CHAPTER 17 – FATAL COMMANDO

CHAPTER 17 – FATAL COMMANDO

Elena's furious voice was heard all day and all night throughout the entire news broadcasting world.

“It is illogical that Monro, the Democratic President, sent Barney, my husband, to the front to entertain the soldiers and he is now in captivity and Monro does not take any action to bring about his immediate release. I ask the Democratic Organization, the government, and the citizens, where is the responsibility, the moral, the public duty to release my husband? Where is Monro, who promised to take care of each citizen and soldier as he would his own children? He promised that every POW would be returned to his country, to the Selected Democratic Organization immediately. I will not rest until that happens!”

At the same time, the Hollywood people and the elderly gathered at the training facility's shooting range. The instructors asked everyone to listen to their announcement.

“We were asked to inform you that soon five young people who are going to be sent to the front will come to train here. Unfortunately, this is a group of five Neo-Nazis and we do not have a choice but to let them train and to hope that they will not behave as they usually do, like Nazi dogs. If a problem arises, we will immediately take care of it, and they will fear us.” The trainees stared at each other in disbelief, with a feeling of disgust and revulsion. It even seemed like the instructors feared the Neo-Nazi group.

Sam whispered to his friends:

“I’m willing to teach them about the weapon and about shooting situations but I am not willing to let them hold a gun.”

Glenn whispered to his friends:

“I agree with Sam but they know that they are going to be shooting live bullets so what do we do? Are we going to cancel everything?”

Dan said:

“We cannot cancel because we also have the Hollywood people and the elderly, but I have a great solution.”

He whispered his thoughts to his friends, and they nodded in approval. Dan addressed the elderly:

“We need ten elderly people to come and start shooting. Don’t worry, the Hollywood guys will help you and support you.” Ten elderly people advanced with their walkers while the Hollywood people followed them. The ten elderly people stood in front of their targets with their weapons loaded and ready for shooting while the ten Hollywood people stood behind them and supported them so they wouldn't stumble while shooting. Suddenly five Neo-Nazis entered and walked back and forth with a military walk and shouted “Heil Bigler.” They laughed loudly and ridiculed the group of elderly people making obscene gestures.

“Should we bring intensive care ambulances?”

“Don’t shoot at one another by mistake (or not by mistake).”

The instructors and the Hollywood people reacted with anger.

“Shut up, you should be ashamed, talking to them that way.”

“Do you want a Viagra pill so that everything goes smoothly?”

“Did you forget your catheters?” The elderly turned into lions seeking their prey.

“Stop it, if we were your grandfathers and grandmothers, would you also behave this way?”

The Neo-Nazis continued mocking and laughing without consideration and even gave the elderly the finger while the instructors approached the Neo-Nazis and pushed them to the far wall, distant from the furious elderly.

“You either sit here in silence or get a bullet in your heads.” The instructors pulled out their pistols and pointed them at the Neo-Nazis.

The terrified Neo-Nazis huddled together in fear. Ten elderly people shot in standing position and managed to somehow hit a few targets. The Hollywood people and their elderly friends applauded while the Neo-Nazis stared at them with disgust. The ten elderly people applauded and slapped the actors' hands as they sat in their wheelchairs. The Neo-Nazis laughed and ridiculed them. The ten elderly volunteers continued firing in a crouch and then lying on mattresses. The Hollywood people helped them get down and get back up. The Hollywood people bowed to everyone, once again applauded, and screamed “bravo” with love and went to the wall to rest near their friends. The instructors signaled the Neo-Nazis to approach the shooting range and there they shot standing up and then checked the perforated targets with satisfaction. Sam, the instructor, yelled at the Neo-Nazis with disgust:

“Now we go for a ten-minute break and then we continue.”

The Neo-Nazis sat down to eat their breakfast while they made disgusting burping sounds, raised their hands while saluting “Heil Bigler” and laughed at the frustration and pain of the elderly. The rest sat and messed with the sandwiches they received for breakfast while one of the elderly people walked slowly towards the restroom that was located on the other side of the wall. The five Neo-Nazis sneaked out unnoticed, and several minutes later, before the end of the break, the screams of pain of the old man were heard beyond the wall. He wanted to get back from the restroom, but the Neo-Nazis threw him to the ground and beat and kicked him. The instructors, the elderly, and the Hollywood people ran towards the commotion. When the Neo-Nazis noticed the people approaching, they backed off. The Hollywood people wanted to hit them but one of the elderly people stopped them and said:

“Let us, the poor elderly people, take care of it.”

