A Dream

It’s like I’ve been missing something fundamental all this time. I rest for the first time in forever, and before I can even think of it properly, I wake up.

My eyes are as open as they can be as I’m met into reality again, feeling as if my chest wasabout to explode.

I hold onto the sheets on my body as I gasp for air like I was struck on my lungs. It’s hell, isn’t it? It looks like it. From corner to corner of this room, I desperately can’t name a single object. Everything is completely unrecognizable... But this I’m laying on must be a bed.

The pulsating agony doesn’t stop, it's sound drives me crazy as I can hear it through my whole body. I slowly sit down. I don’t have my shirt or my armor on. "Looking again, it looks like a door… And over there it’s a table… All dull and repulsive, but that is a vase with… Flowers? A frame on the wall, a hanging painting."

I look again, it’s the most realistic painting I’ve ever seen… Beautiful, an intricate portrait framed in gold of me, and… and…

And I fall off the bed.

The pounding in my chest gets louder, but the physical ache of merely thinking about the picture is far, far worse.

A beautiful, intricate, realistic portrait of me and Hiro… Together, happy, laughing… Married at an altar, framed in gold, taking half of a wall.

"So this is what dreaming is like." Been too long since the last time I’ve seen it, but surely not the first.

I sigh, turning to the door. The beating pain on my heart ceases for a second.

“Morning--” She smiles, holding a tray.

I could feel my soul leaving me again, but as soon as our eyes met, she froze the same. She trembles like she was about to run, I tremble along. Her mouth opens trying to come up with something, but only stutters leave her lips.

Though staring at her in peace warms me, and though this is the longest silence we ever shared, I can’t wait not a single moment anymore. I smile, and I happily approach.

“…My darling, you didn’t have to do that for me, thank you so much.” I place one hand under the tray and the other rests on her back, I feel it shivering.

We’ve never seen each other unarmed ever since we got our thrones, and never anywhere near this vulnerable. I stay a second still, staring into her eyes like I’ve been longing to take a good look at them. I can’t stop feeling my body is no longer cold as it was or ignore the pounding in my chest… But staring at her is making it all feel twice as worse.

I look down, and I notice her arm looks… Quite different from what it used to.

“Have you been awake for too long? Had anything to eat yourself?” I say looking back at her face. I get worried because her eyes are watery. I’ve never seen her anywhere near this nervous either.

“N-n-no!! At all… I… I was going to eat with you now, that’s my omelet along with yours, darling!” She instantly slaps her mouth as if she just cursed, but then quickly calms down smiling. I smile too.

“I can’t believe you were up making me breakfast when you didn’t even eat…” I chuckle, not being able to take my eyes out of her. “...You’re the best.”

I instinctively lean forward and touch my lips on her forehead.

“The… Best…” She taps my arm to let her go. I take the tray to the bed as she chuckles, red and looking like she was drunk. Or was it just my head spinning?

“Next time, wake me up so I can cook with you, okay?”

“…Understood... Will surely do it next time.”

Slowly but surely, this place gets more and more familiar. Not like I was getting used to it, but like I’ve always known this world. Even if seconds ago I couldn’t even understand it, now, it doesn’t piss me off as much how gray the walls are and how everything seems like it was spat by a machine. I even start to get the impression I do know the strange object’s names.

She sits along me, I finally look properly at the plates, my mouth opens in shock. There’s a little dragon and a little sword drawn with ketchup on top of them. I can’t stop staring at it. She chuckles as she see's my face.

“What a dream…” I mutter to myself.

The laughter stops.

I take the fork to try what she made for me, and I’m even more amazed.

“Has food always tasted this good?” I chuckle in joy. “You know, never mind. I’d probably ruin it if I ever tried to help. You have to teach me.” I laugh again, trying more of it immediately.

“It would be a pleasure to put those big hands to work.” She smiles. I go red, but I'm not strong enough to hold the smile. “We can cook dinner together perhaps, make something simpler.”

“Deal. Putting our hands to work together. I like the idea.”

She giggle’s, I can see her cheeks turning red… This is too good even for a dream. I can barely hold the knife as I cut the omelet, it’s like she’s draining all I have by simply breathing calmly next to me.

I look over at her, she seems perfectly fine with all of it and it’s freaking me out. I know it’s not real… But do I want to do something about it? ...I just want to watch it play... Though I could… Do whatever I want…

She notices me staring, I don’t stop, she freezes.

“You okay?” She says with a blank face.

I don't answer, not because I don't know what to say, but because it's almost impossible to finally say it.

“…I missed you so much.” I sigh. “Like… A lot. More than I thought.”

Her expression seems to try to stay in place, but I can clearly see her eyes drown, holding the tears back back as much as she can.

“…And besides that, you’re the prettiest person I’ve ever seen… Looking at you from so close like this is turning my brain into mush.” I chuckle. “…Are you okay?” I say equally as worried as she was before.

She quivers and jumps on my neck, hugging me tight. My arms don’t know what to do, until they slowly accept their fate, wrapping around her. I bring our bodies as close as I possibly could.

“Me too…” She whispers. I take a deep breath.

"...It’s just a dream. It means nothing…" I think to myself. "Unfortunately, this is not her... But even so…"

I back away to look into her face again with a palm on her cheek and I sigh. Can’t keep a straight face too long. I've never had happiness hurt, and even though it hurts more than I can take, I can’t help but to smile at her face.

“...I’ll take care of this while you finish getting ready.” I keep staring for a couple more seconds, then I remember what I just said, holding her head tighter to kiss her cheek.

Taking the plates and going to the kitchen, I don’t allow myself to look back. I don’t want her to see the tears.

I’ve never washed a dish in my entire life, but I can figure it out. I always wanted to try… All the things I wanted to try start flooding my mind as all of them are seem to bring me back into thinking about Hiro.

“I hate her. I do. I don’t want this. This isn’t me.” I think to myself as I hold back the silent crying. “It feels… Good to be so relaxed next to her… And it feels good to be so loving with someone too… Though never in my 35 years I ever liked the idea of it… At least not after…” I choke on air, immediately close the sink.

After some time staring down, trying with all I have to wipe the thought away, she comes out of the room, in black pants, buttoning her white blazer, like a less enchanting version of the uniform she usually wears in our world.

“Next time, I’ll wait for you to wake up so we can get ready together. Never have I regretted an early bath before.” She chuckles in genuine pity. My face combusts red. I turn around.

“Give me a minute, my dear.” I snapped, in a smile and despair.

Our shoulders touch as I pass right by her confused face, rushing myself to the bathroom and slamming the door shut.

I take a long deep breath, praying my continuous scream is muffled enough by the face towel I wrap around my head in agony.

“AAAAAAAH I’m going to FUCKING kill her.” I think to myself, shouting inside my own head.

I then open the door, looking at her with a smile.

“True! What was I thinking to sleep for so long?” I say laughing a lot… A lot. Then I notice it probably sounds insane so I just look at her with a poker face. “...it was a great idea. Wake me up next time. Now wait for me, I’ll be quick. I want to leave with you.”

“...Oook.” She says with a little smile, but clearly confused. I smile back, closing the door with calm.

I stare at myself in the mirror, unable to do anything.

“...Maybe a part of me does like her.”

I sigh. Not knowing if I need to wake up or stay in here forever.