The Ritual

"Lulu, where should I put this?," Hyacinth asked, pacing around with a large box in his hands.

"Here." I pointed to the floor by the small kitchen island, trying not to look at my, five years older, brother.

I could feel the not-necessarily pleasant warmth spreading down my cheeks, heralding an embarrassing blush. The unrequited affection and crush on Hyacinth for nearly ten years have been my little curse. In turn, the biggest ones prevent me from even trying to break the first one. It was David who asked him to help me and Victor with the move, as he had to leave urgently. This year, my second brother and I graduated from university and returned to our hometown to work here. We both studied at the same place, which was obvious in our case. Ever since I came to the Parker family, we've been inseparable and close.

On that particular day, I didn't want to see Hyacinth, not only that I was wearing a worn tracksuit, but I also didn't brush my hair or make-up. Even though we lived together for so many years, I tried to keep him away from seeing me as completely natural as possible. When he looked great in a light blue shirt and dark, elegant pants, with a perfectly styled hairstyle. I looked at him and sighed, then he had a date with Ginny before him. It hurt, as it always did in the last few years when he was seeing someone.

Then Victor came into the apartment and looked at me, his scream sounded in my head "Lulu, you're doing it again. I thought you would get over this idiot when we go to university, and you still ... I have no words for you." I didn't answer, he was right as always. I was a hopeless case when it comes to my love life. At this point, I wanted the whole transfer to end, but there were still some things to bring. We decided with Victor that after graduation we would rent a two-room apartment together and live, according to him, as befits the young people we are. Our closeness disturbed Martha the most, who thought we were a couple anyway, but because she was stubborn we didn't exactly correct her and she would still have thought she knew better.

I told my brothers to only bring cartons and electronics, and I distributed them around the apartment according to signatures, hoping that it would allow me to avoid, at least partially, another embarrassment. The worst part about it was that Hyacinth knew about everything and Victor didn't. If he found out about it, they might end up visiting the hospital because he would try to kill his brother. Sometimes he was too impulsive, which was usually due to his inability to express his thoughts and communicate properly with others. I blamed myself for not being able to do anything about this fatal infatuation, but at least I had a 'busy' heart and got used to the pain of rejection, which gave me a false sense of stability in the emotional sphere. I was afraid of new things and changes.

Sometime later, all the things were finally in the apartment, and Hyacinth began to keep a watchful eye on the time by glancing at his watch more frequently.

“Where are you in a hurry?” asked him, signing Victor. “I thought we would order a pizza and eat the three of us like in the old days.”

"I can't," the older Parker muttered. “I have a date with Ginny.”

“Then go, go. Don't make the girl wait, she is more important than the family,” my friend continued signing.

"Victor, we have a lot of unpacking work to do," I said in a calm voice and smiled sadly at him. “Hyacinth has his own life, and we have nothing to do with it. We'll see him at your parents' dinner tomorrow, right?”

My second brother nodded reluctantly. I asked if Ginny would be there too. I was surprised a bit when I heard "yes" because Hyacinth didn't usually introduce his girlfriends to us. He liked being in a relationship because he liked the feeling of adoration. He knew he was handsome, and the fashion business that Martha introduced him to gave him that flavor that ranked him higher on the women’s lists. Often, however, girls approached him, counting on, for example, free clothes from our mother, or modeling offers for her, and so on. Sometimes I laughed a bit about it, but then I remembered that I was a love loser myself.

For the next few hours, we were busy planning and unpacking things so that it wouldn't drag on over the next few days, especially since we both started working in new places. Back then, I preferred to devote my full attention to it, and not to wonder in which drawer to put underwear, and which socks. It was evening, so Victor and I decided to watch some stupid comedy. I was the first to take a shower and I started to prepare warm cocoa, which often accompanied us at important events. This drink has become an element of our rituals. We finally ordered the pizza that my brother mentioned earlier. I chose the first better movie that fit the genre we were looking for, but I felt that we would rather not pay too much attention to the screen. Ever since Hyacinth left, his little brother had acted as if something was bothering him and wondered if he should get it out or not. In that case, he always had a peculiar expression on his face. Even without my skills, I could read a lot of him.

"Lulu, I've never asked you that, but I'm really starting to worry about it. What do you even see in him?” He asked.

“In Hyacinth? He's handsome,” I laughed.

"And you're beautiful, but not that shallow," he said, offended. “I'm asking seriously. "

“I never told you about it, but when we were twelve or thirteen ...," I paused for a moment. “There was a reason why I did not tell you about it, I did not want you to feel guilty and if I see it in you, we will end this conversation.” I made a condition.

“Is that when I was sick a lot and I was away from school for almost a year?”

“Yes, then. You always protected me, everyone was focused on you so I could live my life in peace. Hyacinth during this year was always waiting for me after school. You probably noticed that I lost weight terribly then, I had panic attacks a lot, and my hands kept shaking. It was awful. Your support has always been invaluable to me, but while you weren’t there it became too overwhelming to be in class. Especially since my powers grew stronger. Anyway, you know what kind of girls are at that age, they read stupid things on the internet, and their imaginations were going wild. They liked our older brother very much, they started hanging out with me and their falsehood was killing me. I couldn't get rid of them, and when they realized that I was not the right way..."

“They were after you?”

“Yes.” I smiled reluctantly. “They figured it's because I'm jealous. They were sure that I like him and want him only for me. Their thoughts, though terrible, somehow influenced me. It was then that I began to notice that he was handsome and to see him more like a boyfriend than a brother. And the presence of his calm, concentrated, and detached mind was soothing. We talked more then, played games, went to the movies and so on. He did all of these because he worried about me like our parents. Unfortunately, the way I looked at him changed forever. I wanted him to be with me. I told you his mind is beautiful,” I laughed. “Really beautiful. This is also the second thing.”

"Would you ever look at me like that?" Victor asked me, turning suddenly so that I barely noticed the thought.

"I don't think so," I said. “But only in your presence I can really be myself, never forget that. Hyacinth will never give me that.”

“Is it because of what happened on the first day we met?”

“Let's not talk about it,” I said coldly and tugged lightly on his hair. “Do you have any more questions?”

“Only one, Lulu. Will we be happy someday?”

“I'll try to make you find love. You'll be happy for the both of us, okay?” I pulled him tightly against me and hugged him.

"It would be easier if I liked girls, then maybe you too would look at me differently ..." Victor began, but I cut him off.

“Don't ask if. The most important thing is that we have each other and that's it. And now a braid for me and we're going to sleep, because there's no point in starting a movie, right?”

Victor nodded, braided my hair into one loose braid, and a moment later we went to bed. But his words kept me awake for a long time. I wondered if he was right in saying everything goes back to that day. If it were Hyacinth and not him, what would our relationship be like? Without my power, would we also get along somehow? Would we be friends then? Or maybe something more? I have never doubted the strength of our friendship since the first night we moved.