All the elderly attacked the five Neo-Nazis who tried to escape. Their walkers in their skinny and shaking hands landed on the five Neo-Nazis’ bodies as the latter tried to protect themselves. After that they hit and kicked the five men with canes and walkers, making them cry like babies. The Neo-Nazis begged the elderly to stop. The instructors stopped the elderly but suddenly the five Neo-Nazis ran back to the shooting positions, took the rifles, and started shooting at everyone while screaming with ideological madness “Heil Bigler, Heil Bigler.” To the surprise of the Neo-Nazis, no one was hurt, and the crazed shooters were caught and handcuffed by the instructors and the Hollywood people. The police were called.

“Immediately send patrol vehicles to the C.I.A facility. The Neo-Nazis at the facility assaulted one of the elderlies in the facility and tried to murder everyone with the rifles at the shooting range. Our security cameras recorded it all, please come ASAP.”

The Neo-Nazis were stunned. “Nothing happened to you. We saw there were live bullets in the weapons. What did you do with them?”

Glenn answered:

“We put magazines with blanks in the weapons; we knew who we were dealing with. You will stay in jail a long time for what you did.”

The Neo-Nazis sat terrified until the five patrol vehicles arrived with fifteen police officers who pushed each Neo-Nazi into a patrol vehicle, took the complaint from the old man who had been assaulted, took the security video tapes, and left with tires screeching and sirens blaring while the detainees cried in fear.

At the command pit Monro addressed the Chief of Staff while the rest of the government members and the senior officers listened.

“Why don’t we go for a general attack from all sides on all fronts? I want to end this war as soon as possible.”

The Chief of Staff defended himself while stuttering

“It’s not that simple, you must understand.”

Monro continued angrily.

“It’s not that simple? What is the problem? Send all your aircraft and tanks forward -our army is the best in the world!”

The Chief of Staff stuttered with embarrassment:

“The aircraft and tank fuel ran out and we are waiting for new fuel, but the refinery workers are on strike again and unfortunately, the situation has worsened. There are more deserters, impostors, and mentally ill rather than warriors to continue fighting.”

Monro continued:

“I couldn’t care less about it, like David and Goliath, we will win. I’m the chosen leader; I’m Monro the supreme military leader!”

Monro paced like a furious lion in its cage while the government members, the Chief of Staff, the command officers and Prof. Cheers, sat humiliated in their chairs in his office and tried not to meet his menacing glance while theirs wandered nervously and with frustration to the ceiling or to the floor, confident that the answer to their problem would be found there.

The plasma and LED screens continuously broadcast Elena’s words while Monro stood pale and pointed towards the screen screaming:

“What does this whore think to herself? That creep, she turned me into the bad guy in this story. She wants to turn my voters against me. I fear she will cause me a lot of problems!” He snapped at everyone: “Can’t you see how my rating is sinking because of her? Why am I paying them? Tell me what it takes? What should I do? Eventually, if a new committee of betrayers arises that finds me guilty and throws me out of politics, you will be thrown out too. You are worth nothing without me.”

Yeats tried to calm him down.

“Maybe you should talk to Aswad. It might help you just as Sadat went to Israel, to Begin, the prime minister. You should go to the Free Islamic Forces, to Aswad.”

Monro answered him with a rhetorical question:

“Are you out of your mind? They will eliminate me there within a moment. It would be better to execute the captives who are less important.”

The Chief of Staff suggested:

“I propose sending up to two hundred aircraft to land on Aswad’s palace and to take him into captivity.”

Monro, with sarcasm:

“Do you think you are in the movies? What if they shoot the aircraft or the pilots down, then we will need to send another two hundred and afterwards, another two thousand?”

Yeats explained:

“We must go for a general attack on Musulmania and use an atomic bomb on the Islamic city and eliminate all of them, burn those cockroaches.”

