Chapter 9:

Hen, Tai

Fantaschiel!! The Legendary Rom-Com without Romance or Comedy in it

“And for the last duel of the semifinals, please welcome the Legendary Duo of Fantaschiel- featuring the fantastastic Fantastasia!!”

The crowd cheers so loud it sounds like a hyperpop party in there. Indeed, throughout the NTR, Fan-Fan has earned the hearts of the spectators and became quite popular. She clearly took to this newfound fame of hers and so, the moment she walks out of the gate, she waves at the audience, striking various poses and spinning her spear overhead like she’s a cheap dancing Christmas toy.

“We love you Fantastasia!!” yells one.

“Have my children, Fantastasia!!” yells another. The onlooker next to this person turns and notices the man actually has two children. Unsure whether he meant that as sacrifices, adoption, or sexually, he dismisses the thought and simply enjoys the show.

“...and her friend, Deez… ehrr… Dezechiel?”

Deze walks out into the open. His response is quite the opposite. In fact, the crowd is so quiet he just experienced tranquility for the first time.

“And, for their opponent, the man, the myth, the legend- Murderous Peter who cut off no less than twenty heads JUST this year, coming to you straight from the Isle of Man. Please welcome the Pete of Isle!”

The moment the fearsome-looking foe walks out, Fantastasia curbstomps him into dust.

“Nope, not having any of that. What’s with that distasteful name?!”

Indeed, the name Peter was looked down on all the time in the place where Fan-Fan came from. Quite possibly because she’s a demon and demons in hell don’t exactly fancy the sight of Saint Peter who guards the Heavenly gates.

Or maybe we’re overthinking this.

“A-And just like that! In record time! Fantastasia just made the top three fastest things in the world, right after flight on a dragon and me! I… I used to be a really fast runner back in the day, haha.”

The crowd cheers like there’s no tomorrow. Fan-Fan feels like she just heard too much information, but no matter. Time for the grand finale.

“Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the final contestant for this truly beautiful display of Fantastasia’s mobilit- motivation, that’s what I meant!...”

She’s had just about enough of this announcer. The audience eats him up like oreos though and that’s why he hasn’t been fired yet.

“...they will be facing the MYSTERIOUS adventurer… nobody knows his true powers… Just kidding, welcome the Octopus Man from the Land of the Setting Sun, Tai Hen!!”

“TAI HEN! TAI HEN! TAI HEN! TAI HEN!” the crowd chants in unison.

Huh? That’s weird. All of her popularity was stolen in an instance… and by a guy nonetheless. And here she was thinking the audience wanted Fan-Fanservice…

A man clad in black walks out of the gate. He dresses the part of the average Sherlock Holmes fan with a coat so long that not even Brits would wear it as you’d be dragging it through every puddle you walked over.

“I am… Tai Hen. And you are… in big trouble.”

The response of the audience is absolutely mental. This guy gets the reception of a coke-snorting rockstar even though he dresses like some old school Dracula fan. And what’s with that cringe-inducing line?

“Don’t worry Fan-Fan,” Dezechiel assures her while unsheathing his blade so polished you could use it to reflect sunlight and burn ants, “I’ll take this one on.”

His composure and confidence is almost inspiring. The angel dashes at the opponent, aiming right for his neck.

“Too… slow.”

Tai Hen taps Deze’s forehead so lightly you could mistake it for a sign of affection. Still, the moment he does this, his opponent’s body drops to the ground.

Tentacles begin springing up left and right from the ground, oozing corrosive goo. Fantastasia tries to dash in to shield Dezechiel, but a bit of the poison gets on her mask, melting it away in an instant.

That thing was SUPER expensive! Oh, and she lost her partner too, I guess.

“Tai Hen! Tai Hen! Tai Hen!” The audience is loving the show.

The odds are flipped. Not one match did they have to face this much hardship. Even though Deze got knocked out in most of them.

The angel looks in the demon girl’s direction one more time. He tries to muster up the strength to get back on his feet, but merely shakes in place.

“Fantastasia! Don’t go! His poison melts everything indiscriminately… and if you touch him, he’ll paralyze you!”

Then, he remains motionless.

Fan-Fan grits her teeth. She finally understands.

