Difference in Reasons

Story time concluded for Yumi and Chiharu, those that they waited for still hadn’t appeared. Chiharu noted their absence, but it went completely ignored by Yumi. She focused on her memories. It felt a little like it re-enforced for her the resolve she knew she needed to have.

The first encounter with Yuki was only the beginning, but it acted as one of many triggers. A very important and precious memory that she kept locked inside. She didn’t even know why she ended up so freely telling Chiharu. It was something that she kept to herself for so long. She hadn’t even told Kaede and Katsumi. If she told someone she felt like it might turn out to be a dream and they would wake her up from it. She never wanted the dream to end.

As much as the flashback buried Yumi so deeply, Chiharu seemingly followed something like the law of physics with an equal and opposite reaction to Yumi. Her interest in the story left her bored and bothered. She didn’t understand why a couple of words couldn’t have done the same thing. In the end, she also didn’t feel like she got any closer to an answer to the original question.

On the contrary, it felt like they had strayed from the purpose. Chiharu had lost most of her motivation in the discussion that she considered cutting it short. Yet she found herself responding, which bugged her slightly inside. “I’m failing to see the point of that story.” Chiharu’s facial expression turned flat and disinterested with her words. “It’s insignificant to the matters now.”

The empty and coarse words from Chiharu nearly brought a tear to Yumi’s eyes. She turned a little child-like flailing her arms in Chiharu’s direction. “It does have meaning! How can you trounce over a girl’s precious memories! It’s my most important memory of Yuki!”

Chiharu became even more confused and slack jawed watching Yumi. She no longer understood anything the girl spouted. ‘I guess if I think about it as being tied to emotions then that might explain some of it. Still doesn’t make a lot of sense. Seems pretty pointless…’ A hint of curiosity triggered in Chiharu after the thought. “Precious memories? It was just a random encounter with the weakling. He’s always running his mouth with empty drivel that’s meaningless. You shouldn’t take him seriously.”

“You’re wrong.” Yumi closed her eyes thinking about the day and Yuki’s face. It remained crystal clear to her months later with no decay. His expression etched in her heart. “I know I’m not really good at reading people, but there is one thing that I’m certain more than anything else. Yuki’s always serious.”

“Eh?” Chiharu tilted her head thinking the girl went daft in the brain. She questioned if she misheard the words. “What did you say?”

“Yuki’s always serious.”

“That weakling’s never serious, except for I guess when he’s fighting. Though I’ve heard he’s not serious then as well.”

“You’re wrong, Chiharu.” Yumi let a deep smile crawl over her face carrying a deeper emotion behind it. She opened her eyes and stared over at Chiharu unflinchingly. “It’s easy to miss, because Yuki’s always acting silly. But that’s just because people don’t understand it. I don’t know the whole story about Yuki, but the pieces I’ve seen tells me that he’s covering up a great sadness within his heart. Everything on the outside is just a mask.”

Chiharu turned back to her disbelief from listening to Yumi. ‘A great sadness? What sort of idiot would believe someone acts stupid to cover up their past?’ The thought started her hand shaking subconsciously. She leaned ever so slightly close to Yumi. “That’s ridiculous. There’s nothing in that weakling’s head, but air.” Chiharu raised her hand towards Yumi in a questioning accusation. “If you’re so bad at reading people, what makes you think anything of what you said is actually correct? You’re just providing material for debunking your theory. You’re making yourself an easy target.”

The words made Yumi giggle a little, which did not help Chiharu any. “Maybe, but he is a classmate. I’ve watched him for the last few months. So I’ve learned a few things in how he acts.”

“You sound like a stalker.”

“I’m not a stalker,” protested Yumi with a red face.

“Oh? And what makes you think he has such a great sadness as you claim? I’ve looked into his eyes and I only see stupidity.”

Yumi leaned in at Chiharu using her hands to support herself. “Then you haven’t looked deeply enough!” She spoke with unwavering certainty that ignored their proximity.

Chiharu leaned back a little, set off balance by Yumi’s forwardness. It forced her eyes to shift away from Yumi, no longer wishing to make contact. “There’s nothing to find.”

