(1) Licorice Meidou ～ Ordinary Human Girl

One woman enters
To a road most unusual
Meeting new people

Three people were casually walking out of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. The group consisted of a small girl, dressed in the frilliest and most frivolous of clothing, flanked by two women. One was clearly a maid judging from her outfit, and the other wore a green beret and dress that looked vaguely of Chinese origin.

“Mistress Remilia, here’s that human.” The woman with the beret with scarlet hair pointed at a girl who laid on the ground, motionless. She had curly dark brown hair, tanned skin, and a shirt-jean combo that looked decidedly Western. “I think she’s dead.”

The maid knelt down, and noticed that the girl was still breathing. “Meiling, she’s breathing.”

Meiling tilted her head “…and?”

“Humans tend to breathe when they’re alive. They don’t when they’re dead.” The maid took a deep breath to showcase that, indeed, humans can and do breathe air. “Like this.”

“Ah, right… I do forget that sometimes.” Meiling shrugged. “Anyways, if she’s not dead, then what do we do with her, mistress?”

Remilia walked closer to the unconscious girl to observe her more clearly. “From her appearance, I’d say that it’s safe to assume she’s from the Outside World.” She poked the girl on the ground, as if she was a cat toying with a dead mouse. “Sakuya, do you think she’d taste like chocolate?”

Sakuya seriously entertained Remilia’s childish proposition for a brief second. “…I have no idea, mistress.” Tasting people wasn’t part of her job description; making sure they tasted good was. “It’s not a big problem; chocolate can be added later if the mistress demands that it be added.”

“Chocolate…” The mistress seemed to like the sound of that. She had to take care to stop herself from drooling. She stood up, most pleased with this idea. “I think, since she got dropped so conveniently right next to the gate to the mansion, that this is maybe some sort of sign from whoever dropped her here. And that sign is: meat is back on the menu! No, scratch that, we’re going to have a full-on party tonight!”

Sakuya courteously bowed down upon receiving the order. “Understood, mistress. I’ll prepare a sufficient meal for you and your sister.” She quickly took the foreign girl and began carrying her around like a lumberjack carrying a log. “I’ll be off then, to make the necessary preparations.”

This incident seemed to be resolved like usual as Sakuya turned around to make her way for the kitchen, where the story of our as-of-yet unnamed heroine would come to an end unless her fate was to be suddenly changed…

Sakuya suddenly felt someone tug on her skirt. It was the mistress. “Wait. I have a better idea.” She could see that the mistress had a mischievous grin; Sakuya internally let out an annoyed groan. It seemed that the mistress had come upon an idea that Sakuya hoped wouldn’t be too inconvenient.

“You know, we have plenty of parties. We can have one without fresh meat.” Remilia’s mischievous grin widened. “I just had an idea that’s way more fun compared to a party.”

“What, mistress?” Sakuya replied with a tone that showed a tiny bit of discomposure. She was hoping that the mistress wasn’t going to cause yet another Gensokyo-wide incident, for Sakuya had no choice but to follow her no matter where. She’d be the one having to clean after Remilia when everything was settled.

“Having another human!” Remilia clapped her hands together, delighted in her own genius idea. “The fairy maids are too incompetent, and you are too competent. What if we had someone that, I assume, could be somewhere in the middle? Wouldn’t that add to the spice of life?” The gears in the mistress’ head had already began turning to find ways to mess with the new human.

“Mistress- I already do everything here perfectly. We don’t need another maid!” Sakuya had lost her composure. Remilia only replied by smirking back at her.

“Yes, and that’s the problem! You’re the perfect and elegant maid.” The mistress crossed her arms. “We’re getting a new human. Think of her as like a pet.”

“We’re not.”

“We are!”

“We. Are. Not!” Sakuya had lost all semblance

“But I waaant one! Hmph!” Remilia pouted and turned her head away from Sakuya. Living for hundreds of years hadn’t led her to being any less fussy.

“Mistress, a- are you mad?” Sakuya laughed awkwardly to try to ease the tension. It was rare to see the two fight.

“I am!” The mistress took hold of Sakuya as she began rocking the poor maid back and forth, so strongly in fact that Sakuya would have snapped in twain if she was an ordinary human. “Please, please, pleeeaaase!”

Sakuya put her palm over her face, heaving a deep sigh. She was supposed to be a maid, not a babysitter! “Alright, we can get a human.” She couldn’t exactly resist the whims of the mistress. The maid dropped the foreign girl to the ground. “However, I’ll reserve the right to turn her into kibble if she does anything untowardly.”

“Yay!” Remilia raised her arms up, pleased of her success. “Don’t worry, I’m perfectly capable of mincing her myself if she does anything wrong.” The mistress seemed oddly proud of this fact as she puffed out her chest. “So, what do we name her?”

“I’d assume she already has a name. mistress.” Sakuya was getting tired of having to state the obvious. “Humans tend to have names of their own.”

“Yes, you had one as well if I remember correctly. But now you’re Sakuya Izayoi, a superior name given by yours truly, irregardless of your old name. Ergo, we can conclude that human names are perfectly malleable.” The mistress marched around in a circle around the foreign girl as she began thinking of a name. Sakuya felt dizzy as she watched the mistress circle around. “Hmm… Licorice… Mei… Aha!” Remilia stopped circling. “Licorice Meidou!”

Sakuya paused for a moment, unsure of how to reach to such a ridiculous name. “…Mistress, what kind of name is that?” She thought that the mistress might choose a better one, considering her own name.

Remilia wasn’t ready to be asked to justify her naming decision. “Eh? Licorice, because… it’s the first thing that came to my mind. Sakuya, don’t forget to buy licorice-flavored confectionaries next time you shop at the Human Village.”

“Mistress, please don’t use the names of other people as a shopping list.” Sakuya again sighed in reaction to the whims of her mistress. “And what’s a meidou? Meidou means rumbling, mistress. I haven’t seen this girl rumble in any way, shape, or form.”

The mistress found an answer to this quickly. She had actually spent time thinking on this one. “No, not that kind of meidou (鳴動)! Mei (命), as in ‘order and command’ and dou (道) as in ‘road’, for my orders and commands shall pave the road in her life from now on! Mwahaha!” Remilia cackled in a diabolical manner, though this cackle ended up sounding so fake and incompetent that it looped around to sounding absolutely non-threatening. Her vampirical vocal cords were greatly strained by the time she ceased cackling.

“Cough, ahem! That’s enough talk of names for now. Sakuya, you’re the head maid. It’s your responsibility to take care of and train young Meidou.” Remilia turned around toward the entrance to the mansion, pausing one last time to show what could only politely be described as a coprophagous grin.

“I hope you have lots of fun.”