Hina's True Self

Author's Note: This story recently crossed 1,000 views on Honeyfeed. That may not be a big number to some, but it's far more than I ever expected for a project I started to practice a few writing techniques, and the numbers have been consistent chapter-to-chapter after the usual drop-off from the first few.

I wanted to thank everyone who has read this story so far. I appreciate all of you, but especially JB94, who I believe has commented on every chapter, even when life events have conspired to eat into their free time. Thank you.

The situation was urgent. The mine might decide to detonate at any time, but the hoshinauts could only move slowly. Working together, it took Hina and Maeko nearly two hours to inspect and don their EVA suits. After that, Hina needed to prebreathe pure oxygen for half an hour before they could safely lower the pressure inside the airlock.

Maeko wouldn’t suffer from decompression sickness, but the task would require two people. There was no point in going out before Hina, and besides, more rapid decompression risked damaging her vocal system and internal storage pouch. She could operate without them, but other things being equal, she would prefer to keep them in working order.

Meanwhile, in the Poisk airlock, Sachiko and Yasu were going through a slightly slower, more cautious process. Hina was pushing the envelope when it came to decompression speed, confident that she could handle it, so Sachiko and Yasu were readying themselves as backups, in case something went wrong. This left Erika alone on the station, with Melina walking her through the process of sealing the Soyuz’s hatch.

After the oxygen mask was attached, there was nothing left for Hina to do until they put on their helmets. She had a question she wanted to ask Maeko, and she hoped the gynoid would be able to decipher her muffled words from under the mask. “What’s wrong with Sachiko?”

“You mean besides her overbearing personality and her massive superiority complex?”

“Hey, come on. Don’t make me laugh. It’s gonna make this take longer. You know what I’m asking.”

“Your guess is as good as mine. We did not talk about it much. She was feeling insecure about not having control over her emotions, but I do not know what caused it.”

“Maybe you caused it. You know, she takes everything gynoids say seriously.”

“I don’t think it was me, but you make a good point. Perhaps she has been speaking to other gynoids. She was oddly curious about my construction. I thought it was unrelated to her emotional state, but perhaps I was mistaken.”

“I need to know if she’s capable of performing her duties, or if I need to order her to take a break. Assuming we survive, that is.”

“Benching her, I suspect, would only make her feel worse, but if you rearrange everyone’s schedules, you may be able to reduce her workload without her noticing.”

Hina smiled, then realized that Maeko probably couldn’t see it under the mask, so she gave her a thumbs up instead. “I’m glad you care for her.”

“I care about her,” Maeko corrected.

“Whatever you say. She seems to care ‘about’ you as well, so let me give you a warning: If you hurt her, I’ll kick your ass.”

Maeko considered commenting that kicking her ass would be a bad idea, since it contained two nuclear reactors, but she decided Hina was correct—Laughter was counterproductive.

“She is perfectly capable of kicking my ass on her own. She does not need your protection, and I do not believe she would want it.”

“Everyone needs someone to look out for them, but for as long as I’ve known her, Sachiko’s pushed away everyone who’s tried to be a parental figure to her. She doesn’t have any other friends either, so it’s up to me.”

“You are the only biological human she sees as an equal…ish, but you don’t need to worry about me. I only want what she wants.”

“That’s exactly what I’m worried about. You went through a lot of trouble to bypass the usual channels to come up here. You wouldn’t do that without a very important reason, and you’re always hanging around her. She already thinks she’s carrying the future on her back, and if you add any more weight, she’s going to collapse.”

Maeko knew she should not have been surprised that Hina had deduced so much of her plan, but she nevertheless was. “You’re very unfair.”

“I get that a lot, mostly from Yasu.”

“And from Claire?”

“Sometimes,” Hina admitted. “Why do you think I’m unfair? Because I don’t want you to add to Sachiko’s self-imposed burden?”

“Because you so easily see through others, yet you remain a mystery. Your words and actions contradict each other from day to day, so much that I have a hard time determining your true feelings.”

“I’ll let you in on a secret. That’s on purpose. People don’t take it well when I call out their behavior, and they often try to turn the tables. Makes it harder on them if they can’t get a read on me.”

