CHAPTER 4: UNCERTAINTY

**Kuro**

Ever since the Princess Noir ‘caught’ me in the Conclave, I’d always been at her side. In her bedroom (I insisted on a separate bed though), during her breakfast, dinner or lunch, and whenever she’s taking a break from her duties as the demon king.

“…”

If that was not possible, she would send her maids to spy on me. If not Shevaun, it would be Angelli or Leiver, for those three had proven their loyalties to her. She won’t entrust me to a different servant aside from them.

“…”

And, in contrast to what Princess Noir’s brother did to her, at least, I was treated well. I still had certain ‘freedoms’ accorded to me, including the freedom to go around her palace courtyard here, in the city of Helfan, and my own privacy whenever I needed to do my ‘comfort room break’ or take a bath. The clan elders from the orc, goblin, Tambara, and the newly-elevated ghouls would drop by to visit, and ask for my whereabouts, but the Usarveds wouldn’t let me talk to them…not even to the Lords Gracchio, Tenguri, Naru, Vitalis, and to the Ladies Baraquiel and Capaldi.

They say I already left for Chersea in haste.

“…”

Yep, it felt like I was a prisoner, rather than a ‘guest’ of the Princess Noir, which was how she put it. But well, it’s not like I was a stranger to this. The Lady Madelaine had the same tendencies in trying to restrain me, and when I resisted, it set off a chain of events that eventually led to the return of her ‘mother’, an ancient evil they call the ‘Seductress’. As for the Usarved princess, she would keep me under her spell by biting on my neck and sipping a bit of my blood. I couldn’t resist at all; I mean, I’m conscious, and I know I should say ‘stop, this is too much!’, but for some reason, I couldn’t. It’s like, the willpower wasn’t there.

And the most shocking of all is, I’m calm about what’s happening to me.

Oh, wasn’t it that the Beastman Saint kidnapped me for similar reasons? And we spent a long time playing a cat-and-mouse game all over the Beastmen realm that eventually led to the unification of Cherwind, and the founding of the Beastmen Kingdom.

“Haa…”

Good lord, why am I always involved with yanderes? And they’re not even the cute type I always read in mangas before!

“…”

Still, I may get tired dealing with their whims, but my feelings for the Lady Madelaine remained the same. It was for her that I kept the casualty rates low in this war, when all that I should do was to call on bad weather to rain death and destruction on my enemies. I may have doubted before if my love for her was actually mine or ‘Kuro’s’…but, I realized, Kuro was just me; his dreams, and the way he behaved. Although my memories were messed up before, I never changed. I only used a different name.

“…”

Argh! I’m really confused. I want to return to the human realm, but at the same time, I dreaded that moment. Likewise, I feel like I shouldn’t stay here for long; however, I have no idea of where to go! I am well-known in Chersea, Cherwind and Cherflammen…and my only options are Cherwoods and the dwarf realm. But I don’t know anyone from there…

Well, in any case, I’m just biding my time. For sure, my friends in Chersea…err, wait…am I really sure of going back there? Isn’t this a classic case of jumping from the frying pan and into the fire?

“…”

Oh right. The Seductress. The Lady Madelaine’s mental condition would be much better if I was on her side.

“Haa…”

And to think, I only wanted a peaceful life. And that search for ‘peace’ led me into fighting the Imperial armies, zombies, beastmen, demons and kings. If anything, I’d like my life to be like this—as of the moment, I was just reading at the library of the demon king-president (as what they call the Prince Hurion Devras now). Well, Shevaun stood nearby to observe me and attend to my needs, but apart from that, everything was calm and quiet.

“Haa…”

“That’s the third time you sighed, milord…” the demon chamberlain noted. “Is there anything wrong?”

“Well, there are some worries in my mind for this realm, and there are also for the other realm, Chersea.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. I’m supposed to go back there after involving myself with the affairs here. Now that everything’s fine in Cherflammen, I’m forbidden to go.”

“Well, we can’t help it. Her Highness is concerned for your safety after all, milord.”

“Even as we’re all going to be consumed by the Seductress in the end?”

Shevaun chuckled, “You’re always worrying much, milord! Those are for the saints to deal with; what can a human like you do?”