The frustrated and desperate Monro answered:

“Come on, I’m fed up with you. Are you kidding me? Are you in a musical? Do you think we are on American Idol? Do you think I will let anyone know we have an atom bomb? The way the United States threw two atomic bombs on the Japanese and showed the world what the atom bomb was? To my regret, we don’t even have enough guns and ammunition to eliminate the Islamic troops”. “Maybe we can eliminate them with Karate, it’s the cleanest way.” Monro demonstrated some Karate elimination exercises. “I alone can eliminate Aswad and then, eliminate all Islam on earth and throughout the universe”...

Once he started pacing quickly, everyone gave up. They preferred to be silent until the rage blew over. Suddenly Prof. Cheers jumped up.

“Mr. President, we all know you are a great leader and general. Maybe you can organize a commando group of superior warriors and send them secretly to enemy territory to release the prisoners; it always works out in the movies.”

Monro stared again with disgust and sighed. “To my regret, we are not in the movies, not in American Idol and don’t forget that we canceled our commando units after the wars in Vietnam, Korea, and Iraq since they hit us with all sorts of missiles that arrived all over the Selected Democratic Organization.”

Prof. Cheers sighed with frustration.

“Sir, don’t forget you need to meet your Hollywood friends in half an hour.”

Monro burst with fury.

“What are you, my mother, and my shrink? Why do you always make comments and remind me? I am not a little boy. I did not forget I must meet my Hollywood friends, so stop nagging me. It bothers me. Enough, get off my back.”

He addressed everyone: “I’m heading towards the shooting range, so we will continue this meeting in the afternoon.” Monro struck the table with a frightening Karate chop. “Come back with innovative ideas or I will send you myself to Musulmania, to Aswad to release the captives.”

Prof. Cheers stared at Monro with a frozen look, left hurriedly, mumbling:

“What a jerk, I’m starting to think that he really needs to be hospitalized. It seems like he has a narcissistic personality disorder and also manic depression, and he might be suffering from other things I haven't thought of yet.”

The bodyguards, Monro, and Yeats left the office, walking one beside the other in silence. Yeats tried to smile stupidly while Monro stared at him with disinterest and pondered.

“I would rather execute Elena in front of a firing squad and close the deal. Unfortunately, however, it is impossible. I hope that my meeting with the Hollywood movie actors will improve my poor state of mind.”

They almost reached the roof where the helicopter was waiting for them when Monro stopped in astonishment and said:

“I found it, I found it. I’m a genius, it’s perfect, I’m more genius than Einstein, and I have the solution!”

At the prison in Musulmania, Barney and his friends sat at a corner table in the dining room and continued to eat the pitas, hummus, fava beans, and salads, which were on their table, in silence and in fear. The Islamic reality team and two armed bodyguards whose detail was to protect them from other inmates, sat near them. One of the leaders of the prisoners and his friends approached the Democrats to bother them but the two bodyguards turned their weapons against him. They shook their heads and told the prisoner leader:

“On Aswad’s order, you cannot harm them. The job of Barney, the Comedian, is to make us all laugh. If he doesn’t make Aswad laugh, the captives will be executed.” The group leader and his friends were not satisfied while the leader yelled at Barney.

“Tell us jokes about prison.” He stared at Barney menacingly. “You will see that nobody will laugh at your jokes. If I cannot hit you, I’d rather you all hang.”

Barney froze, scared by the fat bully; Barney's friends showed fear and screamed hysterically.

“Come on Barney, come on, tell us some jokes,” everyone gathered round Barney, giving him the chills...

“Okay, here are some jokes: A fish swims near Jamaica’s shore on a beautiful sunny day and he decides to get out of the water and get a tan under the sun. The fish comes out of the water, puts on tanning lotion, lies down, and lights a huge joint, as is customary in Jamaica. Suddenly the lion arrives. The fish calls to him: “Brother. What is up, brother? Come sit with me, let’s smoke together, it will be swell.” The lion, unaccustomed to be approached this way, sits down, and takes some tokes, and suddenly turns to the fish and asks him: “Tell me, do you know who I am?” The fish answers him: “Actually, I have no idea, who are you, my brother?” The lion says: “What do you mean? I am the king of beasts.” The fish tells him: ‘Ha, great marijuana, ah?”