“Does that not make it difficult to form personal relationships?”

“Sure, but I’ve got no shortage of people wanting to be my friend. The ones who can’t handle my behavior are probably interested in me for all the wrong reasons.”

Maeko studied Hina very carefully, trying to determine how much of that sentiment was genuine. For all she knew, the next time they talked, Hina would be complaining about how difficult it was to make friends.

“Besides,” Hina added, “we all try to hide our true selves from each other. I just change my mask to suit my whims.”

“Instead of hiding your true self from others, perhaps you are trying to hide it from yourself.”

“Nice try, but I can tell you’re swinging in the dark.”

“Are you sure? At your age, you should still be finding yourself. There are so many possibilities in your future. Maybe you’ll travel the world, always meeting new people and experiencing new things; maybe you’ll settle down with Yasu and build your happiness day by day; or maybe you’ll hook back up with Claire and focus your energies on fighting for domination in a toxic relationship.”

“Or I could become, you know, a teacher or something.”

“My point is, the idea of settling on just one true self can be frightening. If, each day, you’re a brand new you, you never have to commit.”

“Honestly, that was so clumsy it was painful. Let me cut you off there. I know who I am: I’m Hina Johnson, ace of the space program, orphan, role model, coward, tomboy, and so much more. I’ve saved this station once before, and I’m about to do it again. I may not know what my future holds, but my personal creed is to always make the best of what life throws at me. Sometimes I stumble along my path, but I have yet to break completely.”

Having finished her proclamation, Hina found that, in her excitement, she was taking short, quick breaths. That wasn’t what she was supposed to be doing, so she started breathing deeply to calm herself.

“I admire that attitude,” Maeko complimented her. “Keep it up, and we might survive this.”

“It would be much easier if you’d tell me exactly what you’re planning to do to Sachiko.”

“How about a trade? I’ll tell you what I really think of Sachiko if you tell me what you really think of Yasu.”

“Deal.”

⁂

Hina emerged from the airlock and took to the vacuum of space like a fish returning to water. She moved with a graceful precision, wasting no propellant as she sped towards the Soyuz docked to the nadir of the Russian segment. Even Maeko, a gynoid, was unable to keep up at first. Only by closely observing Hina’s movements was she able to match them.

“Set your tether there,” Hina commanded, pointing to a spot near the docking module. She watched to make sure Maeko was safely secured before circling around to the other side of the Soyuz to hook her own tether to the station. This brought her face-to-face with the mine.

It was an odd looking thing. About thirty centimeters long, it was shaped like a capsule with three sharp legs on one end. It appeared to be one solid object, made of dark metal, with no seams anywhere Hina could see, save for a valve on the tip, which Hina guessed was used for propulsion. She made sure to tie off far enough away so that she wouldn’t risk hitting it with her tether.

“Alright,” Hina said, tugging on her tether to test it, “where do we grab this thing?”

“I suggest the solar panel connectors,” Maeko said. “They’re on exact opposite sides, and they’re easier to grip than anything else.”

“Any chance of them breaking off?”

“Not as long as we’re gentle.”

“Great,” Hina groaned. She maneuvered herself next to the solar panels on her side and brought herself to a complete stop. “I’m in position and ready.”

“I’m also in position and ready,” Maeko echoed half a minute later.

“OK,” Erika’s voice came over their headsets. “I’m going to detach this thing now. It’s free… I think.”

There was no time for jokes or second guessing. With one hand on the ship and the other on her controls, Hina pressed the button to initiate a preprogrammed sequence in both her and Maeko’s propulsion units. At first, it didn’t seem like the Soyuz was budging, but slowly, ever so slowly, the ship began to move out of dock.

“So far so good,” Hina reported. She kept her eyes locked on the bottom of the solar panels, doing her best to observe their orientation relative to Earth. The last thing they wanted to do was send this ship into a spin. “You’re pitching up slightly. Correct yourself. I’ll steady the ship.”