Deze can be quite the goofball sometimes, but he’s always strived to keep her out of danger’s way. Even this time around, he must have sensed something was up with his angelic intuition and decided to charge in first.

She understands the severity of the situation. It’s death or debt. And the whole banishment into The Unveiled Abyss thing, though that’s of lesser importance right now.

She’s surrounded by these corrosive tentacles against an opponent she can’t even touch. This isn’t the type of situation to hold back in. It’s time she showed a portion of her true self.
A deep breath in. The air around her begins freezing and a gust of wind lifts her skirt up.

“Snow lily, why cry
When your tears all turn to ice?
Bloom in spring, not fall.”

Dezechiel carefully opens one eye, still on the ground. ’Aah, Fantastasia should’ve worn a longer skirt- oh WAIT IS SHE CASTING OH FU-’


Let’s look at the whole situation from Dezecheil’s viewpoint to understand why this is a big issue. Deze, after collaborating with his newfound love, Lysterinn, agreed to pretending to be defeated in the final round against the known opponent. On top of that, he decided to make quite a fuss and paint him as strong as possible.

The truth is, the heir to the clan of Hen, Tai, is not a good fighter. However, there is a very simple reason he keeps getting into the final round of the tournament each and every year.

Tai Hen’s tentacles emit a corrosive substance that erodes all silk, wool, plastic- to put it simply, about every fabric you could make clothing out of. The organizers of NTR realized they could make a bank if they simply made sure to structure the bracket in a way where the Octopus Man is assured to go up against a female opponent every single time. It doesn’t come as a surprise the once almost extinct tradition has been revived and became so profitable they could afford to hand out prices as great as 30,000 gold coins without any substantial loss.

This weird business model structured around Tai Hen and the 99% male audience is the true reason why the National Tournament of Rendentalia even exists.

Right. So where does the issue come in? Fantastasia, who was supposed to be scared shitless and surrendering right now, is instead charging a super attack right at the innocent squidboy. Using collateral damage spells, no less.

Well… it’s been a fun one. If Deze doesn’t get killed by the organizers, he’s gonna get killed by the demon girl.


Fantastasia produces a movement so abrupt, so fast that the very fabric of space and time gets distorted. A loud bang shakes the whole colosseum- the girl just broke MACH 20 with but one dash. Her spear takes on the role of a comet, cruising through air so fast the tip begins burning up as a result, then freezing all over again in a never ending cycle. A single instance, so swift you’d miss it if you blinked and even if you didn’t because no branch of the evolutionary tree ever accounted for the need to react to anything of that caliber.

All that to absolutely shatter the poor Octopus Man into thousands of ice shards. Even before her hit, the cold produced by Fantastasia’s chant froze the unsuspecting water creature solid and the lightspeed sonic blow right after pretty much pulverized any and all remainders of what once used to be a semi-human being.

And just like that, the multi-million gold coin marketing scheme turned to dust. Or, shaved ice, to be exact.

“Ah.” With that single sound, Dezechiel realizes how doomed his fate really is. Uhm, hmm. Now that he thinks about it, life on the run from bounty hunters is a much better subject for a story than that of luxury and comfort in the embrace of a loving wife.

Then, a feeling of longing overcomes him. He shouldn’t give up just because Tai Hen was supposed to win. He just needs to win against Fan-Fan.

He stands back up, the blade firmly placed within his palm. Indeed- him being rendered motionless on the ground was simply an act.

“D-Deze? What are you-”

The angel’s blade burns up. The next moment, he’s dashing at Fan-Fan, flames oozing from his footsteps. He means business.

The girl manages to parry the attack just in the nick of time. That doesn’t mean she escaped unscathed though. The clash of fire and ice creates water and wetting a white dress in public is perhaps a fate worse than death.

The surprised audience realizes the true potential of this match.

“Let me see! Damn it, I can't through the cloud!”

The downside is another thing fire and ice create is steam. And so, even if Fan-Fan would be claiming Miss wet shirt alongside her Champion of the 567th National Tournament of Rendentalia title, none of the spectators get to witness it.

And even if they did, they’d be in for a disappointment- the self-conscious demon girl pads her chest to keep appearances, after all.

Let’s quit the bra facts and get back to the duel though.

Fantastasia, still surprised by the sudden blow from her comrade, has a hard time accepting the truth.

