The Nightmare

I was in the room the Parkers had prepared for me. David did not seem to deviate much from what my dad said about him. His two sons also seemed to be nice people. My new brothers. I laughed at the sound of the word because I already had brothers, brothers who were never born. My mother miscarried four times before she was pregnant with me, but she paid for it with her life. Lucas would have been the age of that older Parker Hyacinth. Right, dad? However, he is absent, and neither are Leon, Lewis, and Liam. There is no one, I am completely alone.

I sat in front of the mirror I placed on my desk, staring at my reflection, wondering if I could bond with someone from whom I had to hide my true appearance. The removed lenses were already in special liquid containers. I was able to look into my golden eyes which I hated so much. I wondered if my siblings would also be born with this strange ability. I was hoping so, maybe it wouldn't be so overwhelming then, because someone would understand me and go through the same.

I grabbed my hairbrush and quickly brushed my auburn hair. They were already very long and required a barber's hand, but dad often forgot about such things. Probably my aunt would eventually lead me there or cut the ends herself. His skills were limited to making a simple braid. He was happy then and said that I look like my mom with this hairstyle. It was her hallmark, often in the hospital where they worked, they referred to as "a lady with a beautiful, long braid". I'd only seen her in my dad's photos and memories, but I was glad I had it at least.

I glanced at the desk with the school supplies that I wanted to put in order the next day, wondering what my new class would be like. I knew that my thoughts would not let me fall asleep quickly, but I preferred to go to bed. I was just two steps from the bed when I heard the unexpected sound of the door opening. Unknowingly, I followed it and turned around. Then my eyes met that oceanic, slightly smudged blue in Victor's eyes. I felt my consciousness break out with enormous force, just like a hurricane falling into my new brother's mind. Without knocking, just like he entered the room, not knowing what awaited him.

I saw him fall under my power, and I got scared. I felt that everything had been wasted. After all, I promised not to hurt them, and I did it just hours after my arrival. Something tugged at me and I grabbed the scissors lying on the desk, intending to stick them in my eyes. I was crying and apologizing, I saw David running up to his son and holding him in his arms. I held the blades inches from my eyes, unable to make a final move. Dad said they were beautiful and extraordinary, how could I have ignored it?

“Do it!” I heard David scream. “Look what you did to my son! Do it, gouge your eyes out!

He had that look on his face, furious and terrifying at the same time. I wanted to do this and beg for forgiveness that I would not have received because the harm had already been done. I didn't release the scissors from my hand, but I couldn't do it. Victor came in here, I didn't do it on purpose, doesn't that count? The tears made me see through a haze, but I recognized the silhouette of David, who knocked the scissors out of my hand, grabbed me, and lifted me.

“You can't even do this. You don't deserve to live. You should die, just like your brothers, mother, and then father. I wish you were never born at all,” he said with such confidence in his voice as if it were the most obvious truth.

“You're a monster!” Victor shouted, who was approaching me on his lap, his eyes blank, which he made me look into. “Look what you did to me! Look!”

I looked away, I couldn't. I did not want to. They said aloud what had been circulating in my head for a long time. A monster, a weirdo, a child that shouldn't be born. I already know all this, I wanted to scream, but I didn't have time because I felt the cool night, autumn air on my back. And then I just fell when I hit the ground ...

I woke up sweating and scared. I was shaking all over. I touched my face, which was wet with tears. The next breaths became easier and easier, I looked around uncertainly. Not yet fully awake, it took me a while to realize where I was, but that didn't make me feel better at all. It wasn't my place, I didn't feel safe there. I wanted to run away, be somewhere else. I grabbed only one thing that was giving me a feeling of home. Then I ran out of the house with my car keys. It's good that there was no traffic that night, and that I didn't come across a police patrol.

The condition I was in was not conducive to the safe driving of the car. I just wanted to find my mom and dad as soon as possible. I pressed the gas pedal even harder. After about thirty minutes, I braked sharply in front of the cemetery. I was running along the road I knew by heart, even the darkness didn't bother me. I fell to my knees at my parents' grave and placed my arms and head on the cold grave. I cried and missed them.

“Why can't I be with you?” I asked, sobbing. “Why did I have to be born like this? Why did you give me back to them, dad? I should have done it then, right? Then they could get rid of me, it would be better for everyone, right?"

I felt the cold penetrating my body more and more. Although it was the end of summer, it was cool at night, especially since I was in my thin pajamas and lying on the ground, but I felt calmer. Finally, I was with my beloved parents. I cared nothing now, just wanted my heart to stop pounding. I didn't want fear anymore, just peace. Was a normal life so much I could ask for? After a while, I calmed down and finally fell asleep again, this time without any unnecessary nightmares. I was only enveloped in the chill of the night, my friend, because I couldn't see anything then. My temporary deliverance from power ...

