CHAPTER 16 – PRISONERS OF WAR

CHAPTER 16 – PRISONERS OF WAR

Around the world, newspapers covered their front pages with pictures of Barney, the driver, and his companions, with Aswad’s Presidential Palace in the background. In bold letters above the photographs:

“Seven of Monro’s spies were captured in the depth of the Islamic desert on their way to carry out a terrorist attack in Musulmania.”

Elena sat in the living room, held the newspaper in her hand, surrounded by family members, neighbors, acquaintances, government members, Barney’s parents and his three brothers. She placed the newspaper in front of her and kissed Barney’s picture and cried like a wounded animal.

“Come back to me Barney, my love, my husband, and the father of my children.”

Barney’s parents and his three brothers took the newspaper away from her, brought his picture closer to their faces and also burst into tears. His mother screamed in a heavy Mexican accent:

“My darling, Barney, where are you now? Come to mother, come to me my darling.”

All his childhood friends, his celebrity friends and government members began their comments as if he were dead:

“He was a great guy.”

“Barney was the greatest of all.”

“He was everyone’s friend.”

“Always knew how to help us.”

“He was an unusual comedian.”

“He always lent us money.”

Elena jumped and turned to them with anger.

“Shut up, stop talking about Barney in the past tense,” she snapped, “My darling Barney is a prisoner, he is not dead, why are you mourning him?”

Everyone became silent with embarrassment and suddenly the doorbell rang. One of the neighbors answered the opened door. Six of Monro’s bodyguards appeared in the entrance, the rest waited in the limousine. Grisha and Boris took three steps forward, scanned the house and the people with their cloudy, important-looking eyes. Alex and Nicolai turned on their communication devices looking tense and spoke to their friends who were three steps away from them.

“Boris and Grisha, do you hear me? Report to us what’s going on.”

“Boris and Grisha speaking. Everything is fine, there’s no danger to the President.”

Boris and Grisha returned and stood beside their friends; Alex and Nicolai took seven steps forward and looked more closely at the house, and the people. Ivan and Oleg turned on their communication devices for their friends who were seven steps away.

“Alex and Nicolai, do you hear me? Report to us what is going on. Are there any suspicious people?”

“Alex and Nicolai speaking, everything seems fine, and there is nothing suspicious. There’s no danger to the President.”

Alex and Nicolai returned to their friends. Ivan and Oleg took fifteen steps forward and checked different objects in the area. They took hold of the objects and inspected them from every angle. Grisha and Boris turned on their communication devices.

“Ivan and Oleg, can you hear me? Please report to us what is going on. Are there suspicious devices, any problems?”

“Ivan and Oleg speaking, everything seems fine. There are no suspicious devices, inform the President that he can enter.”

Ivan and Oleg returned to their friends. All the bodyguards turned on their communication devices together and in spite of the beeping and noises from the communication devices, they managed to inform Monro to come into the house and ran to the limousine and with Monro in front, accompanied by the TV crews, Yeats, and Prof. Cheers they went inside and announced aloud:

“Our President, our great leader, the strongest general of all, Mr. Monro has arrived.”

Yeats and Prof. Cheers applauded and signaled everyone to do the same, but Elena yelled:

“For whom are you applauding? Barney, my husband and six of his friends are in the Islamic prison and you dare to applaud? Are we at a party?”

Monro stared at everyone with a patronizing and arrogant look. Along with his companions he approached Elena, shook hands with her and with Barney’s parents while the TV cameras were running, live from the house. Monro looked angry.

“I don’t understand how he let himself fall into the Islamic prison, into the hands of Aswad, the Islamic monster, damn him, the Islamic Satan.” Monro smiled arrogantly. “Don’t worry, we will defeat the miserable Islamic army and the dumb Aswad will become my prisoner. I will execute that cockroach with my own hands.” The Chief of Staff continued:

“I hope that Barney is quickly released from captivity and returns to serve us, the Democratic army.”

Yeats said with sarcasm:

“I miss my dear friend Barney. If he is executed, I will miss him even more.” Prof. Cheers with arrogance:

“Don’t mind Yeats's words, he is confused by the situation. I know Barney. He is strong, brave, and stubborn. Even if he undergoes humiliation and the worst torture, he will survive.” She sighed. “I hope...”

Elena stared at them with contempt and disgust.

“I thank you all for your words of encouragement, support, and understanding. I didn’t know you loved him so much and wanted him to come back to the Selected Democratic Organization and his family.”

