10101: I promise ...!

“Kanpai!” We all toasted and drank our first sips. The mild flavor of green tea flooded my mouth.

We sat at the table of the common room from our dorm. The whole desk was filled with insane amounts of food. As a surprise MacKenzie-sensei had prepared a feast after our victory at the Kibansentou. Since we were a mixed dorm, we had both a male and female teacher as dorm parents – Ando-sensei and MacKenzie-sensei. Everyone was here, even Rukami-senpai. “How much of the plan was actually intended?” she asked as I handed her a bowl filled with rice.

“The part with the trojan horses was not planned at all. If it hasn’t been for this software, we would’ve been screwed for good.” Naoki-senpai laughed and elbowed Ando-sensei, who was sitting right next to him.

The addressed one was just occupied, stacking a few pieces of meat onto his colleague’s plate. “Let’s be honest here: He could have also taken a closer look at the file and definitely would have noticed that something was off. We simply had a huge amount of luck that he didn’t.”

“That’s enough for me, thank you!” MacKenzie-sensei signaled him to stop.

“Oh really? But normally you take like …”

“It doesn’t matter what I normally do!” she interrupted him and got bright red around the cheeks. “I mean … the kids must be hungry.”

He chuckled and took some meat for himself.

We ate and celebrated. It had been a long time since I had been so full after a meal. I hadn’t expected MacKenzie-sensei to be such a great cook – let alone for Japanese dishes. We chatted a lot about the Kibansentou, about how close it was and how great everyone else performed. Rukami-senpai told us about how she experienced it all from the audience. She told us about the group of freshmen girls behind them that slandered with one another about us at the beginning but quickly changed their opinion when Kayami and I managed to capture the first two flags.

It was really fun to talk and laugh about what happened and we all had a lot to talk about already.

It had been the right decision to change schools. Even though this would not be an easy road, I knew that it was the right one. All of this felt like the beginning of something great … the beginning of my life at Ineigaikan.

Nonetheless, there was still something left to do … and I wanted to do it today, even though it seriously terrified me. I looked at Kayami-senpai. She again sat right next to me, smiled as she followed the conversation, laughed at the jokes. The warm light from the lamp above us reflected softly on her skin, made her golden hair sparkle. She really had to be the most beautiful creature on earth. Then suddenly, she looked right back at me and noticed how I had stared, but she just replied with a warm smile.

“Okay guys, I’d say it’s time for the official part.” Naoki-senpai stood up and took something out of a plastic bag leaning at the wall. “Kayami-san, Isato-kun: Would you be so kind to come to me?”

We stood up and positioned next to him in front of the big sliding window to the wooden terrace. All the others at the table watched the procedure attentively.

When we stood next to him, Naoki-senpai began. “If I’m being fully honest, it does not really feel like you two just joined our club. It feels like you’ve already been a part of us for an eternity. Maybe it’s because we’ve all suffered through the preparation for this Kibansentou together, but I think the real reason is that both of you are white hats by heart and both of you already know exactly what you are doing. So, let’s learn together as a new club!”

He gave me the thing from his bag. It was a white piece of clothing and felt really soft. Kayami-senpai received the other one. “Take those as a gift. Everyone from our club has one: A white hoodie.”

I smiled and unfolded it. “Oh, that’s great.”

“Wow!” Kayami-senpai exclaimed.

“I hope the sizes work for you. If not, we can still change.”

We both threw them over. The hoodie was really comfy and warm with slightly fluffy fabric on the inside. I looked at Kayami-senpai. She just pulled her long hair out of the collar, ordered her bangs.

“Yours could be a touch smaller, couldn’t it?” Naoki-senpai asked her.

“No, it’s just great. I like hoodies that are slightly too big.” She shot me a short look that made me feel slightly uncomfortable. I looked away a bit coy. Would I even be able to bring up the courage to tell her?

“Great! Then you officially are White Hoods now!” Everyone at the table applauded, as Naoki-senpai pulled both of us into a hug. “Congratulations!”

“Thank you!” We said in unison and had to laugh when we noticed.

