Kaguya-Sama Wants to Fight

A woman stared in the mirror as female attendants dressed her in a large kimono, wrapping the obi around her waist before tying it into a fashionable drum bow. Her face was calm and gentle the entire time, even as the loud colors of the fabric claimed her body.

They finished and scuttled away quickly, leaving the woman to contemplate for a moment before looking up at the wall, where a set of katana hung. Casually, she fetched one, resting it on her shoulder before walking out of the room and down a set of hallways. The attendants that were with her trailed several paces behind, head bowed slightly to show their piety.

Her path led to a large audience hall, where hundreds of men were lined up neatly. Most of them wore slick suits, professional and flawless. There were exceptions, of course. But one could tell a person’s rank immediately by the cut of their outfit and how much care they put into themselves.

Particularly, when in attendance of someone as important as the lady in a kimono.

“Ohayo gozaimasu, Kaguya Ane-san!”

The men all bowed in sync, their palms on their thighs and heads down. It was a sign of utmost respect for the leader of the most powerful gang in the region – the Mitsubishi group. They controlled the underworld, a society where the lawful couldn’t reach. Because someone had to do it. Why not it be them?

Kaguya’s face was stern as scanned the room. Normally, no one fell out of line. But today, she noticed one person looking left and right, like he hardly belonged in the same room. She swiftly jumped down the stage and walked forward.

The men parted quickly, heads still down, creating a ripple throughout the room. It was best to get out of the way at times like this. There was no being stopped once she had her eyes on someone. She approached the man that caught her eye and spoke.

“Are you a new initiate?”

Sheepishly, the man looked up. Instantly, he became a bundle of nerves. He drew back, but not before Kaguya snatched his sleeve and held it before her.

“Dirty cuffs. Didn’t bother to change after doing your business, huh.”

She pointed the butt end of her sheath right up to his face, threatening him not to move.

“A cheap suit. You wear your lowliness with you. That shows you lack discipline… commitment… a proper place in this hall, doesn’t it?”

“I-I didn’t have time to clean up after a collection. Sorry for that, Kaguya Ane-sama. I’ll be sure to work on that…”

The man nervously shook his head up and down, begging for forgiveness. His eyes lacked a sense of polish and devotion, that which was ingrained in all of her members. Elsewhere, the light sounds of people sharply inhaling slowly propagated – for they knew exactly what was going to happen next.

“Liar!”

In one quick motion, Kaguya delivered a swift kick into the man’s stomach, making him stumble back several steps. But before he could even choke out a response, the sharp blade of a katana came down and sliced him from shoulder to waist. The diagonal slash sent a splatter of blood to the ground as the man fell backwards, dead on the spot.

“Wretched spies,” Kaguya said, sheathing the blade. The room was quiet as she looked around to the others. “Send someone to clean this up. Find whatever group who sent him, and deliver the body bag on their doorstep.”

Several men nodded and motioned for their subordinates to take care of the mess. Kaguya walked up to the chair on the stage and sat down, her business for this meeting complete. She had merely called everyone up due to the rumor of a mole.

The fastest way to find him was to test the entire room, looking for inconsistencies in behavior. There had been only one person that had no idea how to act in front of the Mitsubishi matriarch.

Despite being a gang working in the shadows, the Mitsubishi group upheld a certain code. Those that joined were expected to do one thing – speak nothing but the truth, no matter what. Even if it meant the matriarch stared the person down, her members had the resolve to defend truthfully or not speak at all. And if their eyes strayed from hers during such a confrontation…

Kaguya could sniff out a ‘Yes Man’ quite easily. That was what made her so commanding. When one worked in the underworld, ‘truth’ was the most valuable thing when gaining allies. Otherwise, there would be no guessing when trouble would sneak up to claim her.

After all, she was a woman in this society built for men, and it was only due to her ruthless ability to put people in line did she remain at the top.

“Ane-san, I can pursue the trail of money and goods this man was involved in!”

“Ane-san, I can send my men to dig up every connection that man had!”

Two voices spoke over each other in an attempt to capture Kaguya’s attention first. She looked over at the two of them, identical in face and body, but very different in mind.

Wen Lu of the Sun Clan and Wen Zhi of the Moon Clan – these two were identical siblings that were forced apart at birth, to prevent bad luck. Interestingly, the two men rose from their respective clans and became the heads, a different approach by each sibling.

Wen Lu was quick-witted and cautious, preferring to line up his deck perfectly before delivering a single, fatal strike to his enemies. In contrast, Wen Zhi charged his way to the answer, relying on force to speedily draw out surrenders.

Kaguya looked back and forth between the siblings, who were the obvious choices to lead as the next patriarch of the group. She held up a hand to dismiss the room. The large audience hall grew silent as all who remained were Kaguya and the two clan heads.

She walked up to the two bowing men and placed a hand on their shoulder. It was a gentle touch to relieve them of their immediate duty.

“Tell me, how are my boys?”

Boys… That was what they were to her. Forced to follow a hierarchy that prevent them from approaching her casually. Even in private, a wall stood between them, ensuring their images were held up appropriately.

Wen Lu and Wen Zhi looked up and took a step back, taking Kaguya’s hand and planting a gentle kiss on the back of it. Their movements displayed utter devotion.

But that made Kaguya barely hold back a grimace. She hated being put on a pedestal, just because she was born into a crime family. Nevertheless, she persisted in her duties, picking up the mantle after her parents were slain. There was no time to be selfish, not when so many people depended on her leadership.

