Clue-By-Four

“Y-y-y-you again?” the Demon Queen asked, stuttering with a panicked look on her face. “W-w-w-what are you doing here so early in the morning?”

“What do you mean? It’s almost noon”, I replied.

I wanted to fix the misunderstanding that I was unable to clear last night due to being chased around by persistent hellhounds as soon as possible, so I made a visit to the Demon Queen’s palace late in the morning. Unarmed as usual, but this time no bouquet and only bringing with me food and another box of chocolates.

It was then that I caught her taking a stroll at the palace’s inner courtyard with the hellhound whom I recognize was the first dog I met last night.

The Demon Queen was wearing big round glasses. Her long disheveled hair was braided. She was also dressed in creased baggy light pink pajamas, and sporting similarly colored fluffy slippers.

The expression on her face didn’t seem like the kind of panic when they’ve been caught off-guard in a life-or-death ambush. There was a mix of embarrassment with it as her face flushed red while she slouched and crossed her arms in an attempt to hide her sloven outfit.

“What do you mean by ‘what do you mean’?! Don’t you usually come around at night?!” she asked, sounding exasperated which is a contrast to the snarling of her dog, who is thankfully leashed and being held back by its master. For now.

“I wanted to come early today”, I answered then explained my reasons.

“How long do you intend to continue this farce? You’ve already been found out!” was her response. Then, she crouched down to remove the leash on her dog and told it, “Get her, girl!”

The hellhound immediately rushed at me, violently barking and seemingly raring to bite my ankles off.

However, I simply kneeled down to its level, took a pouch which I had tied to my belt before my visit, opened it, and took a few biscuits from it. I then laid them on my palm and presented it to the hellhound as it approached.

The pooch, upon being presented these treats, didn’t stop running. But, she did seem to have stopped barking. More importantly, her eyes have shifted from my ankle to my hand.

Of course, I wasn’t confident that this move would work. I was still worried it might bite my hand off. It was to my relief that it happily gobbled up the treats I had for her, and the sweat in my palms were quickly replaced by drool.

As soon as that happened, the Demon Queen shot a fireball roughly the size of a soccer ball directly my way.

I leaped towards my left to avoid it.

Simultaneously, the Demon Queen ran towards her dog.

“Angelica!” she cried.

I found it curious that a demon dog’s name references something heavenly, but I kept the comment to myself.

Upon reaching her pet, the Demon Queen tried forcing it to spit out the biscuits I gave it.

She then glared at me and asked, “What did you feed her?! Is this how you got past the other dogs?!”

“Don’t worry, it’s not poisoned”, I replied.

“Like I would believe you!” she rebuked as she sent another fireball at me.

I dodged it again. Nothing dramatic this time. She aimed for my torso and I just stepped to the side to move out of its path.

Meanwhile, her dog spat all the doggie treats onto the floor, and the Demon Queen burned it all to ashes.

The scent of burnt biscuits lingered in the air.

To prove my innocence, I took one piece of biscuit from my pouch.

“Look, it’s not poisoned”, I said to her before eating the entire piece.

It was the first time I tried eating a doggie treat, which is, to my surprise, quite chewy, but a bit bland.

I didn’t have time to savor its lack of flavor, for better or worse, as the Demon Queen shot two fireballs at me in quick succession. Of course, it was easy sidestepping around their path of fire, but, this time, the Demon Queen followed behind to slap me with her slipper.

“You’re not fooling anyone!” she shouted.

I avoided her attack, but that wasn’t the end of it. She attacked relentlessly. It took my full concentration just to keep dodging them.

“Just because it’s safe to eat for humans”, she said in the middle of her barrage. “Doesn’t mean it’s safe to eat for dogs!”

“Ayv orri ay tint noo.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full!” She scolded me as she went for my face with her bare left hand.

I haven’t finished chewing the dog biscuit after all this time. I’m not sure if it was supposed to be this chewy, but I had trouble breaking it down to something I could swallow without choking.

Regardless, I evaded her attack and chewed faster so I could repeat what I said.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know. But, I can assure you they’re safe for dogs.”

“Your assurance means nothing!” She said as she performed a roundhouse kick.

Changing up her attack caught me off-guard that I reflexively raised my hands to block it. I even forgot that I was still holding the box of chocolates I was going to give her and didn’t fortify it along with my arms. Consequently, it got crushed as the Demon Queen’s other fluffy slipper made contact with it.

Meanwhile, I was sent flying sideways due to the force of her kick, but I landed a few yards away on my feet.

“Ahh!” I cried as I inspected the flattened box of chocolates. “This was my gift for you today!”

“Why?” the Demon Queen asked with a strained look on her face. She didn’t come after me following that last attack for some reason.

“I thought you might like another batch of chocolates after the ones from last night”, I answered.

“I don’t mean that!” she replied, sounding annoyed.

“Why? Was there something that isn’t to your tastes? I was told this was the best brand from the human capital.”

“I wouldn’t know because I threw away the ones you gave last night.”

“So, chocolates aren't your thing then?”

“Never mind the chocolates!” she said, raising her voice again. “I know you’re a very capable warrior, yet why do you insist on such underhanded schemes?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve easily gotten past all the defenses leading into this palace. There are no guards or other personnel within this area at this time of day because I don’t like letting my subjects see me during my morning routine. Here I am with neither sword nor armor, just my pajamas, but even with them, I can’t kill you. Why do you keep insisting on coaxing me into consuming poison?”

“Wait, chocolates are poisonous to demons?” I asked, shocked and nervous at this new information. “I’m sorry! I didn’t know! I’ll bring something else next time!”

“Chocolates aren’t poisonous to us!” the Demon Queen shouted again, stomping her feet.

“Oh, it’s not? That’s a relief”, then I breathed a sigh.

“No, it’s not a relief! What I want to know is why you are keeping up with your act when you can easily stab me here and now!”

“Now, why would I want to do that?”

“Our realms are at war, wouldn’t you like to end it by killing me?”

“It would be a huge loss to the world if you die when you’re this beautiful.”

“Oh, so you intend to take me as your trophy, make me serve you as a slave to your desires?” she said derisively. Then, her tone changed to one with spite as she continued with, “I would rather bite my tongue than suffer that fate!”

“No, I intend to make you my wife, and I promise I won’t make you suffer,” I replied with determination.

“That line won’t work on me.”

“Well, I guessed as much.” I then presented the flattened box of chocolates to her and said, “That’s why, for now, I want to get along with you and ask you out on a date.”

“Your act is tiresome. How long will you keep it up?”

“Until you believe that I want to get along with you!”

“Get along?!” she mockingly parrotted. “You speak of getting along, but there is an army besieging my city!”

I froze at her argument.

“How can I believe you when you are the one leading them?” she asked rather calmly this time.

But, sensing my lapse in focus, she threw her slipper at me. It wasn’t spinning quickly enough for me to be unable to avoid it, but I was having flashbacks from all the times when my mom was angry at me so I hesitated moving and it hit my temple.

Then, the Demon Queen unleashed a whirl of fire to send me flying high into the sky. As I ascended and descended, I pondered on her words and had the realization…

…She was right.

When I returned to camp, I issued the order for the Human Army to retreat.