If Only

KIAN

With tentative plans of escape flooding his mind, Kian arrived at Dr. Rallus’s office a couple days later.

“You’re sure about this.” Dr. Rallus stated as he opened the door, skipping out on greeting Kian. He was looking Kian straight in the face, searching for any clues that would tell him whether Kian was up for the task or not. It was obvious he was hoping Kian would let this whole thing go.

It had Kian feeling almost bad for asking the doctor to do this, seeing the distress in the older man’s face.

Almost.

“Course I’m ready, old man.” Kian replied affectionately. Dr. Rallus, the man who had become like his father many years ago, was leaving soon. He patted Dr. Rallus once on the shoulder before holding on tight, looking him in the face, “There’s no way I’m changing my mind.”

Dr. Rallus frowned but said nothing against it and ushered Kian inside. “We’ll have to get this done quick before Clara gets back,” he said.

Kian nodded and followed the doctor through the bottom half of the two-story building which acted as a medical facility while the second floor housed Dr. Rallus and his family. The lights were off and the reception, waiting, and examination areas were all devoid of people despite the glass chairs, end tables, and bright light flooding through the windows, giving the echoes from Dr. Rallus and Kian’s shoes an exaggerated sound.

Dr. Rallus bypassed the four medical rooms on either side of a narrow hallway and turned right at the end of the hall, where he entered his private office. Although there was a clear absence of people in the building, Dr. Rallus still closed and bolted the door after hurrying Kian inside.

The office was small, not offering much space for Kian to move behind the doctor as the man forced a pure glass block he used as an ottoman from the center of the floor. It must have weighed a ton of pounds, but Kian was aware that his help was not necessary. Dr. Rallus had the false piece of furniture pushed toward the side of the room in a matter of seconds and returned to face a blinking red computer chip that had been implanted into the floor much in the same fashion as the tower’s residents wore their Plate chips.

With a light tap of his foot, the floor chip broke outward and a thin, armlike mechanism grew upward until it was parallel to the left half of Dr. Rallus’s face. Like a flower petal, the ball-shaped tip of the mechanism sprung open to allow the birth of a red light which scanned Dr. Rallus’s widely opened eye. Upon confirming his identity, the mechanism shrank back to its original form and the glass floor around the chip burst open with an incredible sound. A circular space fell deep into the thick glass of Vermillion Plate and was filled by a steep staircase.

It was entirely different than how his last laboratory had been hidden on the previous Vermillion Plate, before the 16th Selection. Again, Kian admired the old man’s genius, the way he manipulated The Glass Tower as if he were the one who had created it, and followed him down the steps.

“Lay down there.”

Kian was directed to a cushioned glass bed, elevated several feet off the ground. Above it was a blinding white light and the head of a large, circular magnifying glass, the rest of its “body” at the right of the bed along with a large tray of surgical tools atop a mobile table. The room itself was much larger than the office above it and the walls were a bloodier red than Kian had ever seen, considering that they were deep underground.

Suddenly, Kian had butterflies fluttering about in his stomach.

Am I nervous? He wondered incredulously. It felt ridiculous to feel apprehensive about something he’d wanted so strongly.

Before he could change his mind or Dr. Rallus noticed his hesitance, he practically threw himself onto the bed, rolled onto his back, and urged the doctor over to the beside. “I’m ready.” He announced, more to himself than to Dr. Rallus.

Dr. Rallus approached the bed with a needle half the length of Kian’s forearm clenched between gloved fingers. “Relax,” he said, and squeezed a bit of the anesthesia from the needle to ensure the passageway was clear.

“This is gonna hurt.”

An hour and forty minutes later, Kian was blinking himself awake on the cushioned medical bed. His eyes hurt like hell and the light blasting him from above was doing nothing to help.

“Agh, turn it off.” He groaned, slinging an arm across his eyes and squinting. The lights dimmed and the room sank into a red darkness.

