Confessions of a Different Kind - End of Volume 1

The silent clock was ticking, and much like a child at the end of summer vacation, Makoto knew his time with her was almost over. It was hard not to let the question of what could have been consume him, but he was determined to stay in the moment. Having made his decision, he tried to think of ways he could make their last day memorable, for her especially.

The sun rose and set as fast as a human blinks in the last week. Before he knew it, he had just three days left with her. Makoto didn’t want to follow through with his original plan, of never seeing her again. It wasn't something he'd expected to happen, either. He’d thought that after the first week the novelty would wear off, then he was sure by the end of the month he’d be glad to go home. Yet here he was, dreading the moment they’d part.

As their last day crept ever closer, he wanted Kimiko to know how special she was to him. Something between "I'm in love with you" and "I want us to stay friends". But what?

That was when the lady herself gave him a brilliant idea during breakfast while she ate. "You know... I'm kinda sad that we couldn't have done this whole thing in the winter.” She’d said.

"Why's that?" He asked, head tilted in curiosity.

"I would have loved to spend at least one Christmas with you." Her smile told of the imagined memories they might have made.

That’s when the idea struck him. It was perfect. That way, even if she didn't want to see him again after this, at least he would have fulfilled that wish for her.

~~~

It was the last day that Kimiko and Makoto were required to live together. The entire morning Kimiko was the definition of a wavering smile while Makoto was as happy-go-lucky as ever. It hurt her a little, wondering if he was glad they had to part ways now. He also rushed her off to work rather quickly too.

It was a warm summer day and on her way home from work she found herself dreaming of that perfect winter day she'd told Makoto about a few days ago. She wasn't particularly religious, but the holiday itself was so full of wonder that it held a special place in her heart. She wished... she could have spent at least one Christmas with him.

If only they'd lived together in the winter instead. Well, no sense in being ungrateful for what is and fawning over what could have been. At least, that’s what she tried to tell herself, anyway.

She pulled out her keys to their apartment. She faltered. It would be the last time she came home to him after work... She sighed with a quiet breath, like a depressed owl.

It'll be okay, it's okay. He's probably not sad about it, so... I shouldn’t be either.

She turned the key and the door opened.

The scene flooded her senses in a swirl. But the first thing she noticed was Makoto looking at his pet fish, who was swimming in circles, far from the paper hat taped on the glass bowl. "You're supposed to stay at the Santa hat Shifty-" His chiding was interrupted when he saw Kimiko and he gave her a big smile.

"Merry Christmas!” He exclaimed, throwing fake snow (confetti paper) out of his pockets.

The two stray cats popped down from the window and roamed the counter, little bells jingling from their red collars.

Stunned, she blinked a few times, her senses finally catching up to her.

The smell of pine and cinnamon, the sparkling lights, and Christmas decor. The music of old-fashioned holiday music made its way in romantic sweeps through each and every corner.

"W-What's all this?" She asked, Makoto coming to her aide to close the door for her.

"It's our first Christmas together." He said, that cheerful spunk in his voice brighter than ever.

"Our…” She glanced at the clear bright blue sky out the window, then back to him. “-in the summer?" She said with a soft laugh adorning her tone.

"Well, we gotta make our own memories, right?" Makoto said.

Kimiko nodded with a shy smile before rubbing her arms from the chill of the room.

"Pretty cold day today right?" Makoto joked, knowing full well his illusion of a cold winter day was brought by modern cooling. "I got you something to keep you warm, it's on the bed okay?"

Kimiko's eyes simply sparkled with happiness so bright she suddenly threw her arms around his neck then nuzzled close before she gave him a kiss on the cheek. Pulling back, she squealed, "I'm so excited!". Then she hurried off to the room, leaving Makoto to chuckle with affection then continue his preparations.

She came back out wearing a long-sleeve white night dress that was soft despite the sparkles adorning it. The leggings she wore were also soft and cozy. Her hair was down now and when Makoto saw her, his blue eyes gazed at her for a moment or two that seemed to stretch further than he should be allowed. Her expression of shy modesty let him know that she wasn't used to feeling special. He felt proud to have accomplished such a worthy goal, of making her feel how he felt about her.

"Makoto?" She cooed, head tilted.

He cleared his throat then rubbed the back of his head with a funny smile. "Uh yeah! I bought dinner if that's okay. I'm not a great chef like you."

"That's okay." Kimiko assured as she approached him. "Maybe sometime I can teach you-" Her expression wavered. "I-I mean. Well, you know what I mean." She said with a nervous smile. It was weird for her to know that there wasn’t an “after today” or “later” anymore.

Just as he opened his mouth to speak, the doorbell rang. "Oh, that must be the food, one sec."

After dinner, Makoto guided her into the tent, adorned with flannel blankets, fairy lights, and a cute red-nosed reindeer inside. Kimiko gasped the moment she saw the fluffy creature then gave the stuffed critter a big hug. “Oh it’s all so cute!”

“You like it?” Makoto asked. It felt so good to be a source of happiness for her.

“Mmhm.” She nodded, eyes sparkling before she sat with her legs out, reindeer on her lap. “His name shall be Rudy.”

“Rudy it is.” Makoto agreed, then put on a playful Christmas movie that he’d rented for them.

