that shock my system and make me writhe.

“Um, well…”

She makes a perfectly valid point and one that I had completely missed due to the urgency of the situation.

Now that I think back on it, what made it so urgent?

Emotionally it was as if I was about to burst, but the reality is that wasn’t going to happen.

“You’re hopeless. I’ve gotta go now, but I’ll meet up with you soon - I’ll text you!”

With that, before I could even get a word out, Koi hangs up.

Fragments of her final sentence come back to me, swirling around my head like ghosts.

You’re hopeless.

What is hopeless? My chances?

That was so charged and extremely open to interpretation!

As the call ends, my previous window on my phone resumes playing - Mayu’s stream.

“Sorry guys, I’m back now - but I’m going to have to go out in a sec so we’ll need to cut this short. I’m so sorry about all my absences lately - I promise you all I’m doing great, just super busy right now! We have some really exciting things coming up so look forward to that!”

Mayu’s speech consoles me, but not in the way she intended.

For the first time in the last hour, I feel like I’m not delusional.

My childhood best friend is a vtuber.