Chapter Nine: Ethreal Dreams

I don’t even remember falling asleep. I remember I was looking at the stars and thinking about this life and the previous one. The sound of Hoodah’s snoring would’ve been the only thing that kept me up but somehow my body found a way to get comfortable and then I dreamed.

I wore some kind of garb that felt ritualistic. It wasn’t anything I recognized but it was white. I seemed to carry a flower up to a pedestal where someone familiar to me sat in the seat and looked down upon me. They had light green eyes behind glasses with purple hair framing their face. The tips of their hair were green - it matched the color of their eyes. They wore an outfit that had flower patterns. The glasses and the outfit were the only things I recognized. Something seemed to be missing in this person’s appearance but I couldn’t place it.

It was hard to tell what they were - they were both beautiful and handsome. They had soft features of a woman but the strong jaw of a man. However, one thing that I immediately picked up on was how kind they were. I looked down to see my ‘hands’ but I couldn’t see anything. Apparently, whatever garment I wore, they covered my hands. … But they didn’t feel alien to me. They felt like ‘my’ hands. I was confident I was who I say I was.

“Come, child,” the figure spoke. It was familiar, a calming mother’s voice I haven’t heard in years. Not even my own biological mother could ever muster such sweetness. “You are safe here.”

“Pumoria,” the name escaped my lips. Nothing in particular triggered me to say that. I almost didn’t recognize my voice… but I just knew it was mine. “Pumoria.” I felt myself quiver; in my heart, I must’ve missed them. I must’ve sounded pathetic to them. I must’ve… been looking for them all this time without realizing it. I felt the stings of tears and I wanted to look away. Was I embarrassed? I don’t know, but I just knew I didn’t want Pumoria to see me like this. Somewhere in me told me that they wouldn’t judge me, and yet I’m still embarrassed like this.

“I’m sorry I took so long,” they started to say. I was shocked at their apology so I shook my head. I noticed that the area is similar to what I think a human church is. I don’t know if I was human or it’s just large enough to fit a huge troll in here such as myself. It certainly felt safe and I could hear my voice echo around me sometimes. “I forget that time moves much slower for you than it does for me.”

“I-it’s okay, really! I’m just happy to see you, again!”

Pumoria brought their hand up close to their mouth and gently giggled. “No, no, let me make it up to you. Please tell me what’s happened in this life. I got the message you have your previous memories again. How do you feel about that? What’s your journey so far?”

With hesitation, I explained to them what happened. I was surprised that they were interested in it since memories from the beginning came back. They’re an Ethereal - a holy being that watches over those like me. I think I remember them calling beings like me as ‘spirited’. Truthfully, I hadn’t thought of the beginning - or was it the end - moment I became Ayagi.

They listened intently. They never judged me whenever I nervously told them the mistakes I made. They never judged for whatever angry thoughts I had revealed or even the fact that I did things that they might’ve looked down on.

Time didn’t seem to move as I talked about what happened. It felt more like I was telling a story from another perspective than mine but Pumoria never said anything. They smiled and laughed. They had so much kindness in their eyes it reminded me of Daisy. And it hit me - was Daisy a reincarnation of Pumoria? Now that I looked at Pumoria, they looked nothing like her. She looked nothing like Pumoria.

Then what was their connection?

Finally, I finished my story and I felt embarrassed. I laid it all bare but I stood there still and told them everything without feeling the need to sit down or even adjusting my stature. Once I finished, before I started to think about that, I asked them for their thoughts.

“Ayagi,” they used my troll name. That’s how I knew I was still Ayagi. “It seems that you’ve led quite a life. This Hoodah fellow seems rather unsure about your plan, but don’t you worry about it. You will lead the road to who you really are. You may not remember but I once told you what your destiny was - ‘to create a new life with new friends and a loving family’.”

Pumoria seemed to struggle with words to say next. They looked guilty. From what they understood, I came from a home that’s typical of a troll. A witch by the name of Daisy Umbra showed up and she must’ve bewitched me somehow. Anytime I brought her up, Pumoria’s interest seemed to have peaked. I wondered why they brought up a destiny that was once proclaimed for me.

“I would be wary of this Daisy Umbra. She gave you a necklace as an apology but that’s all you should take from her.”

“But she was my age, I assume, when it happened! There’s no way she could have ulterior motives! Plus, I need a witch to be human! She’s the only witch that I know of!”

