Chapter 51:

Self-Improvement

Museworld


“Boss, we’re making you a hero.”

Looking at his utmost strongest employee and the sheet of designs he held in his beefy hands, he was under the impression he was talking about a reboot of the comic.

“Is this a new costume? It looks practically the same.”

“Practical’s right.” The cunning one shot. “We’re making you a real hero, sir.”

“A real one?”

“Here’s the deal, old man-“ an especially rude member of the team butted in- “We’re gonna dress you up in your superhero getup like always, ‘cept this time you’re actually gonna go fight crime. This is not some mascot gig. We want results.”

“But why?” He prodded, looking past his subordinate’s attitude for the time being. “Listen- I know what the people really want. And it’s not another cop slapping their wrists when they make out on the bumper cars or whatever this sick generation is into. Truth is, nobody gives a damn about heroes these days…! You saw that kid… people don’t know a thing…”  Bozo went from yelling to sobbing in an aggravating blink.

“Boss. Trust us on this one.” A conveniently level-headed worker breathed. “We can set you up in a way that the people will like you- picture this: Rescuing kittens! Fighting baddies! Chasing after damsels in distress!”

“Do I look like the kinda guy who gets confused for birds and planes?” The boss put his hand on his shrunken heart. “I’m no hero! Just a fat, smelly, stubby money-grubber!”

“SIR!” The loudest and most outspoken employee finally snapped. “WITH ALL DO RESPECT, PLEASE DO NOT TALK NEGATIVELY ABOUT MY BOSS LIKE THAT!”

Bozo grumbled, sighed, and sat down with his head in his tiny hand.

“It’s no use… I can’t fulfil your plans like this…”

“You forget something, sir.” His longest-serving and most loyal employee spoke. “You don’t have to be “like this” forever. We can improve you.”

“Don’t you dare try to feed me those vitamin capsules! This park’s food was specifically crafted to be just fine without them!”

The underling laughed. “I wasn’t talking about a diet, sir. Don’t you know…” the loyal servant lifted his clipboard to show a design the man hadn’t previously been made aware of. “…we have other ways of making you more than your current self.”

“By god… why didn’t I think of that?”

The CEO stood back on his priceless brown loafers.

“EVERYBODY! TO THE SURGERY CHAMBER!”

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