As the opening sequence played, she rubbed her arms again with her hands. “Brr! It’s still cold.”

“You want me to turn off the-”

“No, no. Just come under the blankets.” She said, then quickly scrambled under the covers. He chuckled then followed suit. She took the lead and snuggled up close to his side and leaned against his shoulder while they watched.

As the movie ended, Kimiko sat up and faced Makoto. “I wanna make cookies just like the movie!”

“Then let’s do it.” Makoto agreed, and they left for the kitchen.

Together, they made reindeer cookies using a gingerbread cookie-cutter, planning on decorating them upside-down like the movie showed them. With great effort, ingenuity, and many tutorials, the treats were finally in the oven. Kimiko took that time to give the kitties and fish their own Christmas treats. Once finished, she saw Makoto return from the bedroom with a bag of ornaments, most of which he’d made.

“Sorry it’s not much, I just thought-” He was interrupted by Kimiko’s immediate and unwavering enthusiasm.

“They’re so cute!” She squealed. “Let’s put them on the tree. By the way, where did you find a tree at this time of year?” Kimiko asked.

“Oh, it’s actually me and my brother’s tree.” He explained, before handing Kimiko an ornament.

It was a poorly modeled and painted cat with a ribbon glued on. “How precious!” She said, then hurried to put it on the tree, and he passed her four more ornaments too. Some of which he had simply glued a string onto a figure he’d bought since he couldn’t find any actual Christmas decor at the store.

“You don’t usually put up ornaments?” Kimiko noticed, considering he’d been able to bring a tree over but not decorations.

“Huh? Oh, no not really. That’s my fault. When I was a kid, I begged my mom to let me put up an ornament myself, and… well I dropped it. She was so mad about it that we never did ornaments again. I guess after that I just forgot about doing it, well, until now I mean.”

Kimiko cooed sadly then shook her head. “That’s not fair for her to get so mad at you. You were just a kid. Kids are clumsy.” She said with a gentle smile and a hand to his arm.

“Yeah, I guess.” He sighed. “Thing is, we were so poor that I guess she felt I was ungrateful.” Makoto then shook his head. “But enough of this stuff. We’re supposed to be having fun.” He smiled.

“But I am! Hold on.” She said, then scurried off into her room and came back out holding a shell necklace. “This is my contribution.” She handed it to him. “Promise you’ll put ornaments on your tree from now on?”

He looked up at her face and knew he couldn’t say no. “I promise.”

“Good!” She beamed, then gave him a pat on the head on her tiptoes before the beep of the timer made her gasp. “Cookies are done!”

Makoto found a place on the tree to adorn with her necklace and when he turned around the cookies were cooling on the counter.

“Amazing!” She praised once she saw the new addition.

While Kimiko had gotten preoccupied looking for ways for them to decorate their cookies, Makoto snuck off to the linen closet. He came back holding a box wrapped in sparkly white paper. “For you.”

“Hmm?” Kimiko hummed, then turned around to see the gift box. Her breath hitched, taken by the sweet gesture. “But Makoto I didn’t get you anything.”

He almost wanted to laugh at how absolutely sweet she was to look so worried about it, big green eyes wavering in anxiety, but he didn’t, not wanting her to take it the wrong way.

“You’ve given me plenty.” He assured, warmth enough to make her cheeks blush. He felt quite lucky that she seemed to accept his reasoning.

Carefully she held the box in her hands, the shiny paper silky on her fingers despite the scruff of glitter to adorn it. She led him to the tree. “This is where we’re supposed to open presents.” She decided, amusing him as she knelt down on the red towel for a tree skirt. He knelt down in front of her and watched as she gingerly opened the wrapping piece by piece.

Inside was a blue velvet box, and once she tilted it open her eyes caught the subtle glimmer of a golden heart-shaped locket. She looked up at Makoto, but before she could thank him, he encouraged her to open it. With a gentle snap, the locket opened, revealing a hollow space for her to put a picture inside.

“I left it empty for you.” Makoto said in response to her curious gaze. “So that when the time comes, you can decide what picture to put inside.” He smiled at her while she gently clicked the locket closed then looked at him again.

He took a deep breath to steady his nerves before he continued. “I thought that I would want this to be temporary but… the truth is, I was just scared. I want to be better than that. No matter what happens, whether we end up together as a couple or not, I want you to be happy and… I’d really like to stay in your life, if you’d have me.”

Tears in her eyes, she looked at Makoto, necklace in hand. “Of course I would.” Her smile made her eyes squint up and let the tears fall. “You’re such a joy in my life. I wouldn’t want to lose you. Not ever.” With as much affection as she could muster, she wrapped her arms around his neck. “We may be friends… but that doesn’t mean that I can’t love you.”

Maybe she’ll find someone else in the meantime or maybe he’ll realize he wasn’t ever going to be fit for marriage.

Makoto held her tighter to him.

The thing is, when you care about someone, it stops being about what’s best for you. It wasn’t best for him to ensure he was ready for commitment before giving her promises of romance, it was best for Kimiko. Caring about her meant that he would rather lose her heart if time proved them unfit than to break her heart into pieces due to selfishness. He still had a lot of work to do, a lot of things to consider. That couldn’t be changed in a month.

There was one thing that would always remain true, though.

She mattered to him. He couldn’t deny that now if he tried.

“I…” His voice broke. “I love you too.”