“Dezechiel, don’t tell me…”

The angel gulps. It’s about time she realized.

“...Tai Hen has possessed your body after his own was destroyed?!”

That’s… a bit of a stretch, but at least he doesn’t have to be held accountable for his actions. So let’s go with that!

Deze menacingly slashes the air, then steadies his stance. He has no intention of losing, no matter how many levels of deceit, treachery and dishonesty he’s hiding behind.

Fan-Fan smiles. “You’ve made one grave mistake though, Tai Hen,” she mouths off, “Dezechiel’s greatest strength comes from the ability that wipes his mind. Meaning you’d also wipe yourself out of his consciousness!”

The pink-haired girl points her spear in the angel’s direction, challenging him to make a move.
Deze pisses his pants a little. ’Shit, she’s right.’

He’d probably come out on top if he were to use his full power. But he kind of loses track of what’s going on if he does. Which is bad.

Meanwhile, she can go through six powerups like the average protagonist in a boss fight and still retain her thoughts.

But he has no intention of losing. Leaping forth, Dezechiel begins his advance, only for it to quickly be repelled and turned around by Fantastasia. Spears have an inherent advantage against swords due to their greater effective range. On top of that, she has her magical edge as well. He’ll most likely only have a single moment to win.

After a few exchanges, they both jump apart. At this point, the colosseum is reminiscent of a steam sauna. That being said, steam saunas are quite healthy and good for you. Ever tried a relaxing wellness trip after a hard day of working?

Fantastasia takes a look at Dezechiel’s resolute face, then bashfully turns her gaze into the ground.

“Idiot, don’t go looking cool like that when you’re not you.”

Deze, being literally peak Deze at this moment, blushes at that remark. This is a side of Fan-Fan he only gets to see when she’s under influence. Or high on narcotic substances.

Not that she’s ever taken any, legally speaking. Legally speaking, that is.

“Listen, you hard-headed moron,” she shouts at him, struggling to look him in the eye with a red face, “I’m gonna bring you back whether you like it or not! And then I’m gonna hold you accountable for all these weird emotions I’m feeling right now!”

Holy shit. That is an unusually favorable dere to tsun ratio coming from the resident Ice Queen herself. Does she act this way all the time when he’s unconscious/not present/dissociating? He’s gonna have to rethink his best girl rankings.

Not that he’s ever taken any dissociative substances, legally speaking.

Before he has time to ask Richard what he should do though, Fantastasia unleashes another relentless flurry of attacks. He’s definitely got the shorter end of the stick on this one. His only option is to outsmart her.

And given her contrasting hot-headed nature, that shouldn’t be too hard.

He decides to take a gamble. After all, he took to gambling in the end while trying to impress Lysterinn. He was just unlucky; he’s sure to win it back the next time.

The moment Fantastasia goes for a fatal strike, he simply tosses his sword to the side.

This strategy relies solely on the fact that he hopes Fan-Fan doesn’t actually want to seriously harm him. Despite all of her frequent and over the top physical abuse, from what she said just now, he wants to believe she wouldn’t actually go for a fatal strike when presented with the opportunity. Even if it wouldn’t kill him, since he’s nigh immortal.

Now, it would be perfect comedic timing if we said she simply followed through with the attack and absolutely destroyed him subsequently. However, subverting that expectation, something entirely different happened.

The moment Dezechiel disarmed himself and Fantastasia realized she’d be hitting him for real, she panicked. And the moment you try to pull punches on an already executed swing, you put yourself in a vulnerable position.

Alas, that was his plan. She stops the swing just short of hitting him and he leaps forth. With a forceful motion, he pulls her in closer to his face by the chin.


Let’s take a quick course through digital color creation. Hex color code, to be exact. It’s the type that assigns every color a six symbol long string. Hence hex color code. Ever heard of it?

If we wanna further shorten Fan-Fan’s already abbreviated name, we’d likely end up with the letters FF. Then, if on top of that, we add all of Fantastasia’s life achievements, the result we get is a stunning #FF0000.

And #FF0000 is exactly the color of the demon girl’s face right now. Or, in human terms, the brightest red you could fucking imagine.