“Oh, and one thing!” MacKenzie-sensei stood up. “Nakayama, if you want to actually move into our dormitory, we will be able to arrange that. For this week it had only been a temporary solution, but since all of your new club mates live here it might make sense for you to join them as well.”

Kayami-senpai’s face lighted up. “Yeah, if that is possible, I would love to!”

“Then I’ll arrange everything for your move.” MacKenzie-sensei clapped in her hands.

We cleared the table together, did the dishes and then sat together in the common room and chatted on. Our two teachers already went to their respective rooms, so it was just us. Kayami-senpai sat right next to me again, closer than ever because Naoki-senpai occupied a lot of space right next to her, forcing her closer to me. I knew he had only good intentions, but it got really hard to endure her presence, unable to find a pretense to talk to her in private. Occasionally a strand of her hair brushed over my hand. She smelled amazing and with every passing second tension rose inside my body.

My gaze trailed off to the glass door of the terrace. It was already dark outside. Maybe I could ask her to go outside with me … but that would be next level awkward in front of the others, wouldn’t it? Maybe I had to find another moment, a better one … and there I was searching for excuses again.

“Guys, you know what? I’m slowly getting tired. I’ll head to my room,” Rukami-senpai said and stood up.

“I’ll go as well. I still have a bit of homework left.” Ouzen-kun joined her and they left to their rooms.

Naoki-senpai looked at Airii-chan. “Are you up for cuddling and TV?”

She nodded. “Can we also test the new condoms you bought? These studded …”

“Airii-chan!” Naoki-senpai winced. Then, for a moment, all color seemed to have faded out of his body. His head turned shakily to us. “You two … uh … you haven’t heard any of … uhm.”

Kayami-senpai rested her head on her elbows. She winked at them. “Have your fun, but try to be not as loud as last night, okay? It’s a bit hard to sleep when you two … y’now?”

Naoki-senpai gulped. Now redness flushed his face. He grabbed his girlfriend’s hand and pulled her after him. I heard how he silently scolded her to not talk about such indecent things when other people were present. Airii-senpai really was a bit funny at times.

I turned my head to Kayami-senpai. Now it was only the two of us. Was this the right moment? I still wanted to go outside. You couldn’t see all the corridors from here and even though the others probably wouldn’t eavesdrop, I felt a bit observed in here.

“Now … are we gonna go to bed as well?” she asked and pulled one of her knees to her chest. I was not quite sure if this was meant to be a rhetorical question.

“Yeah … uh …. I mean, we could also … I haven’t seen the terrace yet.” What kind of bumpy argumentation was that?

She smiled. “It’s a bit cold outside, but I guess we could go out for a few minutes. Maybe we have luck and there aren’t any clouds.”

Maybe we have luck. I nodded. “Okay.”

We turned off the light inside and opened the big, glassy sliding door. A chilly breeze blew. The terrace was built on stilts and completely made of wood, towering a bit over the slightly descending terrain, so it was at the same height of the treetops. Not far off in the distance a few dim lights from the other buildings of the island shone through the trees. There was just a wooden table with attached benches. Kayami-senpai walked up to the railing and the wind swayed her long, golden hair around. I looked up and as my eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness, I noticed we actually had luck. It was a cloudless night, and I was certain I had never seen the stars clearer. It was not just a few dim lights – the way I was used to see them from the city. I saw the whole milky way. Billions and Trillions of stars right above our heads. I was at loss for words.

“It’s one of the most beautiful sights, seeing the stars with hardly any light pollution. One of the advantages, living on a lonely island,” she said and turned around to me, when a stronger gust of wind threw her hair to the side. She tensed her arms, put the hands into the pocket of the white hoodie.

I had to find a way to introduce this … to slide into the topic smoothly. Our first meeting came to my mind – when I tackled her to the ground, thinking she was a guy. How things actually twisted and turned around, didn’t they? “Do you believe in destiny?” I asked her.

She blinked at the question; her eyes glazed over, and she turned around to the railing again, seemed to trail off in thought. I made a few steps closer to her and really had to fight the urge of just pulling her into an embrace from behind. Instead, I positioned myself right next to her. She breathed through. “Look up at the stars and tell me what you see.”

I did as she said to let the image sink in. “A beautiful night sky.”

