Chapter Eighteen - Promise

“So what game should we play?” Emi asked, peering over the cards at us. While the apologies had been terse with neither side admitting wrongdoing in a classic ‘if I offended you, I’m sorry’ cop-out, it was unanimously agreed upon that we would be moving from the luxurious bath to the equally opulent room Emi’s parents used for entertaining their guests. Thus, like a mortally wounded water buffalo just trying to get back to wherever water buffalo went to do water buffalo things, the party staggered on.

It was nearly unanimous in deciding games in the vein of truth and dare were stunningly dangerous and should not be played again. Probably ever. Aria was the lone, unsurprising, dissent, but she was swiftly outvoted. Democracy had finally come through in my favor. A part of me wanted to point out I was against the idea the whole time but doing so seemed overly petty and I refrained.

“Let’s play Karuta!” Mizuki exclaimed.

“Ugh,” I shook my head.” I suck at Karuta.”

“I’d have to find the cards anyway,” Emi shook her head. “Too complicated. Let’s play with regular cards.”

“Hmmm,” Mizuki tapped her finger on her chin thoughtfully. “Old maid?”

“App- “Emi began snarkily before I kicked her leg and shook my head. “-arently, I don’t know how to play that.” She finished.

“How about poker?” Aria suggested. All three of us glanced her way in disapproval. “What?”

“G-Go fish?” Saki asked quietly.

“Works for me,” Emi shrugged.

“Sounds fun!” Mizuki chimed in.

“Definitely!” I agreed. Nice, harmless, non-controversial. Perfect for our wounded party to regain some of its fun, I thought.

“It’s a Saturday night,” Aria pouted as the cards were dealt.” We have no parents around, and we’re young. Why in the fuck are we playing Go Fish like kindergarteners?”

“We tried playing the games you wanted and nearly came to blows,” I pointed out, fanning my cards out in my hand.

“We’re damn near adults!” Aria groused. “We should act like it.” Aria scowled at her cards for a long moment.

“What do you think adults do, senpai?” Saki of all people spoke.

“Whatever they want, puppy!” Aria snapped back. “Drink until they get sick, fuck until they get tired and party until they’re partied out! Anything but playing goddamn Go Fish!”

“I think you want to be the wrong kind of adult, senpai,” Saki replied quietly. For Saki, that was one hell of a burn and Mizuki, Emi and I stared at her, duly impressed.

“Is that so, puppy?” Aria snarled. “What kind of adult should I be since you act like you know everything?”

“I-I don’t know much of anything,” Saki stuttered, plainly not comfortable being in the spotlight but determined to not back down. “I don’t know what kind of adult you should be, senpai. I just think adults should be kind and considerate of others. I think they should be responsible when they have fun. They should work hard to be good people. That’s the kind of adult I would like to be.”

“What? Do you want to be a nun or something? ‘Oh! Look at me! I’m up for canonization!’ Blech,” Aria gagged in exaggerated disgust.

“What the- “I began, my face flushing with anger.

“I don’t know what a nun is, really, or does,” Saki interrupted quietly, shaking her head. “But I’ve seen kids who faced things no one should have to face with dignity and courage. I’ve seen them act selflessly and compassionately in the face of despair. I’ve seen them behave more maturely than any adult, even knowing they wouldn’t ever grow to be one.” Saki’s voice cracked and tears slipped from the corner of her eyes, but she continued in a quavering voice. “I-I want to honor their struggle and in so many cases sacrifice by growing to be all they didn’t have the chance to be. I-I want to be the kind of adult they would be proud of. Excuse me, senpais.” With that Saki climbed to her feet and rushed out of the room.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I growled, fixing Aria with an angry gaze.

“Me?” Aria gaped at me. “Why am I the problem? I just want to have some fun with my friends, not sit around like fucking toddlers playing Go Fucking Fish! Is that so wrong?”

“It’s all about what you want and what you need, is it?” I shook my head as I climbed to my feet. “I can’t believe you.”

“Well, believe I’m fucking leaving!” Aria shot back, climbing angrily to her feet. “Have fun with your preschool class!” Aria nearly shouted, pointing the phone she’d fished from her pocket at me like a weapon. “I’ll go have some fun with people who know how to have fun!” She turned on her heel and stalked toward the door.

“I hope the door hits you on the ass on the way out!” I shouted as Aria slammed through the door. “I’m going to check on Saki!” I spun and moved off in the opposite direction.

“Um, do you have any 7s?” I heard Emi mutter in the abrupt silence as I pulled the door open.

“Uh…go fish?” Mizuki replied meekly.

“Saki?” I knocked lightly on the door to the bathroom. I could hear the tap running inside. I received no response, so I knocked again a bit louder.

“I-I’m sorry!” Saki called hesitantly. “I’ll be right o-out!”

“Can I come in?” I asked loudly. There was a pause before the door opened and Saki’s head appeared in the open door, the pale pink fox ears of her onesie drooping slightly. After a moment’s pause, she nodded and stepped aside.

“I’m sorry, senpai,” Saki said immediately, turning away from me and back to the sink. “I had no right to say any of what I said. I-I should have just kept my mouth shut. I’ll apologize to Aria senpai when I finish washing my face.”

“You’ll do no such thing,” I took her arm and spun her around gently to face me. Her deep brown eyes met mine for a moment before glancing away. “You did nothing wrong. Certainly nothing worth apologizing for.”

