My Parents Want Another Chance.

On the train ride home, the chocolate-filled pastry is as good as I remember it. Eating it almost feels like a warm hug. Nostalgia is a comforting thing.

Three stops and one painful walk later, I'm standing at the front door of my house. It's still the same brick and stucco like it always was, and my family's car is out in the driveway, its dark color blending into the shadows as the sun sets. Same as ever.

I take a deep breath and open the door. "I'm home..."

There's a part of me that expected both my parents to come running and tackle me and start crying like Ayame did. But the living room is silent. The lights are turned off.

There's still stuff left out like there's people living here, but the first floor is cold and empty. It's an unnatural feeling. My home, despite how hectic it could be, was always bright and welcoming. It was never like this.

"Hello?"

No one answers me when I peek around the corner into the hallway leading to the kitchen. Normally, at this time of day my mom would be merrily doing the dishes in some sort of outlandish outfit, but the kitchen is empty too.

I guess they're upstairs. I've got to face them there. I take a deep breath and climb the stairs.

The top floor is also dark- from left to right, there's my bedroom, Kaede's bedroom, my dad's office/otaku gaming room, and then my parents' bedroom. The only light is a faint glow coming from the crevice under the door of my parents' room. It's turning every color of the rainbow, changing back and forth. A low hum begins to fill my ears, and as I get closer, it turns into my mother's voice.

I'm close enough to their bedroom that I can see everything through the crack of the door. My mom is sitting at a large computer, glowing bright with LEDs that change color constantly, wearing a headset. Where did she get that? Did we always have that? Did I not realize it? On the screen, is a face that looks like one of my dad's anime idols, but it's wearing a tall, pointed hat.

Mom starts to talk and the thing moves its mouth. Is that her? Is that what technology can do these days? For some reason, I can’t look away.

"Oh, thank you for the Superchat, MP-san! Now, let's see...how old is Michiru? Michiru is 18 and single, majo!" The anime avatar moves its mouth in time with every word my mom says.

A sudden sinking feeling tells me that this is one of those "virtual Youtuber" things that Ayame was trying to talk my ear off about a few days ago. Apparently these women play games as anime avatars of themselves and lonely men give them money or something?

"Thank you for the Superchat, Poki-san! Michiru won't get a boyfriend because she loves her Familiars most of all~"

Mom, you definitely just committed fraud. You are in your forties and have multiple children. And how can you be so cheerful after everything that's happened lately?

"Now, well, where was Michiru? Ah! Michiru apologizes for not streaming yesterday~ you see, Michiru has been going through some trouble..." Her voice drops. "Michiru has a friend who seemed upset for a while, so Michiru was trying to cheer her up...but it seems like Michiru was just making the problem worse...Michiru's friend yelled at her and she hasn't talked to Michiru for days, so Michiru doesn't know what to do...Michiru is scared she might have lost her friend for good..."

I can’t move from my spot. That's me. The names are changed but she's talking about me.

"Superchat from Gunaguna-san! Ah! Thank you for the 100,000, majo! 'Don't give up, Michiru-chan! Go looking for your friend and be honest with her, she'll understand.' You're right, Gunaguna-san! Michiru can't stay down...Michiru needs to find her friend and fix the problem no matter what! Michiru knew she could count on all her Familiars!"

All that cheerfulness and peppiness in my mom’s voice is fake. It has to be Mr. Shiritori's words pop in my head...She tries to put on a brave face until it gets to be too much.

I can't watch this anymore. It’s hurting me to watch my mother pretend to be happy when I know it’s not.

Some kind of soft, muffled noise comes from the next door over, and I hesitantly make my way toward it and push the door open.

The office is dark, with the only light coming from the three computer monitors that are lit up on the desk. I can only see the silhouettes of the massive collection of figurines and games that line the shelves of the room. I’ve only been in here a few times, just passing by.

The monitors are filled with so much green text and windows that it looks like a movie. I can't make any sense of it. Just looking at it makes my head swim.

Beneath them, my father is sound asleep, his head resting on the keyboard.

I had always thought he was a bum that played video games on company time, and he's worked so hard he's passed out on his desk. Seriously, how low can I get?

I don't want to wake him, though. I've caused him enough trouble without disturbing his much-needed rest on top of everything.

My leg makes contact with something soft. It's a blanket that's fallen to the floor. He must have been wrapped up in it and it fell when he conked out.

With some hesitancy, I gently put it back on him. He doesn't even move.

Sleep tight, Dad.

I guess the only thing I can do now is wait for Mom to finish.

Oh, that's right. The gifts. I left them downstairs. I can at least leave them outside their doors or something.

The box is still sitting on the dining table where I left it. As I reach for it-

"Hey, Niichan."

I swear I almost jump 10 feet in the air.

I whip around to find my little sister sitting on the couch, scrolling through her phone. "W-where did you come from?"

"Come from? I live here."

"You know that's not what I meant."

"...Sorry. I’m sorry about all this." Kaede flicks her eyes toward the ground.

My little sister's sudden downcast reaction tears at me from the inside. "What are you apologizing for? Everything that happened was my fault."

"I...uh..." She hesitates for a second. "I wanted to help you, but all I could do was sit and watch and if I had just asked you what was wrong I bet none of this would ever have happened in the first place."

Why…why is she blaming herself for my stupidity?

"You have absolutely nothing to do with any of this. It's all because of me! These things happened because I was an idiot!"