Monro and his companions smiled with satisfaction, Elena leaned against Monro who felt uncomfortable and flinched when she burst out:

“Mr. President, you sent my husband to the front in order to raise the morale of your soldiers. Because of you he is in captivity. What have you done thus far to release him and his friends? You didn’t do anything, right?”

Monro turned pale and whispered to his friends:

“Make this bitch shut up. She is ruining my rating and my image. How do I answer her? Make her shut up.” He turned to Elena with a saccharine sweet smile “I’m sorry you are angry. I understand you and forgive you and I want you to know that I continuously think of releasing him. I convened a party meeting, a special government meeting, and a special commanders' meeting. I promise we will seriously discuss this situation and will shortly find a solution, trust me.”

Prof. Cheers added:

“Don’t worry Elena, we will take care of your needs and we will give you a Valium to calm you down.” She searched in her bag and handed one to her. “You have lost control of yourself. If you continue this way, we will commit you.”

Elena stared at her with disbelief, returned the Valium to Prof. Cheers with disgust and yelled:

“Maybe you need a Valium!” She turned to the TV crews near the startled Monro. “My husband is not a soldier and is not a warrior. Mr. Monro, you sent Barney to war, and you will bring him back, for better or worse. As far as I am concerned, you will meet Aswad and you will talk to him or lead a commando squad and release my husband. I’ll remind the media every day who sent Barney to war and how you forced him to take the mission. ”

Monro’s companions feared for his rating and approached him. Prof. Cheers whispered in his ear:

“We'd better get out of here. You must do something quickly. This witch will give you a tough time.”

Monro, embarrassed and frightened, understood what he had to do at that moment. Like a mouse facing a trap, he hurried to escape with his bodyguards and his companions from the damned house. They walked quickly towards the limousine. He and his bodyguards got into the car, and they sighed with relief when their car disappeared from the area, from Elena and from the affair of the prisoners of war, Barney, and his friends. It disturbed their serenity and upset them.

At the same time, without warning, the steel door to the detention room at the main prison of Musulmania opened wide with an unsettling creaky sound that reminded Barney of a horror movie. He, his driver, and companions were dressed in authentic Arabic clothes with a keffiyeh on their heads but had no way of knowing how they looked in these clothes. They turned pale and started shaking from the fear of the unknown when they noticed a group of ten Islamic guards entering, straight-faced, pointing their weapons at the terrified prisoners’ faces. They thought that the guards might shoot them immediately. They started to bend and protect their bodies, looking for a hiding place in a room that didn't even have room for a fly to hide.

The prisoners pleaded: “Don’t kill us, we didn’t do anything. We just got lost and that is how you caught us. We will do whatever you ask from us, please don’t shoot us.” Aswad, Mike Satanic, tall officers, and Islamic government members entered the cell and one of them threw an English newspaper towards Barney. He grabbed the newspaper in his shaking hands and stared at the headline without believing it, with vacant eyes and anguished face and whispered in a broken voice:

“Seven of Monro’s spies were captured in the depth of the Islamic territory on their way to execute a terrorist attack in Musulmania.”

Barney identified Aswad and Mike Satanic from their former visit in the “White Mouse” before Mike Satanic’s escape. Aswad stared at them with a smile of a black Mamba while Mike Satanic stared at them with a smile of a yellow scorpion.

Barney felt that only a poisonous centipede like Monro was missing there. Mike Satanic stood in front of the captives and said:

“Hello to Monro’s seven terrorists. I am Mike Satanic, Aswad’s deputy. Where did you want to make the attack? In the President’s tabernacle, in the government building, in Musulmania market? What were Monro’s instructions? I’m sure you planned a terrorist attack in all three places.”

The prisoners were horrified. One said:

“That’s not true, we aren’t spies, and we are not terrorists. You are mistaken, we are barely soldiers. Actually, we were supposed to drive back to our base and by mistake, we drove in the opposite direction because it was dark and foggy. We were not familiar with the area and went the wrong way.”

Aswad laughed at him. The Islamic guards in the cell imitated him and giggled.

Aswad lowered his voice and said:

“I am President Aswad, and we held an in-absentia trial for you. The judges Aswad and Mike Satanic found you guilty of spying on behalf of the Democratic Organization and of attempting to attack Musulmania, including a terrorist attack in the President’s tabernacle, in the government building and in the Musulmania market. I need to determine your sentence,” he chuckled. “Execution by firing squad, by hanging, or by poison injection. I think it’s best to have all three possibilities together,” he added with satanic sarcasm. “Actually, maybe you will help me and decide together how to execute you.”

Everyone screamed hysterically “no, no, no” and collapsed to the ground without making a sound, like a house of cards that collapsed.

