Reason

It started in 2024. It was my 11th birthday, and my father gave me a present. It was a chess set. 

My father and I played one game, and it was love at first sight. I was obsessed with the game. 

After that, I would play the game over and over again. I would always ask my father to play a game. Sometimes, I would also ask my mother as well. I would beat them every time. Everything was fine, and a year passed. 

Then, everything changed. My father didn't want to play games with me. He was too busy arguing with my mother about something. 

Maybe it was because of an affair my mother had with another man. My mother countered, saying that my father wasn't doing anything to contribute to the family. 

Hearing this on the stairs, I was saddened, to say the least. I thought that I should play some chess on my own to clear my mind. 

I head back to my room and set up the board. I moved the pieces of white and black, reaching a strange position. I kept playing while my parents were fighting downstairs. Black won. 

Morning came. I woke up and get out of bed. I went out of the room and head downstairs. It was quiet. Not a single sound. I was hungry, but there was no food at the table so I decided to cook. 

I made a very simple omurice. The taste was acceptable. After I finished the meal, I washed the dishes. Just then, someone came down the stairs. It was my mother.

I asked her if she was hungry, but he said no, and just went outside. She said she was going to work. I bid her goodbye, but she didn't respond. 

I went upstairs to my room and found the chessboard. The position was the same as it was last night. I sat down and rearranged the pieces and played alone again. White won this time. 

By the time I finished, it was already dusk. I went downstairs to cook food. I made two portions of miso soup. The door opened as I was setting up the table. It was my father. In the morning, it was Mother. Now it was Father. What happened to them last night? 

"Dinner's ready." I invited him to eat. We sat down and ate. We didn't utter a single word during that. 

I cleaned the dishes and asked my father a question.

"Dad, do you wanna play chess?" I invited him to play chess. He didn't say anything. Was he mad at me? I asked him again whilst pulling on his jacket, still no. I eventually let it go and went upstairs. 

Just then I heard the front door open. I took a peak and it was my mom. She and my father immediately started arguing. I didn't step in and went to my room. I played chess, just like I did last night. turned on my computer and played chess online.

This cycle repeated for a whole week. I would wake up, and find one of my parents leaving. I would always play chess by myself whenever I had nothing to do. I didn't go to school cause there was no one at the house. I thought that my home was more important than anything else. It was getting lonely, playing chess alone. Just analyzing the positions and calculating moves was getting a bit boring.

Then, at the end of the week, I found a letter in front of the house. The mail had no name on it. I took it inside and opened the mail. It said that there was a chess tournament for 12-year-olds in my city. I was excited. If I could go, this was the first tournament I could ever play, and I was only 12 years old. Plus, I could get rid of my boredom. As I was overjoyed, I almost forgot to make dinner. My father arrived and we tuck in.

After he and I ate, I told my father that I wanted to play in the tournament. I thought this news would lighten him up a bit, but it did the opposite.

He said, " Oh really? So you're saying you're better than me, is that it?" It infuriated him. I didn't know why back then. I thought, shouldn't he be happy? His son just wanted to play in a contest. Why was he acting like he was resenting me?

"N-no, that's not what I-" As I was trying to clarify my words, the door opened and it was my mother. The atmosphere quickly became tense as they both stare at each other.

"M-Mom! Look! There's a chess tournament being held near here. I want to play!" I tried to lighten up the mood. But just like him, it was the reverse.

"HA?! SO WHAT!" She sounded angrier than my father. Why are they both acting like this? Why can't they support me?

"All you care about is that stupid game. You do nothing, just like your father." 

Why? Why are you angry at me, Mom?

My father didn't say a word when her words were also directed to him. Being between them was crushing my emotional health. My parents used to be nice. They've never fought and have always put their child first, me. But now, they didn't care about each other, even me. It was like I was never their son. 

I couldn't take it anymore, and I rushed to my room upstairs. I grabbed all of my things and put them in my bag. I looked at the chessboard, thinking about all the fun we had while playing chess. I gathered the pieces and put them in my bag. 

I quickly ran downstairs with my bag on my back. The situation was exactly as it was before I left. They were still angrily staring at each other. When I ran past them, they both turned toward me. I was heading for the front door. 

"Where do you think you're going?!" My mother angrily asked me. I turned around and answered her.

"If you guys are just going to keep fighting, then I don't want to be anywhere near both of you!" I yelled, stating that I didn't want to be with them. 

"Do you think you can survive without us?! You're only 12!" She yelled again.

"I don't care! I'd rather be homeless than be with a bunch of immature parents!" I yelled back and grabbed the front door.

"Don't contact me," I said before running out of the house. I was now a runaway child. I said what was in my mind. I decided to not get myself involved in both of them, that I would be a better person than them.

Days passed as I was staying at a public park. Luckily, it wasn't raining. Then it was the day of the tournament.

I registered and participated. I won first place and beat everyone there. It was probably because I was always playing chess that I won. Even though it was supposed to be a good thing, I didn't smile the whole time, still traumatized by everything that happened these past few days. 

The first place was offered a scholarship to a good school. And so, I got a scholarship at a decent school. I played in tournaments over and over. 

Then I realized something. Chess was all I had. No one wouldn't known me if it wasn't for chess. If could be the best player in the world, everyone will notice me. 

Time passed, and I was now 17 years old. My skills got sharper, but my attitude became rotten, being smug and bragging about my wins to others was all I did. I was playing at the Japan Chess Cup. I've made it to the quarterfinals. That was when it happened. 

My loss to him and his words were what made me realize what I've done in my life. I've become a total narcissist. I said that I wouldn't be like my parents, but I've become something worse. 

Right then, I decided that I wouldn't play chess ever again. I was scared that if I did, my horrible attitude would return.

I stayed away from it for one whole month. The whole school talked about me and the things that happened. That made my situation worse, but it made me realize even more that what I did not only changed me, but it affected the people around me. Everyday, I ignored them and instead, I would cry in my room.

All of this happened because of chess. If I didn't play chess, all of this might've never happened. But now, I know that the game wasn't to blame but me.

I caused everything that happened to me and chess isn't to blame. It was me all along...

To be continued...