spoken word poems I wrote a month ago for valentine's day while studying abroad in costa rica that i forgot to upload and publish

The Love Song of a Hopeless  Romantic:

Love!

Love…

What a…

wonderful thing,

It ought to be a gift from above

Wrapped in intricate bells and whistles.

With a…

Pretty little bowtie on top.

To help it go down a bit easier.

To distract from the trojans inside.

To help it go down a bit easier.

To aid with the dread of being alive.

Because love is a wonderful thing,

Yes, that’s what I really think,

And love’s such a wonderful thing,

If you don’t have it,

Then, man, what are you even doing?

Because you’d be nothing but a failure,

A loser is what you are.

For you to miss out on this gift of human connection

That lets you care, and dare, and hurt each other before forgiving and giving,

Because love is a wonderful thing,

Yes, that’s what I really think.

And like a gift, it can be exchanged, given, and taken.

It can be rewarded and revoked.

And should you ever receive this gift,

You best check in between,

All the intricate bells and whistles

For any strings attached,

Looking past, yes past, that pretty little bowtie on top

Even if it does help it go down a bit easier.

Even if it does help it go down a bit easier.

That’s right, you best look left and right

Like you’re about to cross a busy street

And yes, you best also check in between.

Because love is such a wonderful feeling,

I wouldn’t want you to miss a thing.

Now…

Now, to be frank, and here's the thing.

I know I sound bitter.

I’m aware that I sound mean,

But love is a wonderful thing.

And yes, that’s what I really think.

While yes, indeed, it can bring

Out the worst in people,

It can also bring out the best,

Though not every single hero

Gets to save a damsel in distress.

Cause that’s the idea we’ve been sold on,

It’s the thing we romanticize.

How two broken people together become complete,

And when apart they fall apart.

See that doesn’t sound very healthy to me;

It sounds like codependency.

No, no, no, how can this be?

When love’s such a wonderful thing,

Well, that’s what I thought… at least.

So are you telling me,

That I can’t just be

Hoping to bump into some manic pixie

Dream girl to fix me up and love me for me

And that I should first learn to be complete

On my own

And find a home

Within some self-love

Because how can you expect love from anyone else,

When you’re struggling to even love yourself…

Ha! No, what a silly tangent!

Of course you can!

When the power of love is this absolute,

Unconditional love must be the rule…

Because everyone deserves love,

Right?

When love is such a wonderful thing,

Even when not in the sense of business deals, reproduction, and upholding the patriarchy.

Because love is just such a wonderful thing.

Like the unconditional love of family.

Like the good company of friends.

Even if the former is often toxic.

And the latter’s often feigned.

Because, come on, they’re your family!

The only ones you’ve got!

No matter how much they hurt you, and cheat you, and abuse you, and neglect you, and blame you for everything,

And no matter how much you want to cut them off.

Love is still a wonderful thing,

And they’re the only ones you’ve got.

So please do a little forgiving,

And show them unconditional love.

And come on, you must have friends!

Engage in some tribalism!

Find yourself a nice community you agree with.

And participate in some schisms!

Because love’s such a wonderful thing,

It can make you strong and brave.

To protect the ingroup you love,

From the outgroup that you hate.

Hate… Hate… Hate…

And although I hate to admit it,

And despite everything I’ve said.

I still think love is great!

I do.

And I hope you’re starting to think so too.

Because love is truly a wonderful thing.

It makes me stay up late.

As it whisks away

The hours I had set aside for sleep,

As I wrap myself in these marshmallow sheets

Because love is such a wonderful thing.

It melts my heart like cotton candy

Dissolving in a freshwater spring.

Oh dear, am I falling?

Cause I can hear… your voice…

Because love’s such a wonderful thing,

That could it be?

I neglected to check in between

The intricate bells and whistles for any loose strings?

Oh, how… did this happen?

Did I fall… by choice?

We’ll be…

Hiding from the rain in Spring…

A summer’s breeze combs through my brain.

The dancing of fall’s falling leaves.

By the chimney, a winter’s dream.

The moment is fleeting…

The feeling is freeing!

Love is such a wonderful thing.

I… I don’t want to miss a thing.

A Sonnet About Nobody in Particular:

O, time and time and time I fall again,

As if I’m following some paradigm.

But I swear that in a single second.

I can visualize entire lifetimes.

Yet all these dreams I see will stay just dreams.

Distance over time will always triumph.

Anything that once held me will lose steam.

Boiling kettles emptied in defiance.

Mechanical gears and steam in clockwork.

Hands turn as I complete my paradigm

Yet my creation is not without quirks.

This game we play and where we draw the line.

This new formula to love will do it!

And it just needs me to find a true fit.

The Scent of Anxiety:

Every… now and then…

I get this tense…

Intense…

This tension in my chest

It contracts.

It expands.

And it seems like it'd never end.

My throat, a desert,

Each breath a typhoon.

My palms, a flash flood.

Disarrayed, my mood.

I can tell when it’s near.

I can distinguish it by scent.

It radiates this distinct odor.

This horrible stench.

And when I smell it, I gag,

Like I’m choking on my vowels.

So I retch and I retch,

Yet nothing would come out.

But I need to get it out there,

Yes, I need it to be heard.

Cause there’s this feeling deep down

That it could change my world.

And I know that I-I-I

Want to

Want to do-do-do

I can I-I-I

I can try again.

I can fight again.

So I’ll grind my teeth and pinch my nose,

As I clench my fist and swallow.

Taking shaky step with flashing eyes

Fueling gas to my strides.

As I approach what could be my demise.

That scent, it starts to corner me, but I can make it my aroma.

It surrounds, all around, left, right, center, front and back,

From down below to up above too…

Just for me to say…

I… thought the weather was really nice today, right?

I want.:

I want to be there for you on your darkest day.

I want to hold you and embrace you and squeeze all the sadness away.

I want to drive for hours on a sudden notice to bring you chocolates and make you soup when you text me you’re not feeling okay.

I want to be useful to you,

And I want you to feel you need me too

Because I’m just so terrified of being replaced.

I want to mean the whole world to you.

And make your day just by being next to you.

I want you to feel the same when I say

My heart, it beats for you

Because it does,

And I’m afraid

That you’ll go and move on as I stay the same

Cause I’m so deprived of love

And I want to feel valued

I want you to feel unable to live without me too.

I want to plan out our dates and surprise you with flowers.

I want to give you my love and affection in the form of parades and showers.

I want to stare into those shimmering eyes for hours and hours.

And then not text you for days

Because I’m afraid

That I’ve been too overbearing and assume you’re annoyed.

I want you to unpack your past.

Show me all the scars you’ve got.

I want help you heal and make you laugh

Because I’m the only one who really understands

All the trauma that you’ve had to withstand

So you imprint a part of your identity on me

And that way you can never truly leave.

I want you to rely on feeling like you’re able to reach me at any time

Because you know I always respond as fast as I can and because I’m always online

I want you to know way too much about me

And check my DMs and status constantly,

Then close the app and

Open it right back up

Just to check it again and again

Just looking for that chance

I want us to go through a lot together.

I want to comfort you when you’re down and bothered.

Because I don’t know how to talk to you when you’re not

And I know just how much you love your mother

So part of me doesn't hope she beats cancer.

But I do

Because I love you

But also I don’t…

Because I love you.