“Aye.” Maeko fired a short burst from a nozzle to correct her orientation, followed by another short burst from the opposite nozzle to bring her rotation to a stop. It was a difficult maneuver to pull off at the same time that Hina was bringing the ship’s slight spin to a stop, but she managed just in time. If she had overshot, they would have had to repeat the process in reverse.

Although they had been pushing for twenty seconds by this point, they had only moved the Soyuz three meters from the station. They were slowly accelerating, and the next twenty seconds took them a further nine meters without issue. The final fifteen seconds would be the most crucial. If they went off course, they’d have no opportunity to correct it. Hina dared not even blink, focusing so intently on the solar panels that it felt as if she was nothing but a pair of eyes and a steady hand floating through space

“Release,” she shouted as they neared the end of their time. Both she and Maeko fired sideways thrusters, moving themselves away from the Soyuz as it sailed past them. Relief washed over Hina as she watched the craft plunge further and further towards Earth. It had picked up a clockwise roll in the final seconds, but it was so slight she didn’t believe it would be dangerous.

Her relief was short-lived, shattered when she heard Maeko’s next words. “My valve isn’t closing.” Turning towards Maeko, she could see that the gynoid was moving back towards the station at full speed.

“Fire the opposite,” Hina told her. “Full throttle. We’ll wait it out. Shouldn’t take long.”

Maeko did as she ordered, but that only stopped her acceleration, not her velocity. When it seemed like she might slam into the station, she swung around and shot in the opposite direction. She repeated this pattern two more times, running out of propellant just as she turned away from the station.

She hit the end of her tether at two meters a second, coming to a sudden, painful-looking stop.

“I am… undamaged,” she reported moments later.

“I'm coming for you,” Hina told her.” It’ll be a bit of a trek, but we’ll make it back safely.”

“No, stay back. There’s another mine. It’s headed right for me.”

Hina looked in the direction Maeko was facing, but she couldn’t see anything, which meant that the mine must still be a fair distance off. She knew the gynoid could see much farther. When she noticed Maeko reaching to unhook the tether at her waist, she realized that Maeko planned to sacrifice herself to save the station.

“Don’t you dare,” Hina shouted. “If you try, I will catch you, and we’ll all go down together. Tell me how fast it’s moving and how long we’ve got.”

“Ten meters a second. Just under forty seconds.”

Barely enough time. As Hina’s left hand worked the controls to maneuver closer to Maeko, her right hand raced to input a new thruster program into her propulsion unit. If this had any chance of working, she would need the thrusters to operate automatically while she kept both hands free.

“When I tell you, pull yourself towards the station as fast as you can,” Hina ordered, coming to a stop meters behind Maeko. No sooner had she finished speaking than she saw the mine. It was just a small dot at first, but it quickly grew larger. “Now!”

Maeko put all her strength into moving her stiff spacesuit, barely managing to pull herself out of the way as Hina shot past her. Hina similarly strained her muscles to quickly bring her arms up in front of her. There was no time to think, and there would be no second chances, but that was alright. She could do it. All she had to do was not fail.

As the mine sped perilously close to her face, Hina’s fingers closed around it. Mere centimeters away from her visor, it filled her vision, its three sharp legs looking like some kind of alien maw trying to chomp down on her face.

Yasu was right, she thought, I’m going to have nightmares about this, if I survive.

The force of catching the weapon caused her to begin moving backwards, but her thruster activated, slowing her movement. Hina knew this was just the beginning though. She had no idea what would happen when it ran out of propellant. It might explode. As her thrusters slowly brought her to a complete stop, she let out a short half laugh, half scream from the exhilaration from successfully catching it and the fear that these would be the last moments of her life.

In the back of her mind, she was conscious of the radio chatter in her ear. Sachiko demanded to know what was happening, and Maeko was narrating the situation. None of that really mattered though. What mattered was that the mine was still attempting to propel itself into Hina’s face, and despite its small size, it didn’t seem to be running out of fuel.

The same couldn’t be said for her propulsion unit though. As it sputtered out, the mine began to push her back. She knew it was just a matter of time before it slammed her into the station, and the impact would likely cause it to detonate.