“Well…” I’m unsure of my answer. “…at least if I’m on the Lady Madelaine’s side, she’d be fine…”

“Eh…she already lasted this long. I’m sure Her Holiness can wait for a bit more while milady worked out on things.”

“Working out on what things?”

“Like sharing you. As you almost got an army of ladies rooting for you, it’d be hard to find time to spend with all of us, isn’t it?”

“W-What? Am I a commodity now?” I balked at what Shevaun said, “And wait…did I hear you say ‘us’? You mean—”

The demon chamberlain laughed and took away the book I was reading. Then, she leaned near my ear and whispered, “You’re really dense, aren’t you, Lord Greg? Keep at it like that, and you won’t understand the heart of a maiden who’s madly in-love, see?”

“Alright?” there was an awkward air between us, as Shevaun drew awfully close. I don’t know what to say, or do…other than to avert my gaze from her. Err…she’s a bit aggressive now, eh?

Then, the demon chamberlain chuckled and planted a quick kiss on my lips. Though the Usarveds were naturally of pale complexion, I could still trace a hint of blush on her cheeks as she informed me, “Well, for the meantime, enjoy our land, milord. If you’re feeling down, you can take a bath to refresh your spirit. After all, the clans won’t be bothering you; you officially crossed into Chersea as we speak.”

----------

When Shevaun suggested that I take a bath, I immediately obliged. It was one of the few moments I had in this Helfan palace that I would be left alone, since I insisted that to Princess Noir. Well, there were the maids waiting for me outside, ready to attend to my needs whenever I called for them. But they always held on to my change of clothes…

It is to prevent any escape attempts. After all, they know that a decent human being can’t let himself be seen running around, naked.

“…”

So, I had no choice but put off my plans to my escape. I guess I should do this alone; I inconvenienced my friends like Lady Srexe, Nari and Tama’lee enough already. Good thing that incident back in the Saint’s Tower was let off by Princess Noir when I pleaded to her.

Like in Darkmoor, Helfan palace was perched atop a hill. It was originally built as a castle, which was common for noble strongholds because of ease of defending such fortifications in case the need for it arose. Not to mention, this place was also on the ‘night’ side of Cherflammen…though there was a blue moon here (it did look like a moon, whenever I looked at it) fixed on the sky ever since time immemorial. Also, unlike the ‘Castle Darkmoor’, Helfan palace never completely shed its features when it was still a keep—the defensive works like portcullis gates and real murder holes were left intact.

“Haa…”

“It seems you don’t like it here, Sir G!”

“Whoa!” I quickly submerged myself in the water when I heard Alexa’s voice from behind me. When I recovered from my surprise, I slowly brought out my head from the water, for I had no clothes on.

Alexa was laughing; her other companion, though, was looking the other way.

“What are you doing here, Your Holinesses?” I blurted out. “You can even teleport here?”

“I told you that we should just approach the demon princess instead of sneaking in the bathroom like this!” Seirna aired her protests.

“If we did just that, you and Princess Noir might end up fighting again!” Alexa countered her. “Besides, I’d like it if there’s no ‘outside interference’ when I ask Sir G my question.”

“You mean the Usarved’s ‘vampire charm’?” the Saint of the Flame said. “Well, that’s what you get from entrusting your favorite teacher to a crazy vampire girl. Of course, she likes him, and she’ll take a bite on his neck to mark your otherworlder as hers! What are you expecting?”

“As long as my goals are met, it’s fine!” my old student insisted.

“Isn’t it that you also entrusted his summoning to that crazy human saint as well?”

“Ugh…s-shut up!”

“Uhm…guys?” I tried to get their attention to me, as my body was still submerged in the warm bath. The heat my get into my head if I stayed in for too long. “My apologies, Your Holinesses, to interrupt your talk. But can you please turn away while I get out of the bath and put some robes on?”

So, the two saints did what I asked of them.

And when I was ready to talk, I turned to my old student, “What’s this you want to ask me, Alexa?”

“Right…” she sat on the corner of the bath, with her feet in the water. Seirna, on the other hand, stood a few distance away from her, for the only bench available was where I was sitting. I offered it to Seirna, but she refused. Alexa took a deep breath and put up her question, “Sir G, we would like to know if you want to go back to Chersea.”