“A dog decides to see the world and goes on a safari in Africa. On one of his day trips, he gets lost, and on his way, he sees a lion running towards him to devour him. He wonders what to do, sees ones on the ground, sits near them with his back to the lion, takes a bone in his mouth. When the lion gets closer, the dog says loudly “This was a very delicious lion, I wonder if there are more delicious lions around.” When the lion hears the dog, he stops, stares at him with terror and thinks to himself, “That was close, this dog almost ate me.” He turns around and runs for his life. A monkey on the tree sees everything, decides it is a good opportunity for him to become friends with the lion. He finds the lion and tells him the dog was making fun of him. The lion becomes angry and tells the monkey, “Sit on my back, and you will see how I make meatballs out of this dog.” The dog still can't calm down. Again, he sees the lion running towards him from a distance, this time with the monkey on his back. Instead of running away, the dog sits down again with his back to the lion. As the lion creeps towards him, the dogs say out loud, “Where is that annoying monkey? Half an hour ago I asked him to bring me another lion.”

“The boss calls his office from reserve duty and asks his secretary what’s going on, she tells him that she has good and bad news, so he tells her: start with the bad. The secretary tells him: your wife is divorcing you and wants to sue you for all you're worth, the large company with which we almost made a deal withdrew its proposal and it seems like we will have no choice but to close the office. So, he tells her: so, what is the good news? So, she answers him: “My sweetheart, we are having a baby.”

One day a dinosaur comes to his wife and asks her if she feels like...she answers that she has a headache. The following day, the dinosaur again asks her to have sex, but his wife answers she has a backache. It continued thus day after day until all the dinosaurs disappeared.

A man’s dog died. He goes to neighborhood synagogue and asks the Rabbi, is it possible to have an honorable funeral for the dog, because they were close, the dog and himself. The Rabbi tells him: listen, for us it is not acceptable but why don’t you try the Catholic Church? They should accept you. The slightly disappointed man bends towards the Rabbi discreetly: Tell me, if I offer them $5,000 for the hassle, do you think it will be fair? The Rabbi came to his senses and said: Why didn’t you tell me from the beginning that the dog, may he rest in peace, was Jewish?

In Morocco, especially irritable Moroccan ants lived in the village. One day, an elephant passed by the neighborhood. The ants decided he was harmful and damaging for them. The ants climbed on his back, and when the elephant had had enough, he shook all the ants off him, with only jojo hanging on to the elephant's neck. Then the ants, without exception, started screaming and cheering him, singing: “Choke him jojo, choke him, jojo.”

Barney stared at the group of prisoners and prayed that someone would start laughing. The prisoners were silent as mummies on orders of their terrifying leader who smiled despicably. The reality team continuously shot Barney and the paws and waited in suspense for the laughter that would or would not be. Barney turned pale and his entire body started shaking as he visualized the horror of Aswad smiling and fitting the noose around his neck. To their great luck, the two bodyguards laughed continuously, and Barney sighed, smiled at them with gratitude and allowed himself to groan with relief. The group leader frowned, swore at the guards, spat at Barney, left the area, and signaled with his hand that he would rather slaughter them at once. One of the guards took a Kleenex out of his pocket, handed it to Barney to wipe the spit off his face, and said apologetically:

“Don’t mind him, he is a shitty person. He even spat on his mother and father. I can assure you that the Arabs are not like him.” He secretly whispered to Barney “To my regret, the Arabs of his kind support Satanic and Aswad.”

Barney's humiliating situation was more than enough for him, and he decided to return to the cell, signaled his friends with an agreed upon nod and they rose to their feet and returned to their cell accompanied by the two guards. After they closed the door, they lay down on their miserable beds. They were quiet as fish, deep in thought and longing.

The tremendous noise of a passenger jet shattered the sky on its way to an unknown destination. Inside the airplane, there was a group of people dressed in a traditional Arabic garb who seemed to have awakened from a strange and mysterious dream without understanding what was going on. This was the group of the Hollywood actors and their production team. Monro’s Hollywood friends stared at each other with concern and fear, touched their clothes without understanding, rubbed their eyes with surprise, then screamed with terror and hysteria.

