Chapter 9. Skeleton Slayer

Skeletons. A common enemy in most games and of course, our AI nemesis wasn’t shy to include them on the list of creatures to invade us. Personally, I think skeletons as an enemy makes much more sense than the likes of slime and pikachu. The AI must be stupid to create so many level E dungeons. Who tries to invade and wipe out a race with Level E dungeons full of fucking slimes that does no damage?

So I was browsing the forums the other day and guess what I saw. Some idiot left a one star rating on this anime I was watching with a comment. ‘I was watching the opening and it was just a bunch of pictures so I no longer cared enough to watch this shit’.

What a fucking idiot. If you don’t want to watch it, just leave your one star rating and move on with your fucking life. But now the whole web knows you are a fucking dumbass.

Anyways, enough of me rumbling about random shit. Another month has passed and we are back to school for our last semester as high school students and the entrance exam to Tokyo Academy looming ever closer.

No beach episode for summer break? What the fuck do you think this story is about? Of course we will have a beach episode! Just not now, Emma alone is not enough to make my imagination go wild so we will save the beach for later.

For our summer break, we did hit the beach once or twice to relax, but what sort of relaxation can you get when there is a psycho butler watching your every move? If I so much as stare at Emma’s chest or butt he would freak the fuck out.

Like what am I supposed to do? She is wearing a fucking bikini so people can fucking stare at her nice figure you stupid old man! If you don’t want me to look at her, stop her from flaunting her ass in my face.

Oh yea, we were supposed to talk about skeletons and not Emma’s fine ass. Anyways, the skeletons our AI nemesis went with are the slow type that uses a sword, or at least those are the ones in the Level D dungeon. I heard there are some bat shit crazy ones in the high level dungeons.

I have heard even slimes can be powerful in the higher level dungeons but since I am nowhere near strong enough, I won’t be able to test out if those higher level monsters will grant me a different skill or simply add to my overall kill count. Definitely something I need to explore later on once I am at that level.

With their high physical damage, even though they have very low hp, the skeletons were the first level D dungeons Emma and I faced as I am nowhere near strong enough to be constantly dealing with level D dungeons and even Emma’s attacks don’t work that well since she spent most of her skills on support and her offensive abilities don’t have much synergy. .

But thanks to my op defense, even with their high att, I’m taking no damage from the skeletons. If one was to crit, my 260+ defense is more than enough to negate most of the damage and even when they use their only skill. Sword bash, the damage is lower than my defense unless the strongest 1% lands a crit hit.

Of course, to counter those few possible instants where I might get one shot KOed, my beautiful blondie’s got a protection spell on me that will cover any possible 0.1% blow. Yeah, I could have just worn some defensive equipment and not have to risk getting one shotted but I wanted to keep casting my thunderbolts so I kept on my ass looking mismatched gears while leaving my life in the hands of my blondie.

With their low defense and hp and large mob size, our skeleton slaying had gone smoothly and in just a single month, I'm approaching that 100k kill mark and Emma has gained another level and is now at level 34.

But Ken? Wasn’t she only at level 32 the last time you mentioned her level? Yes and? She gained a level during our maggot hunting as well but since when does it matter if Emma gained a level or not? The last I checked, she is just my sidekick and not the protagonist. I will give an update on her whenever I feel like or whenever it’s convenient for me to mention something.

Did I mention she turned 18 months and months ago? Do you want to know when her birthday is? Want to know what skills she has gained or just have in general? Of course you do. Will I be sharing that information? Fuck no. Not until it’s useful for me to share at least.

Anyways, enough about Emma, she is not the focus of this story. We need to only talk about me, the protagonist, the one and only hero who will one day save this world from whatever bullshit threat that’s probably eventually going to happen.

Other than their large mob size and doing only physical damage which I counter, the biggest reason I decided we should target the skeletons is because of what I lacked.

Obviously what I lack the most right now is magic resistance. Based on their stats, I figured skeletons would be the best bet to get skills or stats that would give me more balance and not just have high physical defense since they have high magic resist.

