Hilqamaar and the Gravity of Love: Panic Before the Storm

The world around Noel was very green and ill-defined. She couldn’t make out anything but the silhouettes of Darris and Azrath beside her.

Then, Darris spoke, “Prepare yourself here, girl. And when you are ready, step forward. You will end up somewhere new. So, don’t fear when you are surrounded by the unfamiliar.”

Azrath flew forward as he said, “It’s not Sohaud, it is?”

“No,” said Darris, “It will be within Tokyo. That’s where he awaits.”

“Who?”

“The girl’s next opponent. And he’s eager to meet you.”

Noel gave a start, “He is?”

“Indeed. When he saw me writing my summons, he thought it a good idea to write you a letter of his own. He wanted me to give it to you before you arrived. Here.”

He shoved something into Noel’s hand. Another envelope.

“I’ll tell you, though. Mine was better. His is just so passe. Honestly, where’s the mystique? The eloquence! The youth of today have no sense of romance.”

And with that, he vanished from her sight.

Noel was still in shock at the suddenness of her impending battle. She looked down at the letter in her hands and then threw it to the ground. She was not going to fall for another of Darris’s tricks. And besides, there were more important things to think about.

She turned wide-eyed to Azrath. “What do I do?”

Azrath looked back at her, his face blank.

“What do I do?!” she asked again, her voice cracking.

“I don’t know!” he fired back, “I thought we would have more time! But you’ve at least started using Dynamic Drift, so it’s not like you have nothing.”

“Well…” Noel wasn’t sure that was true. Something had happened that day in the park, but it didn’t feel like what Azrath had described. Those almost invisible threads felt like they came from a different place than all the Eingh abilities she’d used so far.

“Remember, Noel. Breathe, and let your Eingh flow. Urzuran is with you, and so am I.” He flew right in front of her and pressed himself into her shoulder.

Noel’s chin quivered, and she took a shuddering breath that caught in her throat. She didn’t think she could open her mouth without vomiting, so she wordlessly dropped her school bag and wrapped her arms around her friend.

“It’s okay to be afraid,” Azrath whispered.

She made a slight noise in her throat. Noel knew she was scared, but there was something more. The storm was back; a whirl of emotions, images, and sensations raged through her, all from that night.

Her right arm still remembered the pain. It burned as if she held it in a fire.

Noel did not want to let Azrath go, but she did. He took flight again. “You know, anyone would be lucky to love you.”

Then he, too, disappeared. She was now alone in this world of green light. Her hands shook as she reached into her pocket to pull out the pen, so much so that she had to hold it in both. Her recitation of Urzuran’s prayer was stuttered and full of pauses. And, for a moment, the green light was dwarfed by blue as she transformed.

She held onto the staff for dear life as she looked forward. No matter how hard she tried, her breath and hands would not steady.

It was easy enough to say she would fight on that rooftop. But that reality of what that entailed lay only one step away. It meant more pain, more horror, as whoever was to be her opponent would be far more brutal than the ginkrat.

And yet, she had overcome her trials so far. Noel needed to find her own strength. The answer to the question she had posed to Mr. Tamayoshi lay on the other side of this green light.

It felt like Noel had to unglue her foot from the ground as she lifted as leg and forced it forward. She did it again with her other leg, and then the world went dark around her.

Noel blinked several times as her eyes adjusted. The first face she saw was Azrath’s, who smiled at her. She smiled back and looked around her.

They seemed to be in a brightly lit warehouse. While it was clear the building was large and spacious, it was made cramped by the countless crates stacked around them. It reminded Noel of the shipping crates at the wharf, which only served to make the memories of that night all the sharper.

But now that she wasn’t alone anymore, the panic was not as she managed a deep breath.

“Welcome, girl,” said Darris. He stood a few feet away, in front of an enormous stack of crates piled high to the ceiling. “I knew you’d make the right choice.” Darrris gestured behind him where there was a gap wide enough for him to walk through. Beyond lay an area free of crates. “Come.”

Feeling her nausea grow stronger, Noel walked forward with Azrath in tow. She did not look at Darris as she passed him.

The other side was a crude, circular arena walled by crates pushed to the edges and stacked high. They were piled so high that the lights over their heads barely covered the area. Deep shadows hung in several places. There was no one else there. At least, none that she could see. There was a smell, though, something she could not identify but was not unpleasant.

As they fully stepped into the arena, there was the sound of screeching wood on stone. Noel turned back to see Darris closing the gap they had entered from as easily as if they were curtains. He smiled down at her with a knowing smile.

There was no going back.

Darris walked past her to stop in the center of the arena. “The time has come for your first trial.” He gestured behind him to one of the shadows.

Noel’s hands tightened on the staff. So, there was someone else here, after all. And now that she looked carefully, she saw that a pair of grey eyes stared out at her from the darkness, like twin moons.

“May I introduce,” said Darris, “your opponent.”