“Yes,” was my unwavering answer. I had been worried about Lady Madelaine’s condition, and would like to help to keep my girlfriend fine. Besides, she’s also expecting for me to return, now that the troubles in Cherflammen was over. So, if anything, I’d like to journey back to the Holy Palatial Gardens as soon as possible.

“There you have it!” the Saint of the Flame quipped, with a triumphant grin on her face. “I’m sure you’re also reading the otherworlder’s mind; he wants to get out of here, and fast.”

However, Alexa was silent. She didn’t hide her dismay on what I said, and countered Seirna, “Well, we’re only asking. I didn’t say we’re going to bail him out.”

“That’s not what we talked about when we agreed to go here!” the Saint of the Flame protested.

“I stand by my decision,” Alexa insisted. “My teacher will remain here. If you’re looking for a fight, then you have to go through me, Seirna.”

The Saint of the Flame was about to say something, when I interjected. I didn’t like what I’m hearing, “Err…Alexa, what about my decision? Won’t you respect it?”

My former student was taken aback by my question, and I heard Seirna whistle. But then, Alexa reiterated, “Sir, please trust me. I’m doing this for your own good. You don’t have to return to Chersea; we can take care of Lady Madelaine. I am here—the one and only Cassandra David, the hero who fought against the Seductress before, after all.”

“Wow, that’s rich, coming from you, Cass!” Seirna was sarcastic. “You still have the gall to say those words, when you just got ass-kicked by the Lord Gaius last time.”

“I also defeated him!”

“With my help!”

As they were about to engage in another banter, I brought them back to our topic, “Why are you so worried about me going back to Chersea? Is this connected to the visions you’re having, Alexa?”

They both paused for a moment, surprised at my question. Seirna gave me a long stare, as my former student explained, “Y-Yes, Sir G!”

“Isn’t it that the war is already over? It’s safe for me to go back!”

“Sir G,” Alexa paused for a bit; she was having difficulty in saying what she had in mind. “S-Sir…you know, you’re important to me. As your student, I always looked up to you, and of course, now that I have the power…I…I will do…my best to protect you. So, I’m asking you…please, listen to me…I don’t want you to return to Chersea…not just yet.”

“But the Lady Madelaine—”

“Stop bringing her here!” my former student suddenly shouted. “This is not about her! This is about you! We saints can always do something to prevent the return of the Seductress. We did it—Seirna and I—once! And this will be no different! But you, Sir! If you disappear—”

“Whoa there!” I was surprised to hear that. “Disappear? What do you mean ‘disappear’?”

Alexa was dumbfounded, and fell silent once again. It was Seirna who asked me, “Otherworlder, what do you think? What kind of fate an individual can experience the worst?”

Somehow, I had an idea of where this talk was going to lead, “I…I’m going to die, right? Alexa has seen my future, ’no?”

The Saint of the Flame, however, never answered, and she looked at my former student instead. Taking it as a cue for her to speak, Alexa—with tears welling up in her eyes—revealed, “Sir G…it’s even worse than death…”

“Huh?” I could only chuckle, “What do you mean?”

Then, saying nothing, Alexa spread her wings—those beautiful, white ‘angel’ wings—and went to my side. She held my face in her hands, drew her lips nearer, and…

“!!!”

Before I knew it, my former student kissed me.

----------

I was left in shock as I realized what Alexa did. But just as I was about to speak, my surroundings changed. It’s as if I was watching a movie that suddenly switched to a new scene.

“…”

And before me, even more beautiful than I last remember her, was Maddie. She sat on a bench, in what seemed to me as a middle of a garden, full of lush trees and thick, but well-trimmed, flowering bushes. Grass stretched everywhere as far as my eyes could see, though there were similar benches that dotted the place at regular intervals.

However, what took my attention was the crib beside her. It was empty, though; the baby was in Maddie’s arms, and she was slowly rocking the little guy to sleep.

I took step nearer, and Maddie noticed my movement. She looked towards my direction, and…at that moment, I saw her smile…that was the loveliest smile of hers that I ever experienced. I could feel my heart skip a beat; she was…like a goddess that descended from heaven.

Tears began to fall from my eyes. This was my dream…the one that I wanted for her and me. I called out to her, “Maddie!”

Then, she took the child’s hand and waved it towards me, “Daddy’s here!”

