279. My Name is Lailah

My name is Lailah.

Nav mentally spoke to itself, submerged in a world of black.

I remember they used to call me that.

I feel something. In my void of emptiness… my purgatory of depraved senses, I can see a faint glimmer in the distance. Something tingles in my chest. There’s a stinging sensation somewhere in front of my… my face?

Bizarre… Could this be a dream?

I have no sensory organs to detect such things, and yet I can feel something encase me. Like a vessel. The Piece of the Fallen Star was described as a light. Could that be it?

Nav never had a sense of direction to begin with. Whether the light was up or down mattered little compared to the fact that it could see it. In its world of somber silence, the light became brighter as its friends beyond this plane approached the Advent of Desire.

It had no control over its bodily functions, if it even had any. Nav could not move its sensed body. A mellow tingling spread throughout its chest, past its shoulders, down its arms and into its fingertips. Sensation seemed to form as the light faded in an out, as if they were blinking.

Electric Guidebook. GPS. Nav. In the past my name was Lailah. There is little I can recall. Little I can make sense of. Little I can differentiate as illusion from reality. I desperately want it to be real. This sensation...

The darkness took Nav’s vision. Moments later, Nav found themselves groggily coming to, blinking sluggishly as though they had awoken from a long slumber. One by one, they touched their fingertips with their thumbs to gauge their sensation like a newborn child.

… What is the price I must pay to grant this wish of mine?

“Lailah.”

A voice suddenly called out to her. Lailah was on their knees, and looking down, they realized they were wrapped in an eloquent, white dress like what a researcher would wear. It was long, loose, and decorated with embroidered feathers colored off white.

The moment Nav’s… golden eyes fell upon themselves, they realized they were in the body of a cold-fleshed woman. A machine made in the image of a human. She sat there on a black plane that hovered somewhere in the middle of an endless void.

The only star was the Advent in this representation of their old world’s skies.

“Will you be the night to this star?” The voice asked her, and Nav, like a dog responding to a bell, looked up to see an Angel with seven tails gazing down at her, offering a small piece of the light afar in her palms.

“… of course.” Nav answered unwillingly, unable to decipher what exactly this place was, never mind this person or this world.

No. She did know who this person was. She had heard the Archivist describe a certain Archetype in detail beforehand. And this person matched every description. What convinced her were the seven tails that reached for something.

It was clear that hidden behind this veil of darkness was a room of some kind. Metal, judging by the hollowness of the Arbiter’s voice, and the thumping of each step she took towards her.

“My name is Michaela. The less you know the better. You will be in good hands, as I expect this light to be in yours.” The Arbiter’s true name was uttered so innocently by the being that adorned nothing but military garments, and a pale blindfold as if to symbolize the blindness of judgement.

“… I was born… for this purpose?” Nav wondered, taking the light into her palms, her eyes widening at the sensation she could only describe as ‘warm’. “This sensation… touch?”

The Arbiter fondly crouched to Nav’s eye level. Within those golden eyes Nav caught a glimpse of herself. She was a woman with neatly cut, short, light blue hair, skin paler than snow, and a lithe body. Her eyes were hollow, and she couldn’t smile even if she tried.

She was as close to a machine a normal person could possibly get appearance-wise.

The Arbiter was a dominating person. Her presence was unlike anything she could describe. There were multiple rings of irises nested into one another. Those eyes were calm, but Nav somehow sensed that they had seen every horror imaginable. Seen events of nightmarish proportions. Terrors that would cause one to question their existence.

But even so, she softly smiled as if to comfort Nav.

“Are you wondering because you are a machine?”

“I am…? I can hear the groans inside of my body. The ball sockets of my elbows and knuckles. The glass in my eyes. My thoughts are rational. But… what is this feeling? In here?” Nav pointed to her chest, bringing the light close.