“Listen here, Ayagi,” Pumoria started, “there are so many witches in this country alone that can help you turn human - even oracles if you can find them. But this witch… you must be wary of her. Things change from when you’re a child. She might be your first love, but --”

“She’s not my first love! How can I love a witch? I’m a troll! Trolls can’t love! Father loved and he died protecting my village! All Daisy did for me was bury him and gave me this necklace… That’s all she did! I’m not searching for her!”

Pumoria gave me a pitied look. I hated that look. I had a memory of the others giving me that look and it made me angrier. I felt anger rise within me and I had to look away from Pumoria. The elation I felt talking to them waned for a moment but the best way I can describe it was like a rubber band. At that moment, I felt my emotions ‘stretch’.

“Trolls very much could love. I’m sure your parents loved each other very much, but I’m warning you that Daisy Umbra has a dark destiny. It’s worrisome that you can’t admit that but you must trust me. Stray away from Daisy. Find a new witch to turn you and Hoodah to humans. I can guide one to you if I hav--”

“No. I promise you, Pumoria, I’m not searching for her! I haven’t thought about her!”

Pumoria didn’t move. “Please don’t lie to me, Ayagi. I’m the Ethereal assigned to you and as such, it’s part of my duty to protect you. I can read your thoughts right now and even when you sleep. I know you think about her and I’m telling you to stop.”

“You’ve been through my thoughts? Do Ethereals have any idea what ‘privacy’ is? Why would you go through my thoughts like that? Who knows what you could’ve seen in there? I didn’t even know that you could do that! I didn’t know you even did that! So, did I just waste my time telling you my story? You watched me the entire time, right? Why?”

Pumoria remained unaffected but eventually gave me a stern look. “Ayagi.” They sounded and looked like a parent but it made me angrier.

“No, Pumoria! That’s not right what you did! Do you understand how I feel right now? I know you’re not human… but do Ethereals understand how precious our minds are? Tell me why you were going through my thoughts! That’s not right!”

The Ethereal let out a sigh and smiled at me instead. “You’re right. I violated your privacy. But you must understand that this Daisy Umbra is dangerous. She’s part of a lineage that’s destined to pull the witches out of the good graces of humans - and I don’t want you to be a part of it. I told you once what your destiny was and I’ll repeat it to you. Your destiny is to create a new life with new friends and a loving family.”

I sighed exasperatedly. Any joy that I had seeing Pumoria had left - I didn’t want to see them anymore. I was too upset at the audacity of them invading my mind.

“Not to be with Daisy. Please, at least listen to me on this. Daisy... “

“Just leave me alone! Don’t ever bother me again! I don’t care about destinies - I just want to be human. I promise you that I’m not searching for her. I’ll search for any other witch or whoever, that can turn both Hoodah and me into humans. Don’t ever contact me again unless I’m in grave danger--”

“But you are! That’s why I’m here!”

“And I just said I promise I will not search for her. You know what, forget it. Forget it!” I threw my hands from its position that managed to stay in place this whole conversation. That seemed to be what kept me in this place because when I did, suddenly, my eyes were wide awake.

I felt that I had a strange dream. I couldn’t remember much but just the remaining feeling of having my privacy violated. I felt rested but I was also angry and I couldn’t explain it. Was I hungry? Probably. It did seem some animals tried to be brave and stole some of the meat I thought I’ve hidden well. I was more irritated when I looked at Hoodah’s campsite and saw that he was gone.

“So much for Hoodah and I becoming human. Guess he decided to leave now.” I grumbled. Immediately, I started to dismantle the temporary campsite as much as I could while making it look like it was part of the natural landscape. The sun beamed down and it irritated me. I tried to keep my head clear of thoughts but found it impossible - it didn’t matter what I did, something out there is aware of my thoughts.

Things started to irritate me further as I did and I found myself quickly losing my temper at things. At that point, it didn’t matter. This campsite was going to get destroyed by both me and the elements so I continued to take out my anger on anything I could get my hands on. I thrashed and I smashed. After all, if I’m going to be a troll until the time I become human, then that’s how I’m going to act.

“Ayagi,” I heard a familiar grunt. “Why are you smashing up our campsite so badly? A few times is enough, now it’s just obvious. Anyway,” he grunted again. “I brought myself some breakfast and I’ve done some thinking. I think I’ll go along with you.” He released an unsure sigh and even looked around. I was too irritated to really think anything beyond this. Just get to the point! “It’s a weird plan, but I think maybe I should go along with it. Maybe being a troll isn’t for me after all. So,” he grunted a bit happier. I could feel myself calm down a bit. “Let’s go find our witch.”