Mike Satanic ordered the guards:

“Wake these morons up right away with water, beatings, sticks and if necessary, by shooting them in the head.”

Aswad laughed.

“Mike Satanic, my brother, it will be difficult to wake them up with a shot in the head; indeed, they will wake up in hell!” The people in the room burst out laughing while the guards threw buckets of water on the prisoners' faces and kicked them without mercy. They woke and sighed from pain, pale and frightened. Barney began hallucinating his coming execution. He grunted with the noose tight around his neck, trembled after the poison injection and fell to the floor when the bullets hit his body and the wall behind him. With his last strength, he decided to try to save the situation.

“Mr. Mike Satanic and Mr. President Aswad, my name is Barney and I’m the best comedian of the Democratic Organization. I was sent by Monro to the front to entertain the Democratic soldiers. We are neither spies nor terrorists, and this is the truth. I’m willing to swear on the life of my family and I’m willing to swear on God, Jesus, Muhammad, Zarathustra, the Dalai Lama, - Gargoma and even Paris Hilton.”

Satanic responded first.

“Don’t listen to him, my brother, Aswad, they should be eliminated to teach Monro a lesson he will never forget.”

Barney did not understand why Aswad looked at him with penetrating eyes and mumbled to himself in terror.

“Why is the son of a bitch just looking at me? That is the only thing I need... I’m sure he is planning to eliminate me, or I turn him on, and he wants to make me his lover?” He smiled dumbly. “Actually, why not, my ass is less precious than my life.”

Aswad glanced at Mike Satanic, at the prisoners, then again focused on Barney who smiled at him and slightly bowed, happily and humbly twisted his hips, and looked at his blank eyes. Aswad came closer to him and looked at his worried face.

“I remember you well from “The White Mouse” prison when I visited Mike Satanic, and you told the joke about the Arabs. I also remember you were mocking me in the UN General Assembly before they put me in the ambulance. That was you who told jokes. I especially remember the joke about the Christian, the Arab, and the Jew who found a box with dollars. I remember how you mocked the Arabs for being stupid. So now, do you have another joke on how stupid we are?”

Barney wanted to dig a grave for himself, get inside, cover himself with sand so they would never find him while Mike Satanic laughed, staring at him with hatred.

“I also remember him from prison. Is he the one who humiliated the Arab people? He is the one to be executed first so the Democrats will learn their lesson.” All the Islamic members agreed but Aswad seemed pensive, smiling with satisfaction, and explained to the prisoners.

“Do you know what I love best? Watching TV, you would not believe it. Reality shows, especially survival reality shows.” Barney stared at Aswad and thought:

“Who cares that a psycho like you likes survival shows, I’m not your psychiatrist.”

Aswad continued excitedly:

“I decided to produce such a reality show and to sell it to Hollywood. This will be the best and most fascinating reality show ever produced. It will have everything, laughter and entertainment along with sadness and tragedy all in a live broadcast,” he chuckled, “or in a dead broadcast and the winning prizes are the greatest ever given on TV, the winners will get all or lose it all.”

The prisoners stared at him with sympathy, sure that Prof. Cheers would have sent him immediately for observation. Barney would never have guessed what Aswad’s vicious, mean, and satanic plan was. Only Aswad and Mike Satanic could conceive of such a diabolical plan.

“I have good news for you, I’m not executing you. I will not become your angel of death.” They all jumped enthusiastically, hugged, and kissed each other with Niagara Falls tears in their eyes.

“I have a package deal for you,” he smiled at them with sweet evil. “We all agree that Barney is the best comedian of the Democratic Organization, right?” They nodded their heads. “So that’s what will happen. You will appear, will participate in my survival reality show. My TV team will shoot Barney and you everywhere at all times. From now on, Barney will have to entertain and make everyone he meets laugh, including the guards, the Arabic prisoners, the soldiers, the officers, the citizens, Mike Satanic, and me.” He smiled with the good heart of the angel of death. “If he can no longer make us laugh and entertain us, you will all be executed and Barney will watch you die, knowing that he is to blame. Always remember that neither Satanic nor I are to blame for your destiny. Barney is your fate; he is your angel, and he is also your hangman.”

Barney watched himself scream madly “no, no, no” and again Barney and his friends felt like actors in Shakespeare’s tragic play while they collapsed. Aswad’s devious plan was just created and turned into a new terrifying reality that Barney, in his worst dreams, hadn't imagined. The vast void of life, the unstable determination of fate and of man's insignificance actually turned him, Barney, into an almighty being, the competitor of the Messiah, partner of God, and the angel of life and death.

C