Chapter 30:

[One Final Thrill] by Gil and Cortex2 - The Dazzling Lads

Honey-chan's Winter Resort


Kazuki lived with his ageing parents and older sister in a small town by the lonely countryside. The house they lived in was far too large for just the four of them. It had originally belonged to his mother’s grandparents, and she had inherited it so suddenly one day, upon her parents’ passing, before she had any idea what to do with it. As a result, though the main house was well-kept for the most part, some of the rooms were neglected entirely, left to ruin in old dust and cobwebs and fed on by termites. The garden, likewise, was in a similar ruined state. The weeds had grown so tall, the pond water turned green, and there was nothing of the sort of tranquil and quaint beauty reminiscent of a traditional garden, but rather a kind of garden one would expect to see in an abandoned mansion by some obscure village.

Though they were not particularly well-off—the house, which in its exterior, betrayed at the very least a contrived air of affluence that the young Kazuki had enjoyed and used to his self-interests, particularly in obtaining the admiration of his schoolmates to inflate his artificial sense of superiority. However, lies were faulty foundations. To keep perceptions built upon lies required delicacy, cleverness, and most of all—giftedness. The greatest fear of a con man is being known as one, even more so when the con man wears their falsehoods as if they were the truth. However, Kazuki had a fatal quality—he was incredibly inept. It was inevitable that the image he had built of himself would crumble and his lies would come to light. In the face of such disgrace, something began to stir within him, and a shift in his attitude came from the subconscious desire to conform as an act of ignorance against his infamy. That moment marked itself as the event that Kazuki would consider the turning point of his life, as the final embers of his pride were reduced to nothingness, for better or for worse. That all took place when he was fifteen.

At sixteen, Kazuki started to become involved with a local gang in his school. He had been led one day by one of the members and threatened to join, before subsequently being hazed. There he became exposed to many new things: theft, smoking, underage drinking, sex, but perhaps most significant of all—it was there he met his most faithful and hideous companion: gambling. Kazuki liked being in the gang. He couldn’t care less about the other members, he only revelled in the thrill he felt whenever he made actions that were fundamentally misaligned with his own preconceived morals. He learned new concepts and came upon revelations that utterly fascinated him to no end, such concepts and revelations that would otherwise be carefully hidden in a moral society.

A year and a half after Kazuki had joined, the gang was disbanded after a freak accident with one of the members and his girlfriend. They had been living together in some decrepit apartment. One of the neighbours complained of a rotten stench. When the police went to investigate, they found the young man’s body suspended in the air, held by a rope to his neck. They also discovered inside a trash bag the mutilated and dismembered corpse of his girlfriend. Kazuki knew the young man, though he wasn’t very fond of him. He always held the silent belief that something was very wrong with him. The case only served to reaffirm his thoughts.

Upon entering high school, Kazuki found himself alone once more. He never partook in any clubs or made any effort at making friends or starting fresh. There was nothing in particular he wanted to do. In those most difficult and uncertain moments, he turned to gambling as his source of solace. It gave him a momentary thrill enough to last an entire day. Gambling was his dose of drugs. At first, he did pachinko, but that quickly became insufficient for him. One misty night, he met up with some of the former members of the old gang and was led down to an underground casino. Kazuki fell in love with the place instantly. It didn’t take long for him to lose all the money he had. Whenever he was short on cash, he made it a habit of stealing from his parents. However, when he realised that they were struggling to make ends meet, an unavoidable guilt stopped him from the tiny fraction of conscience he had left. Or perhaps it was the fear of being caught and kicked out. In any case, he quit gambling until he got a part-time job in a convenience store.

In the months between, Kazuki had found himself becoming interested in a new pastime—watching street racing. At the time, it was becoming popular in the town. The races were held in the dead of night. One time a buddy of his from the old gang took him for a whirl during a race on the spiralling roads up the mountain. Kazuki felt as though his heart would leap from his chest. After the entire thing, he could only burst into hysterical, ecstatic laughter. The adrenaline rush had given him a thrill he had never had before—not even from gambling. It was the kind of grand thrill one would only receive from dancing with death itself; a thrill available only to those who forego their fears and offer up their lives.

A friend let him borrow his car, and Kazuki took off with it for a race. He won ¥100,000 which he quickly gambled on slot machines. Lady luck visited him one dark evening, and at midnight Kazuki left the casino with the face of someone who had just won the lottery. He had hit the jackpot: ¥2.5 Million. However, that would be the only time that luck would favour him. The day after, he bought a blue Toyota sedan, gave his parents ¥500,000; and drank with his friends until he passed out. In just a week, he had only ¥200,000 remaining. In the coming months, Kazuki became increasingly involved in the sport. However, while things seemed to look good for Kazuki at first, it all came crashing down all at once. After his initial victories, he started to lose race after race, gamble after gamble. In a matter of a few months, Kazuki’s life turned upside-down. He lost his job, was deep in debt, and worst of all—his mother was diagnosed with lung cancer.

His older sister was working hard to earn money, and their father was fulfilling the role of caretaker in the family; meanwhile, what was he doing? Screwing around, wasting his life away. He dropped out of high school in the winter of his 3rd year. Time seemed to pass slowly for him since then. Whenever he got his hands on some money, his immediate instinct was to gamble it all away. In March of the next year, while the cherry blossoms were in full bloom, he saw his old classmates walking home from their graduation. In that instant, a feeling of hopelessness dawned on him; and when he woke up the next morning, he had no longer any desire to continue living. 