“I’ve told you before. There is no need for formalities while in private.”

The twins looked at each other, still stiff in their mannerisms. That sort of uncertain behavior as they checked what the other would do was cute to Kaguya. Even separated, the two men were undoubtedly brothers. She wanted to give her dearest followers a hug, but circumstances made even that a hesitation. After all, the sword that she carried should embody her actions over her emotions.

“Please Kaguya Ane-san, leave everything to me. You have the wisest scouts at your side.”

“Please Kaguya Ane-san, leave everything to me. You have the strongest forces at your side.”

Even the men’s words synced up at times, all except for their personal strengths. Kaguya nodded to them, knowing that the two of them combined would be near unstoppable. They would find out who had tried to sneak in that mole. Just because an enemy could approach within striking distance to the Mitsubishi head, that didn’t mean that she would let him act first.

Wen Lu and Wen Zhi turned to depart, but suddenly, the door opened again. Several members from before spilled into the room, panic on their faces.

“Attack! We are being raided!”

Kaguya furrowed her brow in surprise, while the twins immediately went on the defensive.

“Who would dare?! The Isuzu group? The Suzuki group? I doubt it’s the Subarus who would be stretched thin.”

“None of them, Kaguya Ane-san!”

“Then, who?!”

The men continued to look forward but like they would be struck dead on the spot if they answered truthfully. Knowing that they had no choice, they spat out the answer.

“A single man.”

“What?!”

The three in the room were baffled. A single man against nearly a thousand trained members of the area’s top gang? That was suicidal at best and insanity if not.

“Why are you here to inform me of a single nuisance?! Go take care of him yourselves!”

“But… but… we can’t stop him…”

“There is no need to detain him, cut him-”

“We’ve tried! Sliced him, stabbed him, shot him up! He just keeps bouncing back! No matter what we do, he keeps making ground, like a freaking zombie!”

The group rushed outside, where they immediately saw the backs of many gang members filling their vision. Beyond that, defeated men were littered about – against the walls and upon the stone-tiled ground, dragged off to safety by their companions. Streaks of red stained the areas where they came from, the sounds of fighting at the very center of the courtyard.

Kaguya and the twins bellowed out to the crowd, who parted way just enough for them to see a lone fighter knocking down several men in a blink of an eye.

His movements were slick and swift. The black trench coat he wore fluttered around him as he twisted one person’s arm and flipped him painfully on his back, while delivering a kick to another person’s head, spinning him cartoonishly in the air.

Two more rushed him with knives. The mysterious man whipped around, such that Kaguya could see that the rest of his outfit was jet black like his mantle. A nightstick was gripped tightly in his right hand, and a mask covered his eyes.

He flicked the nightstick right into one man’s throat, but the other opponent managed to stab him in the side in the meantime. Undaunted by it, he jabbed his left hand into his attacker’s chest, forcing the man to back up and clutch himself. Moments later, he vomited and fell over.

It took less than a minute for the new arrivals to understand why their men had trouble dealing with the lone attacker – his movements were precise, to the point that a single strike was enough to down each opponent. A lack of wasted movement meant fewer openings, and his awareness of who to strike down first was impeccable.

The few men that had guns had already been downed, their weapons smashed into pieces. The same could be said for those skilled with weapons. They had been singled out first, taken out to stir up more chaos among those with less composure.

Another group of men were dispatched, flung meters away by a single spinning strike. Blood stained their fronts, which made Kaguya arch a brow in surprise.

The blunt weapon that the man wielded would not draw blood, yet they were stained by it. But then, she noticed the blood pooling at the man’s feet – it was his own. Beaten, stabbed, shot, and cut – the lone attacker’s wounds were disguised by the black clothing he wore. Still, he stood his ground and fought on.

Delivering only knockout blows, he gave off an utter unwillingness to kill, making those around him shudder at the thought of such bravado being paired with complete foolishness. His aura infected his opponents around him, who had cooled enough to make attempts at downing him without the edge for murder.

Already, the lone attacker had made quite the impact, defeating several hundred by himself. And Kaguya could see it clearly in his actions – he would not fall even if every last one of them came after him. She raised her hand and called out to the crowd.

“Enough! Pull back now!”

Her men stopped, leaving a wide berth for their intruder. The bloodstained courtyard looked like a blossom of death unraveling.

“Why have you attacked us, lone stranger? While I am impressed by your tenacity, you have made enemies of the Mitsubishi group, the top gang of this area! What foolish errand causes you to invoke our wrath?!”

Blood dripped down the side of his face as the man looked right at Kaguya. He pointed his nightstick right at her.

“Let’s see… You may call me ‘Jokester’. Here is my calling card.”

Jokester pulled one from his pocket and flicked it through the air, letting Kaguya catch it. She eyed the strange emblem on it before flipping it over, reading aloud the words on it.

“To the head of Mitsubishi group, you hide the truth behind walls of duty, never seeking beyond what is there. The twins at your side are not shackles, but wings to take you to freedom. Release yourself from this prison, and step forth with them by your side. Signed, The Phantom Jokester of Hearts.”

Kaguya looked up from the card, flabbergasted by what it all meant. But there was one thing that was clear as her sights went back to the man struck in a dramatic pose – he would not back down.

“Lady Kaguya, I have come to take your heart!”