Chapter 18

Akaza read the letter over and over again, a million times, trying to make sense of it. He checked for any secret code or hidden message that could help him understand what it meant. With the realisation of its meaning, a lump formed in his throat and a high pitch noise invaded his ears.

For the longest time, his heart seemed to have stopped, and he just blankly stared at the piece of paper in his hand. By the time Akaza came to, the sun had fully risen. He still had the letter in his hand. Standing in the same spot. He looked away from the letter, his eyes looking for a hint that he was just dreaming.

"He must be playing a prank on me," scoffed Akaza, his breathing rough, "Things have been awkward since the festival, sure, but that's no reason for him to leave." He fell to his knees, his fingernails digging into his chest above his heart, but even if he ripped it out, the hurt would still be there. A small voice in his head tried to justify why Kyo wasn't home yet however, the other voices spoke louder.

Be happy.

Nothing made sense anymore. As the sun rose higher, Akaza's anger spiked. In a fit of rage, he destroyed the room, pulverising everything in sight – except the letter, which he kept crumpled in his hand. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Memories of Kyo passed through his mind, but one by one he locked them away. The small voice tried to convince him otherwise, but he gagged it, so it would stop defending Kyo.

Akaza walked out of the room, not calmer, rather with his rage restrained by a thin thread. He had one objective in mind, he just needed to wait until the sunset. As he walked by the living room, he saw a piece of wood on the floor. It was the piece where Kyo was trying to sculpt them together. The thin thread broke, and his blood boiled hotter than lava as he smashed the piece to dust. His outburst extended to the rest of the house without a second thought. He destroyed everything to smithereens, the table, the kitchen, the bathroom. Every inch of that house that reminded him of Kyo was obliterated.

Akaza sat down in the middle of the ruins, memories of their time together trying to escape the cages he put them in. All he wanted was to kill and maim someone, anyone. Having his limbs ripped apart or his bones broken was nothing compared to what he was feeling. He tried to pinpoint when Kyo got bored with him. But even that stopped mattering to him. He was set on finding Kyo and killing him. That or be killed by him. He shut and locked the small voice that, amid all of it, was still trying to cover for Kyo saying he would rather let himself be killed than kill him.

When it was dark enough, Akaza walked out of the house and looked for traces of the direction Kyo took. He took one last good look at what had been their home, and the momentary fondness of the place quickly turned into resentment.

"No loose ends," whispered Akaza, and in seconds he destroyed the house too. Akaza followed the traces without looking back, as he did so, he remembered what Kyo had once told him:

'I will make you open your eyes to other things and find something that you care about, even more than fighting.'

Kyo was right, he did show Akaza things he liked as much as fighting, and things he liked even more than fighting. But at the end of the day, Akaza could always pick a fight with anyone, but only with Kyo he could enjoy the better things. When he realised this, Akaza's mind was filled with 'what if's'.

What if I had arrived home earlier?

What if I had just talked to him?

What if I hadn't hidden it from him?

What if I hadn't asked him to go to the festival?

What if I hadn't turned him?