I took another step, but much to my surprise, another man came forward…passing through my body as if I’m an apparition. It was the King, Simon of Nerfes. He approached Maddie and the baby, and hugged them. They looked like they were a happy family.

“…”

I might have never noticed it at the moment, but my hand went for my chest. Honestly, the feeling of dejection fell on my body. My legs felt weak, and I was shivering.

My heart…it is…painful.

Finally, the vision ended, and I was back in the Usarved bath.

----------

Strange silence between the saints and me went on for a few minutes. Somewhere from within my chest, I wanted to know the answers to my questions.

Why? What happened? What’s that vision I saw?

It was Seirna who broke the ice, “I think the better question would be, where are you in all of that, otherworlder?”

“Sir G…” Alexa was crying, “…what you just saw is the original timeline. A thread of history where you saved Lady Madelaine, and she lived to have a good family with the Nerfes King, Simon.”

“But…I thought…” various emotions were emerging in my chest. I was confused, and in shock. “Where…?”

“You’re not someone from this world, otherworlder,” the Saint of the Flame revealed. “And the timeline has its own way of pruning itself of its ‘undesirables’ and returning to its original ‘script’. The Lady Rubinforth is one that shouldn’t exist, so she tried to kill herself. But you intervened on her behalf, so she gets to live—finally included in the timeline’s ‘script’. However, her ‘fate’ fell on you, who is also destined to be erased sometime later.”

The fuck?

“That’s why I’m trying to prevent your return to Chersea, Sir G!” my former student added. “I’m pleading you, please! Don’t leave this place; don’t leave my sight!”

“Cass is trying her best to avoid your fate,” Seirna explained when I looked to her for answers. “Her other god-power is the ability to change the fates of people, but…”

“All the routes I made for you ended up the same!” she admitted. “And if you leave Cherflammen, my jurisdiction over you would be lost! And you’ll suffer your fate…which is worse than death itself!”

I won’t deny, the feelings of fear, sadness and confusion was all over me. It’s as if I wanted to run, to escape to someplace else, but…I know I couldn’t run from my problems…

“Alexa,” I tried to present a calm façade, though I’m aware she—and Seirna—could see my heart. “Tell me…what is…this fate you’re talking about?”

“Sir,” all the pretense that my former student kept until now came crashing down as she bawled like a child. She wrapped her arms around me as she said, “…even with all that you’ve done, all the sacrifices you made, all the pain you experienced and suffered to help us…we…all of us will forget about you…your existence will be lost forever.”

----------

Existence.

I remember, there was an anime back in my world that dealt with that topic. The premise was, every living person in this world had the ‘flame of existence’ within them, and there were ‘monsters’ who seek to devour those, erasing that guy’s ‘existence’. No one would remember him, though, the traces of his life would remain. As such, there were people who try to fix the inconsistencies caused by their sudden ‘disappearance’, or even attempt to prevent those ‘monsters’ from eating ‘existences’. (1)

Heh, I never thought that my end will be the same as to some of that show’s characters.

“…”

And Alexa was trying to prevent that. However, even with all the possibilities she was studying to change my fate, it all led to the same ending: I would be lost from everyone’s memories. That’s why she asked the Princess Noir to prevent me from leaving Cherflammen, while she raced against time to give me a future. Coincidentally, the Usarved ruler had the same goals in mind, that was, keeping me here.

That’s why it all worked to my former student’s favor, and she asked for Princess Noir’s cooperation.

Of course, I was scared and confused. And angry. After all, while I did all those things with others in mind, it would be hypocritical of me to claim that I didn’t expect anything in return. Nevertheless, I was never ambitious; I just want a simple life with everyone I love.

“…”

But for some twisted reason, I wasn’t allowed to experience that. Even with all the efforts I put out in the end.

Damn it! This is so fucking unfair!

“…”

With no prospect of a good future ahead of me, it was like—no, I’m rather—a dead man. But, yes…my student was doing her best, so I think I should put up with it. I mean, I would be honest with myself from now on, and to begin with, I wanted to come back to Lady Madelaine—to Maddie—alive. I wanted to form a family with her, and, just like when she kissed me, I’m determined to marry the girl of my dreams.