“What is this plane? What is going on here? Why are we dressed in Arabic clothes? Where is this plane heading?”

Suddenly the huge LCD TV in front of them started broadcasting. They all ran towards the screen, gathered around it with confusion and concern. Monro was on the screen addressing them, with Prof. Cheers in the background.

“Hello, my Hollywood brothers, my dear and loving friends. I am about to explain what is going on. Until now, you participated in my movie shooting in the Democratic lands when the plot was that you are a commando group assigned to release a group of captives that are in the hands of the Free Islamic Forces and the Islamic President, Aswad. A few hours ago, I met you on site to celebrate my birthday earlier than expected by my design, and to my extraordinary joy you all drank too much champagne and passed out. Now you are in an airplane that is about to land in Musulmania. The most important thing that you should know is that in the Democratic lands you were a part of a regular Hollywood production, but in the Islamic Forces land, you are shooting a great reality show, never before attempted. President Aswad will know that you are Hollywood actors coming to play a commando group in an American movie assigned to release our captives. In addition, he also indirectly received a lot of money from me for his agreement to shoot in Musulmania. You only need to find a way to act like a real commando force, to reach the captives, release them, bring them back, and at the same time, make Aswad believe it is only a reality movie or that it is a reality of a movie. You cannot refuse to do it because I am the producer, screenwriter, your agent, and the owner of the Hollywood studios where you work. Do not forget you signed a contract to participate in a movie anywhere and at any time and in any shooting format. If you do not agree, I will immediately tell Aswad you are real spies like the captives, that you are a real commando force and that you came deceitfully to release our captives. Therefore, instead of living a Tigris life of celebrities in Hollywood, you will die by hanging in Musulmania along with Barney and his friends. By the way, while you were sleeping, my friend, Prof. Cheers, hypnotized you for my Arabic-American friend, Mahmud Al Jumali, an Arabic professor. While you were hypnotized, he imprinted your brains with spoken Arabic to make it easy for you... And by the way ... He was also hypnotized and joined you, but I didn't want him in Musulmania, so he jumped from the plane...but forgot to take a parachute! It's just as well because he could have revealed the secret to Aswad. But you ...you My dears...my brothers ...I love you! Good luck ...be strong and brave. May the force be with you!

They looked like Lot’s wife who turned into a pillar of salt by the command of the Hollywood God, the God of celebrity, power, and abundance. They all screamed together in a terrified voice.

“No, no, this cannot be happening. We are the best and the most famous Hollywood stars and not some commando group. You have a sick mind!”

Monro chuckled:

“It’s not that bad. I know you are the best movie stars. You always told me you could play any part in any situation, right? So now, you have the parts of your lives, “Commando Escalation.” By the way, I forgot to tell you there is a special portable computer near Dragon. This is the most secret computer, and no other person or country has it, this is a super Democratic portable computer. When you think and plan some commando operation, it will tell you if the operation is good or not and it will tell you what to do and what not to do.”

Monro signed off. The actors were in shock. Dragon slowly opened the cover of the special portable computer and examined it while he and everybody cried like little babies. They got even more scared and astonished when they heard themselves swear at each other in juicy Arabic followed by despicable Arabic gestures.

In the captives’ prison cell, Barney noticed that his friends were asleep. The pictures of their family members passed through his head, and he wept silently, oblivious to the reality team, shooting him continuously.

Elena and her children were sitting in the living room at their home, holding the family picture of the four of them. They caressed Barney’s face in the picture with unsteady fingers and wiped away their salty tears. The production men and the movie actors still sat and wept with despair and frustration while the actresses and the production girls tried to calm and silence the despair and frustration of the tough men and even hugged and caressed them. The furious Elena appeared again day and night on all the news broadcasts. She said:

“If Monro is incapable of doing anything, he should resign. The people are fed up with his promises and deals, the citizens are fed up with his demagoguery when there is no real justice. We need new elections right this moment. We are fed up with corrupt politics and a war that was forced on us because of the whims and interests of a few politicians and their despicable, disgusting, exploitative politics."

Monro also watched the news and swore at Elena and Aswad. He thought for a moment, smiled, and called Yeats.

“How are you Yeats? I've had enough of Elena and Aswad. I have an important, urgent mission for you.”