“You asked what I knew that made me certain.” The grave mood that Yumi exuded changed the atmosphere. She was serious the entire time during their conversation, but her words and stature altered. Any doubt disappeared and left zero room for questions. Yumi pulled herself back to sit in the grass. “He never talks about it. So most don’t know, which is understandable. Even I don’t know all of the details. But I know that he’s lost both of his parents. So he bares all of that inside, while showing the silly and careless exterior that you know. Before I learned that I already was starting to understand, but it is all just an act for him. Yuki is always serious in everything that he does and he’s always looking out for others.”

Chapter 135 – Difference in Reasons

Silence hung between the two for seconds that felt like an eternity. Chiharu didn’t have a counter argument or even quick comment to deny the emptiness of the claim. The shaking in Chiharu’s hand transferred into her legs and slowly worked into her body. Once again, Chiharu didn’t understand. It left her a little surprised. She fought to keep her shock from bleeding into her eyes, threatening to give it away. ‘…doesn’t make any sense…can’t…’

Chiharu ran questions through mind. Countless denials threw out to try to knock away Yumi’s words. Yet Yumi’s face stared back at her not giving in to Chiharu. She wanted to push it all away. She wanted to call her a liar that knew nothing. She wanted to call her childish and drunk on love. She wanted to call her love blind. She wanted to say that it made her see things. She wanted to say so many things, but no words came out. Chiharu had no words. Her throat choked on them. It was uncomfortable.

She didn’t understand.

It fought back in a way that she didn’t plan. All of her angles closed off. It surrounded her flanks. Even her escape fell. She was stunned. ‘How…it can’t be…she’s wrong! She has to be wrong! It doesn’t make any sense!’ Everything that came from Yumi said she believed it to be an undeniable truth. Panic bled into Chiharu’s thoughts. She wanted to scramble away. It made her feel small, again. The feeling forced her to recall the instant that Yuki glared down at her. He had never looked more serious or determined in front of her. She gave into him then not understanding him.

‘He’s always serious,’ echoed Yumi’s words.

Chiharu shook away the thoughts. She wiped away Yuki’s image that made her feel like a child. She was no child. She left it all behind. ‘No! Go away! You can’t go back!’ Chiharu wanted to wrap her arms around herself. She wanted to run away. The thoughts that kept surfacing within her frightened her. She hated the feeling it brought out. ‘I left it behind…’

‘He lost his parents.’

‘That can’t be! You must be wrong! How can…if you…act like that…’ All she needed anymore was herself. She believed it. If she needed warmth, she could grab a blanket. If she needed to eat, she could cook for herself. If she needed saving, she would stand up for herself. She didn’t need any of it.

‘It’s all an act.’

Chiharu forced her eyes closed. It didn’t help her any. She hoped that it would prevent the thoughts from coming back to her. She prayed for the memories to cease. Memories were the past. She wanted none of them. She needed none of them. ‘How can anyone? It doesn’t make any sense! It has to be a lie!’

‘He’s just pretending to be silly.’

‘If all of that is true…if it’s true… The truth…’ The inkling that anything Yumi said was real pushed the shaking into her body. She could no longer ignore it. It overwhelmed her as she fled deeper into her mind for protection. She distanced herself from it. The further away from her the less she felt the uncomfortable sensation. It was just a sign of weakness and she had no weaknesses. She needed no weaknesses. ‘It can’t…’

‘I’m not lying.’

‘You are lying! It’s the only answer! It has to be!’

‘Why?’

‘Because if it’s true…if it’s true…’

‘Because if it’s true? What?’

‘No! It’s false!’

‘Because if it’s true then the answer you found might be wrong? You might be wrong? You might be lying?’

‘No! I’m not! I’m not lying! It’s impossible!’ Chiharu’s heart started to pound from the thoughts slamming around in her head. The further she escaped the louder and more penetrating the words became. She felt more surrounded than before. The only thing she had was the shaking in her body to comfort her. It sickened her. The detested weakness sapped away her strength. It was stronger than she was. She didn’t want it to be true. ‘It’s impossible! He’s just a normal idiot who’s a busy body that has to get involved in problems that aren’t his!’

‘But it’s the truth. It’s not impossible.’

Chiharu couldn’t take it anymore. The voice of that girl in her head acted like it knew everywhere. It acted like it knew her. She knew nothing about her. None of them knew anything about her. They were all strangers to her. They acted like friends, but they would just as easily abandon her after it was all over. She only had herself. Chiharu shouted back at the girl in her mind, ‘It is impossible! Because if he really did lose his parents then he would never be able to smile again, even faking it!’

