In the End

I could feel myself begin to boil over with rage. Despite knowing better, it was hard to keep in all of the emotions I was feeling. There was fear somewhere in there: fear of being caught. But more than anything, anger and grief swirled like a hurricane inside.

“Telling me not to say another word? Or are you getting tired of James’ thoughts?” Hemlock motioned to Dolion with a tilt of his head. Dolion was practically confessing within his thoughts.

“If only he was an Arbiter, he could’ve done so much more.

“If he just didn’t start experimenting on his own he could’ve lived out a happy life.

“It’s a shame that the Ergasia think they deserve more and try to climb up the ladder every now and then. Last time someone did this we had to stage a disappearance. But at least we found Von, a gifted kid, out of it. Stephen would’ve done great things too if only he was an Arbiter.”

“Both.” I growled, “Happy? You win, I give up.”

I could sense Hemlock grinned wickedly, “That was easy.”

Just because they know about the glitch doesn’t mean they would know that I started the current pandemic. I took a breath to try and calm down once again, “I guess it’s time to say bye to my Lens, isn’t it?”

“After we take it and thoroughly examine it. Can you see? Be honest with us, it will help us get you the help you need.” Dolion’s voice was a lot kinder out loud than it was in his head. In his head, he seemed to speak with venom lacing his tongue, yet out loud not a trace of that was left.

“I’ve been using my Lens to get around.”
“Meaning you can’t see?”

“Yes, I can’t see.”

Hemlock was still in the room, observing our interaction. I could never get a clear signal from him and never knew what he was actually thinking. It always came out in bits and pieces. Today was no different, but I could tell he was calculating. Calculating what exactly? Probably my downfall. He radiated a heated atmosphere that revealed his thoughts better than my Lens ever could.

“We’ll take your Lens for examination and run you through an exam as well. I’ll stick by you the entire time, unless you’d prefer someone else to guide you once your Lens is removed.” Dolion explained.

“I’m fine with you.” I paused, trying to think of a way to let Lumen or Cain know what was happening. Neither had a Lens which proved to be difficult. Hopefully someone would remember what Cain and I had planned if I didn’t arrive home by a certain time. But even for that, I would have to wait nearly all day.

I was guided out, passing by Carter as we left. “Von, are you okay?” “Is this because of what I asked yesterday?”

At least he didn’t go and report to someone that I couldn’t see. However, that could get him in trouble later. But that wasn’t my concern right now. “I’m fine, but I don’t think I’ll be able to work for you anymore.” I laughed a little, “I can’t see after all. How could I be of any help to you?”

Carter didn’t say anything else as Dolion and Hemlock led me away, assumedly to the labs where they could safely remove my Lens. “Thank you for caring for him for this long, Carter.” Dolion said as we passed by.

“So, we’re heading to a different lab?” I asked, hoping that somehow if the information was said out loud that someone from the Inveiglers would find out. The chances were slim, but it wasn’t impossible.

“Yes, to the main lab where I’ve been worki–” Dolion began to answer, but Hemlock quickly cut him off.

“You’ll find out when you get there.”

The main lab? Lumen may know what Dolion meant and where it was. It was a small hope, but it was hope regardless. Hemlock wrapped a hand around the back of my neck, forcing me to duck into a car. The ride was silent, but lasted only about 20 minutes. Wherever this main lab was, it wasn't in the center of the metropolis. We seemed to be heading outside the city.

“Can I ask questions?” The car slowed to a stop when I decided to speak up.

Hemlock’s impatience was evident in the way he spat his answer, “No, because of your glitch if there’s something that you shouldn’t know you’ll find out anyway since Dolion can’t control his thoughts.”

“Being honest with me, I see.” It wasn’t all that hard to match his short-tempered energy. I could hear him click his tongue at my response.

“And you’re not trying to put up an innocent act anymore, are you?”

Fair enough, I thought. I wasn’t pretending anymore even if I still wasn’t telling the truth. The moment I sat in the car, I let my facade drop, the facade I put on to go to work and seem like your average, over-achieving, smart Ergasia with dreams of a peaceful future. Even if I still wasn’t too enthusiastic, I think I had done well at playing the part of conforming for this long.

My neck was grabbed again and I was forced out of the car, “Let’s get going, Mr. Ephialtes.”

I suddenly thought about my parents that I had promised to contact but hadn’t in months. Why would they come to mind now? Because I don’t know what’s about to happen and I could “disappear?” Is this what someone would call guilt, or maybe regret?

“James will extract your Lens, just sit tight.”

I could feel Dolion practically quivering as he guided me to an empty chair, “Mr. Dolion will? I didn’t know he was trained to do so.”

Dolion forced a strained chuckle, “I learned recently, they’ve taught me all kinds of things here.”

“Control your thoughts.” Hemlock warned Dolion directly, my Lens picking up on it, probably the last time I would experience such a phenomenon.

“I’ll leave the two of you to it. Make sure you do it well, Dolion.” Hemlock announced before leaving the room.

Dolion’s shaky hands rested on my arm, his forehead coming to rest on it as well. “I’m sorry.” He choked out, “I thought everything would be okay if I left, but look what you’ve got wrapped up in.”

I tried to retract my arm but failed, “I don’t know why you’re apologizing.”

