I Lie Awake

“Yo, Chrys. It’s been a while. You’ve certainly grown up since the last time I saw you.”

I half-heartedly waved, seeing that the girl before me was on edge, a sleeping beauty on guard after being awoken. I knew very well that I was not her ‘prince’. He was still asleep beside her, under a large wisteria tree upon a grassy hill.

The site that I had found myself in while searching for her was small, a city-sized terrarium of tranquil forest greens and flowering buds. It was what I imagined an elven girl would recluse herself in, after what had happened.

After what ‘I’ did to her.

Her silent hesitation only served to confirm that she was wary of me. Her eyes watched me like a hawk while one arm shielded her partner.

There was only one thing I could do at this point. I pulled out a thermos and popped off the top. Pouring out some steaming liquid, I extended it to her.

“Here, remember when we first met? The words you said made me nearly gave me a heart attack at first. But then, do you recall it? How you said it tastes like ‘home’.”

Slowly, Chrys took the cup and drank, letting the taste of consommé coat her tongue. Her eyes widened, and a flourish of green sprouted from her feet.

Nature’s bounty, distilled into a broth – that was the first time that Chrysanthemum’s homesickness was dispelled.

And for me, that was the first time I felt like a ‘home’ was where one made it. Regardless of the place that I was thrown into or who I was meant to be, if I could create a place for myself, then that would be where I settled my roots.

“I’m home, Chrys. It’s just me this time, no one else inside.”

Chrys dropped the cup and wrapped her arms around me, crying. I could tell. She had been through a lot. As someone else that remembered quite a bit of her own past lives, Chrys had to remain mature despite her youthful body.

And it was no more apparent than the situation that Chrys had created for Yi Long and herself. I had been watching for a while silently, browsing through the records of this place.

After the two of them were revived, into older bodies this time, Chrys had awoken to Yi Long suffering from a mental breakdown. Their final moments were fresh in their memory, triggering immense grief in the boy who was only about 11 years old mentally. The sight of his close companions being slain was too much for him, so Chrys decided to wipe his memories of it.

Even that wasn’t enough. Yi Long remained paranoid, scared of every little thing, unable to adjust to the new life granted to him. He barely even looked at her.

Using the power of the site, Chrys decided to put themselves to sleep, to restart from the very beginning. In their dreams, they would meet as children again, a time before all the conflict happened. It was only at that point that Yi Long reverted to his normal self.

In that dreamscape, they spent years together, growing from amateur adventurers to hardy veterans. They did everything together that they had missed out on in their past lives. Wonderful experiences were made to overwrite all the bad things from before.

But Chrys also knew – their time together was just a dream. A playful scenario crafted to repair Yi Long’s fractured mind.

And as the years inside their dream flew by and time converged with their present selves, she started to worry.

‘Will things ever be the same again?’

They were two very different people to begin with, only brought together by fate. She was an elven girl, originating from another planet entirely. Her passed-down memories made her a far different existence than the boy beside her. But even still, the young heart in her body grew to love him. She used every bit of her abilities to protect the life they shared.

I could see it in Chrysanthemum’s eyes. She never wanted to fight, but the courage to protect her ‘home’ meant everything to her. She pulled back and went back to gently petting Yi Long’s hair.

“It is good to see you, Claude. But I do not wish to help. Leave me here with my love and let us grow old together….”

“In that dream of yours – sailing the seas, finding treasure and beating up legendary foes? That sounds like quite the nice setup you have there… but you know what? A video game has to end at some point.”

Chrys turned to me with a look of confusion.

“A game, you say? Perhaps, this is what this is. But I’ve found what I want to live for, and I no longer want to give it up. For what’s right? For a greater goal? No, I’m just a selfish girl that doesn’t want to be alone. That has always been the case, clinging onto this role despite it all.”

I saw the pain in her eyes as she looked down at Yi Long. Tears brimmed from the corners of her eyes. I knew that there was no convincing her at this point.

Even if someone were surrounded by people, if her heart wasn’t into it, then she could never truly feel like she belonged. That was the case for Chrysanthemum, ever since she was first summoned from her dying planet.

Though everyone treated her well, she couldn’t help but feel alone. That was why she went along with Architect Claude’s plan. That was why she carried a hope that her planet would be revived some day in the future.

“I’m not like the others who have discarded their names. I never once felt kinship to the others, and because of that, I never felt betrayed. All I have left is a precious name, a good-luck charm to remember the sad, lonely girl that wanted more for herself.”

“And you found it here.”

“Yes. Here, I am finally free…”

“Then, I’ll head out for now. But I’ll come back another time. Just like how you’ve been waiting so long to find the ‘home’ you’ve always wanted, it’s now my turn to fulfill the obligation that man promised everyone – to make a ‘home’ for them all.”

I gave them a bow and turned around, walking through the forest and out of sight. There was no point forcing someone into the good fight.