Without a doubt, a setting where a handsome guy forcefully pulls her face closer to his by the chin is something straight out of a girl’s manga. You can basically envision the panel inside of your head.

As a natural result, the local Girl’s Novel & Manga Enthusiast, Fantastasia, is rendered completely paralyzed. After all, the natural conclusion of such a scene is a thrilling hot kiss.

’Ah, Mommy, Daddy, I’m about to lose my kiss virginity right now…’ she thinks.

And a thrilling hot kiss is what ensues. If by a thrilling hot kiss, we mean Dezechiel headbutting the living shit out of Fan-Fan, knocking her out cold. The demon girl’s limp body tumbles to the ground like a jenga tower during an earthquake.

Deze stops in his tracks for a few seconds. Wait, he’s getting the feeling that with how she was puckering her lips, he might’ve just thrown away a splendid chance to achieve one or multiple of his lifelong goals.

Thought is the root of all evil though, so he dismisses the idea with the speed of an F1 racer.

“I can’t believe it!! T-Tai Hen has been… killed… I guess the winner is the team of… Fantaschiel?” The announcer sure as hell doesn’t know how to approach the situation.

The crowd boos. Not only did the crowned local champion, who provided thousands of single men with sights they could not achieve on their own, die, but the second best thing in the form of a quirky attention-loving demon girl was taken away as well. Talk about NTR!

“I- I guess we have no choice but to give them the r-reward, right? Right?”

Dezechiel smiles. Then he realizes something is off.

“Deze!” a familiar voice yells from the audience. He turns his head to see the love of his life, Rin-Rin, tied up and being taken away by a man he already knows-

It’s Mamorkuchen, the man he has very hazy memories of past the name and actually, he isn’t even sure that’s his name to begin with. Anyways, the Hans puppet-weird-baker guy.

Lederkuchen laughs. This time, his laughter is even more immaculate- a proof people can master an art if they train it enough.

“If you wish to take this wonderful girl back, you’re gonna have to follow me to the place Where Light Doesn’t Shine and God Dares not Enter- Buddhapest.”

After he finishes his monologue, he jumps into a portal and disappears into thin air.
Dezechiel grits his teeth.

“Oh, well, guess it’s back to Fantastasia then. Kind of a shame, but whatever.”

Just like that, he dismisses his soon-to-have-been wife.

A lone man jumps into the arena and runs at the angel, crying. It’s Elmax, the forgettable orange-haired side character from Chapter 2.

“Dezechiel! You’ve gotta help me!” he keeps yelling.

“I don’t know man, I’m kinda busy here, gotta scoop up the money and skip the town before these people crucify me alive-”

“To begin with, didn’t you kill Lederkuchen?!?”

Deze, who is in the middle of picking up the unconscious Fan-Fan, stops. “Aaah, I guess he reincarnated or something? Haha.”

An unconvincing lie.

Elmax makes his hand into a fist. “That damn Lederkuchen… he did the same thing back when we tried burning him alive for his crimes…”

He did? Actually, Deze doesn’t care enough for the story. He tosses Fantastasia over his shoulder, then starts walking off.

“Lysterinn is the girl he took with him when I was a young father… my daughter…” A solitary tear runs down Elmax’s cheek despite his attempts to hold his emotions in.

“Aww man, that really sucks, I’ll send like a postcard with a nice cat picture once we’re in the next town or something-”

“What I want is my daughter!” he protests.

“Yeah, same. But we kind of don’t get what we want in life, do we now?” Between this and the earlier headbutt, the angel is especially hard-headed today.

“If little Rin-Rin’s hand is what you’re after, I’ll gladly wed her off to you,” Elmax makes a choice someone else should be making, but this is a middle age setting kind of thing, so it’s actually the standard procedure.

Dezechiel stops for a second. “Nah, too much work.”

“I’ll add in 100,000 gold coins.”

A loud thud. Fantastasia’s motionless body just got dropped the way you’d drop a can after finishing your soda drink. The main difference being Fantastasia is biodegradable, unlike a can of coke. Don’t pollute, kids!

Meanwhile, Dezechiel is firmly shaking Elmax’s hand. “Looking forward to working with you!”

The orange-haired man makes an uncomfortable expression. If Dezechiel treats Fan-Fan like this, what sort of fate awaits his daughter?