The Realization

“What do you mean?”

I asked her again.

Zuria started picking up some books and clocks from the floor, tidying up the mess Pierce had made earlier without looking at me.

“...You said it yourself: the Hedgehog Clover already questions your worth, so there’s a chance he might not accept you as the new Alice. If that happens, you’ll be free to go back home.”

“What? How could you say that to me now!? Obviously I have no choice, I have to stay!”

“Because you’re worried about your sister?”

“Y-Yeah.”

“...You don’t have to worry about that. You can leave your sister to me. If you don’t pass his test, I’ll convince Pierce to let you go back home, I’ll stay here to look for her.”

“You think I’m here because I want to help you? I thought I was clear, I’m only staying because I want to find my sister, too.”

“And yet, you sound so miserable.”

“Excuse me!?”

“...Allen, you’ve done nothing but complain since you got here. I understand this is a huge inconvenience for you, but this is serious. It’s not a game. If it’s that much of a problem for you, I believe you should let us send you back to your world.”

That irritated me.

How dares she be right about everything?

But I couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t tell her there’s no way I’d go back to my world and get interrogated by the police and very likely sent to jail.

Suddenly, another flash hit my head like thunder.

An array of quick images— blood, a knife, my sister’s body, a scream— wait a minute…

A scream?

I don’t remember anything from before her murder or during, only the aftermath. So how could I possibly know she screamed?

Am I starting to remember?

“Argh!!”

My head throbbed with a sharp pain on one side.

I clutched my temple with my hand, holding the back of a chair to keep myself from keeling over.

“Allen? Are you okay?”

Zuria approached me with concern.

“I’m fine—” I struggled to reply, keeping up my bravado for no reason.

“...This has to be the effect of using the Alice Spade’s power, Amanita, even though it wasn’t yours in the first place…”

“Nnngh… It hurts…”

My eyes were shut tight as I gritted my teeth in pain.

I wondered for a second if my sister had to go through something like this when she was training, too.

Well, this power belongs to her, so she was probably good at it from the start, as always. Perfect little Alice.

“Take a seat, Allen. I’ll go make some tea.”

I didn’t have the strength to reply, but I really wanted to ask how in the world tea would help with this.

I plopped down unceremoniously on the chair I was using to steady myself, sighing. I could hear her preparing tea in the kitchen.

The pain on my head was subsiding already but it still sent shockwaves down my spine, like an earthquake inside my nervous system. I shut my eyes again and pinched the bridge of my nose, throwing my head back.

Then my mind started to wander in odd places.

If Dinah saw me like this, would he laugh at me?

…Nah.

He’d also tell me to take a breather. Hell, he might even help Zuria make some tea for me. That’s the kind of guy he was.

If he were stuck here instead of me, he’d find a way to befriend everyone and calmly explain to them that this is all a misunderstanding, but that he’s still willing to help keep off the rain in any way he could.

He’d probably become the best Alice Spade there ever was, maybe even better than my sister.

It’s unfair that the role was arbitrarily given to her simply because of her name. Dinah would make a better hero.

But I guess I’m glad it wasn’t him who got spirited away.

If Dinah suddenly disappeared without a trace, what would happen to me back home? Would it become obvious that I’m a friendless loser who only complains about everything?

Would I have to face the fact that I’m always angry about stupid shit for no reason?

…Wait. What am I thinking?

I can’t believe I’m making the fake disappearance of my friend all about me, even as a fantasy.

I groaned, crossing my arms over the table and pressing my head down into them, my voice muffled and whiny.

“Ugh… This is all so fucked up…”

I heard a kettle somewhere whistling. Zuria’s tea was almost ready.

I don’t know what happened to my sister, but she’s somewhere around here. Her body must have fallen through a hole in the ground and she ended up on a different layer of the spiral.

If they find out I killed her in the real world, I know I’ll be punished by the law, but…

If they found out I killed her here, in a land where she’s a savior, and where everyone looks up to her… they’ll probably kill me, too.

Hell, I was almost killed a moment ago just for existing.

I groaned again.

Right. Out of the two worlds, there’s only one where I belong, and only one that won’t behead me in the town square.

I lifted my head slightly from my crossed arms.

“...I shouldn’t be here. I should go back.”

“Yeah? And where do you think you’re going, Allen?”

An unexpected but familiar voice responded to me, sending chills down my spine.

I didn’t want to look— I wanted to pretend I didn’t hear it, but my head was already slowly turning towards him.

Suddenly, my eyes locked with the Hedgehog Clover, who was still leaning on the wall and the rubble on the floor where I left him.

I started nervously mouthing some words, but nothing would come out.

I was busted.

The guy who was waiting for any excuse to kill me was awake, and he called me by my real name.

It was all over.