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Chrys watched as Claude left the area, like his visit had been a dream itself. She shook her head, wondering if she had spent too long in her indulgences. Once she had a taste of pleasure, it became harder and harder to deny how fun it was to live out her dreams.

Whether it was becoming a singing idol, baking sweet treats for others, or enjoying adventures – she enjoyed it all. Life was a precious thing. And when it was taken from her at the height of it, Chrys felt bitter. Far more bitter than she ever felt before. She had never realized what it meant for aspirations to crumble, as karma seemed to always cut her life short to balance the luck.

She never hated her own powerlessness more, far more than losing her planet all those cycles ago.

Chrys laid down upon the soft grass, the shade of wisteria blossoms offering her a cool refuge. Closing her eyes, she willed herself to return, to that beach where Yi Long was.

“This isn’t like you, Chrys.”

Her eyes snapped open, and she stared to the side. Yi Long’s expression stared back.

“Y-You were awake?”

“Yeah. You were a bit more forward than normal, so I thought it was strange. When you disappeared into those lights, I thought something was amiss. I traced the magic and found myself waking up here. By that time, I saw you talking to Brother Claude.”

“Y-You know?!”

Yi Long gave her a gentle smile.

“Of course, I’ve known. I’m connected to you. It started off quiet, but over the years, I started recognizing the bravado of a tough girl, putting on appearances while crying on the inside. And when I wondered why, I noticed a spell placed over me. And little by little, I gained the ability to unwind it. To uncover the secret that you so tightly wound around me.”

Chrys turned away from him, cheeks flushed at having been found out. She had only one thing to say in response.

“Then, you realize that this is all a farce.”

“A farce that I am grateful to spend years within. A farce that has helped me become who I wish to be.”

Yi Long stood up, bringing his hand forward. Mana swelled around his fingertips, until the makings of a Wind spell emerged. The wind caressed his body and settled below his feet, making him rise a meter up. And then, he whipped around the area, gliding as effortlessly as he did within the dream.

“Yi Long… that spell…” Chrys’s eyes widened as she watched he move around with glee.

“I couldn’t do it so well as a kid, but it seems like all those years of image training, even if it was a dream, helped propel my capabilities.”

Yi Long swept by and scooped Chrys up, letting her settle comfortably upon his shoulders. He wouldn’t hesitate to give her a ride, no matter the occasion. They danced and swirled in the air for the first time in their actual bodies. And throughout it all, Yi Long had a wide smile.

“Thank you, Chrys. For being there for me. For waiting for me to mature until I could shoulder the very burdens that you have held all along. Now, I am strong enough to carry you with them. It doesn’t matter how many lifetimes of worries you have. This is the life we have now. And carrying you with me is much lighter than you make it seem.”

Chrys hugged herself against the back of his head. She had worried so much for him in the beginning, but perhaps, she had neglected to see how much a person could grow in a short span of time. After all, she had been unchanged for so very long.

Yi Long suddenly stopped in mid-air, letting himself drop to his feet on the ground.

“Besides, don’t you want to go help? ‘Home’ isn’t just me and you. It’s all our brothers and sisters. It’s the people of Sanshiro, of Sistina, and of Macali. Why settle with just me when a whole world is here for you?”

They stared into each other’s eyes. Chrys was the first to look away.

Somehow, he had known. That Chrys had been lying the whole time.

Even if she couldn’t feel exactly ‘at home’ with the people around her, there was no doubt that their kindness touched her. She believed that she was asking too much when it came to the others, so she had settled for the one person in her grasp.

But truly, she would have rather adventured with the entire crew. A ship full of energetic companions, the banter of many clashing views, and achievements that were shared amongst all.

“It’s not too late. Claude did say he was going to come back.”

Chrys nodded.

‘It wasn’t too late,’ she repeatedly reminded herself.

They had waited ever so long, but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t take the first step. Her legs took off, dragging Yi Long with her. But before they left the clearing that ended with a thick forest where Claude walked off, a portal appeared right before them.

A chef walked out of it, his arms crossed like he was expecting them.

“I had my suspicions so I kept an eye on you two, but it seems like you’ve found your motivation.”

The two of them nodded and said together.

“Our ‘home’ is with everyone. It is where we make it. It’s only precious if we can share its joy with everyone.”

“I see. Well, this ship is glad to sail with you. There’s always room in our motley crew for a couple of youngsters, regardless of luck and magic. I wouldn’t have made it this far if I stopped simply because I was powerless.”

Chrys and Yi Long started to step toward the portal, but Claude held out his hand.

“There’s a little bit more time before departure. Why don’t you two enjoy your vacation a little longer?”

Claude bent over and whispered.

“Don’t forget that you’re not in a dream anymore. Try to keep it a little more contained.”

That earned him a swift slap and a magic-laced fist. But Claude shrugged it off with a laugh as he waved goodbye to the two of them and disappeared into the portal. The gateway remained for them to head through if they should be needed.