An image of blood covered everything. ‘It would not be real! You can’t fake a smile or happiness!’ Two lifeless bodies soaked in blood laid in a room. ‘You can’t act careless and still pretend to be a child anymore! When you lose your parents that’s it!’ A child too young to understand what happened stood in the doorway. ‘There’s nothing left! You have to grow up!’ A firm strong hand handed down a sheathed blade to the child. ‘You have to do everything yourself! If it was true he would never be able to be happy!’ Two gravestones rested in silence with the child before them.

Everything faded to black.

Chiharu was alone. The void in her mind finally became empty again. She couldn’t even muster a thought. Her body stopped shaken, but it ran so still that it turned cold. She lost all of her energy.

In the length of silence, Yumi felt a little confused and apprehensive. She wanted to say something more, but felt that she might have overstepped. The usual pace of their back and forth stopped so suddenly. She felt that she should wait for Chiharu. However, each second dragged on. “Chiharu?” The lack of a response or even an annoyed twitch concerned her. It made Yumi reach out for Chiharu, but stopped suddenly.

Chiharu gripped onto Yumi’s hand tightly, awaking from her thoughts. She looked over to Yumi. The even controlled pace of her body restored confidence to Chiharu. “What are you doing?”

Some hesitation built up in Yumi at the awkward situation. It frightened her a little how Chiharu so quickly returned to the living. “Umm…you weren’t saying anything. So I was just checking on you.”

“I see.”

“Can you let go of my arm,” Yumi quickly commented between Chiharu’s words.

Chiharu complied with her request in unbroken motion. “I’m fine. I was just considering what you said.”

“Oh, but you were so quick to respond before. So I thought I might have said something wrong.”

A slight twitch broke through Chiharu’s mask. “Nothing of the sort. However, back to the subject of the weakling. If you’re correct in all that you said. What’s your theory for why he acts stupid considering a tragic past?”

“Huh?” Yumi tilted her head a little at Chiharu. It surprised her that she came back to the topic after refusing so stubbornly to accept it. She figured that Chiharu would have dropped it after the break.

Crossing her arms, Chiharu pressed her back into the tree. “I mean, if you think about it objectively, the loss of someone’s parents is significant. It is enough to change someone. With something so important taken away, I find it difficult to believe he could actually be happy or even pretend to be carefree. You’re forced to grow up quickly and stand on your own. You wouldn’t have the time to act like that.”

Chiharu continued to surprise Yumi. The response that Chiharu gave her was probably one of the longest periods of speech that she had seen. It confused her a little, expecting a short answer. Her answer made her question a little of what she said, sensing something else behind it.

However, she didn’t want to hesitate in delivering a response. Chiharu was being serious and Yumi felt she should reply in kind. “You’re probably right about that.” Yumi leaned against the tree returning to their starting positions. “I can’t imagine what I would feel like if I lost my mother. I might never be the same again. But I think he’s able to smile and act silly because of his friends. He had those that supported him. If he ever fell down I’m sure Saki would be there to pick him back up. Seiji would probably punch him until he came back around.”

‘Friends supported him?’ Chiharu considered her words in silence. She didn’t feel satisfied with the answer. They had the same situation, but different outcomes. She narrowed her eyes and turned a little away. “That sounds sickeningly cliché.”

Yumi noticed their friends in the distance, barely lit by the moon. She stood up dusting herself off. The time apart from them felt as if it left her drained, but also glad. She was able to talk with Chiharu. Yumi ran out a few steps waving over to them to get their attention. Afterward, she turned back around smiling at Chiharu. “I know it does. And it might not be the right answer, but that’s how I feel. I’m sure if something like that happened to me. Where I was in so much despair and sadness with no way out. He would be there giving me a hand to hold, because that’s who he is. He would do that for anyone.” She turned back around to watch Fumiko and Seiji running closer to them.

Chiharu doubted her words, regardless of how sincere she spoke them. “Anyone? You can’t save everyone…”

“True, but he’ll try to anyway.” She tilted her head over her shoulders looking back at Chiharu. “Even you. Because we’re friends.”