Lili

 Stupid… so, so stupid. I hate this. I hate myself. I'm the worst person alive.

"Touko…" I mumbled, "What are you saying?"

I selfishly tore her away from her cherished life, only for this life to crumble too.

"I-I… I don't remember anything… Who are you? Who am I? Why am I here?" Her voice trembles as her breathing accelerates. "Sorry… I'm so sorry…" she apologizes.

I put my hand on her back, "It's okay. I know this is a lot; just breathe, Touko," I instructed, taking deep breaths in unison with her. I can't show my internal panic; it'll just worsen things.

Between sniffs, Touko brought her knees to her chest and hugged them tightly, "Thank you, ah…"

"It's okay if you don't remember. I'm sure you're just shocked, is all," I place my hand on Touko's head, "Your name is Touko Moriyama, and I'm your boyfriend, Haruki Nakamura."

"Haru…ki," her eyes glimmered with a sense of recognition, "Haruki… Haru. Haru's cute, isn't it?" she smiled softly through her tears. A smile that stabs itself painfully into my heart.

Choking on my words, I mirror her smile, "Y-Yeah, I like Haru,"

She slowly pulls herself to her feet and glances down at me.

"Just sitting here isn't going to help, is it? Let's go," she extended her hand, beckoning me to match her enthusiasm.
—
Together, we walk towards a crowded part of the town. In the crowd, a center for new residents stood; entering and exiting the building were people clad in medieval gear and different elf ears.

When I swung open the door, it was surprisingly lighter than I assumed. Our shoes clicked and clacked on the floor as the familiar bell rang over the door.

"Welcome! You must be newcomers, right?" A woman with large elf ears and a short brown dress with long, copper hair greeted us. We nodded in response.

"Alright, follow me! I'll have everything you need to know. My name is Ayla, and I'll be taking care of you!" I exchanged glances with Touko before following the girl into a private room with a desk, reminiscent of a room in a bank or an office. Sitting on a wooden chair, she glances curiously at me and Touko.

"Okay, starting off, do you have any questions?" She put her hands on the desk, inquisitively looking at the two of us.

"Yeah, I'm just surprised this place really exists, you know?" I chuckle nervously, "Um… how are elves and stuff here? Weren't we all reincarnated humans?"

"Oh, this?" she points excitedly at her ears, "When we died, the Gods determined what fantasy races we'd become! Isn't it fun?" Ayla points at Touko, "They decided that she's just a normal, unassuming human and that you're a devilish person thing!" She redirected her finger at me.

"A devilish person thing?" I swiped my hand through my hair to reveal small horns poking from my head.

"We never came up with a name for those… but they carry an inherent sadness; despite how they look, they're kind deep down. They're rare, too! Being one makes you stand out," Ayla explained, her eyes lighting up as she spoke. Interesting…

"There's another thing… how long until she regains her memories?" I asked, gesturing to Touko.

"Oh… it's one of those situations," Ayla responded in a remorseful tone.

"What do you mean…?" I tried not to let my fear take control, but I must've been bad at hiding it since Touko placed her hand on my shoulder in reassurance.

"Well… how do I put it lightly?" she pondered, "It won't be easy for your girlfriend to get her memories back. Reincarnation takes a toll on your body, and it seems like her death was surrounded by a lot of both physical and emotional pain. What happened is pretty common; her memories are still here, just buried in her subconscious."

"It's not just a case of shock?"

"I'm afraid not. It's more akin to an extreme case of dissociative amnesia."

I take a deep breath, trying my best to resist the urge to look at Touko.

"What do I do?" I mumble, not caring about how pathetic I probably sound.

"The best thing, in this case, is to keep talking to her and mirroring activities you did together. She's lucky to have someone like you, Haruki," Ayla put on a comforting smile as she glanced between us.

Ayla clapped her hands together, "Right! Let's start getting into life here…" She explained that the Newcomer's Organization would provide us with a house and basic living essentials until we got on our feet. After having a moment to reflect and compose myself, Touko and I got up to leave.

Standing at the doorway, I glanced at Touko's face on accident. Her usual calm, reassuring smile etched itself into my mind. Seeing that face caused tears to flood my eyes. She placed her hand on my shoulder.

"Haru, are you okay?" She asked in a gentle voice. Her voice, her face, especially that nickname, everything about her pushed me over the edge. Just don't cry in front of her. Whatever you do, don't cry.

I nodded, "I just need a second," I said quietly, my voice surely cracking.

Memories of me and her came flooding back, those memories that disappeared instantly. Overwhelmed, I needed to find a room. Any room, as long as it was far away from everyone else. Finding a secluded bathroom, my tears quickly poured from my eyes. My screams of anguish were unlike any I've unleashed before; they were so bad I could feel my voice giving out, leaving me to sob silently into my sleeves. All of this pain I'm feeling is all my fault. If only I didn't find that book. If only I had found a way to make our dream come true in that life. If only I weren't so selfish… if only.

After what felt like hours, I composed myself and left the bathroom as if nothing had happened. Making eye contact with Ayla from outside the hall, I tried to cover my bloodshot eyes. I can't just leave without saying anything now.

"Um… Ayla?" I approached the office, causing her to lift her head from a stack of paperwork.

"Yes, Haruki?"

"I was wondering…" I had to think of something quickly, "Are there… monsters… here?"

She sighed, "No, there aren't monsters here. What is this, an anime?"

"Ah… yeah, good point."
—
We explored the town together in a distant silence, unsure how to approach each other. Are we boyfriend and girlfriend? Are we strangers? We're not sure. After a bit of walking, we found a bench to rest on. After exchanging a few awkward glances, I finally spoke.

"I have a question for you, Touko."

"Yes?"

"Why aren't you upset…? I mean, if I woke up without my memories, then…"

"What good would being upset do?" She stared at me with a blank face. "Of course, I'm scared and upset, but if I showed it, I would just slow you down. I don't want to burden you, Haru. Especially after you were kind enough not to toss me aside after finding out I'm no longer the person you loved."

Taking a deep breath, I inched closer to her, "Doesn't it hurt to do that?" My face was full of concern as I searched for an answer. She stared at the ground blankly and rested her head on my chest.

"It doesn't matter what I feel as long as I'm with you. Even though we're strangers… I feel pulled in by you. Regardless of the circumstances, we're destined to be together in every world. Something inside me is screaming your name; maybe it's Touko?"

Her voice is full of longing; I don't respond. I begin to stroke her hair with my hand. She squeezed my hand tight, causing me to break finally. Unable to contain myself, I pulled her fragile body into a tight embrace. Every time I so much as look at her, I'm reminded of the painful reality I have to live.

She strokes my back, speaking patiently, "It's okay… Touko will be with you soon, Haru. I'll do everything I can to remember you…"

Those words provided me with no solace. I feel so much worse, like I'm burdening and hurting her. She rested her head on mine; I felt her tears start to fall. Taking deep breaths, our breathing aligned. In unison, we lifted our heads.

"I can sense how much Touko loves you."

"She's you, though…" I interject.

Touko shakes her head, "That's not true. I'm keeping her prisoner from you… I don't exist; I'm just an intruder in her body."

I don't respond. Instead, I watched as Touko plucked a lily of the valley from the grass and delicately tucked it into her hair.

"I feel wrong being called someone I'm not…"

A brief pause.

"Haru, I want to be called Lili for the time being. Can you do that for me?"

She walks up to me and cups my face in her hands, waiting for a response.

"Yes… I will."

She smiles a soft and pure smile, the same smile that makes me realize the journey we have ahead.