"It does have to do with me," she replies softly. "All I had to do was talk to you and I didn't even try because I thought you hated me."

I can’t take this. "Why don’t you get that it’s not your fault? All my stupid actions were my fault, and mine alone! You’re not responsible for any of them! Not a single one!"

She hops to her feet, suddenly resplendent with fury. "Yes, I am! It is my responsibility because you're my brother and I care about you! Can't you figure that out?!"

All I can do is stand there in shock. I don't know what to say. I've never seen her so upset. "Kaede...I...thought you hated me, too..."

Suddenly, all the anger in her voice is gone. "That makes two idiots." She looks down at the floor, suddenly ashamed. "I missed you, Niichan. I knew you’d come back, but I still did. Mom and Dad did, too. Welcome home."

There’s movement out of the corner of my eye from the stairwell, and I turn just in time to see my mother's small frame emerge around the corner, walking with a weariness that doesn't fit her personality.

"Kaede, what's all the noise about-"

And then she turns around and sees me and her voice stops and her eyes grow wide.

It seems like we lock eyes for a century. We just stand there, both her and I, her at the bend of the stairs, me at the bottom, neither one of us moving.

Suddenly, the silence shatters like glass.

She disappears like she was shot out of a cannon- her footsteps are so loud I can hear them from all the way down here, and her slamming the door to the office open sounds like a gunshot. Her excited cries float all the way down from one story to the next. "Darling! Darling! Get up! Get up right now! Our son's back! He's back!"

I see her return, practically dragging my father by the hand, and him still wiping his eyes until he sees me, and then all the grogginess disappears from him. Mom lets go of him and practically starts running down the stairs and as soon as she does I immediately drop my knees to the ground, and then my head. I've prostrated so deep my legs are going numb. I've practiced what I'm going to say a million times on the train ride here, but I can still barely choke it out.

"I'm sorry. I know these are just words and they can't make up for all the trouble I've caused you, but I really am sorry. I never appreciated how much that you did for my sake."

Those words are the hardest for me to force out of my mouth. I don't know if they realize I know about their past or not, but they once had their own goals and ambitions and dreams. I wasn't part of any of those. I was never supposed to exist. I took their dreams from them and there's nothing that I could ever do to make up for it. All I've done is take from the moment I was born.

I'm trash.

"Instead, I was spoiled and ungrateful and selfish and I acted like a brat. You sacrificed so much for me and I told you that I hated you. You gave me food and a roof over my head for years and I made you think I was going to kill myself. I don't deserve to be called your son, but if there's a smidge of mercy left in either of you, please forgive me."

Silence. They're not going to forgive me. Not that I blame them.

Then I hear my father speak up. "Haruto...don't grovel like that."

I slowly raise my head and see that he's bowing his head too. So is my mother. Why are they all acting like it's their fault? Kaede, Dad, Mom, all of them! It was me! It was all me! Get angry at me! Kick me out! Disown me!

...Please don't look so sad...please...it's tearing me apart from the inside...

"Forgive me, Haruto. You were absolutely right- I failed you. We both did. Neither your mother or myself really had any clue what being a parent actually meant. I was totally blind to how ashamed you were of me. It's a father's responsibility to be a role model for his children and I was the farthest thing from that- I'm an overweight manchild and a creepy otaku and a pervert who can't even realize how humiliating it is to have me as a parent until my son yells it in my face. You don't deserve to be called my son? I don't deserve to be called your father. I'm the most selfish one of all."

Mom speaks up in a tone barely above a whisper. "Me, too...it's a mother's job to care and I couldn't realize I was the source of all your problems...neither of us should have ever been parents...you deserved so much better than either of us. I'm sorry." She sniffles.

"You're wrong!" I cry. "It was all because I never said anything to you!"

She can barely force her words out in between sniffles. She's going to start crying. I can 100% feel it. God, this is gonna suck. "I can't stop being nosy and annoying…I’m sorry I freaked out so bad and assumed the worst…but I was scared I’d lose you like I lost my…” She breaks off “...Forgive me...please..."

"For what?! You don't need to be forgiven! For anything-"

There’s a soft touch on the top of my head, then another, then another. It's very gentle. Is that Mom?

She's standing in front of me. That means it has to be-

I turn and suddenly meet Kaede’s eyes as she kneels next to me, stroking the top of my head like she's calming a baby. "It's okay, Niichan. You don't have to be the responsible one all the time. You try so hard, but you're still a kid, too."

She looks up at Mom and Dad, then back to me. "They're serious."

Their faces are not angry, not upset…they’re concerned. They’re worried.

They’re scared.

I didn't see what was right in front of me all along.

My parents didn't want me to call myself pond scum and a water flea and worthless and bang my head on the ground until I bled. That’s what I thought would make it up to them, but it’s not what they wanted. It just hurts them more.

What they wanted is for me to forgive their own failures.

That's how I need to make it up to them.

"Mom, Dad...Of course I forgive you."

My dad bends low. "I forgive you, Haruto."

My mom follows. "I...forgive...waaaaaaah!" She can't even finish before bursting into tears. Oh, God. Here come the waterworks. I was dreading this.

I can't let myself break down. Keep it together. My dad is, Kaede is, I’ve got to. I'm a man. I have to be strong. I have to be, I have to be, I have to be, I have to be, I have to be…

The tears start coming. I can't stop them. Damn it. Damn it all.