Interlude: Firefly

My name is Hotaru. I’m not who everybody thinks I am.

I’m not a leader. Nor am I smart. I’m just some tag-along.

A lost firefly, a dim almost non-existent light in the ever-growing darkness.

But it wasn’t always like that. There was a time when things were different. There was a time where I would talk openly, and times where I would even lead. But all of those times are in the past.

Because I died. Here in this school.

“Hotaru is so reliable.”

“Leave it to Hotaru!”

I used to have people that would rely on me. I loved taking the lead. I thought I could do anything when I did.

So when I found myself trapped, in a school with death lurking around every corner, I did it again. I stepped up. I tried to lead my friends to safety. But… I couldn’t protect them all…

“Seraaaa!!”

At first, we lost a girl a year older than us. She was terrified, and the first trap we encountered claimed her

But despite that devastating event, we continued onwards. I made sure of it. We couldn’t give up.

It took us a while, but we got through it. Everyone was working as a team. The majority were boys, impulsive yet brave. We were doing well… we already had a key in our possession by the second day. Things were looking up.

Until…

“Where’s Takumi-kun and Yoichi-kun?”

“I don’t know… haven’t seen them all morning…”

Two of our friends went missing. We waited and waited… but they never came back.

Despite our doubts, and our concern, I advised the group to keep going. To keep searching. But that was a fatal flaw…

We encountered a trap out of nowhere… and another group member was killed. We had already lost four people, and only half of us remained. I had started to doubt myself and my decisions. My own carelessness had brought about a panic in our midst. Everybody started shifting the blame to one another… Until it finally landed on my friend…

I tried to defend her. Explain how it was no one’s fault but…

“It’s your fault!”

“Hotaru is to blame!”

“Who put you in charge anyway?!”

They accused me again and again. Maybe they were right. Maybe I was to blame for everything… If only I hadn’t taken the lead, If only I hadn’t spoken up that day… If only I followed along and—

As we were arguing, a monster appeared. It was past midnight, and our shouts could be heard all the way to the underworld for all we knew. A large, humanoid creature with a hunched back came bursting through the door of the classroom we were residing in.

It grabbed the boy closest to the door, and then my friend. It squashed them like they were mere ants, and cast them aside. Soon, the girl beside me started crying and weeping, saying she didn’t want to die. She pleaded for help, for forgiveness. I just stood there, as the monster ripped her in half.

It was all my fault. The group I had lead was torn to pieces because of my wrong decisions.

Instead of waiting for the end to come, I decided to end everything myself. I grabbed the knife we had picked up for protection, and rammed it against my throat.

The pain was excruciating. I just wanted it to end.

And it did.

I was dead. I was released from this hell. From the hell I had brought upon everyone and everything.

But one day… I woke up.

I woke up like nothing had happened. My memory fuzzy, I shifted from hallway to hallway, trying to make sense of everything. I couldn’t remember… But there was a voice in my head, calling to me.

I shouldn’t be alive anymore. That’s how I felt…

But why was I standing? Walking?

As I wandered aimlessly I found a boy, who was wandering the halls too. He was tall, and wore glasses. His face was soft, and He was kind, and caring. Yet he wasn’t familiar. He wasn’t… like me.

That’s when I realized I was different.

Soon, we found another, bigger group of students. They brought us in their base, and treated us like friends. They had a cheerful girl as their leader, and a smart boy to guide them when things got rough, as well as a girl with peculiar abilities. They acted as one united front. For some reason, it filled me with immense grief. Unexplainable pain. Why was I hurting at that sight?

Probably because I had failed at the exact same thing.

Despite that, I wanted to be a part of it. A part of their group. Their friend.

Yet I was afraid to speak my mind. Always stuttering and muttering. I could barely speak, let alone lead. Why was I like that? I felt like it wasn’t always this way… But they accepted me nonetheless.

“Hota-chan!”

They had even given me a nickname. Oh, how I adored it. We spent a lot of time together. I felt so grateful. I felt like I had another chance in life. A chance to live… And it was all because of them.

“This is so fun! Thank you for letting me join in on this!”

Those words had come from the bottom of my heart. For what felt like the first time, I was happy. I was having fun. Even if I wasn’t leading, even if I wasn’t relied on… people accepted me.

I had friends, and whenever I looked at the boy I met on the first day… Kazuya, I could feel my chest tighten.

The danger of the traps felt miniscule. Insignificant. Like I would never be harmed… It was selfish of me, but I wanted all of this to last forever. I felt like I had found a place to belong to.

At times though, I would still hear the voice inside my head. And I would always need to obey it…

That’s why I had claimed the book with the answers held nothing. That’s why I had crossed my name off it.

What was I, really? What was that voice? Somehow I didn’t want to know…

Our search continued, and it brought us to the basement. There, the voice told me that someone had to die…

I had to obey it. I had to…

That’s why I put Kazuya to sleep, and fled through a secret passage. How was I capable of that? How did I know of that passage? Why was I able to escape? Why did someone have to die? Whoever it was, I didn’t want to witness it… and if it was Kazuya, then I couldn’t let it happen.

Outside, we waited and waited, but for a good while no one came. Kazuya was still sleeping, and I was assaulted by visions and voices… I had started to remember who I was before…

“Hota-chan? Kazuya-kun?!”

But there was Mayu and everyone else. While I was fighting both my conscience and my demons, they had found a way to escape.

Despite the throbbing of my head, each time a memory had come back, I continued to act like nothing had happened.

Our journey continued.

Through a book Mayu and the others found in the basement, they freed an entity. An entity so powerful, I thought my head would burst.

An entity I knew. The entity inside my head…

And with it came my memory.

I was a student killed in this school, revived only for the sole purpose of sabotaging the humans struggling to escape…

The truth was devastating. The voice would assault me, but I always managed to fight it off. Until…

“Just give me the keys!”

Kazuya was being used. too. He was told only one person could escape… they had used him as a pawn to bring about chaos, and he had gone crazy. I felt rage flood my senses, and my resolve wavered. I let the entity inside my head loose. It took over. Complete control. But instead of helping, it rampaged wildly. In its rampage it did something unthinkable…

With my own hands it killed Kazuya… it killed the person I wanted to save from this fate the most. The person I had come to love.

I managed to regain control, albeit briefly, but…

“Ka-kazuya-kun…”

At the sight of what I had done, my resolve weakened once more. How could I let this happen? How could my hands be covered in his blood? How could I take the life I had tried to protect?

I tried to fight it, but it was too late… I charged at Mayu. The Mayu I admired so. I pierced her with my dull blade. I could feel both their blood on my hands now.

I was a monster. Despicable.

She could curse me. Resent me.

But instead, all Mayu said was

“I’m sorry… It must have been tough…”

But why?

I was the one who was supposed to apologize. I was the one lying to all of them all this time. I was the one that killed Kazuya, and I was now hurting Mayu…

But she apologized to ME instead?

I wasn’t worthy of such kindness… I was never supposed to come back…

Yet I did.

Why did I come back? For the sole purpose of hurting them all? For destroying their hopes?

No. I couldn’t let that happen.

Despite hurting the ones I loved the most… Despite it all. I got to live. And that has been thanks to Mayu and everyone else.

I’ll probably never repay them for their kindness, nor pay for the pain I caused. But I can start by fighting it alongside them… Whatever this darkness is, I’ll face it head on. That’s the least I can do.

Hotaru, the bystander.

Hotaru, the unwelcome tag-along.

The lost firefly…

If I am to be a firefly, I’ll burn as bright as I can, until the short string of my life comes to an end. I was given life once more. And now I know how to use it.

I’ll burn and burn, for the people I love the most.