The sound of footsteps echoed through the arena as the mysterious Ahngreel walked forward into the light.

Noel’s breath caught in her throat at the sight of him. He’s…

She had expected another block of stone like Oriander. But while this Ahngreel had the same grey skin tone and pointed ears as the other, he was much younger. And…

Ba-dump.

His soft brown hair ever so slightly framed his face—the perfect mix of jagged and smooth. He wore a thick sleeveless top that showed off his muscular arms. Seeing how his mouth hid a small smile made Noel’s face flush. And when he turned those smoky grey eyes on her, she felt her already racing heart kick into overdrive.

What’s going on? Noel thought as her breathing became shallower. All the fear that had consumed her was changing. It was becoming… warmer. The anxiety was now about him.

The Ahngreel’s smile widened. “Hey there. So, you’re Noel?”

Noel’s heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice. And her name.

“I’m Hilqamaar. Did you read my letter?”

“Yeah…” her voice was almost as breathy as Darris’s. Then she blinked, “I mean, no. Sorry…” If she knew that he had written the letter, she wouldn’t have thrown it away.

“That’s all right,” he said with the slightest of pouts, “I understand. But I want you to know I put a lot of effort into it. Just for you.”

Just for me? Why didn’t she read that letter?!

“What’s wrong, Noel?” said Azrath, flying in front of her. Between her and Hilqamaar. “You don’t look so good.”

“Get outta my way!” said Noel and took a swipe at him with a hand.

Azrath flew back, startled. But Noel no longer cared as her eyes snapped back to Hilqamaar, who, to Noel’s own surprise, was now only a few steps away from her. He’s so tall!

He was over a head taller than her, almost seven feet. Noel instinctively jumped back when her head protested her to do the opposite. How would it feel to be wrapped up by those arms?

No, something’s wrong! Hilqamaar hadn’t made a sound as he approached. But her heart melted as she looked up at his face and the slightly hurt expression on it.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No! You’re perfect!” She realized what she just said. Her head felt hazy as she breathed in his scent. “I mean…” she was struggling for words. “You’re fine… okay. Whatever.”

He smiled at her.

Noel could feel her pulse racing, but it didn’t match what was in her head. She was supposed to be afraid of him. But she wasn’t. Or was she? It was like there were two Noels fighting for control.

Then Darris’s voice slightly brought her out of her stupor.

“Stand back, Hilqamaar. The fight has not begun until I give the say-so.”

Hilqamaar frowned. His eyes moved to look at Darris and took Noel’s heart with them. “Yes, Hidaar.” But then he bent forward and whispered in Noel’s ear, “I just wanted to let you know, you’re much prettier than the Hidaar described.” And with one last smile, he turned and walked back to the other side of the arena.

Azrath flew into her gaze, “Talk about laying it on thick, right Noel? Noel?”

Noel must have had the stupidest expression on her face, judging by the dumbfounded look on Azrath’s. She didn’t care as her thoughts filled with what Hilqamaar had just said.

P-pretty?! He thought she was pretty?

Well, now that you’ve been acquainted,” said Darris—Noel jumped. For a moment, she had completely forgotten where she was and who was watching her melt over a guy. “It’s time we started this battle.” Darris gestured to Noel, “bird, you come over here with me!”

Why should I?” Azrath asked indignantly.

“From here on out, the girl has to fight her own battles without interference.”

Azrath remained where he was.

“Now!”

“Go on, Azrath,” said Noel with a nod. “I’ve got this.”

That was a lie. The realization of their imminent battle had brought fearful Noel back with a vengeance, even if it was against Hilqamaar.

“Okay. Don’t forget to breathe.” He began to fly toward Darris, then stopped and turned around. “And, Noel. Good luck.”

She nodded and looked back to Hilqamaar, who had his arms folded. She wanted that warmth that his smile brought, but fear filled her entire being. The haze was gone. Now, only the fear remained.

Her hands began shaking again as her nausea rose to a critical level.

Noel’s breathing became shallow and ragged.

It was coming back all at once. It was as if a spell had been broken.

Hilqamaar was an Ahngreel. No matter how good-looking he was, there was no doubt he was here to kill her. This was confirmed to her as Hilqamaar pulled a wood baton as long as her forearm from his back and took a stance.

“Fighters ready?” said Darris with a glance at both.

“Yes, Hidaar,” said Hilqamaar as his eyes bore into Noel’s.

There was no warmth in those eyes. No comfort. His small, round pupils had turned to slits.

Noel could only respond with a nod.

“Then let it begin.”

At those words—those exact words Darris had spoken that night he had made her battle with the ginkrat—every cell in Noel’s body seized all at once. She could do nothing as she watched Hilqamaar shoot forward and charge directly for her, baton raised.

Move.

But her body wouldn’t move, even as Hilqamaar filled her vision. She could see the invisible threads floating around him. One was taut. One that led directly to her head.

Move, dammit. MOVE!

Nothing. Her body refused to obey. Tears flowed freely as she stood there, frozen.