“You don’t get it, do you? What’s going on here?”

“Didn’t Hemlock warn you to watch your thoughts? What makes you think that he’d be happy with you telling me any information?”

I wasn’t speaking out of concern, but rather impatience. I didn’t know how far this would go, I didn’t know if I would make it out of here, but I didn’t want to deal with these emotions any longer. Dolion was distraught and I was burnt out from the anger I felt. Apathy sounded nice, I wanted to feel apathetic now.

“I’m about to not do what he wants anyway, so what’s the harm in telling you more?”

I finally succeeded in snatching my arm away, “What do you mean what he wants?”

“It’s true that we’ve known about you since you were a child, but that’s because of Stephen’s dad. It was me that… made him disappear. Through that incident, we got intel on Stephen, a gifted kid. But he was too influenced by his dad. He thought that Ergasia and Arbiters were created equal. But you weren’t tainted by that family's ideals, so once the opportunity presented itself to mentor you, another gifted child, I couldn’t resist.”

That wasn’t answering my question, but I could guess what Hemlock wanted anyway. “Why go to the Ergasia for these gifted children if we aren’t created equally.”

“We need someone gifted and expendable. But, Von, how I wish you were an Arbiter. I can’t see you as expedenable anymore.”

Expendable. “I get it, but let’s just get this over with. I’ve done my part and it’s too late to change that anyway even if I die now.”

“I knew it was you, but I haven’t said anything. I won’t say anything. Just get out of here.”

“And how would I do that exactly?”

“I let Lumen know. He’s a long time friend of mine, though he chose to fight for the Ergasia, I still met with him and supported him. I’m willing to do the same for you, Von. Let me support you in this way.”

I couldn’t understand what was going through Dolion’s mind, nor did I want to guess. Hemlock and the higher-ups seemed to have really messed with his mind compared to the last time I saw him.

I sighed, “What about this Lens? Don’t you need some kind of evidence that you did your job?”

“No,” He declined, “I’m tired of doing this. It was a test on my part anyway to see where my loyalties lie, and my loyalties are to you and Lumen apparently. So just go, I’ll face the consequences. Cain is probably waiting to get you out of here by now.”

I wished, I really did, that I could feel something even just a little similar to what he was feeling in that moment. A sense of comradery, a feeling of attachment to another person. But I wasn’t even a bit moved that he would be willing to sacrifice himself for me. It was conflicting with the desire for apathy. It felt like my mind was in turmoil. If I had to name the emotion I was feeling I would call it chaos.

I shrugged and stood, “Then I guess this is where we part.”

While it was true that it would be too late for the spreading virus to be put to an end, it did feel nice that I would be able to see it through. A bit of pride swelled up in me, joining the chaos.

I could hear soft sobs from Dolion even as he guided me out of the room. He didn’t say much more and I didn’t ask for any more details. I could piece together the situation without him giving all of the details.

“Thank you for coming, Cain.” Were the last words I heard Dolion say as he passed me along. A gunshot ringing through the air and reverberating in my ears prevented me from hearing much else, but Cain’s rough grip on my arm and the sound of his yelling didn’t leave me any time to ponder what to do next.

Gunshots continued to be fired, Cain’s voice distinguishable only when we were in a moving vehicle. “Sorry for dragging you, but wouldn’t you think to run on your own in a situation like that? Hemlock’s guys weren’t planning on letting you leave alive, you know?”

“I know.”

“You’re welcome.” He scoffed, “I don’t know why Lumen asked me to get you out of there, it’d be better for all of us if you were gone.”

For months, his bitterness towards me had been building, so it was of no surprise he was willing to leave me for dead.

“Actually,” He thought, “I can always say I tried to save him and failed.”

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

“What?”

“Oh, you didn’t know why Hemlock took me in? I guess Lumen really doesn’t trust you.”

Was provoking him the right thing to do? Probably not. Not just after I was glad to be able to see my plans to the end. I knew where provoking him would get me.

“I would watch what you say while I drive. I want to like you, Von.”

“Do you? It seems more like you want me to disappear so Lumen starts listening to you again, spending time with you. He’s been spending so much time with me that you’re not a fan of me anymore, isn’t that right?”

“Why are you continuing this conversation?”

I didn’t know the answer to that either. I still felt strange, not sure of what was going on or what I was feeling. It didn’t feel like I had control over my mouth as words spilled out.

I kept talking.

Kept pressing Cain.

Kept provoking.

It didn’t stop until I could no longer think. My thoughts and emotions finally began to settle as blood dripped from my chest.

“I didn’t know you had a gun too. I didn’t know that anyone had guns anymore, I thought they were outdated.”

“Still calm, Von?”

“I feel calmer now somehow.”

“You’re welcome for that too.” Cain swore a few times, “I’ll tell Lumen I failed.”

“Good luck.”

“Why are you still talking, I can’t understand you anymore”

I guess my words weren’t coming out as clear as I thought they were. I coughed a few times the next time I tried to speak. Maybe I should’ve called my parents a few more times. They would die soon anyway. So would those kids that played around the Inveilger’s house. So would Cain. So would Lumen. I guess this wasn’t a goodbye forever, I’d see them all again wherever we end up after death.

I let my eyes close and, for the first time since Stephen died, I felt so comfortable.