“I didn’t mean to upset anyone,” Saki looked like she was going to cry again. “I didn’t want things to go like this. I wanted to have fun with you all.”

“I don’t know what Aria’s problem is,” I scowled. “She had no right being like that. In fact, she’s been a bitch most of the night.” Saki looked so forlorn and miserable, without thinking I tried to pull her in for a hug to make her feel better. She put her hand up and shook her head, trying and failing to stifle a sob.

“P-Please don’t, senpai,” Saki choked through her tears.

“I am so sorry!” Saki knew I was dating Aria. I knew Saki had a crush on me and here I was betraying Aria and making Saki confused. I have got to be the most arrogant person on the planet, I thought venomously. “I didn’t mean to- I’m sorry! I-I’ll go.”

“I-It’s not that!” Saki protested, taking the fabric at the back of my pajamas in her hand desperately but gently to stop me. “Things are so messed up right now.” She shook her head, the tears streaming down her cheeks.

“I know,” I sagged. “I know they are, and I’m so sorry for making it worse or harder than it should be.”

“It’s n-not you, senpai,” Saki’s lower lip trembled as she looked up at me. “It’s me. It’s my- “she shook her head. “Everything’s falling apart. I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m here if you want to talk about anything,” I prompted quietly. She looked so thoroughly miserable, like her heart was shattering into a million pieces right in front of me.

“I-I…can’t,” She finally managed, burying her face in her hands, and crying brokenly. I wanted to hold her. To take her in my arms until her slender shoulders stopped shaking so violently. To cuddle her close until her smile returned from behind the tortured tears. I wanted to make it all better in any way I could. But I also had to respect her boundaries and feelings. So, powerless to do anything I stood helplessly and did nothing except feel my own heart break a little more with every sob that shook Saki’s small, seemingly frail body.

The force of her crying eventually became too much to bear, and she sank to her knees, her sobs becoming heaving gasps that wracked her entire body. I sank to my knees beside her and petted her head through her onesie, not sure what else to do. Gradually, though, her crying became quieter, and her shoulders no longer heaved. After a few long moments she let her arms fall to her sides and sat sniffling on the floor.

“Any better?” I asked quietly. Saki nodded wordlessly, her sniffling gradually fading.

“W-Will you promise me just one thing, senpai?” She whispered.

“Anything,” I replied quickly with a nod. She raised her face to me, her eyes puffy and red, her lips quivering, tears streaking her rounded cheeks below the hood of her pink fox.

“This is vitally important, senpai,” she said quietly. “Don’t say you’ll promise until you’ve heard what I have to say. And after, don’t promise unless you will follow through. I-I know I have no right to ask anything of you. You’ve already given me m-more than I could ever possibly repay, and I know it’s selfish to ask anything more of you. But I want to be selfish just this one time and I’ll try to not ever be again. Will you hear what I have to ask?”

“It’s ok to be selfish, Saki-chan,” I assured her. “Everyone is. Yes, I’ll hear what you have to ask.”

“If I call, will you answer?” Saki finally said, the look in her eyes made it clear this was absolutely important to her.

“Yes,” I said without hesitation. “I promise that if you ever call, no matter when it is or where I am I will answer and listen to what you have to say.” Saki sighed in relief and sagged, her entire body radiating exhaustion. I couldn’t blame her.

“Thank you, senpai,” Saki nodded, looking down at her hands as if she didn’t have the strength left to move them. “From the bottom of my heart, thank you.”

“Are you tired, Saki-chan?” I asked gently.

“More than I’ve been in years,” Saki chuckled mirthlessly. “I hate crying.”

“Let me help you to your feet,” I smiled, getting up and extending my hand to her. She nodded gratefully and allowed me to help her upright. “I hate crying, too, but sometimes you have to.”

“You’re right, senpai.”

The party had been a good idea, I thought, laying on the ridiculously comfortable futon some time later. It really had. The fact it had turned out to be an unmitigated disaster was no one’s fault. We had quickly decided with Aria’s departure and the continued hurt feelings bubbling under the surface between Emi and Mizuki that sleeping in separate bedrooms was not only a good idea but, in fact, the only option.

Saki had turned in almost immediately and I fretted worriedly. Something was weighing heavily on her. I knew the feeling well. The only help I could provide was to give her time and space to sort things out on her own and be there if and when she wanted to talk.

Emi and Mizuki’s relationship had changed significantly. At least from Emi’s perspective. Mizuki was safe in the downy confines of her convictions born of and reinforced with thousands of years of prejudice and intolerance and not even the force of Emi’s personality could breech those walls of bigotry. A fact that ate at Emi mostly likely as nothing ever had. The gulf that had sprung up between them was truly vast and didn’t appear easily bridged. At least not in the short term.

Then there was Aria. Oh, yes. There was Aria. I scowled in frustration. The final blow-up hadn’t been unexpected, of course. She had been pushing me the whole evening. I felt she had been testing me, seeing how I would react as she pressed further and further. Well, I had no interest in playing her games. I wanted to chalk the whole thing up to alcohol because it was the easiest excuse, but I couldn’t escape the needling fear everything she’d done had been intentional from the start. Either way, it was infuriating and, frankly, disgusting. I imagined disgust was probably not an emotion I should feel for my girlfriend, yet there it was.

I glanced through the windows over my head at the moon riding high through the dashing clouds and sighed. It had been a long night and I was glad it was over.