“STOP!”

A hand appeared out of nowhere and closed around Hilqamaar’s baton.

“What?” Hilqamaar yelled back as he tried in vain to pull his weapon from Darris’s grasp. “I nearly had her!”

“No, you didn’t. Look.”

Hilqamaar’s attention returned to Noel as she dropped to her knees as if an immense weight had pulled her down. The staff clattered to the floor as she doubled over, gasping.

The fear that had made her seize was now spilling out of her all at once. Her arms crossed as she clenched her shoulders and tried to steady herself, but there was no escape. Everything around her was falling away—even her ability to breathe.

“Noel!” Azrath’s voice cracked as he flew as fast as he could to reach her.

“Az…rath…” Noel managed to say between her choking.

She had no idea what was happening to her. All she knew was that she was being consumed by her thoughts and fear, all tangled into a single internal scream.

***

Azrath could only watch as Noel. Kind, bold Noel collapsed in front of him. He knew she was putting up a brave front, but he never thought he’d see her fall victim to a full-blown panic attack.

Tears fell from his eyes as he watched her fold into herself. And once again, his anguish of being unable to fight filled his heart. It was all his fault.

No, he thought as he turned his gaze from Noel. We are not to blame. This was not his fault. Not this time. His eyes fixed on Darris, and a rage unlike any he’d gelt before burned within. It seemed, though, that Azrath was not the only one who was angry.

Darris released Hilqamaar’s baton. His eyes were alight with cold fury as he stared at Noel.

“What do you think you’re doing?” His voice remained soft. Yet as cold and harsh as a winter breeze.

Hilqamaar, who had lowered his hand, turned to look at his master in confusion. “Me, Hidaar? I was only following what you said—”

“Shut up!” snapped Darris, “I wasn’t talking to you!”

Hilqamaar fell silent, looking at the floor angrily.

Darris continued to stare down at Noel with fury in his eyes. But there was something else beyond the anger. It took a moment for Azrath to realize that it was disappointment. He watched as Darris crouched down.

“This is not you,” he said, “I’m not looking at Noel. Who is this that grovels and cries before me?”

Noel looked up at him, tears in her eyes. Her mouth moved silently as she tried to form words between the gasps.

“I-I don’t… I c-can’t…”

“That’s not what you told me,” said Darris, his voice rising in volume, “that’s not who you are! You are more than this! More than a coward who lets their petty fears rule them!”

“How dare you tell her who she is!” shouted Azrath. He flew between the two and stared at Darris with as much hatred as he could muster. “You did this to her! You have no right to look down on her!”

“I’m doing nothing of the sort.” Darris’s voice was back to a deadly whisper. “And this,” he pointed to Noel, “this is beyond one night of suffering.”

“You conceited bastard! This is what happens when you think you can control everything around you! You treat people like they’re playthings and whine when they break in your hands!”

Darris stood, towering over Azrath, “Is that what she is to you? Broken? You continue to underestimate her. You think so little of her that you think she cannot grow beyond her fear.”

“What you’re doing is not growth! It’s torture.”

“It is trial by fire. Or it would be if this took even a modicum of strength to overcome. She has shown me who she really is. When all hope was lost, and she stared death in the face, did she back down? No! She stood tall in defiance against me. Hilqamaar is but a speck of dust compared to me!”

Hilqamaar looked up, “I’m standing right here, you know.”

Darris’s eyes flashed, “Am I wrong?”

The Ahngreel opened his mouth, then closed it and shook his head.

“Then shut up if you know what’s good for you.” His eyes returned to Azrath, “You want her to be soft. But she is not. That is but a front. The Noel you know is a lie. The face she puts on for the benefit of the world around her. A world that treats her like rubbish. She should not have to live that way.”

He looked down at Noel, deep sadness in his eyes. “There is but one way to bring out her inner fire. And if she must hate me, then fine.” His lips tightened, and his eyes hardened. “Hilqamaar.”

Hilqamaar snapped to attention, “Yes, my Hidaar.”

“I grant you my permission to invoke Faljinsi.”

The boy’s eyebrows raised as his jaw went slack. “A-are you serious, my Hidaar? Can I really?”

“You may.” Darris grinned, though it seemed forced, “But you’ll have to fight hard to even hope to enact it.”

“I highly doubt that,” a wicked grin spread across the boy’s face.

“You go ahead and think that,” said Darris. His smile faded, and his face was dark as he walked away.

Azrath gave one last look at Noel, wishing he could do something to help her, but he knew he was outmatched. For now, at least. He followed Darris, who sat atop a crate.

“What’s Faljinsi?” asked Azrath.

“A necessity,” said Darris, “For both Noel’s and the Ahngreel’s survival.”

“What does that mean?”

“You’ll see.” Darris’s nose curled as he watched Hilqamaar crouch down in front of Noel.

Azrath did not like the sound of that at all. And judging by the look on Darris’s face, neither did he.