Kazuki visited his mother in the hospital one last time and blurted out some flimsy sentimental promise. When he was leaving, his mother seemed to give him a disappointing gaze. Well, it didn’t matter anymore since Kazuki had already planned to kill himself later that day. However, when he left the building, he was approached by a man in a suit. Kazuki recognized him as one of the organisers of the town’s street racing events. The man introduced himself as Azai. He had heard of the problems Kazuki was going through and offered him a once-in-a-lifetime offer: a race between him and a representative from a gang in a neighbouring town. Azai would be betting on Kazuki's victory, and if he wins, he would not only pay for his mother’s surgery, but also provide financial aid to his family. If he loses, Kazuki would have to give up his family’s land. Kazuki couldn’t understand the motives behind his actions, but the thought of the race and what was on the line reignited a flame within him that he thought had long burnt out: one last gamble—one final thrill.

Later that night, Kazuki and Azai met up at the town’s Shinto Shrine where the gang had been patiently waiting, their cars all lined up on the road. Kazuki came with his trusty blue sedan. He was going up against someone named Akira—a crummy middle-aged man who looked more like a simple salaryman than a gang member. Kazuki could tell that something was off, but he didn’t care enough to think further. They were to follow the route from the Shrine through the hill pass. The rules were simple: whoever reached the peak first won. Though Kazuki had traversed many mountainside trails and dubious roads before, this was not a route he was familiar with. The thought of pursuing the unknown that awaited ahead thrilled him even more. He was confident enough in his ability to get a feel for his surroundings and adapt to them. Although at this point, it might as well just be baseless confidence.

Five minutes before eleven, they were told to get ready. Kazuki and Akira both got on their rides. They turned on their engines and began to rev. At exactly eleven, they pressed on the gas and the race commenced. Kazuki’s sedan juddered violently before it accelerated, struggling to get a solid start. Akira, on the other hand, smoothly took the initial lead. Once Kazuki got going, he swiftly upshifted, nullifying the gap. He steadily gained momentum before ultimately overtaking Akira. From there, the distance between them grew. Kazuki, however, didn’t find the idea of slowing down for safety appealing. He hovered around 200 KPH, only slightly decelerating at annoying curves. Kazuki believed he had it in the bag, that there was no chance for Akira to ever catch up to him. Ten minutes into the race, Kazuki was too late to notice a sharp left turn and almost went off the road in his attempt to turn, nearly falling downhill. As he gazed at the cliff, Kazuki felt nothing but excitement. After all, it wouldn’t be so bad for him to die in a race, but it wasn’t his moment yet. He thought he had built up a solid lead, but as he was reversing, discerned a pair of headlights approaching in the rearview. He hastily stepped on the gas and took off, Akira trailing behind him. Whenever Kazuki accelerated, Akira seemed to accelerate as well. In fact, Akira was closing the distance.

In the following minutes, the two remained at a standoff. They now occupied both lanes and were desperately trying to overtake the other. As they came upon a curve, Kazuki attempted to drift, failing miserably and stalling himself, allowing Akira to snatch the lead once more. What followed was a steep climb, and the two were forced to slow down. When the road levelled, Kazuki didn’t hesitate to go max gear and catch up. As they neared the peak, the distance between them neither grew nor shrunk. All of Kazuki’s attempts to outdo Akira failed. He could only tail him from behind. This didn’t frustrate Kazuki. Instead, he was enjoying it.

When they approached their destination and Akira’s victory seemed all but assured, Akira suddenly stopped his car, as if he had become aware of a presence and could not go on further. However, Kazuki could only see a pale darkness beyond. He paid no mind to Akira and continued onwards. The winner was decided by the one who reached the peak first after all. Whatever Akira’s reasons for stopping, he didn’t care. Kazuki never let go of the gas pedal and went even faster. He saw outlines of cars lined up on the sides, a few men—gang members no doubt—waiting in earnest to congratulate the winner. For a moment, Kazuki was distracted by them and neglected the road; and then all sensations disappeared, and the ride became oddly smooth for a split second. When Kazuki finally realised he was plummeting from the peak, a blast reverberated as the car crashed into the waters below.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, Kazuki did not lose consciousness. His whole body was in acute pain and his screams were meant for no ears but his own. Water seeped into his car, merging with his blood.

Kazuki’s life was filled with one too many misfortunes. Of course, some of which were of his own doing. When he looked back at all the seemingly terrible decisions he had made, he could not help but think that all of his accumulated sins culminated and led to the situation where he was now. But oddly enough, there was no regret present in his heart. Perhaps in the eyes of morality—karma—this was simply his just deserts. After all, what wrong was there in disposing of a parasite to society? However, to call him a parasite was not quite correct. To be a parasite assumed that one gained benefit at the expense of another, but Kazuki only ever brought mutual ruin. Kazuki was no parasite; he was something much worse. No one would bat an eye. It was better off this way anyways.

He thought of his sick mother in the hospital, the desperate promise he gave her, and the prize for his winnings. He was impressed that he still had it in him to think in that sort of manner. However, at the end of the day, it was probably out of his self-interest. He had lived only thinking of himself and somehow still expected to be taken care of by others. Asking for forgiveness now would only be selfish, like a desperate plea to clean his slate. He didn’t want that. He had long accepted that such opportunities weren’t available to people like him, who had nothing, did nothing, and yet still had it in them to wish for miracles, as if life’s luxuries were candies given to children or coins tossed in wishing fountains. Azai was a man who wouldn't keep to his word, Kazuki faintly realised that. No, he already knew it. He only used Azai’s offer as a pretence for a thrill. And now, he got the very thing he wanted. No matter the outcome, he was satisfied. Even if he died then and there, he wouldn’t mind. He had experienced the ultimate thrill. That alone made everything worth it.

It wouldn’t be right to say he had lost in life. He had not taken even the first step beyond the starting line. Kazuki was no loser; he was something much worse.


Cortex2
icon-reaction-4
Steward McOy
icon-reaction-1
Bubbles
icon-reaction-3