The Relief

I couldn't define how I felt after this event, on the one hand, I was excited, and on the other, I had the impression that I was exceptionally calm. I did not expect such a meeting, but talking to someone calmed my mind and heart a bit. If I couldn't tell Hyacinth that, at least someone. It seemed to me to be at least a slightly more advantageous option. This feeling of openness and honesty has been a really unusual experience for me. I didn't think Tetsuya would want to meet me again, but the experience was extremely purifying.

I returned home, and luckily I did not find two lovebirds in some awkward situation. They were watching a movie, Victor lay his head in Alex's lap and let him play with his hair. I think they were trying to get involved in some romantic comedy with the theme of Christmas in the background, but the plot was not very interesting, because they were discussing something using sign language.

When they started dating seriously, Alex decided to learn it and in the beginning, he often asked for my help and practiced with me. I was a witness, so to speak, of browsing through my brother's memories, the first time Alex told his boyfriend that he cared about him and how much he meant to him, Victor cried with happiness. And then there were scenes that were not meant for my eyes. Besides, my brother was very careful with his thoughts now, so I would not learn any intimate details about their relationship.

Sometimes when things happened in difficult times I just baked. I didn't know why that was helping me, but I was falling into a kind of trance and when I put the cake in the oven and watched it change texture under the influence of heat, I had the feeling that my feelings and thoughts were stabilizing then. I could feel the boys' eyes on me. Victor suspected what it might be related to, but remained silent. He watched me with a worried expression.

I always had a bowl of ingredients ready at hand for Hyacinth's favorite cheesecake in case he ever announce a visit. I dreamed that one day I would give it to him, and he would then confess to me that he loved me, and then we would live happily ever after until the end of our days. A beautiful dream that partially came true, but it was never meant to be because then I would have to face too serious consequences. There is too much in life if I would choose to bet on my own happiness.

Tears started to run down my cheeks, several of which fell into the cheese mass. I pounded my fist on the table, making the bowl bounce slightly.

"Why was I born like this?!" I shouted furiously into the air and repeated my strike again and again. "Why can't I tell him the truth?! Why can't I be sure he won't hate me?!"

Suddenly I felt someone grab my hands and hold me, hugging me from behind.

"Let it out, but don't hurt yourself," I heard Alex's exceptionally calm voice. "I know what it is like when you have a secret and you cannot reveal it to those closest to you, and you have no influence to change it. I don't know what yours is, but please don't hurt yourself."

I did not expect this behavior from him, but he was probably right, only we both could understand what it was like. He would like to come out in front of his own parents but still couldn't summon the courage. He was afraid, as I was, that the truth would lead them to hate him and renounce him as a son, which he could not bear. Victor was next to me and he pushed me away from the table, I looked at him.

"Because the dough will still be too salty," he said, joking, and hugged both of us. "Can't go to waste right?"

I shook my head and started laughing through my tears. I was glad they were next to me at that moment. I wish I could be more emotionally balanced, but I wasn't doing very well. The oven beeped that it was warm enough with the temperature, which I set earlier. It was sobering for me and I chased the guys away to do the rest of the baking. While the cheesecake was enjoying the warmth, I sat down on the couch with them and joined them in the movie show. I noticed that Alex chose another one and was hooked on it, so I poked Victor to chat with him for a while.

"Alex was talking about a secret, I thought it was unfair that I knew him and he didn't know mine," I started, passing my thought on to him.

"What do you mean? Do you want to tell him?" he asked in surprise and straightened up. "Lulu, what happened to you? You were so careful that no one found out."

"No, I just wanted to say if you need to, you can tell him. I will not do it personally, because I do not know how he will react and if it will affect your relationship in any way. I could do it, but you know I like him too much to rummage through his mind. You just don't have to worry about revealing it to him, but it's your decision because it will affect your life, not mine," I replied with a shrug. "I don't want you to lie to him, not for my safety."

"Thank you for your trust, sister, but are you one hundred percent sure of it?" He squeezed my hand.

"Yes, and I told someone in the park today about it ..." I started and wanted to add that it wasn't that scary at all.

"What did you do?!" he shouted, and I instinctively raised my hands to cover my ears.

"I'll show you everything," I muttered. "Just calm down."

Alex looked at us, raised his eyebrows in surprise, and then decided that it was probably not worth asking what was going on. Victor shifted impatiently, demanding images of my memories, like a child who wants everything immediately. So I showed him what my meeting with Tetsuya was like and watched his reaction, forgetting to watch my own facial expressions.

"Why are you blushing now?" asked the brother seriously. "You like him, little sister? I didn't think you would pay attention to someone who doesn't look like our big brother but is not a dumb idiot like him."

"Stop." I hit him lightly on the shoulder.

"So what will you meet with him again?" he asked in a serious tone.

"I don't know," I replied. "Kiba really cares about it, maybe when there will an opportunity."

"What are you talking about?" Alex interjected, watching us for a long moment. "I know you do it, but I don't know how because you don't sign or write on anything. Not that it bothers me, I'm just curious about it."

"You noticed a long time ago," I commented.

"Not that you guys were hiding it," the student shrugged.

"Lulu can read minds," said Victor.

"Read minds? Did I understand right?" Alex asked turning to me, more intrigued than surprised.

I looked at my brother, checking that he was sure, and made a gesture suggesting that I should keep up the momentum and that he trusted his boyfriend. I nodded, but looked away, fearing the tide of anger and reproach. I didn't want to watch them arguing, but I assumed Alex was about to leave slamming the door. And I will fall into remorse that something bad happened because of my fault. I nervously waited for this, and in the meantime there was silence. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it seemed necessary.

"That explains a lot," Alex said finally.

I looked at him in surprise, he smiled back at me as if he was trying to comfort me and tell me that I had nothing to worry about. All he had to do was figure out a few things in his head and put together the facts that he hadn't gotten along so far. I didn't even suspect how much he could deduce from just observing, in such a short time. Sometimes I forgot how much maturity he had at such a young age, and yet he was not much younger than us.

"My boyfriend is a genius." Victor raised his hands in victory.

"You must have had your fingers in that pie?" Alex asked with a laugh.

"A little bit," I replied. "I did nothing but push that idiot who's sitting next to us in the right direction a couple of times."

Victor lunged at me, upset, and began to tickle me, intent on getting revenge for my words.

"But you're not using it for malicious purposes, are you?" Alex suddenly asked with a serious face.

"Victor urged me to cheat in my school exams," I replied in an equally serious manner.

"I'm not really surprised," Alex laughed and hugged my brother, who was still reacting to it as if he was melting away with a blissful smile. "Can I hear a little more?"

"Can I? Can I, please?" Victor asked excitedly. "I always wanted to tell it."

"Here you go," I replied.

Alex had problems with understanding Victor's chaotic signing at times, so I had to support him a bit in translations. Our visitor quickly understood everything and completed some facts himself, even before we could explain them to him. I felt happy I didn't have to hide anymore. From then on, I was able to feel completely myself and be at ease in their presence.

The three of us spent the rest of the day, while I was going to sleep, I had some concerns, as if everything that happened that day seemed to be a dream that would turn into a sad reality again when I open my eyes again. I woke up with a feeling this was going to happen, but when I reached for my phone, I noticed a message with a photo. There was an untouched bowl of dog food on it and an offended Kiba who probably decided to apply a hunger protest until he sees me again. At least that was what Tetsuya said, and he proposed a meeting in the park, today this time at a slightly earlier time, if, of course, I have the will and time. I smiled and stood up for the first time in months without any sadness in my heart that was temporarily obscured by joy.