I don’t intend to give her up to anyone…

“…”

And yes, there’s still hope for me…

I guess it won’t be bad to be selfish at times; life was short, and I could ‘die’ anytime. I should stop my pretensions and just be myself. And so, I would stay in this realm for now…

----------

***The Holy Palatial Gardens***

When Natasha and Seirna returned to the Human Saint’s place, they were astonished to witness a sea of human soldiers encamped outside the palatial walls. The army tents were stretched as far as their eyes could see, and there were contingents coming in still. They exchanged puzzled looks, and were about to go to the Lady Madelaine’s private quarters, when the Beastman Saint called out to them.

“Hey!” Ruro was waving her hands, and beside her, was the Human Saint herself.

“What is happening here?” Seirna flew to them, followed by Natasha. “Lady Rubinforth, what is the meaning of this? Why did the human armies mustered in this place?”

“Maddie summoned the armies of the kingdoms of Chersea,” the Beastman saint explained. “They were to march to Cherflammen in three days.”

“Huh?” the two saints stared at the person in question. Maddie averted her eyes.

“She wants to get my master back,” Ruro added.

“Will you please stop your mouth?” the Human Saint snapped at her. “And don’t read my mind; I didn’t give you my permission.”

“Well, you didn’t close it in the first place!” the Beastman Saint countered. “And you’re out of your mind! You’re going to spark another war, when everything has just been resolved! You’re not listening to reason anymore!”

“Lady Rubinforth,” Seirna confronted the Human Saint, pulling her by the collar of her dress, “if you’re going to throw away all the hard work we did, then I have no choice but to fight you.”

“I dare you try, Lady Seirna,” Maddie challenged, forcibly freeing herself from the Saint of the Flame. “Let me be clear. No one’s going to start a war; the Beastman Saint is just exaggerating. However, I will claim what is mine! And no one’s going to stop me, not even you!”

“The otherworlder?” the Saint of the Flame blurted out. “In the first place, he—”

“Seirna,” it was Natasha. She interrupted her colleague before the latter could say what’s on her mind. “Let me talk to the Lady Madelaine. There are things she has to understand…”

As Seirna could freely peek into the Saint of Darkness’ thoughts, she eventually backed down. Natasha brought Maddie to a separate place, far from the listening ears of anyone, including Ruro, and revealed to her the reasons the expedition to Cherflammen was a futile attempt to get Kuro.

----------

The color from Maddie’s face disappeared when she realized the precarious situation of her beloved. She couldn’t say anything for a few seconds, though her mouth was moving.

“So, I asked him to stay in Cherflammen for a while, just to be safe,” Natasha added. “You know that the demon realms are under my jurisdiction, and if not for my tower getting destroyed, then he would stay there. However, as of now, I had to enlist the help of the demon lord to protect the Lord Kuro. So, I’m asking for your understanding, Maddie…please, don’t do anything rash, and let me find the solution to his fate.”

“But…” the Human Saint’s chest was full of emotions. “After all that he did to this realm, and the others? What did Kuro do to earn such fate?”

Natasha shook her head, “I don’t know as well. Seirna says that it is the timeline’s fault; however, even I think that it is such a cruel fate.”

“I…I love Kuro, Natasha, and you know that yourself!”

“We’re the same, Maddie. That’s why I’m doing this, for his sake. And as you are also a friend of mine, it’s for your happiness’ sake as well,” the Saint of Darkness gave her a pat on the back. “That’s why, I implore you to stay your hand for the meantime, and let me take care of things.”

“Are…Are you close to finding out a solution?”

“Honestly…” there was a poignant look in Natasha’s eyes, “…so far, I’m unsuccessful. Every path I look into only led to the same ending; his ‘death’, your suffering, and every one of us forgetting Kuro.”

“I don’t want that to happen!”

“Neither do I; after all, he’s…” Natasha’s voice trailed, but she ultimately decided not to continue her words. “Anyway, Maddie, please trust me. I’ll do my best to defy Fate and the Lord Kuro’s ending. For the meantime, you should send those armies back home. We can’t afford any conflict with anyone, and even so, the people I swore to guide. Please keep your anger, and your wits, with you.”

Maddie gave a silent nod as tears welled up in her eyes.

Author's Note:  (1)  Shakugan no Shana.