Romance Is Wasted Time

“My god my alarm is loud! Everytime I go to sleep I can’t help but dread the following morning, because I know that I’ll practically jump out of bed the second I awake.”

Complaining probably wasn’t the greatest way to start my morning, but there was nobody around to hear me. But, I couldn't set it any quieter because my body simply wouldn’t react.

I could probably have found a more comfortable way to wake myself up, but I had a system that works, so there was no sense in changing it.

I forced my legs over to the side of the bed and swung my body upright, grunting loudly with effort. I glanced at the alarm clock to the right of the bed, not even noting the ‘7 am’ that I saw every morning. 

"It's way too early for me, I wish there was some sort of way to pause time, at least for insomniacs to get some extra sleep."

But, I had to get to work, so the three hours of sleep I received would have to suffice. It’s not like I needed my brain to be at full capacity today anyway. That’s the advantage of working a monotonous job in the office, I could simply follow the process without thinking.

Most people seem to wear a constant face of exhaustion after working a job for a few decades, as if they were burnt out and waiting for a break. But, for me it took only until the age of 20 before my child-like passion had completely dissipated.

I pulled into my parking spot and smoothly rode the elevator up to the 18th floor of this 20 story building. There were only a few people already here, so I didn’t have to waste much time on greetings. I found my office in the back corner and immediately sunk into my chair to check my emails. However, I had barely even touched my computer before I had been interrupted by an intrusive voice.

“Hey, how’re you doing this morning, my trusty friend?”

I glanced at Ray sceptically. I would never be fooled by his vibrant personality and superficially kind words, I could instinctually detect an ulterior motive.

“Did he call me ‘trusty’? He clearly wants something from me.”

Well, if I didn’t find out what he wanted, it would probably have bothered me for the rest of the day.

“Good morning, boss.”

“So, you know Yama is quitting at the end of the week right? This means there’s a position available with your name on it. I always knew you’d climb up the ranks of this company in no time at a-”

“No thanks.”

His eyes almost jumped out of their sockets.

“Seriously? You didn’t even hear what the job would entail.”

“Sorry, but I’ve already got a lot on my plate. I would just like to stay where I am.”

This was a complete lie. I don’t have any sort of time commitments outside of work. But his surprise did confuse me slightly. Was he really shocked that I declined a job that required me to work harder? And for what? Money? I’d rather just have more time to myself.

“Well, I guess I can’t force you. But are you doing alright? If you need help, then just ask me.”

“I’m fine, have a nice day, boss,” I spat out quickly, hoping to terminate the conversation.

People like him, who always want to talk to me about my attitude, really frustrated me. 

"My outlook is up to me, what gives them the right to try to understand my mind?"

Ray slowly shuffled out of the room, finally leaving me in peace to do my job. I began sorting through my emails, various people asking for help, or spam emails which are only there to waste my time. The time rolled around to midday, where more of my coworkers saw fit to interrupt my work. This time, there were four people waiting at the door, blocking my only escape.

“What do you want?”

I didn't look away from my computer, hoping to indicate my disinterest

“We just wanted to see if you wanted to come to lunch with us.”

“No thanks, I’ll pass.”

I already had a routine to get through lunch and it would not be put aside for these people’s entertainment.

“Come on, you should join us. It’ll be good for you to get some company for mealtimes.”

They seemed to assume that living alone away from my family had stirred some sort of desire to eat with people, but it was quite the opposite. I found myself much more productive when on my own, hence why I rejected all these requests for things like ‘friendship’ and ‘company’.

“I said I’m fine, but enjoy yourselves.”

I always hated adding these little positive affirmations to the end of my sentences, but if I didn’t I would just be seen as a terrible person. It saves me some trouble if I just throw a couple of nice words at the end of my sentences every now and then.

My coworkers eventually got the message and left me alone, finally allowing me to eat into my one hour allotted lunch time. There is a cafe just down the street which I would frequent every Monday, so I quickly closed the tabs from my computer and travelled down the elevator.

Marching towards the cafe, I liked to observe the people walking around me on the street. In the city of Tokyo, I could observe people from all walks of life. The cities may appear beautiful, but I was much more aware than the average person. More than 50% of people I walked past were holding cigarettes or something similar.

I could understand them, the city life is boring so they decided they wouldn’t mind having a cigarette to help them get through it. But, I was not so hedonistic as to seek out such pleasures. I had never even touched a drop of alcohol, not because I had something against drinking, but just because it wasn't for me.

These people didn’t really annoy me much, but there was a type that did: Couples.

"What a ridiculous concept! Finding someone to ‘share your life with’ is just insane. Can people in relationships not fend for themselves?"

I never spoke these thoughts to anyone, because I already know how they’d respond.

“You’re just jealous.”

There was no way to defend myself without seeming petty, but my thoughts would always respond in the same way.

“I don’t think this emotion I feel is jealousy. I think I feel pity. Pity that these people had fallen victim to an idealised fantasy that has no bearing on the real world and only seems to get in the way."

Truthfully, I couldn’t speak from experience, as I had never been in a relationship or even viewed somebody from a romantic perspective.

It’s not that I was incapable of it, but I just felt that nobody could justify the time I would have to invest in them. Time that could be spent relaxing on my own.

Speaking of relaxing, as I arrived at the door of the cafe, I checked my watch to confirm that I still had roughly 30 minutes to relax.

Nodding to myself once I glanced away from my wrist, I held my hand out towards the door handle. But, as I clenched my fist, I couldn't feel anything between my fingers. I looked back towards my hands with slightly widened eyes, questioning how I had missed the handle that was right in front of me. However, when my eyes searched I couldn’t find the handle I was reaching for. It was replaced by a purple haze, which slowly began to fill my vision from all sides.

I glanced and spun around as quickly as I could, trying to find some sort of semblance of the world I was accustomed to. No matter how much I frantically searched, the purple haze had engulfed everything in my vision. Until, my confusion was interrupted by a soft voice that seemed to whisper delicately in my ear.

“To ensure your endeavours succeed, find the equivalence. The equivalence is the key. Do not forget the equivalence.”

This voice continued to whisper nonsense into my ears, rambling over and over about ‘the equivalence’. I closed my eyes and shook my head vigorously, hoping I would return back to the comfortable life in which I had become accustomed.

However, when I opened my eyes, I found myself face to face with bright red eyes of a girl I had never seen before. I wasn’t aware of it yet, but the anger and hostility in those beautiful eyes was directed right at me!