“How ya feeling?” Came Dr. Rallus’s voice from somewhere out of the darkness. Kian couldn’t keep his eyes open long enough to pinpoint him.

“Hurts.” Kian bit his bottom lip and the pain shot to his head. With one arm over his eyes and the other hand gripping the side of his head, Kian tried concentrating on the doctor’s words as they floated to him as if through a thick sponge.

“You’ll feel better in a little while. In the meantime, I’ve gotta tell you some things, so listen carefully. I won’t have too much time for questions or repeating myself because Clara will be back any minute. So you gotta hear me the first time. Alright?”

When Kian hummed, Dr. Rallus continued. “The whole operation took no longer than ten or so minutes. I found a way to cause permanent neurological modification to the cells of the optic nerve through use of a unique drug I developed and applied by injection. Right now, your eyes are busy reaching the final stages of this modification, which should be complete in another fifteen to twenty minutes.

“True to your request, your range of vision is now double what you could see with your normal 20/20 vision. Your eyes now exist in two forms. You’ll have to learn to activate and release this enhancement feature by exercising the strength and functions of your brain. Now look.” Dr. Rallus approached Kian with a handheld mirror Kian was squinting to see.

Kian took the square mirror by the handle, hand trembling both in anticipation and with an uncharacteristic lack of strength. He sucked in a breath so sharp he almost coughed.

“My eyes…” he croaked, finding the irises of his eyes a strange, eight-pointed, startling blue and white star pattern. An octagram. The color and shape hugged his deep black pupils in a way that made the center of his eyes resemble the black abyss which haunted the Vermillion people. They were small, very small pupils, growing smaller by the second as he consumed the sight of himself in the little mirror. Though his eyes trembled with the effort, he stared, awed by what he saw.

“Here.” Dr. Rallus was handing him a pair of sunglasses. “You’ll need to force your mind to adjust your eyesight. Not easy, I’m sure, but you’ll get it quick, knowing you. Be conscious of your eyes at all times. Don’t wanna go around scaring people. And you know your mom’ll get a real kick outta seeing them babies. Not to mention that Emi.”

Oh yeah, Kian groaned internally, Mom… Emi… He groaned out loud this time. “Thanks,” Kian mumbled, taking the sunglasses from Dr. Rallus and putting them on. His head was pounding, but he felt perfect otherwise, so he slid off the bed and stretched his stiff limbs.

“So, what about the alert system-thing?” Kian asked, never one to have a sophisticated scientific vocabulary. “You never told me how that works.”

Dr. Rallus rubbed the top and back of his head, “About that… I couldn’t figure out a way to get that to feasibly work, my boy.” He pulled a face at the lips and shrugged his shoulders high.

He was lying. Kian could tell he had never tried the second procedure.

The heaviness of the frown on his face spoke how irritated Kian was at the doctor. He had so many things to say, wanted to tell Dr. Rallus he could go to hell, for all he cared. Wanted to scream his head off about how important this was to him, how it would save his life and the lives of his family.

How it would’ve saved Nari’s life all those years ago.

Kian couldn’t bear to have those words tapping against his head again, never sleeping. If only I could’ve been faster. If only Nari had seen that man coming. If only I’d been there. If only Nari had never been so keen to help.

If only I’d been there for him.

Time and time again, those had been the last words he’d hear before drifting into an uncomfortable, nightmare-ridden sleep.

If only.

“Forget it.” He said, watching Dr. Rallus’s facial expression change to one of genuine surprise. He’d expected Kian to fight, that much was obvious.

“You sure?” The old man asked, and Kian forced back the scream he felt building up in his throat. He nodded instead.

“You okay?” Dr. Rallus asked now.

No. Kian’s heart answered. “Good enough,” was what his mouth said. He forced a light kind of shrug. “I couldn’t have done it myself no matter how hard I tried. So, this is good enough.”

He smiled. Dr. Rallus relaxed and didn’t ask Kian anymore questions, just led him back upstairs.

And Kian was so glad. He didn’t know how much more of this pretending he could take.