With the entrance exam only two months away, both Emma and I have already paid the registration fee and signed up to take the exam. Can you believe the motherfucking exam cost 100,000 yen to register? Those greedy motherfuckers trying to do everything in their power to prevent the protagonist from fucking joining the Academy?

Are they trying to keep the poor from applying on purpose? What the fuck is the point if they don’t let the best of the best join? Oh well, thankfully they didn’t expect the protagonist to have the childhood best friend who’s also a rich motherfucker buff. And I was able to get my amazingly beautiful but more importantly wealthy Emma to cover the registration cost.

Stop distracting me from the skeleton slaying damnit! Speak of which, with the slaying of skeletons coming to an end soon, I think we only have enough time to gain one more passive before it’s time to face the music so I hope those fleshless ugly motherfuckers would give me a good passive and the last hunt will just be the icing on the cake to the start of my academy arc.

“THUNDERBOLT!” I screamed, bringing down the wrath of a god on those brainless walking stick figures as my kill count climbed higher and inching closer to 100k.

Sure, Emma was the one that did all the work gathering up the skeletons using herself as bait for me to slay while I was busy monologuing. What can I say, every protagonist needs a good sidekick right?

Speaking of sidekicks, now that I think about it, from those comics and whatever I read from over 500 years ago, is that why this batman fucker was the most popular superhero even when he was as worthless as shit?

Personally I liked this spiderman dude and superman guy way more but according to what I read on the web, this worthless bat guy with no superpower was the most popular back then? Are motherfuckers that dumb back in the days? Is it because he has a sidekick while the others don't?

I wonder why people back then liked this worthless guy who isn’t even a bat and doesn't even have any superpowers, shit is crazy!

The motherfucker had to drive a car while this superman guy can fucking fly around the universe? Oh and I saw this cult classic film called Batman v Superman with Emma, hands down the dumbest shit I have ever witnessed. Martha? Really? Emma had to shake me awake a few times during the movie because I kept dozing off from the dumbest plot ever written.

Oh well, at least I got all my sides covered with Emma as my sidekick while I am also gaining power along the way and if need be, Emma could also work as the damsel in distress to give me another boost in popularity. With every situation covered, I think I am set to become the greatest hero ever. Now I just need those motherfucking monsters to give me the op skills.

“THUNDERBOLT!” I screamed again as Emma gathered more skeletons for me to one shot. Even with their high magic resist, the combo of lightning and my DOT poison that applies to all my fucking damage was enough to kill most of the walking sticks and the few leftovers gets my short sword to the face as the final sendoff.

If you ask me, hey Ken? How the fuck do you poison skeletons? They are just fucking bones. Why aren’t they immune to bullshit like lightning damage or poison? I wasn’t the fucker who created the dungeons so don’t fucking ask me. I just enter them to kill the mofos so I can get stronger.

Besides, it’s a fucking Level D dungeon, you expect shit to have damage immunity? But how would that even work with the Hero’s Mark? Would I still do 1 damage even to shit that got immunity? If I was a monster with immunity and still taking damage to what I am immune against, even if it’s only 1 fucking damage, I would be pissed and would need to see the fucking manager.

“THUNDERBOLT!” I shouted once more. If you have noticed the pattern, Emma goes around, gathering a bunch of skeletons while I go on with my soliloquy and once there is a big enough mob, I shout thunderbolt, get the kills and we move on to the next part of the dungeon.

“THUNDERBOLT!” I yelled zipping more skeletons as their stick bodies started to fall apart from either the original burst damage or the DOT from my poisons.

With the skeletons falling over and dissipating one by one, I watched my kill window as my total zombie kill inched closer and closer to that 100,000th mark.

As my kill count blanked over from 99,999 to 100,000. I eagerly anticipated what skill I would get. Oh, you think we will get to the good part and get that 100k reveal? HA! In your dreams idiots! Why did you think I was bullshitting around so much to buy time?