“What exactly do you see in this night sky?”

“Uh … stars?” I asked. “What are you aiming for with this question?”

She lowered her gaze and turned towards me. I noticed that she was freezing a bit. I trembled as well, but not just because of the cold. She grinned. “It’s essentially the same question you just asked me.”

“Really?”

“Yeah … do you see millions of randomly scattered dots of light or do you recognize constellations or other patterns? The Big Dipper, the Great Bear or anything else?”

I looked at her with an open mouth. Sure … humans tried to find patterns in the stars nearly as long as they existed. We searched for things we knew and could hold onto in a sea of things we didn’t understand.

“It’s a big mass of randomness created by the big bang, shaped by the laws of nature and the fabric of space time. I certainly believe that there is some kind of pattern, but we humans could never comprehend it. Life in its complexity present on earth surely isn’t just the product of the throw of a dice, but it hasn’t been created with a big intent either.” In the darkness her eyes looked at mine. Sharp. “Calling something fate or destiny isn’t anything but trying to find constellations in the sky. In the end it will always be stars and the connection of them will remain man made. That is why I don’t think the concept of destiny exists.”

I gulped. “Do you think that our meeting was just an accident, then? And that we met again against all odds as well?”

She bit her lip and evaded my view. “I know how tempting this belief is, but just because us meeting again was really improbable doesn’t imply that it is intended by some celestial force. Only our own actions have intent. So, I rather try to focus on what I really see and really feel and really want. And maybe you should do the same.”

I breathed through clenched my hands, as a shudder came over my body. I gulped. “What I want …? Dating you is what I want!”

Now it was out, and I couldn’t take it back. My stomach turned. I was unable to recognize her expression in the darkness. Her silence was unbearable, but I noticed nervousness rising in her body. “Oh, uh … wow. That is quite a … thing to say.”

I didn’t reply anything, waiting for a proper answer. Instead of words, a sharp silence cut between us. Kayami-senpai clenched her hands. “I’m really enjoying your company as well,” she exclaimed. “When we met at your school for the first time, I had been at the deepest point. It was also thanks to your words that I found the strength to leave this part of my past behind. I’m grateful for everything and loved every little second, I spent with you the last week. And I can’t wait on spending more time with you, but …” Her voice cracked. She started sobbing, turned towards me. Her hands clenched into the white fabric of my hoodie.

“Hey … take it slow.” I noticed how my own voice was right at the edge of breaking. I supported her, let her glide into a loose embrace and caressed her back, my hands running over the soft fabric of her white hoodie. I already felt that her answer would not be what I hoped for, and it was only my willpower that currently stopped my heart from shattering into millions of pieces.

“I’m a mess, a broken girl!” She cried out. “… more than I am able to tell anyone. It’s just … I need time to figure stuff out … a lot of time. I love to spend time with you, be near you, really! It’s just that … all this is completely new for me, and I don’t want to confuse this feeling drawing me towards you for love, when in reality I just like to be around you as a good friend.” She pressed her forehead against my chest. “I’m sorry! I really hate myself to do this. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I … understand.” I nodded slowly. Talking got hard. “But you have to promise me that you don’t approach all this on your own. You have the White Hoods now. And you …” The lump in my throat grew too big to keep on talking. Tears welled up in my eyes. “… you have me as well. We’ll stay best friends, okay? And when you’ve figured all of this out, then …” A sweet pain filled my heart. “… then I’ll ask you the same question again.”

Both of us cried arm in arm, entangled deeply into the embrace with one another, standing at the railing of the wooden terrace. The chilly night around and the starlit sky above us. “I promise!” Kayami-senpai uttered. “I promise that after I figured all of this out …”

It was this chilly night in spring that we made a promise to one another. We didn’t know how long it would take to fulfill it – if we could even fulfill it at all – but we promised that it was not an absolute end, that there was still hope. But as long as there was hope, there was suffering – as long as the burning spark fought against the raging storm.

“… if you’ve still not given up on me then …”

Despite all that we made a promise – no bad blood if we broke it and gave up on the way – but we wanted to try, because we felt that there was something it was worth fighting for.

“… I will be all yours!”