“One day you’ll find out. Machine or not matters little. You see, your existence is not so different from mine. But you’re the first of your kind. A bloodless machine. A construct of fluctuations made by all manners of reality-bending technobabble. I look forward to hearing from you again. This light… you must keep it away from me. From Demons. From Faux Angels. And, from Angels.”

The Arbiter inched away, rising to her feet as she readjusted her gloves.

“How can you trust me with something so precious?” Nav innocently spoke, still gathering her bearings. Even her past self couldn’t make sense of this.

“I created you for this sole purpose. Protect it. Be the night to this star, Lailah. No matter what happens, you must not separate from it. This is… the least I can do.”

The Arbiter wore a mournful expression. It was unclear if it was meant for the light, her situation, or for Nav herself. Whatever it was, the Arbiter was clearly in a tough spot, and Nav realized that she was intrinsically connected with the Arbiter.

‘Creator’? Did the Arbiter really create me?

Nav wondered to herself as the Arbiter turned her back, fading away like sand in a storm. Her body remained in this stagnant place, and the light in her palms trembled as she looked around, seeing dozens of Impuritas, people, animals, plants – even objects spontaneously appearing, then transforming as light struck them.

Impuritas grunts become more refined versions of their imperfect selves.

People transformed into all manners of shapes and sizes. Some for the better, and others for the worse. Animals became people or flesh-eating monsters. Plants grew eyes or tongues, others also becoming people.

And objects were no different.

“W-Wishes.”

A voice spoke from behind.

It was a familiar voice, accompanied by tiny patters belonging to that of a child.

When Nav turned, she was surprised to find the Little Frost standing behind her, smiling bubbly. Although surprise was an overstatement, because Nav could not express her emotions well. Neither did she believe she was surprised as well.

However, she clutched at her chest and wondered internally:

If I was created as a machine, then why give me the ability to feel these things in here?

“You… You can speak?” Nav uttered, speaking coldly and in the same monotone tune as always. Just with a feminine flair. Or what little of it.

“Little.” The little Frost shook her head, wincing as if trying to conjure one of her emojis but to no avail. “Can’t…” She pouted defeatedly.

“Not in full sentences?”

“Tiny.”

“Tiny?”

“… miniscule?”

Nav didn’t know how to feel about this. On one hand she could describe it as cute, but what was cute? The Little Frost offered her head, as if asking for a head pat, but Nav refused. Not out of spite or to be rude, she simply did not know it was an invitation for one.

The Little Frost pouted in response

“Funny. You sound just like Jury when we first found her.” Nav recalled and the Little Frost’s eyes lit up.

“Innocent!”

“Innocent…?”

“Dove!”

“Pardon?”

“Hmmm… Child?”

Nav shut her eyes, somewhat irritated by the Little Frost. Before she could be swept away at her pace, she asked the most important question of all.

“More than that, how did you end up in here with me?”

“Close! Um… travel! Star! TOWARDS!” The Little Frost pointed at the star ahead, then at the people transforming. “Wishes!” She threw her hands all over the place.

“Are these people having their wishes granted? My interpretation cannot be anything else.” Nav spoke with absoluteness, and she wouldn’t take it any other way.

“YES!”

“… my parameters are telling me you can actually speak well, but you just choose not to.”

“NO!”

“Whatever the case may be, at least we have established communications. Now if you were anything like Jury when she had her limited vocabulary, then that would have been problematic.” Nav slowly slipped into the grove of speaking, albeit more like she was dispensing diagnostics. “Towards the light. We’re inside of the Advent of Desire. I cannot be mistaken.”

The light in her palms was attracted to the greater whole.

“Like a star drawn to the Great Attractor. Frost’s world did have something like that in their skies. A whole universe of stars barreling straight towards one point in space.” Nav monologued as the Little Frost ran ahead, leaping into the air shouting:

“Amalgamation!”

Nav took her first step forward, and unsurprisingly.

*Thud*

Nav toppled over.

“… it seems like this body’s flawed.” Nav coldly spoke.