Hours later, I heard my name repeated in a troubled voice several times. I recognized him. Hyacinth? What's he doing here? Before I even opened my eyes, someone put his hand over them. I touched it and moved my fingers to my wrist to feel the bracelet. I knew it well too because I chose it a long time, so it would be a perfect gift for Victor. What's happening?

“Lulu, are you okay? What are you doing here?” Hyacinth asked nervously.

“Lucretia, my poor child!” I heard another voice, this time a female voice. “I live nearby, we have to take her there.”

"Aunt Bernadette? Aunt, is it you?" I asked confused.

Victor was still shielding my eyes, helping me to my feet, and starting to lead me towards the car, ignoring the rest of me that was bothering me with questions.

"Mr. Shield, where is he?" I remembered the mascot I brought here.

I started to get nervous again and only calmed down a bit when he was in my hands again. I hugged him tightly against me and let Victor guide me further. I suddenly realized why he was acting so weird. He had to know I didn't have lenses and something we would all regret in different ways could happen. My aunt did live nearby, but we all drove up there in our cars anyway. After we got inside I went to the bathroom right away, Victor then quickly put something in my hand. Lenses? He saved me again! Sometimes I thought he was a friend I didn't deserve. I put them on quickly and finally I was able to calmly think about the whole situation.

I had a nightmare, I came here under the influence of the emotions it evoked. And now we were in the apartment of aunt Bernadette, who was not related to me but was like family to my parents. She helped my dad look after me. My mother's former warden when she started working in the hospital. This is where I stayed after my dad died, and before the Parkers took me in, as dad wanted to. I wanted to go out and ask for something warm to drink but heard my brothers arguing outside the door.

"Victor, is Lulu taking something? Are you taking anything?” Hyacinth asked nervously. I figured Victor had denied that and somehow made a point of him back. "But she hardly ever spent all night in the cemetery," replied the older one.

I felt a pang in my heart, I already blamed myself for many things, and it hurt the most when they argued over me. They didn't get along overall, and I didn't want things to get any worse.

"Shut up both of you," I said as I left the bathroom. "We forget what happened. You say nothing about it at home. End of discussion."

I went to the living room, guided by the scent of raspberry tea. My aunt was already waiting there with a blanket and she told me to sit under it. It was only then that I realized that I felt a terrible cold. She also prepared medications and supplements to try to prevent, at least partially, some respiratory infection that probably awaited me soon.

"Thank you, Aunt," I said, taking the hot cup in my hands.

She looked at me closely and with a little anger at my stupidity. I had Mr. Shield on my lap, I didn't want to part with him even for a moment. Then my brothers also came into the room, sat on either side of me, and now all three of them were staring at me, waiting for an explanation. I was afraid to look up from my glass to see what they were thinking.

"I had a terrible nightmare," I said.

"What was it that you couldn't go to Victor or call anyone, including me?" Hyacinth asked matter-of-factly. "What was so terrible that it made you behave like this?"

"I don't want to talk about it," I replied firmly. "I know I reacted too violently, but lately I have so much on my mind ..."

"That's not a good enough reason, Lucretia," my aunt said. "I remember sneaking out to the cemetery almost every night right after your dad's funeral, then I knew where to look for you, but today Hyacinth called me ... I remembered how you were suffering then, how I couldn't do anything for you, I got scared that something happened again that ..."

"Aunt, it was just a horrible nightmare," I repeated. "Nothing less, nothing more."

"Good that Victor could check the car's location on the phone. He did it as soon as he realized in the morning that you were gone. He called me and we got there in my car. On the way, we called Mrs. Bernadeta so that she would also go to see if you might not be there as soon as possible. You made us so scared Lulu ...," said Hyacinth.

"Sorry," I muttered. "I did not want to."

Just like in my dream, I didn't want to hurt anyone.

"At first, I didn't want you to end up there, with the Parkers," my aunt sighed. "But seeing how these two care for you, I'm glad your father made the right decision."

I knew it was true. She often thought about it when I was here right after the funeral, or later when I visited her, and I was glad that she finally understood it. Eventually, the Parkers became my family, and I was good with them.

Reluctantly sometime later, she let us go back home. Hyacinth was nervous because Ginny was calling him, impatient with his absence. Victor didn't say anything, he was nervous all the time and clenched his fists. I knew it was all about me this time. We rode together, he was driving, and I was in the front seat, just like when I first got to them.

"Talk to me," he said as he pinched me to look at him.

"I don't want to," I muttered. "I am fine and I won't do this again."

"Lulu, what did you dream about?"

"Let's go home," I said, changing the subject. "Today is still lunch at our parents' place."

I looked away and stared out the window until the end of the road. What was I supposed to tell him? I was dreaming about my first night with them. A memory that was mixed with the dream I couldn't tell apart. I couldn't tell him that in this dream his father pushed me out the window after I attacked him because he was too curious as a child. That I heard that I am a monster that should never be born. Victor would take it too much, then blame himself for our conversation yesterday sparking it off. I couldn't do that to him.

"Thank you for saving me and being there," I just said. "You are the best person in my life."